AN: Stupid-ass chapter that made me revise it almost 10 times before I felt like it was worthy of being uploaded. Gah. And I *still* feel as though it's lacking. I dunno how to explain it…whatever. I'm tired of re-working it. Thanks to Kate and Jules for giving me so much input and what needed to be changed. Over and over and over…A never-ending revision of this chapter. Hope you all like it. PUH-lease, more than ever, R/R. This chapter tortured me - never had to re-work a chapter so much in m'life…gah. Praying that it does justice to our babies…
Carter's POV ::wooks:: About time, eh?
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Fourteen Days.
When I originally made the decision to trek off to the Congo, fourteen days seemed like nothing.
Two weeks.
A sliver of time.
Over and done with before I had a chance to miss what I had left behind.
Now I know better.
Fourteen days can be torture.
The longest two weeks of a person's life.
Especially when you rarely get a chance to sleep, and your mind is consumed with one constant thought: Her.
I realize that my purpose for traveling there was to do my part; save lives, bring healthcare to those in need of it most.
Prove to myself that I'm worth more than just the Carter Family fortune.
And yet, I could never get through a full 30 minutes without images of her - memories of her - wafting through my psyche. Part of me left her behind so that she would have time to think. So that we both would have time to think. I always knew what I wanted from her - from us. But I had been getting an eerie feeling that her intentions for our relationship were still undetermined.
So I left her.
Under the guise of a simple two-week medical mission, I managed to give us both the space that I was sure we needed. Little did I know how quickly that decision would be regretted.
Not that I wish I had never gone.
Wonderful things were accomplished during my time in Africa. Lives were saved, medications were administered, and the true feeling of being a doctor returned to me. It had been missing for so long.
It didn't take fourteen days to miss her, though. It took less than 24 hours.
And then, I was incapable of hearing her voice for almost a week. I thought I would go insane.
Apparently, I'm more in love that I ever let myself believe.
Clearly, I cannot survive without that woman.
The thought that she spent nearly five days imagining a life without me - coming to terms with a death that I had not actually experienced - causes an unbearable ache in my heart every time. I hate to picture her…the pain that I know she went through. The struggle that only Susan has filled me in about. Abby doesn't have to. She would if I asked, but there's no need. I can imagine what it must have felt like to her, thinking that she had lost me.
It must have felt somewhat like the way I feel when I think of losing her. Only worse, because she was tortured by the thought that it was true.
The only thing that I want to do right now is wrap her into my arms and guarantee that I will never leave her again. That I will - as promised - be the constant in her life.
One week ago was our anniversary. An entire year together. And I can't help but remember all of the times that I tried to convince myself that she would never actually be mine. All of the hours I spent in agony, pining for her and dreaming of the day that I would hold her in my arms.
Funny, really, that I held her in my arms for an entire year…but still found myself in agony, pining for her and dreaming of that same dream again over the past fourteen days.
I've said it once before - there truly is something about her that I can't stay away from.
Her voice on the phone was the only thing to keep me sane over the last week without her. I called everyday, as I had promised. And everyday I would tell her again that I was heading to the airport to catch a flight home. And everyday she would argue with me in that way that causes my mouth to spread into a grin that cannot be wiped away. She would tell me to stay. I would tell her I just wanted to see her. She would say I'd be seeing her in a few days. That if I came back early, she would never speak to me again because it would ruin her plans.
And her "plans," secret as they were, managed to be the only thing to keep me in that African village.
Intrigued doesn't even begin to describe how I feel about these "plans" of hers…
It was fourteen days ago that I left. And now I'm standing outside of our apartment yet again.
That familiar feeling overwhelms me as I rummage through my pockets for the key.
Comfort.
I'm home.
I open the door as quietly as possible and place my bags on the floor beside the table. It's dark in here. Please don't tell me she's working. She knows I'm supposed to be getting home tonight. She knows how desperately I want to see her. I was hoping she was just as desperate to see me.
