Eye Shaving
The tip spread before them as usual, but it wasn't the tip that caught the eyes of the four travelers. The castle reared before them, behind the heavily armed walls of the goblin city. The castle its self was painted garishly. One tower pink, the other yellow, another orange, and another a colour that not even the paint chart that they had taken with them had even remotely a name for. Dots and plaid were much in evidence, and one tower actually danced, while another made a high-pitched wailing sound at regular intervals. The walls themselves also bore an eye-stabbing coat of fluorescent paint, and the guard towers continually rotated, their roofs flying upwards every time the tower wailed.
'Oh my God.' Sarah whispered. Hoggle looked at his shoes, but the Sprites stared in open-mouthed reverence.
'It's the ultimate monument to insanity, sister!' Fizzy Cream hissed delightedly. Sour Peppercorn didn't take her eyes off the disturbing structure. At once both of them got on their hands and knees and started salaaming the castle as if it was the holiest of holy relics.
'Too right, sister. If we get a palace one day…' She left it hanging.
Sarah suddenly stepped forward. 'Well we're not getting closer like this. She said, primly. They all made for the castle across the wasted intervening space.
The Guard keepers, in their armor, almost ran to the company.
'Hoggle!' They cried, 'Did you get the help you were sent for?' They seemed desperate. Hoggle nodded, and brought the two Sprites forward. The guards drew back slightly, eyes wild.
'If anyone knows about insanity, it's these two.' They eyed the guard's armor reproachfully, glaring at the cuirass and the codpiece.
'Ah yes, yes, better be on your way then…' A guard said, a bit too quick, shunting them through the gate.
The Goblin city was in chaos. Washing baskets chased old washerwomen down the street, laughing insanely. Houses, leapt into the air for no apparent reason. A goblin covered in breadcrumbs came running from the house, shrieking. A chicken did some miming; a ring of statues did the hokey pokey. It was madness.
Sour Peppercorn made a chirp of delight.
'Its like heaven!' she said, delighted. Fizzy Cream nodded furiously in agreement. Sarah and Hoggle looked less then impressed.
'It's gotten worse…' Hoggle moaned.
They ran through the city, avoiding flying pork chops and underwear that flew from a window with a mind of its own.
Finally, they approached the gates to the castle. The Guards inside took one look at them, and ran screaming into the palace. A deep toned bell sounded.
'The Sprites! The Sprites!' Somebody screamed from atop a parapet. There was a lot of clamoring going on. Loud metallic clanging could be heard. With a shrug, they walked in.
Soon, the reason for the confusion that had met them at the gate became quite clear.
As soon as the Sprites saw one of the inhabitants, they ran towards him, hands extended like claws.
'Maaaaaaaaaaate!! Squirrel grip!' They grabbed his groin, and a loud 'clang' sounded. They drew their hands back, eyes dangerous. 'Nipple cripple!' They screamed in unison. But another clang.
'He's wearing guards.' Sour Peppercorn snarled.
'What shall we do?' Fizzy Cream replied. They looked at each other, and pulled a large bag from the air, and sat a cauldron beside.
'Boiling Tar?' Sour Peppercorn ordered.
'Tar' Fizzy Cream handed it to her. She poured it into the cauldron.
'Salt?'
'Salt.'
'Vinegar?'
'Vinegar'
'Soap?'
'Soap.'
'Good.' She mixed the wicked brew.
'What is that stuff?' Sarah whined. Fizzy Cream took a huge cut-throat razor from the bag.
'Why, it's eye shaving cream.' Sour Peppercorn grabbed the victim, and opened his eyes wide. 'It'll only sting for a little while…' Hoggle grabbed them both by the tails, and pulled them away, allowing the petrified goblin time to escape.
'We've got to see the King first! Come on! The throne room!' he vaulted up the stairs, the by then two very vengeful sprites glared at the guards and mimicked sticking a finger into their ear, then vaulted up the stairs after Hoggle.