The Trouble with Eavesdropping
PART 5

A/N- I *know* I promised just one more chapter, but my muse refused to hear anything of it! She
insisted on being a smartass and adding all sorts of fluffy bits. I SWEAR on a stack of non-
denominational bibles that the next chapter will be the last one. And judging from the reaction I've
gotten from my lone "sneak-peaker", everyone will *really* like the next one. Really.

~~~~~~~~~~
SAM'S POV
~~~~~~~~~~

"Do you see Kira's would-be assailants Sir?" I ask as I hear Daniel muttering to himself. Poor guy. I
don't think Daniel has had a lot of experiences in bars. If I didn't look like some Jerry Springer reject
(Women Who Fall Down The Stairs Repeatedly), I think I would have insisted on going in instead of
Daniel. I bet the guys would be shocked to know how much time I have actually spent in bars. As
soon as I learned that mathematics could be applied to the game of pool, I took to the game like a fish
to water.

Must remember to challenge the Colonel to a game sometime.

"Nahh," the Colonel answers not taking his eyes off the kids getting out of the taxis. "So far it looks
like all the kids from that birthday dinner of hers. I don't think Red and Curly were invited to that."

"Red and Curly?" I ask a little bewildered. I hadn't known nicknames had been assigned.

"Yeah, more descriptive and easier to remember than `Rick' and `Jarod'. Rick's the redhead." He
momentarily turns away from the window. "Carter, what kind of name is `Rick' anyhow?

"Rick's a great name Sir." I say smiling at a memory. "I had a huge crush on Rick Springfield in Jr.
High." Seeing the confusion on the Colonel's face, I explained further. "He was a singer, Sir. A very
cute singer."

"You had a crush on a musician Carter?" The Colonel says sounding absolutely shocked.

"Of course!" I reply. "Why wouldn't have I?"

The Colonel shrugs. "I dunno Carter, I just though your bedroom would have been wallpapered with
pictures of Einstein and Hubble or something. You know- smart guys."

"I was a pretty typical teenager Sir. I had lots of crushes on inappropriate people." I really should
have kept that last thought to myself. I don't think the Colonel needs to know about my penchant for
dating bad boys, although come to think of it he does know about Jonas.

"Sam, you do realize you're going to have to tell me more about these `inappropriate people' later
right?" Daniel whispers with humor into his microphone.

Damn. Forgot the feed was two-way.

"Don't you have teenagers to spy on Daniel?" I ask sweetly into my own headset.

"It's an over 21 establishment Carter, no teenagers in there."

"Right!" I say with a scoff. "As if that keeps out underage drinkers." The Colonel gives me a funny
look.

"Daniel," He says into his headset while looking straight at me. "The next time everyone is over at my
house for pizza and beer, let's get Carter drunk and pick her brains about her early years. " He gives
me a big grin. "Or maybe I should just ask Jacob that next time he's in town."

Daniel laughs softly. "I'd like to see you try Jack. If Sam doesn't hurt you, I bet Jacob will."

"Can we focus on the job at hand here?" I say determined not to blush. We might be Earth's first line
of defense, but there are times when the males of SG-1 (well the human ones anyways) really give
3rd graders a run for their money.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DANIEL'S POV
~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have to admit that hanging out at a bar sober is great place to observe human behavior. I've
watched complete strangers meet, share a few drinks and then head out the door together. I didn't
know anyone really did that! Sure Jack slept with Kynthia after a bit of cake, but there were
extenuating circumstances there.

"Order up!" A waitress says loudly to my left. Good! It's about time they had something in their
stomachs to soak up all that liquor. This birthday party was definitely not one of moderation.

"If there's cheese fries on the tray, snag me a few, will ya Daniel?" Jack asks into my ear.

"The pizza will be here in 10 Sir."

"Pizza?" I murmur looking around the room casually and trying not to call attention to myself. I had
long since stopped talking non-stop into my collar; people were beginning to stare.

"We were hungry." Jack says simply. I can just see him shrugging in that nonchalant way of his.

"The Colonel had to pull rank in order for them to deliver it to the `white van on the corner of Vine and
3rd.'" Sam says with humor.

"I'll make it worth their while." Jack promises. I can't help but smile as well. "So Daniel, tell us how the
birthday girl is doing." Jack asks. So much for my attempt to not become the resident crazy guy.

"Kira looks good Jack." I whisper trying to make myself heard while not moving my lips much.

"Define good Daniel." Jack says with humor. I shake my head. Thank god I know he's teasing me.
Even forgetting the part about still being married, Kira is way too young for me. Although had I met
someone like her when *I* was 25, things might have been different.

"Well, she's drunk for starters." I say watching as Kira throws back her head and laughs at something
someone has just said. She's dressed in the requisite little black dress and I'm a bit stunned at how
little that dress really is. Obviously Kira doesn't live with her parents or have any older siblings.
There's no *way* they would have let her leave without an escort.

Well, I wouldn't if I were her brother.