I glance at my watch and realize that it's almost midnight. Maybe she fell asleep.
As I turn back around to grab my bags again, I'm engulfed by a scent that I know all too well. A scent that I haven't been privy to for the past two weeks. It's…vanilla. Mixed with Orange Citrus shampoo, Johnson's baby lotion, Downy fabric softener, and Camel Lights.
It's Abby.
And I'm overcome by a sense of peace just smelling her in the air.
Lifting my bags, I turn and take a step toward our bedroom.
A shadowy figure is leaning against the doorframe.
Legs bare, long blonde hair twisted into a messy clip at the back of her head, soft tendrils falling into her eyes. Her only piece of clothing - my extra-large Northwestern T-shirt.
More beautiful than I have ever seen her. And I can barely see her at all through the darkness.
"Hey," she whispers softly, and I can tell that she's holding back tears. She told me several times over the past week that she wouldn't truly believe I was alive until she saw me. Even my voice wasn't proof enough. But here I am. And she believes.
Unable to think of anything besides her, I drop my bags to the floor yet again.
"Hi…I didn't think you were home."
And the shadowy figure steps closer, suddenly bathed in the light from the windows.
"Of course I'm home. I was just…"
"Putting the finishing touches on your 'plans'?"
She's standing in front of me now, smiling.
"Yeah…"
"And what do these plans consist of? You've had me curious all week…"
She stares into my eyes for what seems like hours, then places her hand upon my cheek and sighs.
"I can't remember anymore."
That's it. She's too close. Not close enough.
My arms quickly snake around her waist, pulling her so close that not even an inch of air separates us. Looking up at me, she smiles, her arms finding their place behind my head. I stare into her eyes momentarily, searching for a sign.
And all I find is passion.
Love.
She maintains her grip around my neck with one arm, massaging lightly, using the other to gently caress my face with her hand. Her thumb finds my lips and the gentleness of her touch is overpowering.
"Abby…" I mutter, but am unsure if I actually said it out loud.
"Don't talk," is a all she replies, continuing her intense concentration on my face.
I close my eyes, wrapping my arms even tighter around her waist, simply taking pleasure in the close proximity.
Her thumb is now lightly floating across my closed eyelids. She's never been this subtle and concentrated with her movements before. It's a tremendously evocative encounter. I can feel her opening her soul to me on so many levels right now.
"What are you doing?"
I keep my eyes closed as I ask, and her slow and intricate journey over my face does not falter at my question.
A soft sniffle is her only response, and I realize that she's trying not to cry. Trying to simply exist in this moment without letting her deepest emotions take over. As usual, trying to prove her strength.
I open my eyes and smile at her. The most beautiful creature I've ever seen.
"It's okay, baby. It's really me. I'm here."
She bites her lip and I feel her release my neck, taking a step back and looking deeply into my eyes. She's loosened her hold on me, but my arms refuse to let go of her.
Her hands rest on my forearms now, and her eyes remain locked with mine.
"You're here." She says it matter-of-factly, smiling slightly as she wraps her arms around me once again and buries her head in it's accustomed home, right below my chin. "I'm so glad you're here."
I could stay like this forever. Arms holding tightly to each other, her face pressed against my chest, hearts beating in sync with one another.
But I pull back slightly, needing to be closer. She glances up at me and now it's my turn to caress.
Her face.
Her neck.
Her.
As my hand gently rubs the softness of her cheek, she closes her eyes and leans into my touch.
I've missed this. Words can't express how much.
I never want to lose this.
Never want to lose her.
Kissing her is the only logical action that my mind can come up with. We've been standing here long enough. I want to connect. To experience the sparks that ignite whenever her lips touch mine.
The kiss is tender at first, slow and purposeful.
I'm here, Abby.
I've missed you.
Can you feel it?
