Greetings!

A very big *thanks* =D to all of you who have read this story (and especially to those who have left reviews ; ) ). Sorry for the delay. Ooh boy, did this chapter really balloon out . ^ ^;; Oh well, I hope you all likey! ^_^

Oh, and for anyone who is wondering, Eddie will get his afro back in the next chapter (WILL he ever!! Heh, heh). ; )

SSX Tricky and it's characters are the property of EA games. Ranma 1/2 is the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan, Inc., Kitty films, Fuji TV, and Viz Communications. References to Chinese mythological beings mainly come from spiritonline.com and Surge.com.hk. Any other copyrighted characters, approximate representations or otherwise, are the property of their respective owners. If I've forgotten to acknowledge anything else (sometimes it's hard for me to remember if certain scenarios are stuff I've read in other fanfics, or simply ideas that I've tumbled around in various rough drafts), just let me know, and I'll give proper credit. ^ ^;;

Cheers! ^_^

PsYked

Chapter 5: Don't Scream for Ice Cream!

"You can exit the valley through that mountain pass over to your right. Eventually, you should be able to reach one of the local villages." Xiu Mei, Psymon, and Kaori were standing outside the guide's humble dwelling. Currently in their normal forms, the two athletes were preparing to leave. Taking a moment to consider her visitors, the guide grew curious. "If I may ask, why did you come here?"

A grumpy Psymon answered, "Don't tell me you haven't heard of the SSX tour, lady?"

Kaori reprimanded her rival. "Idiot, not everyone knows us!"

The Canadian smirked. "I wasn't referring to you, pipsqueak. I meant me."

"Umm…Excuse me?"

"Oooooooh…PSY…eh?" Reminded of the Jusenkyo guide's presence, Kaori became embarrassed. "Hee, hee…Gomen nasai." Collecting herself, the teen continued, "Hai, we're snowboarders from SSX Tricky."

Xiu Mei understood. "You were having a race, yes?" She shook her head. "I tried to tell the organizers not to place the route so close to these springs, but they insisted."

Psymon peered past the guide's shoulder. Pointing to a small kiosk he said, "Yeah, right. I suppose that just sprouted up from some magic seeds, huh?"

Kaori peeked at what the psychotic racer was referring to. A little souvenir booth, complete with a painted sign labeled, "Thank you for visiting Jusenkyo Springs," proudly stood next to the cottage. T-shirts, posters, and other assorted trinkets were on display.

It was Xiu Mei's turn to blush. "Well…since the opportunity presented itself, it seemed a good way to make some extra money."

Kaori blinked, then shrugged. "Why should Jusenkyo be any different than anywhere else?" The Japanese teenager bowed toward her host. "Domo arrigato gozaimas, Ms. Xiu Mei." Kaori glanced at Psymon out of the corner of her eye, expecting him to also thank the guide.

"…"

Exasperated, Kaori elbowed Psymon in the gut. "Say something, baka!"

"…"

"Grrr." Facing her host, the female boarder bowed once more. "And Psymon says 'thanks you', too."

"Hey, squirt! You didn't allow me enough stinkin' time to think!!"

"JERK!! How hard is it to say, 'Thank you'?!!"

"Thank you?!! I'm supposed to tell her, 'thank you' for this $&^#*(@$# curse?!! This is worse than the time my freakin' mom gave me stuffed bunny slippers for Christmas!!"

"BAKA!! It's not her fault we are…You have bunny slippers?"

"…duh…Yeah!! So?!"

"Are they pink?"

"Of course they're pink!! What difference does it make?!!"

"Do you still wear them?"

"…"

"You DO wear them!"

"What is this, twenty questions?!!"

"…snicker…"

"Hey! Canadian winters are COLD!!"

"…tee, hee, hee…"

"Are you laughing at me, twerp?"

"HA HA HAA HAA!!!"

"Look, it was my mom's fault, O.K.!!"

"TEE HEE HEE HEEE!!!"

"I asked for the brown, plain, bunny slippers!!"

"YOU asked!!! HAA HAA HAAA HAAA!!!"

"But would she listen? NOOOOOO!!"

"HEE HEE HEEE HEEE!!!"

"She gave me the stuffed pink ones!!"

"PINK!!! TOO FUNNY!!! HAA HAAA HAAA HAAAA!!!"

"Heck!! She didn't even get a present for tattoo-boy!!!"

"TEEE HEEE HEEEE HEEEEE!!!!"

"So I had to share one with the poor little guy!!!"

"PLEASE STOP!!! IT HURTS!!! HAA HAAA HAAAA HAAAAA HAAAAAA TEEE HEEE HEEEE HEEEEE!!!!" Kaori was rolling on the ground, gales of laughter gushing out of her. Even Xiu Mei couldn't hide a smile.

Psymon crossed his arms. "Well, hardy, har, har, har. You better not tell anyone about this, brat."

Kaori stood up, struggling to bring her laughter under control. "Gomen, Psymon. But… HAA HAAA HAAAA HAAAAA HAAAAAA!!!!" The teen flopped back on the ground, rolling in mirth.

The Canadian sulked. Suddenly a wicked idea occurred to him. Glancing at the guide he asked, "Say, do YOU have a curse?"

Xiu Mei quickly lost her smile. "Actually I do not. Why?"

Psymon grinned. It was a menacing sight. "Well, well…Ms. Little Prim-and-Proper doesn't have a curse, hmm?" He started walking toward the Chinese woman, much like a predator stalks its prey.

Xiu Mei began backing up, not at all liking where this was going. "Plea…please sir, what do you intend to do?"

The psychotic racer's smile grew. "Why, only to give you an opportunity to better relate to your 'visitors'."

"Mis…mister customer…you…you don't really want to do this."

"Oh…but I do." Psymon dashed toward Xiu Mei. "Come to daddy, baby!!"

"EEEEEEEEEK!!!!"

"PSYMON, YOU CREEP!!! YOU LEAVE MS. PLUM ALONE!!!"

And the chase was on, with a terrified Xiu Mei running for her life as Psymon tried playing a game of, "let's dunk the frightened guide into a cursed pool." Kaori was damage control, desperately rushing after the maniac to prevent him from doing something which everyone but he would regret. The chaos ended when the Japanese teen managed to trip the Canadian, sending the two of them into another spring.

"Splash!"

"Now look what you did, squeaky!!"

"You were trying to hurt Ms. Xiu Mei…AND DON'T CALL ME SQUEAKY!!!"

"You NEVER let me have ANY fun!!"

"Stop that!! You sound like a little kid!!"

"HELLOOOOO!!! I AM a little kid, peanut butter-brain!!"

"You don't have to act like one!!"

"Don't nag me, squeaky!!"

"I…TOLD…YOU…NOT…TO…CALL…ME…THAT!!!"

"Well, you can't stop me!! Squeaky, squeaky, squeaky, squeaky, squeaky…"

"SHUT-UP!!!"

"…squeaky, squeaky, squeaky, squ…OW!! You bit me!!!"

"You didn't listen to me, jerk!!"

"You little vampire!! How about I yank those fangs out your mouth?!!"

"IIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!"

As the new chase ensued, Xiu Mei, safely locked within her home, began heating two more cups of water. She made sure the water for Psymon was considerably hotter than Kaori's.

----------------------

"Sheesh...this bloody smarts! Mates, I think I see some audience bleachers up ahead."

"That's good to hear. How are you doing, Marisol?"

"Just get me someplace warm, Brodi-dear. Ah...ah...AH CHOO!!"

