AN: Tee-hee. I lurve all of you that have reviewed. This story has become my...well, my baby, I suppose. Keep up those reviews - they are making me so very joyous. Anyhoo, like I said before - Carter's dead ::wooks:: So we're staying in Abby's POV. Which is what this is...for anyone interested, I'll probably shat out a few ridiculously fuzzy fics as soon as I finish this...and now that we've seen how the Africa story played out (which kicked ass, I must say), this is totally becoming just a different spin on that plot. Right....here we go...Like I said...trust me. Trust. Me. If you think I'm a bitch for killing Carter...read this damn chapter and get off my back! Thank you...heh.
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One week. A week ago today, he was standing in our apartment and promising to be right back.
How did my life turn upside in just a matter of days? How did I get here? To this place, without him...
The past seven days replay continuously in my mind. Every moment. His face. His promises. His kisses. The ring. The letter. The dreams. The hope...
The news. The information that shattered my world.
The denial.
The tears.
The tequila.
The strength to carry on.
The memories.
The love. Never-ending.
And back to the ring.
Still, after almost five days of knowing that he will never return...it remains on my hand.
My commitment to him - my love of him - will never die.
Even if he did.
I heave a sigh of exhaustion as I slowly pull up in front of my apartment building and park the Jeep. Leaving the ignition on, I rest my forehead against the steering wheel and close my eyes, listening.
The White Stripes are blaring loudly from the speakers. He hated my music. Punk rock 80's anger music, he called it. But at the same time, he always smiled when he turned on the engine and found that I had been playing my music in his car, yet again. Secretly, he enjoyed this. I know. Because it's a part of who I am, he loved it anyway.
I've made a quick, yet painful return to the real world. There was no purpose to my continued moping. My constant grieving. Without a doubt, I grieve. I never stop. I think of it constantly. Of him.
But I have to carry on.
And, so, I have jumped back into the daily routine of working 12 - 16 hour shifts, taking coffee breaks with Susan, laughing as much as possible with Deb as she complained about Pratt, listening to my "anger music" instead of depressing love songs that I never actually liked anyway...
Attempting to return some normalcy into my life.
As much as possible, anyway.
It's what he would want for me.
It's hard as hell, but I can do it.
I'm strong. And I can overcome anything.
He said it one million times. Now, I finally believe him.
If only he could see me now...
I lift my head and turn off the ignition, reaching for my purse and sighing again as I unlock the door to step out into the balmy Chicago afternoon.
This is not how I expected to be spending this day.
In a hundred years, I would never have imagined myself alone and coming to terms with the fact that my future did not involve him. Not today. Not this day.
This day was to be special. Memorable.
And it is. But for all the wrong reasons.
Will I ever stop missing you, John?
That seems unlikely.
I take a few steps toward my building before a familiar voice calls out to me, shocking me out of my thoughts.
"I've been waiting here for almost an hour! Why don't you answer your cell phone?"
I roll my eyes and smile a little. "I was just...driving around. Thinking. Running a few errands. The phone battery died this morning. Sorry."
She gives me a nod and I can see the twinkle in her eyes. Something is...different. She had better not be here to cheer me up again. Not now. Not today. This is not a day to cheer me up.
Finding the key to my building, I walk up the stairs and past where she is sitting on the stoop.
"What's up?" I ask finally, unlocking the door. "What's so important that you had to sit here and wait for me?"
She bites her lip. Great. Never a good sign. "Can I come up for a while?"
"Susan, really, today is not a good day. I just want to be alone...Just...think about everything."
She follows me inside anyway. Damn her for being so stubborn.
"Abby, I promise...let's just have a cup of coffee, I swear you won't regret this. Just..."
"Fine. But only one cup. I can't deal with this today."
I see a smile begin on her lips and I can't help but wonder what the hell she's up to.
I'm in no mood for it, whatever it is.
Entering the apartment, I toss the keys on the side table and throw my purse on the couch, moving to the kitchen to start the coffee.
"Abby...sit down for a minute."
I look at her and glare. What does she want from me?
"Do you want coffee or not? Because I need to make it before you can drink it. Now what the hell is with you today?"
"Would you just sit down, please? I have to talk to you. It's important."
"I don't want to sit down. Just talk."
"Abby..."
"I don't want to sit down! What? Just tell me!"
"Luka called me today."
Oh.
"He - uh - was calling to say he'll be back sooner than expected. That Carter had things under control..."
My heart stops.
What?
Was that supposed to be funny?
I give her a look of anger, confusion, and complete pain. That was below the belt, Susan...
"What did you say...?"
Her eyes are shining, and then a smile spreads from ear to ear.
"Carter has things under control. Carter. Luka said he was heading out to Matenda as soon as he got off the phone, and that Carter was staying in Kisangani to handle the patients. He's alive, Abby. We were wrong."
I...cannot breathe.
My eyebrows are creased into a look of confusion and my jaw is wide open, reaching toward the floor of my now-spinning kitchen.