But, soon enough, her hand is behind my head, pulling me further into the kiss. She parts my lips with her tongue and the passion knows no bounds. My head is spinning and my heart is pounding within my chest. It feels as if this is the first time we've ever kissed. This is a kiss unlike any other we've shared together. This kiss…it encompasses all of the love that we have for one another.
The joy.
The passion.
The undying emotion.
All here, in this moment. This one kiss.
My hands begin to wander from her waist, one finding a new home against the bare skin of her back; the other, staking it's claim in her hair, releasing it from the clip and allowing it to cascade down her shoulders. Her free hand - the one not holding my head tightly against hers - is now slowly traveling up and down the inside of my shirt.
Long before I'm ready for this moment to end, she pulls away and takes a step back from me.
I give her a look of torturous confusion, tossing in all the passion that I feel for her at the same time.
She reaches out her left hand to me and I take it in my own. Her whisper is seductive and wanton.
"Come on…I need you."
Tugging at my hand, she takes a few steps toward the bedroom and I silently follow. My fingers interlock with hers, and then I notice something. There's something causing a barrier between the silky skin of her finger and mine.
She continues to walk, pulling me into the bedroom as I raise her hand and see the new object of my attention.
The ring that I left for her sits upon her finger.
I wasn't even sure that she had found it. I never bothered to ask.
But she did. And she's wearing it.
I'm not exactly sure what that means, but I know that I've never felt as much joy as I do at this moment, seeing that ring upon her finger.
I look up and realize that we've stopped walking, that she's staring at me while I stare at her hand.
And the look in her eyes is not what I expected.
I see worry.
Fear.
Anticipation.
Anxiety.
But behind all of that, I still see love.
Taking a step toward her, I keep her hand in mind and rub my finger over the diamond. I take her other hand into my free one and lean toward her face, lightly leaving a kiss upon her cheek before moving my lips toward her ear.
And instead of a question, it comes out as a statement.
A request.
A demand, of sorts.
"Marry me…"
The world seems to stop as I wait for her to respond.
To move.
To breathe.
Anything.
Then, keeping our hands locked together, she begins to walk backward toward the bed, smiling at me surreptitiously. As she reaches the side of the mattress, she sits and then lays back, pulling me on top of her. My hands rest on either side of her, holding me above her as I stare into her eyes, impatient for a response of any kind.
Some signal that my statement was heard at all.
Her right hand now rests behind my head, running her fingers through my hair, and her left hand sits upon her chest, just below her neck, with the diamond sparkling brightly. That mysterious smile still plays upon her lips as she looks deeply into my eyes.
Just staring.
Nothing more.
She's always been so discreet with her emotions.
With her thoughts.
I can't take it anymore.
One more deep breath.
"Abby…"
"Say it again."
I lean down and kiss her softly before staring into her eyes once more.
"Marry me."
And her smile is no longer mystifying. It is simply a smile of pure happiness.
She rolls her eyes in that familiar fashion and shrugs her shoulders as if it's something she hears everyday. A knowing grin appears on her face, telling me that she's long-ago decided upon the answer that I'm waiting to hear.
"Okay."
With that, she pulls my face to hers once again and resumes the passion of our previous moments. Only this time, the passion is even stronger. This time, she's sealing her answer. Sealing our future.
As she removes my shirt, unbuttons my jeans and takes the first steps toward our ecstasy, she whispers in my ear once more.
"Does this mean I have to break it off with the sexy law student down the hall?"
I release a laugh that is reserved only for our banter.
"Not if I can keep taking that hot candy-striper into the storage closet at work…"
She chews her lip in mock-contemplation, then smiles again.
"It's a deal."
Shaking my head in awe of this woman, I lean down to kiss her once more.
"I love you, John."
A simple statement. And I never get tired of hearing it.
"Of course you do."
I smile and she smacks my arm lightly in response.
"I mean it. I really do."
"I know. I love you, too, baby."
And, at this moment, my world is complete.