The Buddhist sighed. This wasn't certainly the finish he'd hoped for, with Moby limping and occasionally whimpering alongside him and Marisol riding on the surfer's back. Their three snowboards trailed forlornly behind, attached to a rope currently being tugged by Brodi. "It's a good thing we came across that second small farm," the surfer reflected. The kindly old man living there had given them the rope. He had also provided the blanket currently wrapped around Marisol. Unfortunately, the small hamlet didn't have any telephone or any other means of rapid communication. Hoping to find the next checkpoint along the course, the three weary snowboarders moved onward. "Just like three hopelessly lost kittens." Brodi found that particular image rather troubling.

The Englishman winced. "Ow! Why'd she have to ruddy knee me?"

"We all know how independent Zoe is. I thought you would have known that as well as anyone."

"I was only trying to help!"

"By offering to carry her? You made an unwise choice, my friend. Besides, as I recall, you were just lecturing me on that sort of thing not long ago."

"There's a difference between butting in where you're not wanted and trying to be a bloody gentleman! Oooh...me poor family jewels."

"And we all know how Brodi-dear is such a gentleman. Ah...AH CHOO!"

"Perhaps too much so," the blonde athlete muttered. Alarmed at this rather uncharitable thought, Brodi mentally chastised himself. "Forgive me, Buddha."

Moby smirked. "You just want to find some way into the bloke's pants, luv."

"AH CHOO!! At least he has something worth finding there!"

"How would you know that?"

"Woman's intuition."

"Could we please change the topic?"

"Ha!…ouch...is that what you said about JP?"

"Jean-Paul had certain...AH CHOO!!...desirable assets. However, I believe Brodi-honey is so much nicer."

"Moby? Marisol? Excuse me, but if I may suggest..."

"Not bloody likely."

"Why, Mr. Jones, are you implying that you're better?"

"Better?! There's nobody who can top ol' Moby Jones!" The English snowboarder started singing, "It's big..."

"Oh Buddha, please, not this again." "Moby, perhaps you should..."

"...it's round, it's worth a million pounds! IT'S MOBY JONES!! IT'S MOBY JONES!! Ack! For the bloomin' love of...couldn't she have just said no?"

"AH CHOO!! Hmm...rather cute, Mr. Jones. Still, I feel my Brodi is superior."

"MY Brodi?!"

"Luv, you obviously don't know what you're talking about. Why, during the first year of the SSX..."

To the surfer's dismay, the argument become more explicit as Moby bragged up his attributes and Marisol defended Brodi's. Desperately trying and failing to maintain his earlier mental image of kittens, Brodi stared at the ground and did his best to block out the conversation. "Come on Brodi, you can do this. It's only a matter of taking one step at a time."

----------------------

"YEEEEEOOOOOOWWWW!!!! DOES IT HAVE TO BE THAT HOT?!!!"

"Cry baby." Kaori, now in her normal form, impassively watched as a male Psymon scampered around the Jusenkyo guide's small home. Not realizing her cup of water had been much cooler than the Canadian's, the teen wasn't sure if all the hopping, gyrations, and contortions were legitimate or merely another one of the maniac's outrageous antics.

"Must have heated it a little too long." The glare Xiu Mei was directing at Psymon could have sliced through diamond.

"Loser!! You scalded me on purpose!!"

Seeing the growing tension between the two older adults, the teenager gulped and nervously said, "Umm...we should probably go." Noticing Psymon about to charge the Chinese woman again, she attempted to push him back. "Come on, baka!"

"Not before I give that bozo a curse!!"

"But that's not nice!!"

"Do I look like Barney?!! Get out of the way, squirt!!"

Kaori frantically attempted to think of a way to dissuade the crazy snowboarder. "Umm...I just remembered!"

"Remember WHAT?!"

"Ms. Plum can't be cursed!"

Psymon stopped shoving. "Huh?"

Kaori bent over, catching her breath. "Huff...huff...In the Ranma manga, the Jusenkyo guide...huff...couldn't receive a curse."

"Ranma again?!! Why does everything revolve around that dirtbag?!!"

"Baka!! He's not a 'dirtbag'! He's a martial artist!!"

"WHO FREAKIN' CARES!!!"

"I DO!!!"

"He your boyfriend, or something?!"

"PSYMON!!!"

"Heh." Turning toward the Jusenkyo guide, Psymon scowled and pointed at Kaori. "So is the brat correct?"

Xiu Mei was hesitant. "Uh..." She caught Kaori's worried gaze. "Er...Yes, what miss customer said is true. Every custodian of the cursed springs is protected from the magic waters. It makes...umm...carrying out the required duties easier."

The crazy athlete eyed the Chinese woman skeptically. "Why were you running away from me when I chased you?"

"Dummy!! She thought you looked creepy!!"

Batting his eyelashes, Psymon pointed to himself and said, "Is this the face of a scary guy?"

"HAI!!! You are crazy, mean, and very, very BAD!!!"

"..."

"WHAT?!!"

Psymon grinned. "You know, spunky, that's one of the nicest things you have ever said to me." The Canadian patted Kaori on the head. "Just for that, I'm going to do what you asked." Catching sight of the Jusenkyo souvenir stand, the maniac exclaimed, "Ooh!! Check out those t-shirts!!" He rushed out of the cottage.

Kaori and Xiu Mei stared at the exit for several moments. After blinking a couple of times, the Japanese teen blew out a sigh of relief. "Whew."

The Jusenkyo guide turned to the female athlete. "Thank you for helping me."

Kaori gave a cheeky grin, "It was the only thing I could think of." She looked out the door. "I guess we better leave now."

Xiu Mei smiled. "You are welcome to come back at any time."

The teenager bowed. "Domo arrigato gozaimas." Glancing at the souvenir kiosk, she thought she spotted her rival getting into more mischief. Making a rapid exit, the teen yelled, "Psymon!!"

As the Jusenkyo guide watched Kaori shouting at Psymon, she whispered, "Good luck to you both. You will most likely need it."

----------------------

"What do you think, twerp?" Psymon proudly held up a t-shirt. Printed on the front was a smiley face sticking its tongue out and the logo, "I went to Jusenkyo and all I got was this shirt and a lousy curse!"

"No!"

"Is this better?" The Canadian lifted another shirt. "Jusenkyo: Land of 10,000 Cursed Springs."

"No!"

"O.K. Maybe this one?" "JUSENKYO: Experience a Magical Transformation that You Will Never Forget!!"

"Grr…Baka! If you wear those shirts, everyone will know we got cursed!"

"So?"

"Idiot!! Magical girls do not give up their secret identities!!" Kaori mentally added, "And there is NO way I'm letting anybody know I turn into a little freak!!"

"Well, EXCUUUUUSE me!! I've never been a freakin' magical teeny tiny bopper before!!" Scanning the clothing rack, Psymon's eyes lit up. "Niiiiiice!! Hey, runt, what about this?" He displayed another black t-shirt, this one declaring, "Hot Water or Bust!"

"Umm…" Technically, the shirt didn't specify anything about curses. Psymon ripped off one of the sleeves. Her eyes bugging out, Kaori screamed, "NANI?!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!"

The psychotic athlete tore off the second sleeve. "I prefer to go sleeveless."

Exasperated at her companion's behavior, Kaori brought a hand to her face. "…uuuuuuugggghhhhh…"

"Heh, much better."

The Japanese snowboarder waved off her rival and turned to leave. "Fine. Let's go, jerk." She headed toward the path that would take the two of them out of the valley.

