The Adventures of the Magical Donut and Abraham Lincoln

Notes:  That last chapter I said I wrote in the wee hours of the morning, but actually I wrote the first paragraph at 1:04 AM.  The rest I wrote in the afternoon in the bright daylight on a SUNday.  Yes, it was very sunny.  I don't like living in a desert.  It's always sunny.  I hate it.  PEOPLE CAN'T SURVIVE WITHOUT THOSE LITTLE DROPLETS FALLING FROM THE SKY EVERY ONCE IN AWHILE, in theory, but that doesn't seem to stop us here in New Mexico.  And for those of you who don't know, New Mexico is part of the United States, not Mexico.  We're right between Arizona and Texas, idiots!  And I don't speak Spanish, thank you.  ¡El gato verde es alto!  Is that the right conjugation of 'is?'  I wouldn't know.  I don't speak Spanish.  That's all I can say.  But, the green cat is tall!

Enough on my rant about how catalogs don't ship to people in New Mexico because they don't ship outside of the Continental US.  Let's move on.  Uh, I think this might be ending soon.  I definitely do not like this as much as my Shuuichi's Special, but it gives me something to do during the day and the night and such.  So I'm continuing it on and on and on.  The question is, why is this so long?  I'm getting tired.  This is gonna be the last chapter…

My toe hurts.  I went to the doctor, and he gave me shots, and then cut it up and it hurt really badly…  Now I'm doped up on ibuprofen and I can't think.  Sorry.

Warning:  Yaoi, swearing, blinking, incoherence, fragments, and a whole bunch of Ryu-chan goodness.  Mm, Yummy.

Disclaimer:  Ehh…I don't own Gravitation.

Chapter 5

Yuki glanced at his watch.  2:07.  Tatsuha was late.  Unless they were at the wrong park, but that would mean that Shuuichi had been wrong, and Shuuichi's never wrong about these things.

"Naa, Yuki…" Shuuichi mumbled in his sleep and curled up closer to Yuki on the park bench.  Yuki sighed.  He didn't know how the idiot had managed to convince him to come to the park early, and now they were cuddled up together because of the chilly weather.  And people were staring.  Apparently, to Yuki's dismay, they all realized that Shuuichi was a boy.

Sigh.

"Yuki…  Come and…save…me…" Shuuichi's fists tightened on Yuki's jacket.  "Save me…from the evil…red-eyed…rat pigeon…"

"God, you're even an idiot in your sleep, aren't you?" Yuki muttered, lovingly ruffling Shuuichi pink hair.  See, he was allowed to be all weak and lovey and mushy when Shuuichi was asleep, because then Shuuichi wouldn't know and he couldn't brag about it. 

"Yuki…" Shuuichi moaned, squeezing his eyes shut.  He seemed to be having a nightmare.

Yuki smiled and pulled Shuuichi into a tight embrace.  "Don't worry, idiot, I'm here."  He felt Shuuichi relax in his arms, and his smile grew even wider.  Oh, he loved his little pink fluff puppy.

"Oh, you two make such a cute couple!  Kind of like me and Sakuma-san!"

Yuki jumped, and upon realizing his little brother's eyes were bearing down upon him, he kicked Shuuichi off the bench and onto the ground.  Shuuichi moaned and opened his eyes lazily.

"Eh?  Tatsuha-san?  Where's Ryuuichi?" Shuuichi cried, though he had a big grin on his face.

Tatsuha got this look on his face.  "Well, uh…  Do you think I'd be so stupid as to just bring him here right away with me without checking to make sure you have the money first?  I know Aniki will just wrestle him away from me and not pay!"  Ooooh, Tatsuha was gooooood…  Shuuichi glanced nervously at Yuki.  After all, Tatsuha did just see through their plan.  Yuki looked unperturbed.

"And you think I'm just gonna pay you and expect you to return him?  How stupid do you think I am?" Yuki countered.  "How am I supposed to know you even have Ryuuichi in your possession, and aren't just trying to get money from me?"  Ooooh, Yuki was even better, hee-hee…

Tatsuha glared at Yuki, whom just glared back as he stretched comfortably out upon the bench.  Shuuichi looked at the latter, and his mouth began to water, so he sat up and rested his temple against Yuki's left knee.

