Ring Around The Rosie

An ER fan fiction by AbCaLuDa

Chapter 7

We're on a break, and I convinced him to take a walk because I didn't want to risk running into Luka in the lounge or anywhere else. He's holding my hand, being the perfect gentleman. I can just imagine him with a kid.

We stop walking and sit together on a bench overlooking the water. I feel like the silence between us is thick enough to cut with a knife. I take a deep breath. "I want you to say the baby is yours."

He blinks and the color drains from his face. "What?"

I stand up and walk toward the water. "Say it's yours. You don't have to marry me or anything but…"

He's right behind me, and his hand is on my arm. I turn to look at him, and I know my face is burning with shame. I can feel the heat in my cheeks and I want to die. Just fall down and die right there at his feet.

"Abby, I can't. You know I can't."

I look at him for a long moment, and I want him to save me. Save me from myself, Carter. You're such a great guy, you've always done everything I ever asked. Why not this? Why won't you save me?

"You know I love you and I'd do anything for you, but this isn't right. You should tell Luka the truth."

I shake my head. "Luka hates me. I already told him the baby isn't his. He thinks it's yours anyway."

He doesn't seem shocked by that. "But it isn't mine, Abby. The baby is Luka's and a simple DNA test can prove it if he doubts it."

"I should have gotten rid of it."

"Don't say that, Abby." Carter pulls me to him and holds me to his chest. I lay my cheek against him and I can feel the steady beat of his heart.

"I wish it was yours," I whisper. He just holds me and his fingers are gently moving against my head.

I think he says "So do I," but I'm not sure I didn't just imagine it.

"We should get back to the hospital."

"I don't want to go back. I don't want to see Luka."

"You're going to have to face him sooner or later. For your own sake you should do it now."

He's right, I know he's right. But that doesn't mean I like it. I never should have asked him to lie for me. I knew he would never do it, and I know he'll think of it now every time he looks at me. I should just leave.

But where would I go? I don't have any money. Money isn't an issue for Carter or Luka. Carter would tell Luka the baby is his, and Luka would probably use his money to hire a private investigator to find me and bring me home.

I pull away from him and move a few steps in front of him, so my back is to him. I press my hands to my stomach. "Why is this happening to me?" I moan.

"You're having a baby, Abby. That's supposed to be a happy thing. You don't have to be so depressed about it."

He sounds angry. He is angry. He has a right to be angry. I'm acting like a scared teenager who has to tell her parents she messed up.

"I'm sorry I'm not happy about it, Carter. But I'm not happy. I don't want to be a mother. I never wanted to be a mother."

"Then why couldn't you go through with the abortion?"

"I don't know. I really don't. I should have." My words dissolve into sobs, and he's there, holding me again. "I'm scared, Carter. I'm so scared."

"You don't have to be. Luka is a good man, Abby. He'll take care of you."

I shake my head and look up at him, into those beautiful puppy-dog brown eyes. "I don't love Luka, Carter. If he knows the baby is his he'll want to marry me and I don't want to marry him. I don't love him like I love you."

"Abby…"

I push away from him and start walking. "Just…forget it, Carter. Forget everything. Forget I ever asked you to claim the baby. Forget what I just said. Forget about me all together."

He jogs to keep up with me. "You can't say something like that and tell me to forget it, Abby."

"Why not? You know we can't be together. I'm having Luka's baby, Carter."

"I know." His voice cracks like a teenaged boy.

"So why are you being so nice to me?"

"Because I love you."

We stand there and stare at each other for a long time. I don't know what's happening, what I'm supposed to say or do now. I want to curl up under a rock and disappear. I want to get on the first bus out of town. I want to run away, as far from Chicago as I can get, and I want Carter to come with me so we can start over, just the two of us, the three of us, someplace where Luka could never find us.

But that's not fair. I know it's not fair. The baby I'm carrying is Luka's. Luka has a right to know. Luka has a right to be part of his child's life. Luka has a right to be a father again.

Uninvited tears start the flow down my cheeks and I move into Carter's open arms. "We'll think of something, Abby."

"How?"

"Luka…Luka is a good man. He's reasonable. We'll talk to him and work something out."

I want to believe him. I really do, but I still think it would be easier to just leave town.

"Or you could just say the baby is yours."

He shakes his head. "I can't do that, Abby."

"I know. But it would be a lot easier for all of us if you would."

"But it's not right. It's not far to Luka, or the baby."

"I know." I sigh. "Why do you always have to be right?"

"Come on, we really should get back to work."

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Well, what do you think? I'm leaning in the Carby direction, but Luka isn't just going to go away…Keep those reviews coming so I know what you're thinking. Thanks so much for reading!