"Right behind you, shorty!" Psymon glanced behind himself to determine if Kaori was looking. Seeing she wasn't, he quickly snatched the other shirts he had shown the girl. "Heh, heh…what the rugrat doesn't know won't hurt her…much." As he was trying to find a place to hide the additional apparel, he spied a few small vials. Reading the English portion of the tags, the maniac grinned. "Nothing like a little magic for the prankster in your family, heh, heh." The Canadian made sure to pocket several of the bottles. Satisfied with his choices, Psymon reached into his pant pocket to grab some cash to pay for the merchandise. "What the?" His wallet was missing. Remembering he'd left his money back at the hotel, the athlete grumbled, "Figures. Tattoo-boy, you got to remind me about these things." Tattoo-boy, of course, had no comment.

"PSYMON!!"

Psymon decided to deposit a lollypop and some candy wrappers in exchange for his souvenirs. "Seems fair enough." The boarder frowned, "Ms. Bozo better appreciate it. That's my favorite lollypop flavor." Having made the 'purchase,' the insane racer ran to catch up with Kaori. "Keep your shorts on, teddy-bear breath!!"

----------------------

Sometime later, Xiu Mei was busy cleaning up the mess that Psymon had made earlier. Reflecting on the crazier of her two latest guests, the guide could only shake her head. "I truly hope Mr. Customer doesn't cause too much trouble."

"Not to fear, though I suspect trouble will have a way of finding the two young champions."

The unexpected voice completely startled the Chinese woman. Scuttling backwards, she tripped on a loose book and fell down on her duff. "Who's there?"

Mr. Lei-Kung Wang stepped from the shadows. "Don't worry, child. You'll soon forget everything you've seen today." The businessman produced a small vial with a cork. He removed the top, releasing a vapor that quickly filled the cottage. Inhaling the fumes, Xiu Mei promptly fell into a gentle sleep. Mr. Wang smiled and whispered. "Ah, my plans are coming along nicely." Glancing at the Jusenkyo guide, he noted, "I must remember to thank Meng-Po-Niang for that modified version of her memory potion." The well-dressed man walked over and picked up the old text containing the prophecy Xiu Mei read earlier. "Can't let you keep this, now can we?"

Stepping outside the cottage, Lei-Kung walked over to the spring of drowned magical girl. Inspecting himself, the businessman murmured, "Guess there is no need for this disguise." With that, the tycoon transformed, taking on an entirely new appearance. Sporting wings, talons, and a hooked beak, the burly blue-skinned man came across as rather frightening. Yet, despite these outward attributes, a sort of fierce, paternal warmth emanated from him.

Observing the cursed waters, Lei-Kung muttered, "I most certainly hope this attempt goes better than the last time." The blue-skinned being sighed, "Might as well take care of the spring." Glancing upward, he said, "You can proceed."

Silence.

Lei-Kung called out, "Now would be a good time!"

Nothing.

The winged-man looked to the sky and groaned. "Very funny, dear."

A brilliant flash of lighting struck the spring. The force of the electrical bolt was enough to instantly destroy the cursed pool. A large explosion accompanied the spring's destruction. Despite his nearness to the event, neither the explosion nor the lightning affected Lei-Kung.

"Another potential problem averted. Having one pair of magical heroes is quite enough." His expression brightening, Lei-Kung said, "Well, I suppose I should take my leave." A small note fluttered down from the sky. Snatching the piece of paper, the burly man read, "Don't forget to clean up the clutter in the cabin, husband. It wouldn't do to allow the poor mortal to become suspicious."

The blue-skinned god experienced his first facefault.

----------------------

"I AM THE KING!! YEE HA!!"

"Aw, put a sock in it, tubby!!"

"MAMA LOVES LUUUUTHER!!"

"¡¡Cállate… Ah…AH CHOO!! Cerdo estupido!!"

"SWAMP BUGGY BOOGIE TIME, BABY!!"

"Please, monsieur, you're making a scene."

"You just noticed that, richboy?"

"I do not have to explain myself to one such as you!"

"Who said I wanted your opinion!"

"COME TO ME ALL YOU LOVELY LADIES!! YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME!!"

"That will be a cold day…"

"Hey!! That's my line, you bloody, inflated toad!!"

"ONE HUNDRED PERCENT GRADE A AMERICAN CHAMP!!"

"Quit rumbin' it in, yo!!"

"AH CHOO!! Try one hundred percent complete jackass!!"

"And here I thought Mac's complaining was bad," Elise grumbled. While everyone else waited for Kaori and Psymon to return, Luther had been performing a one-man parade to celebrate his victory. Prancing around and bellowing at the top of his lungs, the obnoxious athlete was creating quite the spectacle. The snowboarder had already managed to scare away all the normal customers from the hotel lobby. The only reason the gathered SSX Tricky racers hadn't jumped Luther by now was because they were tired and not willing to start another brawl.

Mac whined, "Man, Eddie is lucky he doesn't have to listen to this stuff." The aforementioned Wachowski was currently visiting the team doctor.

"I could break your nose if ya want."

"I still ain't finished with you, old man!" Elise glared at the DJ wannabe. "Er…maybe later."

Moby chuckled, "You know where I am, mate." The Englishman grew thoughtful, "Don't know why Brodi was in such a bloomin' rush to escort the kid, though."

"Yeah, the zenmeister was blushing real bad. What's up with that?"

"Can't tell you. The chap was pretty relieved to get here, though."

"Sí, Brodi-dear is shy. Another reason why he is sooooo adorable! AH CHOO!!"

JP muttered some unflattering French phrases.

"You say something, John-boy?"

"Hmmph. For your information, it is Jean-Paul NOT John-boy!"

"Fine, be that way, Jeanie." Ignoring the indignant Frenchman's angry gaze, Seeiah asked Marisol, "Girl, you sure you're going to be O.K?"

"AH CHOO!!" Wrapped up in a comforter, the shivering Latino bombshell answered, "Sí, this should only be a temporary inconvenience." She sipped from a cup of hot chocolate, "Mmm… este chocolate es muy bueno."

"GOIN' TO GET MY NAME ON A BASEBALL CAP!!"

"After winning one lousy race? Dream on, lardball." A very unhappy Zoe was wrapped up in her own blanket and drinking some hot apple cider. "Even…AH CHOO!!…Psy wouldn't carry on like this."

"So, where IS Sketchy?"

"Yeah, and where's Kaori?!" Mac had an alarming thought. "You don't think those two would…"

Seeiah whopped Mac upside the head. "Get you your mind out of the gutter, kiddo. Besides, where could they possibly do anything out there?"

Marisol daydreamed, "Ah…how romantic. I'm sure Brodi-honey and I could…"

Elise interrupted, "Sparky, I'm beginning to see why Brodi was so anxious to get out of here." The blonde laughed. "Of course, who would want to stick around you, anyway?!"

JP almost spoke up, but restrained himself.

"Chica, you are most fortunate I am currently in less than…AH CHOO!!…full health."

"If only we could always be so lucky."

Zoe cut in, "Don't worry, Mac. You've seen how little Kay and Psy get along. Chances are they just got a bit lost, that's all."

"WHO'S NUMBER ONE?!! IT'S LUTHER, BABY, LUTHER!!"

The punk girl growled, "Now if only we could lose this moron."

----------------------

"IIIIIIEEEEEEE!!! PSYMON!!!" Sprinting for all she was worth, Kaori was wishing she could lose the maniac trailing behind her.

"AH HA HA HAA!! Run, little twinky, run!! AH HA HA HAA!!!"

