One step closer?
DISCLAIMER: not mine, not now, not ever. Do you know how upset this makes me? And the song is called 'Tears in heaven' by Eric Clapton
AN: if any body out there is reading my mini song fics you will have noticed that they are pretty sad. I am thinking up some more light hearted ones but you'll have to bear with me on this one, I will get there one day. At the moment I'm also finding it pretty difficult to find suitable links to add to the featured song in the fic so sorry if it is a bit crap. Also in this fic there is a made up word, which is courtesy of one of my friends it's confuddled which I personally think is a much cuter way of saying 'confusing'. Oh well I hope in enjoy. Saz J
The will to end his pitiful existence had overwhelmed Christian, taking yet another swig of Absinthe he just wanted to end it all, so he could be with his love. Several empty bottles of Absinthe lay scattered over the writer's floor, remainders of the white powdery substances that Christian had snorted to 'help' ease the pain of his broken soul lay discarded on the table. But still the pain throbbed within him, as saliva drivelled out of the corner of his mouth and his blood shot eyes rolled into the back of his sockets. Christian fell back onto to his bed as if the life within him began to drain away.
****
Surrounded by a bright intense light Christian felt like he was floating despite the fact he felt as heavy as lead and not like a feather as he imagined it to be, it was almost as if the heavy weight he was feeling was trying to pull him back.
Many songs that Christian had heard, sang, written in his life time echoed off his effulgent surroundings, one in particular seemed to stick out in his drug filled head…
Would you know my name if I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same if I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on,
'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven.
Would you hold my hand if I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand if I saw you in heaven?
I'll find my way through night and day,
'Cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven.
Time can bring you down; time can bend your knees.
Time can break your heart, have you begging please, begging please.
Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure,
And I know there'll be no more tears in heaven.
Would you know my name if I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same if I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on,
'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven.
With short sharp jolts Christian slipped back in to reality
"Cwithtian! Cwithtian!" Toulouse shouted in desperation
"Cwithtian! Cwithtian! You can't die we need you. You can't die!"
The dwarf shouted as he violently shook Christian's limp body.
Christian lifted his heavy eyelids and saw a blurred vision of Toulouse.
"Cwithtian, you can't die, you've got your whole life ahead of you" Toulouse pleaded
* Satine had her whole life ahead of her, and she died, they took her away from me and from the world, they took my sparkling diamond, but Toulouse is right it's not my time yet * Christian thought.
A wave of relief overcame Toulouse when Christian had came around
" The doctor ith on hith way, he will make you alright again"
"Now then, Christian you must get plenty of bed rest, drink lots of water to flush out all the chemicals you have consumed" now facing Toulouse " The lad needs to be looked after, to make sure that he doesn't do this again," looking over at Christian "He is over the worst of it, he's just going to regret what he has done, it will be like the worst hangover you could ever imagine but 10 times worse."
After seeing the doctor off, Toulouse sat down on an old wooden stool in deep thought while Christian lay in his bed. After much time had passed Christian broke the silence that half suffocated the room.
"It's not time"
"What?" a slightly confuddled Toulouse questioned
"It's not time," Christian, repeated, " I thought that if I left now everything would be ok…"
Toulouse finally making sense of Christian's confusing sentences.
"You have so much ahead of you in life, that it cannot be wasted. You have a gift, there are not very many people like you and most of them eventually loose faith in the cynical world that we live in or they …" he trailed off sadly as his eyes began to mist up.
"I know," Christian said with a voice full of sorrow " that is why it's not my time, I need to spread the word, I need to spread 'our' story " Christian gazed longingly at one of Toulouse's paintings of Satine
"Wight, Cwithtian I'm juth going to get another jug of water, I'll be back in une moment" said the dwarf as he hobbled out of the room
" I must be strong and carry on …" he quietly whispered " I'll find my way through night and day 'cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven"
Christian's heavy eyelids dropped over his tired, blood shot eyes, and fell into a deep much needed restful sleep.