I must be hearing things. She must have heard wrong. Something isn't right, here.
"Wait...what? But how? I don't..."
"Luka said the rebels had attacked the first day that Carter arrived. They lost the phone lines for several days. That Carter was with a patient and told him to pass along word that he's sorry he hasn't called yet. Abby..."
My left hand is covering my eyes as my right hand grips the countertop, keeping me on my feet.
I pull my hand away and look at my friend, who is staring back at me with hope and confusion mixed into one. She's not comprehending my lack of joy right now...
But I don't understand...
"Um - " I grip the bridge of my nose with my thumb and index finger, searching for the words. "Did you talk to him? How can you be sure?" My voice is shaky, barely above a whisper.
She smiles. "Yeah, I talked to him. He's fine, Abby. He's...Carter. As soon as Luka mentioned him, I demanded that he put Carter on the phone. I think I scared the hell out of Luka, since he didn't understand, but...yeah, I talked to him."
My heart is pounding. I think it's going to burst out of my chest. Tears of joy are springing from my eyes and a smile is slowly spreading across my face.
"What - uh - what did he say? Is he...okay? I mean, is he safe?"
"He's fine. He said to tell you he misses you like crazy. I told him, Abby..."
"What?"
"That we thought he was dead. That we heard about the plane crash, and we hadn't heard from him. That we were certain he was gone."
I wipe a tear from my cheek and try to concentrate on what she's saying. I can't form coherent thoughts at the moment. I can't believe this is happening.
"He freaked out, Abby. He feels terrible about not trying harder to call. He - he said he's coming home tomorrow."
"He - he what?" I can't even handle this right now. This is too much. He's alive. He's coming home. Tomorrow. I should have known. I should have trusted that feeling in my gut that told me he wasn't truly gone. We're so connected - I should have sensed it.
"Don't leave the apartment, okay? He told me to find you so he could talk to you, but you had already left the hospital. I promised I would track you down and tell you, so you would know the truth. He's calling you tonight. As soon as he gets enough free time. Stay here and wait."
"Yeah, like I'm moving from these four walls until I hear from him. Right. That's happening."
My tears are gone now and there's nothing but a smile. A genuine smile. One I haven't experienced in a very long time.
Susan laughs at me and goes to sit on my couch. I follow, curling up in the corner across from her.
"Still wearing that ring, I see," she comments.
I look at my hand and my smile gets even bigger. "Yeah. Guess I have to take it off now, huh?"
"Nah. It's a good luck charm, right? You refused to take it off, and look what happened. He's alive."
"He's alive," I whisper in response. "I can't wrap my mind around this. This is real, right?"
She reaches across the sofa and takes my hand. "Yeah, it's real. He's okay. He's coming home. Apparently, destiny really is hell-bent on you two being together. It really pisses me off sometimes, you know that?"
She's smiling and I laugh at this. "Can't get rid of him. God knows I've tried. He doesn't listen. I should thank him for that..."
I look up into her eyes and find them full of happiness and compassion. I'm so glad to know her. Other than Carter, she is my support. My stronghold.
"Thank you, Susan."
"For what?"
"Everything. Being there. Being here. Just...being my friend. I know I'm hard to take most of the time."
She scoffs and rolls her eyes. "Nonsense. You?"
This brings about the first real, honest laughter that I have expressed in a week. It feels so good. My life is whole again...almost. I need him here. I need to touch him and know that this is true.
"Honestly, though, Abby...you've done so well this past week. You're strength is incredible. You think you're incapable of so much, when you clearly have the ability to overcome anything. I know nothing seems right without him, but I think you've proven that you can do it alone. Just...now you don't have to. But you should be proud of yourself. He is."
"What?" I'm confused again.
She just raises a hand and dismisses the comment with a soft smile. Whatever.
"Sus, you know what today is, right?" I can't help but smile as I think of the sudden change in how this day is being spent.
Before she can answer, the phone is ringing. I can't move. My body is cemented to the couch. What if it's not him? My heart can't take the expectation of hoping it's him every time the phone rings.
Three rings now, and I still haven't moved.
Susan laughs at my paralyzed state and reaches for the phone.
"Hello?...It's Susan....Yeah, she's here...Yes, I did...I know..." She gives me a wink and smiles as she continues to listen into the receiver. It's him. He's really okay.
Thank you, God.
"...No, she's okay. She's good. I think she needs to hear your voice, though, she's still in disbelief...Yeah, I know. I'm sorry...You're welcome. Here she is..."
She hands me the phone and I bring it my ear, slowly, still holding onto the fear that this is all a big joke and I'll hear Frank's voice on the other end yelling "Gotcha!" or something unbearable like that. I quickly let out the breath that I didn't realize I was holding. Here goes nothing.
"John? Is it really you?"
Silence. What is this? I look to Susan, who seems confused by the pained look on my face.
And then I hear him sigh.
"Hey, baby."