Overcome with the crazy impulse to activate the teenager's water-based curse, the gleeful Canadian was currently trying to shove the girl into some cold water. Slush puddles, partially melted snow banks, dripping icicles, any and all bodies of frigid liquid H2O presented opportunities for an impromptu dunking.

The teen quickly stopped, grabbed a chunk of snow in her gloved hand, and hurled it at her pursuer. "Take that, jerk!!"

The frozen projectile whizzed past Psymon's ear. Not slowing his pace, the crazed racer grinned. "You have to do better than that, runty!" The snowboarder howled, "HOOWWWOOOOOOO!!!"

The Japanese youth resumed her sprint. "Why can't Psymon ever, EVER leave me alone?!!" Running along, the teen reflected on the day's events. "First, Mac-kun tells everyone we're having sex, when we're absolutely NOT."

"I'm coming to get you!! BWAH HA HA HAA!!"

"Then I overreact and behave so dishonorably, even as father was probably watching."

"jUst DaShinG aLoNg, I'm SiNginG a SonG, cHAsIng a BrAt iN a WintEr wOnDerLAAAAAnd!!!"

"Then this baka and I fall off a cliff, almost getting killed!"

"Hey, shortcake! Why are you slowing down? You're not making this sporting enough!"

"And now, when splashed with cold water, I...I'm cursed to turn into a fre...fre...freak." By now Kaori was barely trudging, sniffles threatening to overcome her.

"Gotcha!!" Psymon grabbed the Japanese woman's shoulders, preparing to fling her into a nearby half-frozen puddle.

The dejected teen didn't resist. "Just do it, Psymon."

The Canadian blinked. "You're not making this much fun for me, spunky."

Pulling free of Psymon, Kaori continued to walk silently forward, not even acknowledging her rival's presence.

Walking beside the depressed youth, the tattooed racer frowned. "Oh come on, squirt." He grinned, "I'll give you a head start!"

The morose girl remained quiet.

"Aw, the puuurty lady gots a saaad face. What's eating you, halfpint? It's too cold for mosquitoes."

"..."

"Hey, it's not about what happened back there, is it?"

Kaori gave a disconsolate sigh.

Psymon tried cheering up his companion. "Look, it can't be THAT bad, right? I really think you got the better end of the deal."

The teenager's eye darted toward the Canadian, giving him a quizzical glance.

Encouraged, the insane athlete continued, "I change into some pukey, cutey girly. At least you transform into something that's cool!"

Kaori looked at her fellow racer. "Cool?"

"Yeah! You got that whole seeing emotion thingamabob, the awesome wings, and a goth look to absolutely DIE for!!"

The teen couldn't help smirking just a tiny bit at her rival's exuberance. "You're weird, Psymon."

"Hey! WEIRD is my MIDDLE name!!" A sudden idea hit Psymon. Standing in front of Kaori, he eagerly asked, "Would you like to trade curses with me, shortstuff?"

The Japanese youth rolled her eyes. "They don't work that way, dummy."

The Canadian became disappointed. "Oh." Quickly shifting emotions, he happily said, "You like ice cream, don' you pipsqueak?"

Not quite sure what her crazy partner was getting at, Kaori simply nodded.

"Great! Next ice cream cone's on me, alright?"

"Where are we going to find ice cream?"

"Uh...tattoo-boy will show us the way! Right, buddy?!" Psymon was silent for a moment, then started shouting at his shoulder, "What do you mean, I have to get you one too?!! You just had a treat not that long ago!!" Another pause. "Hey!! I don't like her better than you!! You think I'm freakin' made of money!! Go and get your own curse, then I'll buy you a cone!!" The irritated maniac cocked his ear toward his shoulder. "WHAT?!! I have to come with you?!! Can't you do ANYTHING by yourself?!!"

As Psymon continued to rant and rave at his imaginary friend, Kaori could only shake her head in exasperation.

----------------------

"Give me! Give me!"

"Chocolate!"

"Want ice cream!"

"Vanilla!"

Needles Kane grumbled, "Stupid lousy kids. Stupid stinking job!" Bad enough he was low man on the company totem pole. Now he was stuck delivering ice cream to a bunch of Chinese brats out in the middle of nowhere.

"Me too! Me too!"

"I want bigger ice cream!!"

It was part of some head honcho's lame brain idea to expand the corporate ice cream manufacturer's influence globally. "It's not fair!! If those fools want to bring ice cream to China, why don't THEY come here!!"

"Don't want this one!"

"Give me sprinkles!"

Hence, here he was, relegated to driving a dinky ice cream van in some rural hickville, bringing treats to all these bothersome little insects. "They got me dressed as a clown! A CLOWN!!!"

"Want strawberry!!"

"Me!! Me!! Me!! Me!! Me!!"

"WAAAAAAA!!!"

The crowd of insistent, demanding youngsters crowded more and more tightly around the delivery vehicle. Needles, never really emotionally stable to begin with, was on the verge of a complete mental meltdown. "Why must it be me? Why? Why?!! WHY?!!!"

----------------------

As twilight fell, Psymon and Kaori continued the trek to find a way of getting back to their hotel. Both snowboarders were well aware that the race was long since over. Unfortunately, none of the villages they'd passed through so far had contained any form of modern communication or rapid transit. Much of the walk was spent with Psymon still arguing with his shoulder, and Kaori quietly marching alongside the crazy Canadian.

"So! You're giving me the silent treatment, eh?"

"Nani?"

"Oh, not you, twinky. I meant tattoo-boy."

Kaori blew out a frustrated breath. "He can't talk, baka."

"Sure he can! You just have to ask him nicely. Go ahead, try." Psymon presented his shoulder to the teenager. Try as she might, Kaori couldn't see any tattoo of a person, let alone a boy. "There's nothing there!"

"He's probably just hiding behind one of the chain tattoos. Don't worry, the little fellow can be bashful."

"I better say something, or Psymon will pester me the whole trip." Not quite believing she was stooping to her rival's level, Kaori put on a wane smile and said, "Umm...Konbanwa, tattoo-san."

"What do you know? Tattoo-boy said, 'Hi'!"

"Umm...that's good?"

"Sure! It means he likes you." Psymon contemplated for a moment. "Or he could just be patronizing you, I'm not sure." The insane athlete questioned his shoulder, "Hey, you never told me you knew Japanese, tattoo-boy." The Canadian scowled, "What do you mean I'm too lazy to learn a second language?! You're the one bumming around every day!!"

The two racers were entering another village, this one quite a bit bigger than the others they had found. Hopefully, that was a good sign. Very much wanting to change the subject, Kaori said, "Here's a new town."

Psymon broke off from his private conversation to scan the surroundings. "Yep, you're right kid! Doesn't look like Shangri-La to me, though." Kaori muttered something about sarcastic, stupid, jerks. The tattooed boarder, exclaimed, "Woo hoo!!"

"Is it a way to get back?"

Psymon grinned. "Nope, even better, IT'S ICE CREAM!!"

"Eh?" Not sure she'd heard correctly, Kaori tried to locate what her rival was referring to. To the youth's great surprise, a small ice cream van was parked not far from them. A crowd of children gathered around, being served by a man dressed as a clown.

"See, squirt, told you we'd find some ice cream!" Running toward the truck, Psymon yelled, "I knew tattoo-boy would help us out!" Noticing Kaori wasn't behind him, the Canadian turned around and called, "You want some, runt? Remember, my treat!"