"I, uh, of course I had—ah, have him!" Tatsuha stuttered, his confidence beginning to break.

"Then where is he?"

"Why would I tell you that?" Tatsuha smiled arrogantly.

"You couldn't, because you don't know, am I right?" Yuki asked.  Tatsuha's smile faded slightly.

"Just give me the money, and I'll bring him."

Yuki just stared at Tatsuha with a look of disbelief.  After a heavy silence, Yuki continued.  "What if I told you I don't have the money?"

Tatsuha blinked.  Blink, blink.  "You don't?"

Yuki lifted a menacing eyebrow in response.

"Well, uh, heeeey!  Don't you want to save him?" Tatsuha asked.

"Not me."

"What about Tohma?"

"What about him?"

"Well, he's gonna kill you when he finds out you lost Sakuma-san."

"And?"

"Aniki, are you suicidal?" Tatsuha asked with fake surprise in his voice.  Shuuichi lifted his head and stared at Yuki with worried, tearful eyes.

"Yu-Yuki, why do you want to kill yourself?" Shuuichi cried.  And he actually cried, with tears and everything.  "Is it because of me?  Because you…hate me?  That's it, isn't it?  YUKI, YOU HATE ME AND YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH—"

"If you say Sakuma-san, I'm going to kill you," Yuki said, giving Shuuichi a glare, but not the death glare because Yuki would never give his Shuuichi a death glare.

"But, Yuki, aren't you and Sakuma-san—"

"Idiot!  I already told you, I.am.not.cheating.on.you.with.him," Yuki said slowly, so Shuuichi could understand.

"Then why are you trying to kill yourself?" Shuuichi asked, tears still spilling onto his cheeks.

Sigh.  Yuki turned back to Tatsuha, since there's no use trying to argue with an idiot.  "Tohma will not kill me, I assure you of that."

"But—"  But there's really nothing he could say to that, seeing as though it was true.  Yuki was the last person in the world that Tohma would ever kill.

"So, do you or do you not know where Sakuma is?" Yuki persisted.

"Well, I was with him, but then he disappeared, and—"

"Idiot, you mean to tell me you had Sakuma, and you let him escape?"

"Hey, Aniki, if I recall, you did the same thing," Tatsuha said, regaining his arrogant demeanor.

"Twice," Shuuichi added.

"…Shut up…"

Tatsuha bent his neck back, readying himself to start cackling loudly at his brother's defeat, when a familiar voice stopped him.

"Shu-chan?"

Shuuichi looked around until his eyes rested upon his idol, standing in the middle of the park, with Kumagorou tucked under one arm and a brown package in his hands.  He looked really scared, and Shuuichi could tell why, seeing as though there was a gun pointed to the back of his head.  Shuuichi looked at Ryuuichi's attacker, whom was standing behind the singer with his free arm wrapped around Ryu-chan's skinny waist.

"K?" Shuuichi asked, blinking.  Blink.

Ryuuichi's face visibly relaxed, and his lips turned up into a grin.  "Oh, K?  That's you?" he asked, trying once more to turn to see his attacker, but K gripped his waist too tightly for that.

"K, what are you doing?" Shuuichi asked, rising to his feet and slowly approaching the trigger-happy American.

"I can answer that question," said a familiar, overly feminine voice.  Tatsuha and Yuki both gulped in unison, and Tatsuha took a stiff seat next to Yuki, whom had straightened on the bench.  Tohma emerged from the shadow of a nearby tree, wearing his usual long, flowing coat, and his tailed shirt, and—wait, that was different than what he was wearing before…  How many times a day did this man change?  No matter…  I just wish I were as stylish as Tohma.

Tohma walked up beside K and Ryuuichi, and nodded to K, who reluctantly removed the gun from Ryuuichi's head, looking very disappointed.  Ryuuichi slowly began inching away quietly when K turned his head to listen to Tohma's next words.

"You see, Eiri-san, this was all a test," Tohma said, smiling sweetly, though he still had that evil glint in his eyes.

"A test?" Yuki repeated, lifting a challenging eyebrow.

"Yes, a test," Tohma confirmed.  Smile, smile.  "I wanted to see if you were capable of taking care of Ryuuichi.  And apparently you aren't."

"And is there a reason you did this?" Yuki asked, halfway sarcastically.