She's dressed in heels as well and I can tell they are not something she normally wears. She keeps
fidgeting with the heel straps and I'll bet you anything those shoes will be gone before the evening is
through.

"How can you be sure?" Jack asks. Well gee Jack, it might have something to do with the fact that I
am keeping a very close eye on her alcohol consumption.

"Third drink." I mumble as I watch another tray of empty martini glasses pass by. So far I have seen
Kira polish off a vodka cranberry (Cape Cod, Sam informed me), a pinkish drink in a martini glass
(Cosmopolitan) and now the bartender was pulling out vodka (Absolute Citron) in order to make
several `Chocolate Cakes.'

"Chocolate cake?" I whisper aloud as I watch the bartender add Frangelico to the vodka. These
drinks are getting crazier and crazier. Frangelico?

"Ooo, those are dangerous." Sam says knowingly into my ear. I keep forgetting that they can hear
what I can.

"Chocolate cake, Carter?" Jack asks. "What kind of name is that for a drink?"

"It's a cocktail Sir, they all have strange names."

"Whatever happened to normal drinks like rum and coke or vodka and tonic?"

"I'm sure they still exist Sir."

As entertaining as Jack and Sam are, I interrupt with a little description of what's going on. "He's
pouring them into martini glasses rimmed with what looks like rock salt." I say wrinkling my nose
slightly. Something that tastes like chocolate mixed with salt? That's just plain nasty.

Sam laughs. "It's sugar Daniel."

"Well, that sounds better anyhow." I mutter. As I watch the tray of drinks make their way over to Kira
and her friends, I listen to Jack tease Sam about her knowledge of bar drinks.

I'm just about to pipe in with a little ribbing of my own when I suddenly feel a hand on my shoulder; a
very large, hard hand.

"So what's the deal here on your stalking-thing?" A gruff voice says behind me.

"Crap!" Jack says into my ear. I'll second that Jack.

I slowly turn around. Glaring menacingly at me is the bartender. I cock my head to one side and
squint my eyes slightly. I know the contacts are the same prescription as my glasses, but I feel the
need to squint regardless. Actually he looks rather familiar to me. I think he's usually the guy on duty
when Jack and I stop by on occasion. I don't know how anyone can honestly gain weight on MRE's.
They taste atrocious and Jack and I have gotten into a tradition of stopping by O'Malleys for a steak
dinner after longer than normal missions.

Those seem to happen at least twice a month.

"Uh.." I begin, trying to think of something to say. For the team linguist, I am sometimes surprisingly
reticent. I honestly don't know how I should answer him. A little help here would be nice Jack!

"Hey! I know you." The bartender says losing his scary man face. "You're that archaeologist fella who
comes in here with that Army guy.

"Air Force." Jack and I say in unison. The bartender just waves his hand into the air.

"You're harmless!" He says with a chuckle. I don't know if I should be offended by that or not.

"So what are you doing playing the stalker?" He asks genuinely interested.

"Tell him." Jack orders into my ear.

~~~~~~~~~~
JACK'S POV
~~~~~~~~~~

"Ooo, I see the pizza guy Carter!" I say taking off my headset and opening the van door. Daniel has
started his explanation to the bartender and Kira just started her latest round of drinks; we should be
good for a couple of minutes.

"Sir!" Carter admonishes. "Don't you think you should help Daniel out here?"

"You're still listening, right?" Carter nods.

"So what's the big deal? Danny's our top linguist for crying out loud! I think he can handle explaining
why he's," I hold up my hands and make little quotes signs, `stalking' a 21 year old woman." Carter
doesn't look too happy but she nods her head and goes back to her listening.

"We're over here!" I call out to the bewildered teenage holding a large pepperoni pizza. I pay for the
pie and give the poor guy a 50% tip. What the hell, it isn't like I have a lot of time to spend the money
I do make.

"Dinner Carter!"

~~~~~~~~~~
SAM'S POV
~~~~~~~~~

"So how's our boy doing?" The Colonel asks as he takes a second piece of pizza.

"Looks like we have O'Malley's wait staff on our side as well Sir." I say taking another swig of my diet
coke. It was thoughtful of the Colonel to remember the beverages as well. "John, the bartender, is
going to keep an eye on as many drinks as he can, and he's going to talk to some of the waitresses
on break about what to keep an eye out for."

"That's great Carter!" The Colonel says as he picks up his night vision goggles and does another
scan of the parking lot. So far Red and Curly have yet to make an appearance. But then again, it's
only 10.

Suddenly the Colonel drops his pizza onto the paper plate and after hastily wiping his hands on his
jeans, picks up his headset.

"Daniel!"

"Yes Jack?" Daniel replies patiently.

"They're here."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I know, I know. I'm a horrible person who'll definitely find a home somewhere on one of Dante's inner
rings. At least I'm updating regularly, right? You know the drill..if you enjoyed this chapter, please let
me know. It encourages me to write faster! Me and Muse thank you!