Stunned by this unusual coincidence, Kaori thought, "Compared to wandering China with a crazy jerk and being magically cursed, I guess this isn't SO strange." Hearing Psymon's voice, the teen shook herself out of her daze and grinned. "Hai!" Dashing forward, Kaori didn't notice the large puddle until it was too late. Cold water splashed, drenching both cursed athletes. Seeing a young female Psymon glowering at her, the tiny goth fairy nervously said, "Umm...hee, hee, maybe now you can get a bigger cone?"

"Say what, squeaky?"

"Don't call me squeaky!" Composing herself, Kaori replied. "Umm...In anime and manga, cute girls get bigger treats."

Psymon was intrigued, "Really?"

"Uh huh. But you have to look really, really cute. Like this." The tiny teen clasped her human hands, and gave her best cheery-faced, sparkly eyes expression.

"Is that so?" Psymon performed her own 'cute girl' pose. "Like this?" With her large shinning eyes, pigtails, and dimpled cheeks, the magical girl radiated an overwhelming amount of cuteness.

"Wow! Psymon's really good." Kaori giggled. "Especially since he hates being cute, tee hee." "Hai! That's perfect." The Japanese youth added, "If you're lucky, you might get the ice cream for free."

Psymon smiled, "Sweeeet! Guess I don't have to worry about leaving my wallet back at the hotel."

Kaori narrowed her eyes, "Nani?"

The preteen realized her mistake. "Oops, did I say that? Well, it's really tattoo-boy's fault. He was supposed to remind me to bring it."

An antenna twitched. "...psymon..."

"Honest, I was going to pay you once we got back." The girl patted herself. "Besides, it's not like I have any freakin' place to put a wallet when I'm like this, now do I?"

All four fists were tightly clenched. "...Grrrr...baka..."

The Canadian giggled, "Well, gotta go and be cute so we can get some free ice cream! Later, alligator!" Psymon started daintily skipping toward the delivery van. "Fa la la la la laaa."

"JERK!!" Kaori furiously flew in close pursuit, causing her rival to skip a bit faster.

"ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" All the Chinese youngsters ran away from the enraged clown.

"Heh, now I won't have to wait in line." Hopping up to the delivery person, Psymon put on her "cutesy" performance. "Please sir, can I have two REALLY big cones, PLEEEAZZE?!"

Needles Kane glanced down at the ridiculously cute girl staring back at him. He smiled evilly at the preteen. "Sooooo, you would like some treats, eh, little girl?"

Keeping up the act, Psymon eagerly nodded. "Uh huh." "The brat better be right about this cute stuff. My cheeks are starting to hurt."

Flying some ways behind her rival, Kaori grew concerned about the deranged expression on the clown's face. She also detected the aura surrounding the man. It was dominated by red and black. "Umm...Psymon?" Not noticing the clown's degrading mental state, the Canadian ignored his rival.

"Well, little missy, let's see what we have, shall we?" The clown bent down for a moment, apparently searching for something.

Quickly whirling around, Psymon gave Kaori a thumb's up. "Looks like you were right, squeaky."

Kaori was so nervous, she forgot to reprimand the magical girl for calling her 'squeaky'. "Psymon I don't think..."

"You worry too much, runt. This is a piece of cake...er...ice cream!"

"I'm sorry little girl, we don't have much hard ice..." Needles noticed Kaori fluttering behind Psymon. He gave her a devilish smile. "Why hello, Ms. Fairy."

The hovering teenager meekly waved, "Umm...hi."

"As I was telling your friend, I'm afraid we don't have much hard ice cream, but," the clown lifted up a nozel attached to a hose, "WE HAVE PLENTY OF SOFT SERVE!!! AH HAAA HAAA HAAAAA HAAAAAA!!!" Having set the pressure to an abnormally high level, Kane sprayed the sugary treat directly at the two cursed athletes. Kaori managed to fly out of harm's way. However, Psymon, caught totally flat-footed, was plastered with mushy strawberry ice cream.

Wiping the gunk for her eyes, the preteen complained, "Hey bozo! This isn't even my favorite flavor!!"

The clown expressed mock concern, "Oh, it isn't? Tch...tch...can't have that now, can we? Here's some soda. Normally it would be on the house, but in this case, IT'S ON YOU!!! BWAAA HAAA HAAA HAAAAAA!!!" Brandishing a second hose, Needles soaked Psymon with fizzy cola pop.

The furious magical girl screamed at the delivery man, "I DEMAND A REFUND, LOSER!!!"

Despite herself, Kaori muttered, "Idiot, you didn't pay for it."

Psymon glared at her fairy counterpart. "Thank you very little, twerp!!"

Kane fumed. "You little ingrates. Always the same. You whine and beg and plead and complain." The clown climbed into the driver's seat of his van and began to drive off.

The preteen continued to clean off the sticky mess. "Last time I take your advice, shortcake!"

"BAKA!! You didn't listen to my warning!!"

"WELL, SPEAK UP NEXT TIME, SQUEAKY!!!"

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!!!"

The two arguing magical heroes neglected to notice the pair of headlights heading straight at them.

"I hope you're satisfied, chalky, because the ice cream deal is OFF!!"

"JERK!! You wanted ME to buy it!!!"

The vehicle was increasing speed, fast approaching Psymon and Kaori. From inside, Needles screamed, "LITTLE GIRLY, UNCLE NEEDLES IS GOING TO GIVE YOU A LESSON IN GRATITUDE!!!"

Kaori was the first to see the oncoming van. As she flew to safety, she yelled, "PSYMON!!! LOOK OUT!!!"

"Huh?" Psymon saw the vehicle bearing down on her. "WHAT THE...?!!!" Leaping at the last moment, the girl narrowly missed becoming one with the front grill of the truck. "That #*&@)*@!#* tried to kill me!!!"

Missing it's target, the ice cream delivery van made a sharp turn, crashing through a wagon being pulled by a local farmer. Fortunately, neither the terrified farmer nor the horse were hurt. Both made a panicked dash to safety. Meanwhile, the truck made a second attempt at Psymon.

The magical girl growled, "So, you like to play rough, eh, tough guy? Well, I LOVE it rough!!" Making a taunting "come hither" gesture, she challenged the insane clown, "COME ON POPS, LET'S LIGHT UP THE SWEET TARTS!!!"

Needles shouted back, "WITH PLEASURE, GIRL!!!"

Gauging her opponent's speed, Psymon waited until the right moment. As the clown came into range, she leaped and performed a forward hand plant on the front of the van's hood, somersaulting over the windshield and onto the roof of the ice cream delivery vehicle.

Kaori was amazed. "Wow! I didn't know Psymon could do that!"

Needles hadn't anticipated the move, either. "Get off, you insolent pest!"

Psymon grinned and yelled, "Make me!! Whoa!!" The girl unconsciously used her supernatural strength to sink her fingers into the roof as Kane tried to shake her off. The van swerved drunkenly, crashing into signs, display windows, and the occasional building. Terrified locals scattered helter-skelter, frantically hoping to avoid being killed. Despite Needles' attempts to dislodge Psymon, the magical preteen stubbornly refused to let go.

On the contrary, the young girl was having the time of her life. "Hee, hee hee!! No pain, no gain!! Woo hoo!!"

The mad clown wasn't as impressed. "What does it take to get rid of you!!"

The van careened into a general family store. Household items flew out in all directions. When the vehicle emerged, it was plastered with pots, pans, and several quilts.

A wooden pail covered Psymon's head. "Who turned out the stinking lights?!!" Annoyed, she threw the pail off her head. "O.K. Bonzo, ride's over!!" Having discovered her exceptional strength, the magical girl began punching holes into the van's roof, ripping off bits of metal as she went.