"Yes," Tohma said, his smile lessening a little, though it was barely noticeable.  "Ryuuichi and Shuuichi are so much alike.  And if you can't take care of one, it means you can't take care of the other…"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Yuki asked impatiently, searching his pocket for a cigarette.  Dammit.

"Well, you obviously can exercise no control over Ryuuichi.  It must be the same for Shuuichi as well, right?  I have a business to run, Eiri-san, and I can't have my precious singers being injured or left out in the cold at all," Tohma explained shooting a glance at Shuuichi as he spoke the words, 'precious singers.'

"And?"

"Well, you are not fit to take care of Shuuichi," Tohma proclaimed, holding his head high.

Yuki raised both his eyebrows this time.  "Oh, I get it," he muttered spitefully.  "This was just another one of your plans to break me and Shuuichi up, so you can have me all to yourself."

Tohma blushed and looked at Yuki.  Blink.  "Wha—no!  Of course not, Eiri-san… I just, I just wanted to make sure, you know, that Sh-Shuuichi is—"

"Tohma, you're stuttering," Yuki said, rising to his feet.  He grabbed Shuuichi's waist and dragged the boy along with him as he began to leave.

"Eiri-san!" Tohma called, taking a hasty step towards the couple, but stopped himself quickly.  Yuki turned around and glared at him.  With his death glare too, but Tohma was unaffected, because Tohma does not cower.  It's just not a very Tohma thing to do.

"Oh, Yuki-san!" Ryuuichi cried, running up to the blond novelist.  He reached into his pocket and pulled out the wilted pink flower, his eyes tearing up again as he pulled a piece of lint off of it and held it up to Yuki.  Yuki's eyes were darting back and forth between the flower and its tearful owner.

"What?" Yuki asked, blinking.  Blink.

"For you," Ryuuichi said, holding the flower up even closer to Yuki's face.  "For letting me live with you, because, because I, because I—"

Seeing that the singer was about to burst out into tears, Yuki snatched the flower out of his cupped hands and placed it in his pocket.  He mumbled a little, "Thanks, Sakuma, it's really nice," but looked slightly embarrassed doing so.

"Speaking of which," Shuuichi said, resting his head against Yuki's shoulder, "since Yuki isn't fit to take care of you, are you still gonna live with us?"

Ryuuichi blinked at him.  Blink, blink. Blink, blink, blink.  "What?"

"No, he won't," Tohma said, walking up next to Ryuuichi and putting his arm around the singer's shoulders.  "Ryuuichi's going back home."

"But I thought that it burned down," Shuuichi said, blinking.  Blink.

"No, I just needed an excuse to get him in with you guys.  If his place had really burned down, I would have taken care of him myself," Tohma said, pulling Ryuuichi closer to him.  "I made Ryuuichi promise not to tell Yuki that his house hadn't burned down."

Ryuuichi looked at Tohma, then up at Yuki, then at Shuuichi, then at Tohma again.  He blinked.  Blink.  "Eh?  Tohma, my house burned down?" Ryuuichi squeaked as tears began to fill his eyes again.

Tohma stared at Ryuuichi in silence for a whole three minutes before sighing.  "Yes, Ryuuichi, it burned down.  Let's go."  No use trying to convince an idiot.

"Tch," Yuki said, glaring at Tohma.  "Just leave me alone from now on, okay?"

Tohma shrugged and began to lead Ryuuichi away, when he cried, "Wait!" and broke free of Tohma's grasp.  He then ran up to the bench where Tatsuha was sitting and held out the brown package.

"Uh, Sakuma-san?  For me?" Tatsuha asked.  When Ryuuichi nodded, he took the package and unwrapped it, looking at the sparkling dragon figurine.  "Wow, it's beautiful!  Thank you, Sakuma-san!  But, why?"

Ryuuichi's eyes filled with tears again.  "I'm sorry I poked your eye, Tatsuha-san.  I didn't mean to, really!"  With a little bow, he turned and ran off towards Tohma.

Blink, blink, blink.  Blink, blink.  Blink.  Blink.

"Wait, Sakuma-san!" Tatsuha called, once Tohma and Ryuuichi had reached the edge of the park.  "One...last…kiss…pleeeeeaaaaassssseeeee!!!!!!" he cried between breaths as he took off after the pair.

