Chapter 12 - "C'est la Vie*" - Tweedle-Tay's Story
February 3rd, 2000 - San Fernando Valley, California

"Oh TJ," Gwen said, smiling happily at me. "Thank you sooo much for driving me home. It's so cold today and my legs would get goose pimples if it weren't for you."
"That's okay," I said, bending the truth just a little. "It's on the way to my house anyway."
"But what about poor Michaela?" Gwen asked, concerned.
"Oh, I think she's going out with Jenny and Cordelia anyway. She said something about organising the Spring Dance. Cordelia wants to be Spring Queen," I explained.
I was giving Gwen a lift home because she thought it was too cold for her to walk. It had been sunny in the morning and she was only wearing a tiny pink slip dress - without stockings. Poor Gwen, to me it would seem obvious that it would be cold - it was winter, after all - but she did like the colour pink and pink stocking didn't look terribly stylish.
Gwen looked at me and blinked. "Gwen, what wrong?" I asked. She looked confused. "You're blinking," I explained. "Do you have something in your eye?"
Gwen frowned. "No, nothing's wrong," she replied. She paused. "TJ, do you think I should try out for Spring Queen?"
We pulled up at Gwen's house. "I don't know Gwen. I mean, you're a great girl, but...... the girls that get to be Spring Queen have heaps of friends and connections...." I said. Gwen's face fell. "You could try though," I added quickly. "Well, here we are. Bye!"
I waited for Gwen to get out of the car but she did not. "TJ," she said, plastering a smile on her hurt face. "Would you like to come into my house for afternoon tea? I've written this song that I'm sure you'll love, and, well, you do music and you're soooo smart...... I'd really like to get your opinion."
I smiled. Gwen was so sweet. It was nice to have people admire your talent. I really took me back to the days when I had a choice of 3 million adoring girls. "Sure Gwen," I said, trying to sound cool and confident. It was like being on stage with Manson again. We got out of the car and walked inside Gwen's house. I walked into the lounge room and sat down while Gwen went to get some food for us. She returned with brownies and Pepsi. "Gwen," I said helpfully, "It's not very good to drink softdrink before you sing. You'll dry up your throat."
Gwen blushed. "Oh no, it's okay." She flicked her hair and walked over to the tape player. See, my friends Dominique, Claire, Morgan and I are starting up this band called the Fly Girls. It's kinda like the Spice Girls were or something. Anyway, Claire and I wrote this song about the guy I like and I'd really like to sing it for you. I have the backing track in the tapedeck."
I smiled knowingly. I knew why Gwen wanted me to hear her song. "So," I said. "You want me to hear it so you can play it for the guy you like later."
Gwen looked confused. "Uh.... yeah," she said brightly. She pressed play and put herself in a pose. I sat back and relaxed. The music began. "Oh-oh. Oh-oh," Gwen began to sing, bounding around the room doing some sort of routine. "I said hey boy sitting in your tree, mommy always wants you to come to tea. Don't be shy, straighten up your tie, get down from your treehouse sitting in the sky. I wanna know just what to do. Is it very big? Is there room for two?"
What sort of crap was this? Sure there was a catchy melody and all but the lyrics made no sense unless you took them as sexual innuendo. And very childish innuendo at that. Gwen's voice was a bit of a problem too. Sure, she wasn't half as bad as the girl on the plane when Michaela and I were on our way to LA, but she was running out of breath. This was understandable as it is really very hard to sing and dance at the same time, but her dancing wasn't that good and the whole thing would have looked a lot better if she'd cut it out of the routine. Oh well, at least she was in tune. Sort of.
"Say you will, say you won't, say you'll do what I don't. Say the truth, say to me, c'est la vie! Na na na ey! Na na na oh! Na an an eh! Hey hey hey hey! Hey hey!" Gwen finished in a pose. She walked over to the tape recorder and paused to take a breath. "What do you think?" she asked.
I patted on the lounge for her to come and sit next to me. "It's quite good," I said carefully. "It needs a little cleaning up and the dance routines should be less energetic, but you do have a melody."
Gwen's face lit up with happiness. "So you like it?" she asked.
"Well, you know, it's not my style, but I think whoever you wrote it for would probably love it."
Gwen blinked again. I didn't even bother asking her if she had something in her eye, it just seemed to be a nervous habit of hers. "Cool," she said. "Did you like the brownies?"
"Yeah, they were nice," I replied.
Gwen's face looked pained. "Oh TJ! What IS your problem?" she said loudly.
I looked at her blankly. "Please explain."
Gwen moved closer to me. "This," she said impatiently. She threw herself onto me and kissed me. I coughed in shock. She sat back up, disgusted. "TJ! Are you blind? I'm in love with you!"
Gwen was in love with me? It didn't make sense. She said she liked someone else. "You're what?" I asked.
"I'm in love with you TJ! Can't you see we're meant to be together? We've been friends for nearly six months, and the entire time I've loved you. I've tried the subtle approached but there doesn't seem to be anyway I can get through to you. What do I have to do, to get the message through? How can I prove that I really love you? Are you gay or something? The whole time you've been in the valley you haven't cared less about any girl except that stupid sister of yours! What is you problem????" Gwen screamed, shaking me.
Well then. Gwen wasn't a nice girl after all. She was bitch. I wasn't gay. I liked girls. I just didn't like ones with platinum blonde hair, zero intelligence, and no fashion sense. I was going to tell Gwen just that, but I wasn't like she was. "Gwen," I said calmly. "I don't have a problem. I was perfectly happy being friends with you, I just wasn't in love with you. And I'm not gay."
"Well then, you must have no sexual feelings. You've never had a girlfriend and you don't seem to want one," Gwen said, folding her arms and pouting.
"Fuck Gwen! I've had sex and it was with a girl! Why the fuck do you presume these things about me just because I don't want to be with you? Because Gwen, if not lusting after you makes me gay, there's not one straight guy in our school!"
Gwen tensed and slapped me hard on the arm. "You bastard! Get out of my house! Get out of my house! You are so dumb! Get out!"
I stood up and started to walk out of the lounge room. "I'm happy to leave, Gwen."
She stood up and followed me, hurrying me out the door. "Get out! get out! Get out!" She opened the door and pushed me out. "Get out!" Gwen paused. "Oh, and by the way - I know who you are - TWEEDLE-TAY!"
I almost stopped in my tracks. I had to cover myself somehow. "Yeah Gwen. Indulge yourself in your little Manson fantasies! Or then again, you could get over them!" I hopped into the car and drove away. What a bitch. Gwen certainly was no Michaela.