"Don't think it will be that easy, missy!!" Needles stepped on the brakes, hoping to fling the kid forward and off the vehicle.

Momentarily caught unawares, Psymon fell onto the windshield, but still managed to stay on the van. Seeing the startled expression on the clown's face, the magical girl grinned and winked. "Peek-a-boo!" She then started smashing the windshield.

The combination of the preteen's insane tenacity and unusual strength horrified Needles. "You...you're a demon girl!!" He made another sharp turn, causing the youth to roll onto the passenger's side of the van.

Clinging to the door, Psymon smiled sweetly and said, "Why thank you, what a nice thing to say!"

The clown's face grew ugly as he snarled, "Just die, insect!!"

Kaori watched in awe as she witnessed the two adversaries going at it. "I don't know who's more insane, Psymon or that wicked clown." So engrossed was the teen, she didn't notice she was directly in the path of the oncoming vehicle. When Kaori finally saw the headlights shinning on her, she froze in fear. "It's going to hit me!! What can I do?!!" Throwing all four of her arms up, the tiny teen closed her eyes and shrieked. "EEEEEEEK!!!" She failed to register the fact that, in her panic, she had somehow conjured up a magical multi-rocket launcher. The teen also failed to realize she'd inadvertently activated the trigger. As a consequence, a volley of missiles was now heading straight toward the van.

Hearing the roar of projectiles, Needles and Psymon glanced forward and saw the incoming missiles. Staring wide-eyed at their doom, the two crazed individuals screamed. "AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

The ice cream van veered violently to the right, barely dodging the swarm of rockets. The force of the sudden movement caused Psymon to fly off the vehicle, taking the passenger's side door with her. Meanwhile, the missiles impacted with a group of stone statues depicting several local heroes. The valiant warriors exploded in a glorious ball of fire and bits of rock.

Psymon was laying on the ground, dazed and still clutching the passenger door. "LoOk aT All ThE PrETtY fiRewOrKs."

Opening her eyes, Kaori stared at the destruction with a dropped jaw. "Did I cause that explosion?" Taking a brief moment to examine her summoned weapon, she discovered it was like no human device ever created. A large multi-opening capable of holding numerous rockets tapered to a small grip and trigger designed to comfortably fit into the teen's tiny hands. The extraordinarily light weight and lack of recoil further provided proof of the weapon's magical nature. Gazing at the device, Kaori was reminded of an American film she once watched. "What was the movie Eddie and Mac liked? Hmm...that's right, it was The Mask." Seeing her weird weapon, the goth fairy had to admit it was something which Jim Carrey's outlandish alter-ego would definitely appreciate.

"What'cha got, tinkerbell?" Observing the rocket launcher, the preteen grew excited. "Ooh, let me see!!" She quickly stole it from Kaori.

The diminutive Japanese youth yelled, "Creep! That's..." The moment Psymon confiscated the weapon, it disintegrated into sparkles.

Both heroes were surprised. "Huh?"

Unfortunately, they didn't have time to contemplate what just happened, as Needles tried running them over once more.

Kane screamed, "STAND STILL SO UNCLE CAN PROPERLY PUNISH YOU!!!"

Jumping out of the way, the Psymon shouted back, "HEY!! I'M A NIHILIST, NOT FREAKIN' STUPID!!!" She called out to Kaori, "You're the magical girl expert!! What am I supposed to do?!!"

The Japanese teenager tried to recall all she knew about the genre. She said, "Uh...give a speech!"

Needles served around, heedless of the property he was destroying.

Psymon shot an incredulous look at her partner. "Let me get this straight. You want me..." she lunged, avoiding becoming road kill by the smallest of margins, "...to present some lame speech while some $*&#(@)(*# bozo tries to make me into magical pizza?!" The girl glared at the fairy, "What muffin have you been biting into, brat!!"

Kaori was chagrinned at the foolishness of her suggestion. "Guess a speech right now would be pretty inappropriate." Thinking a little more, she advised, "Try yelling out a magical attack!"

Dodging another of Needles' attack runs, the cursed snowboarder shouted, "How the HECK am I supposed to do THAT?!!"

"Move your hands and say something!"

The ice cream van was wildly whipping around, smashing it's driver side mirror as it clipped a building. The clown bellowed, "REMEMBER, THIS HURTS ME MORE THAN IT HURTS YOU!!! BWAA HAAA HAAAA!!!"

"Yeah, I bet." As the vehicle closed in on Psymon, the magical girl stoically stood her ground. Standing in the glare of headlights, the preteen flipped the clown a double dirty finger salute and shouted, "UP YOURS, BONZO!!!" Of course, the gesture did nothing to halt the truck. The Canadian was once again forced to dodge the mad clown. Frustrated, the tattooed girl yelled at Kaori, "Any more dumb ideas, bug-brain?!!"

"DUMMY!! That's not what I meant!!"

"Then, WHAT?!!"

Kaori struggled to find a way to concisely describe how magical girls attack. "Umm...pretend you're throwing something!"

"That's all?!"

"And shout a phrase!"

"What type?!"

The teenager sighed. "How am I supposed to know? I've never done this for real." "Eh...whatever sounds like a cool attack!"

"Cool attack, cool attack.," Psymon muttered. "Hmm...so many possibilities, so little time. Tattoo-boy, you have any ideas?" The magical girl brightened and snapped her fingers. "Got it! Great idea, little buddy!" The preteen assumed a ready stance and swiveled her head, trying to detect her quarry. "Where'd he go?" The girl whined, "Oh come on! Don't tell me the loser chickened out!" She scuffed one of her boots along the ground. "Here I go and think of a great attack, and that stupid, lousy, creampuff excuse of a clown ditches me!!" Psymon held her arms out and wailed, "WHERE'S THE FUN IN THAT!!!"

"Watch out!!"

"Huh?"

"CRASH!!!" The ice cream van barreled through the farmer's market right next to Psymon.

"YEEEOOOOOWWW!!!" Scuttling to the side as fast her legs could carry her, the magical girl barely avoided being flattened.

Needles continued to taunt the preteen. "AH HA HAA HAAA!!! SOMEBODY SHOULD TEACH YOU BETTER MANNERS, CHILD!!!"

"YEAH?!! WELL, YOU NEED TO HAVE A NEW TAILOR, YOU OVEREXTENDED LYMPH NODE!!!" Shooting Kaori the evil eye, Psymon exclaimed, "Hey, squeaky!! A little more warning next time!!"

The flying Japanese goth shrugged both pairs of her arms. "Gomen." Frowning, she added, "Stop calling me squeaky!!"

"Heh, whatever you say...squeaky." Psymon watched as the clown prepared for another pass, this time almost running over a hapless old woman who had been preparing to step out of her house to yell at the troublemakers. "Careful, granny!! Bonzo doesn't take prisoners!!" The frightened woman wisely choose to step back inside. Seeing the rapidly approaching vehicle, the psychotic young girl smirked. "Just a little closer, loser, then the fun begins." At the last moment, just before the van reached her, Psymon spun around like a discus thrower and shouted, "Whoopee cushion strike!!"

"Whoopee cushion strike? Baka! What type of attack..." Kaori's mental tirade died when she saw a whoopee cushion materialize in the magical girl's hand and fly directly into the windshield of Needles' vehicle. Startled, the clown overcompensated and skidded out of control. The van slid past the two magical heroes, hit a rut, and flipped end over end.