BANG!

K cackled when he saw Tatsuha's form crumple to the grass.  He stroked his gun affectionately.

"I was hoping I'd be able to use this baby today," he said, and safely tucked it into his belt.  Ah, now that his work was done here, he would be able to retreat back to NG studios and drink soda and eat those little cake things that Tohma stocks the refrigerators with.  Yes.

Yuki sighed in satisfaction as he pulled the naked body of Shuuichi closer to him.  It had been a hot, wild, and exhausting night, so why had he woken so suddenly?  Yuki glanced around for his cigarettes, and upon finding none, he sighed irritably.  Over 24 hours with no cigarettes, and his body was starting to go through nicotine withdrawal.

It was then that he saw it.  There was a…creature…kneeling beside his bed, with another creature placed on top of the first creature's head.  And they were staring at him.  Like this:  O.O

Yuki shrieked and pulled the startled Shuuichi to the other side of him, in a sad attempt to protect him from this unknown visitor, before reaching over and turning on the light.  Suddenly that O.O face began to take on more human features in the light, and Yuki's amber eyes narrowed in frustration when the eyes turned into a wide, sparkling blue, covered by wisps of shiny brown hair, and a cute Shuuichi-like face appeared before him.

"Ryuuichi, what are you doing here?" Yuki growled, making sure the sheets were covering him and Shuuichi entirely.

"Sakuma-san?" Shuuichi asked, blinking the tiredness out of his eyes.

"Hey, Shu-chan!" Ryuuichi said, raising his hand in a wave.  With this gesture, however, Kumagorou fell off his head, and his hand snaked down to retrieve it.

"Why are you here?" Yuki repeated, debating whether or not to give Ryuuichi the death glare.

Ryuuichi blinked at him.  Blink, blink.  "MY HOUSE BURNED DOWN!!!" he cried very loudly and hid his face in the excess covers.

"Again?" Yuki asked, before remembering that his house hadn't burned down in the first place.  Speaking of which, it probably hadn't burned down this time either, and Ryuuichi was just being a little confused, thinking that he still lived here.  Great.

"Yeah," Ryuuichi said, lifting his face a little off the bed.  "Tohma said I should stay here, though."

"Wow, really?" Shuuichi asked, leaning over Yuki.

"Yeah.  Really—"

"I don't think so," Yuki said, pushing Shuuichi off him.  "Get out of here, Sakuma-san."

"But I brought you something, Yuki-san," Ryuuichi said, bending over to search his pockets.  He was wearing cargo pants now, which took even longer to empty, and soon the bedroom floor was littered with paper and other miscellaneous items, such as a few sticks of chewing gum, a chewed pen, a yellow umbrella, a rubber ducky, an oboe, a bazooka, a picture of him and Tohma, some paper clips, a copy of the Mona Lisa, even more paper clips, and some shiny rocks.  At last he retrieved what he was looking for and set it on the bed in front of Yuki.

Yuki picked up the present and stared at it, his mouth watering with the temptation.  It was probably the best gift anyone could have possibly given him at that point in time.  A whole pack of cigarettes.  Yuki didn't mind that they smelled like bubblegum and burnt popcorn.  They were cigarettes, and that was what mattered.

"Fine, you can stay," Yuki said, pulling the sheet around him and jumping out of bed in search of something.  Shuuichi screamed and rolled over onto his stomach.

"Quit staring at me, please, Sakuma-saaaaaaaaan!!!" Shuuichi whined.  "Yuuuukiiiii!!!"

O.O   Blink, blink, blink.  Blink.

Yuki was tearing up the living room, pulling over the tables, ripping up the couches, shredding the carpet, and ignoring Shuuichi's muffled screams.

"YUUUKIII!!!  YOU TOOK THE ONLY BLANKET!!!  YUUUUUKIIIII!!!  HE'S STARING AT ME!!!  MAKE HIM STOP RIGHT NOW!!!"

Yuki probably would have rushed back to the bedroom in order to gut Ryuuichi for looking at Shuuichi's sexy naked body, had he not been searching for something very important.

After the living room was in pieces, Yuki cursed loudly and held the pack of cigarettes in front of him, staring at them wistfully.

"Where the hell is my lighter?!?!"

The end.  Finally.