And I gasp. My free hand is back over my eyes as I try to hold back the sobs of joy. This is for real.
"John...I - I thought..."
"I know. I'm sorry, baby, I'm so sorry. It never crossed my mind that everyone there might assume...I'm sorry."
"No! No, don't be sorry. I'm just so happy you're okay."
I notice Susan stand from the couch and grab her purse, then signal to me that she's leaving. I nod and wave in gratitude, and she mouths that she'll call me later.
"Abby...are you okay? I mean, really, are you okay?"
"Never been better. I just...an hour ago I thought I would never see you again. You're safe, though, right?"
"I'm fine. I promise. It's been crazy around here. The day of the plane crash, we got several of the victims brought to our outpost...I knew one of the guys. It was rough. And then...we lost the phone lines. I'm sorry, I would have found another way to contact you had I known what was going on there..."
"I shouldn't have assumed. My gut was telling me you were okay. But all the evidence...and I couldn't make my mind believe it. But you're okay. God, I miss you."
"I miss you. I'll be home tomorrow. I'm heading to the airport as soon as we hang up."
"No. Don't."
There's silence for a moment and I know that he's trying to understand the meaning behind my last comment.
"This trip is important to you. I don't want to be the reason you cut it short. You're okay. I'm okay. It's only one more week. Stay."
"Abby..."
"John. They need you there. Luka's already coming back tomorrow. What are they going to do without you both? Finish what you started."
"I need to come home. You..."
"I'm okay." And I sense that he's reading my mind. He always can. "I wasn't. But I am now. That night...the night they told me you were gone...I almost - I was about to..."
"Susan told me." Right. Of course. "I'm proud of you. I'm so proud of you, baby." Now Susan's comments are making more sense. "I always told you that you could do anything."
"I know. I didn't want to go back to that life. Even if I didn't have you, I didn't want to return to that. And I didn't. I'm okay, John, really. I'm better than everyone expected. I can survive another week. Just do what you have to do. I want you to."
"I have to come home, that's what I have to do." He's stubborn. Just like Susan. Just like me, actually. Which is why he won't win this one.
"No, you don't. You're supposed to have faith in me, remember?" I say it with a smile on my face and I can tell that he's smiling now, too.
"I always have."
"Yeah. You always have."
"Are you sure about this?"
"Positive. Stay there. Finish being a hero to those who need you."
"You need me."
"That's what you think."
We both laugh. I've missed this. I can't believe this is actually happening. This was the farthest thing from my mind an hour ago.
"I'll be home in a week, as planned, then. But I promise you - I will find a way to call you everyday until then. Somehow, I'll do it."
"I love you, John. You know that, right?"
"I know. I love you more."
"I highly doubt that, after the week I've had."
"Okay, I'll give you that." He laughs again, but it's a laugh shrouded in the thoughts that I know he's having of what I must have been through while imagining my life without him. "Abby..."
"Yeah?" I smile. His voice. Saying my name. It's the most beautiful sound in the world.
"I love you more than anything."
"The feeling is mutual." I sigh, knowing that this conversation is coming to an end. He can't stay on the line from Africa forever. "You should get back to your patients."
"You'll be okay? I'll be on the next flight, I swear, just say the word..."
"John! I'm perfect. One more week just gives me the time I need to plan a party and buy the necessary items for a little...reunion..."
I say it with a hint of seduction and I can hear him take in a breath before responding.
"Reunion, huh? You're not making it any easier for me to stay...what kind of reunion did you have in mind?"
Grinning like a mischievous child, I lower my voice to the sultry tone that drives him wild.
"I was thinking a hot fudge sundae from Doc's...slathered across your body...with help from those fuzzy handcuffs, of course"
I hear him moan lowly into the phone. I miss this man. I need him, terribly. But I can survive another week. I want him to finish his mission. It's not always about my wants and needs - I finally realized that.
"That was just…cruel. I'm getting on a plane. You go buy that sundae, I'll be there in the morning"
A laugh of pure joy escapes from my lips. "I love you. I'll see you in a week. Go. Be a hero."
"You're incredible, you know that? I love you. So much. I'll see you next Sunday."
"I'll be waiting."
"And Abby?"
"Yeah, babe?"
"Happy Anniversary."
I can't help the tear that rolls down my cheek.
Happy doesn't even begin to describe it.
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More AN: BWAH! Told you to trust me. Good? Too mushy? Too unrealistic? I dunno...There ya go, though. And, um, if you've never heard the song "Whenever You Call" by Mariah Carey and Brian McKnight - you need to download it or buy it...now. I've loved it for years, so very Carby it is, and I was listening to it on repeat whilst writing this chapter...Good. There. Now...R/R, else I hunt you down and strangle you in your sleep...and Douglas McDuck, my little rubber ducky who's "good friends" with Maura, will make you rue the day you neglected to R/R - mwahahahaaaaa...Right. I'll go work on the next chapter now...or...whatever...