Psymon counted the flips. "One...two...three...four...come on, come on...you can do it......five. Yes!!" Dancing around and laughing, she pointed at the overturned van. "Hey, squeaky! Check it out!! Was that totally insane or what?!!"

"Jerk!! He might be hurt!!"

"News flash, duel popsicle head!! The bozo was trying to KILL us!!"

A loud moan alerted Kaori and Psymon. Turning to the sound's source, they saw Needles crawling out of the vehicle. Aside from some bumps, bruises, and a major case of dizziness, the clown appeared to be generally alright. "Uggghhh."

Feeling vindicated, Psymon turned to her rival and smirked. "See? No permanent harm done." Clasping her hands behind her back, the magical girl closed her eyes and smiled. "Ah, nothing like a good day's work well done..." She chuckled and winked, "...or medium rare...or even really, really juicy and bloody!"

Kaori surveyed the demolished town around the two of them. Seeing the destroyed buildings, the flaming statue debris, the scattered store merchandise, and the petrified villagers huddled around doorways and windows, the goth fairy was reluctant to share her companion's enthusiasm. "...kuso..."

----------------------

"Come on, chumpy!! Have another one on me!!"

"Please...hic...Luther, I must..."

"But monzieur, it would be mosh rude to refuse! Here, lesh me get you another drink."

Luther was enjoying the second phase of his personal celebration. Coaxing JP to join him at the hotel bar, the two had somehow managed to coral Brodi into participating in round after round of drinks. The three men were well on their way to complete inebriation.

The heavyset athlete chugged down another glass of hard liqueur. Giving Brodi a hearty slap on the back, he exclaimed, "Ah, nutin' like some cold brewskies after winnin' a race!" Never mind the hotel didn't actually stock any American beer.

The slap nearly caused the Buddhist to throw up. "Ack! Truly...hic...my friend...hic...your constitution knows no limits." Sitting between JP and Luther, the drunken surfer couldn't remember how he got into this situation. "Yes, frogs...uh...fate works in stringy...er...strange ways."

"You are nosh slouch, yourshelf, Brodi. Perhapsh Marisol isn't sho wrong about you, after zall." Having consumed a lot of alcohol himself, JP was slurring his words. Treating Brodi like a long lost brother, the Frenchman appeared to have completely forgotten that he normally considered the Buddhist a rival.

"You...hic...are most kind, JT...I'm mean JC...pardon, JP."

"Don'tcha worry, chumpy boots, we're ALL friends here!! Next round's on me!!"

Watching the three drinking men, Zoe snorted. "This is ridiculous!! Psymon and Kaori should have been here by now!!"

Mac was anxiously pacing back and forth. "Yeah!! This is so bogus!! Why are we still sittin' around?!!"

The punk boarder agreed. "I hear you, kid. Ah...AH CHOO!! If it weren't for this lousy cold, I'd be out there searching for them myself!"

Seeiah spoke up, "Where would you look, girlfriend? They've already got search crews dispatched along the whole course."

Zoe grumbled. "It beats sitting here, picking our noses."

Mac's patient had reached it's limit. "That's it!! I'm outa here!!" The wannabe DJ strode toward the exit, only to be stopped by Moby. "Back off, old man!!"

"Mate, you're not going anywhere. All you're going to bloody accomplish is to get yourself lost."

After fuming for a moment, the sixteen-year old reluctantly conceded. Pacing some more he complained, "This blows!!"

Watching TV, Eddie, his nose bandaged and less swollen, commented, "Like, I weally thought that wuy they found was Psymon." Earlier in the evening, a very brief CNN news story reported the arrest of a mentally unstable Caucasian who was apprehended after rampaging through a rural Chinese village. Hearing the broadcast, all the SSX racers felt certain the arrested individual was Psymon, at least until the report stated the man was dressed as a clown.

Elise coolly noted, "I wouldn't put it past Sketchy to wear a clown costume."

Marisol faced her blonde rival and smirked. "A fantasy of yours, chica."

The Canadian beauty threw the Latino a chilly gaze. "I like you so much better when you're just sneezing."

"...Ohhhhh!! Sixty-six bottles of beer on the wall!! Sixty-six bottles of beer!! Take one down, pass it around, sixty-five bottles of beer on the waaalll!!...Ohhhhh!! Fifty-four bottles..."

"Wait!!"

"Whash ish it monzshieur?"

"I believe...hic...we were at fifty-eight...no...eighty-eight...hic...bottles."

"Why, I do believe ol' Buddha is correct!! Let's go chumpies!!"

"Ohhhhh!!! Eighty-eight bottles..."

Zoe groaned. "Those three are giving me a headache."

----------------------

"Arigatou!! Bye Bye!"

"Give clown-boy my regards!"

Shaking his head at the strange Canadian's request, the Chinese policeman drove off. Having recognized the two SSX Tricky stars, the officer offered to give both athletes a ride back to their hotel, although only after they'd agree to give their autographs first. Back to their normal selves, Kaori and Psymon were finally standing in front of their destination. The psychotic racer carried two closed cylindrical containers.

Facing her partner, the Japanese teen angrily pointed a finger at the containers and yelled, "Jerk!! You stole that ice cream!!"

"Shows what you know, pipsqueak. This is just proper payment for rescuing those Chinese people." Not long after the confrontation with Needles Needles, the cursed snowboarders were able to find some hot water. Afterwards, Psymon snuck back and pilfered the two ice cream containers from the clown's van. Convincing the authorities he'd purchased the ice cream beforehand, the insane racer now proudly considered the prizes as spoils of war.

"Idiot!! Magical girls don't get paid!"

"But I'm not really a freakin' girly pipsqueak, am I?"

An exasperated Kaori threw up her hands. "Oh, why bother?" Changing the topic, she held up a finger and continued, "Now, don't tell anybody about Jusenkyo, O.K.?"

"Why not?"

"Because, baka, we don't want them to know about our curse!"

"What's the big, hairy deal?"

"Argh!! Do you really want Zoe to know you turn into a little girl?!"

Psymon was silent for a moment. Whispering to himself, he said, "She might think it's pretty cool."

Frustrated, the teen resorted to her last option. "If you tell anyone about our curse, I'll let Zoe know about your bunny slippers!"

The Canadian stared at Kaori in horror. "You wouldn't."

Looking at her rival dead in the eye, the Japanese woman solemnly nodded. "Hai...I would." She knew is was rather dirty to blackmail Psymon, but it was the only real leverage she had against the psychotic boarder.

The Canadian grunted. "Fine, squirt, I won't say a peep about that Joosenky thingy." Pulling out a rolled up shirt from his pants, Psymon eagerly asked, "I can still wear the shirt, right?"

Recognizing the t-shirt, Kaori grew furious. "GRRRRR!!"

"Huh? I thought you said this one was O.K." Turning the shirt around so he could see the logo, Psymon read, "I went to Jusenkyo and all I got was this shirt and a lousy curse!" The crazy athlete had unintentionally yanked out one of the other shirts he had acquired without the teen's knowledge. Giving Kaori an embarrassed grin, all the maniac said was, "Oops."

"PSYMON!!!"

----------------------

"PSYMON!!!"

The high-pitched female scream got nearly everyone's attention.

Perking up considerably, Mac said, "Hey, that's..."

"Now, shorty, you have to watch your blood pressure."

Zoe asked, "Psy?"

"STUPID!!! CREEP!!! BAKA!!! JERK!!!"

Elise confirmed, "That's them, alright."

Dashing into the hotel lobby, Psymon was struggling to protect his ill gotten ice cream from Kaori. The teenager was right at his heels, pounding at the Canadian with her gloved fists. Noticing the rest of the SSX crew waiting for them, the two rivals screeched to a halt.

Kaori blinked and tentatively waved. "Hi."

Psymon was much more melodramatic. "Honey, I'M HOOOOOOME!!!"

Seeiah, slapped Mac in the back. "See, flyboy, I told you nothing happened."

Psymon gave the African-American a strange look. "What are you talking about, baldy?"

The wannabe DJ tried to explain, "We thought you and Kaori were making...mmmm, Hmmmm, Mmmhmm!"

"Every effort to get back here safe and sound, " Seeiah finished. She was covering up Mac's mouth to prevent him from saying something foolish.

The sixteen-year old broke free. "What's up with coverin' my mouth?!"

Moby leaned down and whispered, "She just saved your whinny little butt, chap."

"I don't need no one to save MY behind!"

The Englishman muttered, "So says you, mate."

Perched on the back of the couch in the lounge, Eddie hollered, "Welcome wack, guys!"

An intoxicated Brodi droned, "Shooo...hic...the prodical...chili...eh...children...hic...return."

Kaori was stunned by her friend's current state. "Brodi-kun?"

Zoe yelled, "It's about time!! We were getting really worried!! AH CHOO!!"

Elise coyly noted, "Some of us more than others, right Zoe?"

The punk girl shrugged. "Yeah, yeah, whatever."

Psymon grew wistful. "Really?" Setting his ice cream down, the psychotic racer threw out his arms and cried, "Ah!! You don't know how much that touches meeee!!!"

Mac interjected, "Yo, nutcase! We're talkin' about Kaori, not you."

The Canadian grinned at the boy. "Hi Macky! How's the throat feeling?"

Kaori angrily shouted, "Psymon!!"

From her position, Marisol drawled, "So...AH CHOO!!...bring us any souvenirs?"

Psymon considered, "Hmm...the local Macy's was already closed, but..."

"Baka! There was no Macy's!"

The Canadian ignored the teen, "...I found something even better." So saying, he lunged at the startled blonde and gave her a big smooch."

Elise smirked as she considered her Latino rival, "A fantasy of yours, Sparky?"

"Don't think I forgot about you, blondy." Before Elise could react, Psymon had already swept her up and was giving her a big wet one. Then, as quickly as he had kissed the other women, he was kissing Zoe.

A drunken JP noted to Brodi, "Quite thez Cashanova, ishn't he?"

"So...hic...true."

Moby objected, "What on bloody earth do you think you're doing!!"

The crazy snowboarder glanced at the irrate Englishman. "Sorry Moby ol' pal, you're just not my type." He then shot a hungry gaze at Seeiah.

The bald racer shook a fist at the Canadian. "Don't even think about it." Seeing Moby look at her, she shook her fist at him too, just for good measure. "Not you either, flyboy."

The English athlete sputtered, "What did I do?"

"Geez, baldy, you're no fun." Turning to Kaori, the tattooed athlete smirked, "Maybe when you're more ripe, squirt."

"JER..." A mischievous twinkle suddenly shown in Kaori's eyes. She gleefully announced, "We brought ice cream!!"

"What are we waiting for? Let's dig in, mates!"

"Groovy!"

"Thanks Kaori!"

"Bleh, maybe it will wash this horrible taste from my mouth."

"You said it, chica."

"Save some for me, girlfriend!"

Watching the others start to cart off his beloved tasty treats, the insane boarder screamed, "WHAT?!! BUT THAT'S MINE!!!"

Kaori leveled her own smirk at Psymon. "Not anymore, baka."

Zoe laid a hand on the Canadian's shoulder and grinned. "It's awfully sweet of you, Psy."

Seeing Zoe's approval melted the tattooed athlete's resolve. "Uh...don't mention it."

A bellow erupted from the bar. "ICE CREAM!!! WHERE?!! WHERE?!!" Luther, having awoken from his drunken stupor, was standing and anxiously searching for the frozen dessert.

Psymon, recognizing the individual partly responsible for his newfound curse, smiled malevolently. "Long time, no see, lumpy."

Luther peered at the Canadian through squinted eyes, "That you, crazy man?"

"The one and only." Rearing back, the psychotic racer punched the giant athlete right square between the eyes. Luther went down like a ton of bricks. Still grinning, Psymon added, "Have a nice day, dirtbag."

Struggling to get up, the southerner asked, "Wh...wha' was that for?" As he was just beginning to stand, he glanced up and saw Kaori glaring directly at him.

"Creep." The teenager sent her foot as hard as she could straight into Luther's groin. For a second time, the large racer crashed to the floor, this time wailing in falsetto.

The other snowboarders silently stared in shock at what they'd just witnessed. Looking at one another, they simply shrugged and let the matter drop. Most figured the obnoxious athlete got what he'd deserved. As the group merrily left to celebrate the return of Kaori and Psymon, Eddie borrowed a pad and pen from the hotel desk. He scribbled a note on one of the sheets and ripped off the piece. Returning the pad and pen, the nineteen-year old requested some adhesive tape. With paper and tape in hand, he quickly stuck the note on Luther's butt and scampered off.

The note read:

BEHOLD, THE

CHAMP!

KICK ME!!!!

"Jussh goesh to show...hic...what comes...hic...up, must come...must come...aw forget it."

"You arez shoosh wizesh, monshieur."

----------------------

In an isolated ward within a mental institution...

The sharp, steady staccato of a man's footsteps echoed off the finely polished floor.

"This one of the new ones?"

"Yeah, they just hauled him in yesterday. He's definitely got some loose screws."

"Does he ever take that mask off?"

"Nope. He attacks anyone who tries to remove it."

They spoke of power...

"Hasn't anybody tried sedating him?"

"Sure, but whenever we do, the nutjob won't eat or sleep, at least until we give him the mask back."

...of confidence...

"What's he mumbling?"

"Oh, stuff about kids. Complains about them all the time."

...and an absolute belief that whatever was desired could always be obtained...

"The guy hates children, huh?"

"Loathes them. He especially likes to talk about one in particular. He calls her, 'the demon girl'."

"'Demon girl', eh? You're right, this one is a real piece of work."

...always.

"Excuse me, gentlemen, is this Needles Kane's room?"

"Yeah. Who are y..."

"Thank you, that will be all."

With a wave of his arm, the two orderlies fell unconscious. A light brush of his fingers prompted the electronic lock to sizzle and short out. Quietly opening the door, the man observed the wretched being before him. Dressed in typical patient coveralls and wearing a clown's mask, Needles Kane muttered a litany of profane curses directed at children. Within the mask, the madman's eyes regarded the stranger with suspicion.

"Hello, Needles."

"Who the #*&(&#$@)$ are you!!"

"My name is not important. What IS important is that I can give you...certain opportunities."

"Is this a trick?"

"No, I assure you, it is not."

The former ice cream delivery person was silent for a long moment. Finally, he whispered, "Can...can l play with the girl?"

"The child who has a fairy companion?"

"Yes!! The demon girl!!"

The man's lips turned upward into a smile. "Oh, most certainly, especially her."

For the first time in a very long while, Needles genuinely smiled. Then he started giggling, a giggling which turned into a cackling, a cackling which became a horrendously loud howling laughter."

As the insane clown continued laughing, the man whispered. "My opponents have chosen their champions. You shall be the first of ours. I will call you...Sweet Tooth." The man chuckled. "Let the game begin."