Chapter 17 - "Pieces of You" - Michaela's Story
March 22nd, 2000 - San Fernando Valley, California

"They made up their minds and they started packing. They left before the sun came up that day...."
Tweedle-Tay was playing his 'Fastball' CD on the way to school. What a load of crap. It was so boring and pointless. I was torn between wanting to hear 'Aqua' to cheer me up and 'Jewel' to depress me. But 'Fastball'? That was totally inappropriate. Obviously Tweedle-Tay wasn't into playing songs that would affect your emotions. I should have gotten the choice of what we played in the car anyway. I was going to school for Tweedle-Tay anyway, because he was my brother and I loved him. I didn't want to be an awful depressing burden to him. He could forget about the attic. I couldn't. Big deal.
So now I was returning to school and I didn't know what I'd do once we actually got there. I didn't want to be friend with my normal friends anymore because I couldn't see anyway of doing that without remaining totally superficial. But if wasn't friends with them, who could I be friends with? I hadn't really gone to that much of an effort to get to know anyone outside my group. I couldn't just sit by myself and work, then I'd become a geek. Maybe I could sit with Tay and his friends. They weren't THAT uncool. I had to find friends who went with what I was, like a coordinating outfit. The problem was, I didn't know what I was. I didn't even know what I wanted to be. Except happy. I knew I wanted to be happy. I laughed bitterly to myself. What were the chances of that happening?
"Is something wrong Michaela?" Tweedle-Tay, who was driving asked.
"Just the usual," I replied with a little (put-on) smile. I paused. "Tay, can I sit with you today at school?"
He looked surprised. "Sure, Kay. I don't think anyone would mind.... But don't you want to sit with YOUR friends?"
I raised my eyebrows. "I don't think so. They're not really like me. Well, they are like a part of me, but they're not like the me I want to be."
Tweedle-Tay smiled. "You want to be like me and my friends?" he asked, flattered. "You know Gwen is one of my friends? Are you going to start wearing pink all the time?" he laughed.
I smiled again (this time genuinely). Just because I didn't want to be preppy cheerleader didn't mean I wanted to be bimbo fashion disaster. "I already am like you! Sort of....."
Tweedle-Tay pretended to look shocked. "So you don't want to be like me??? Fine then." He turned away from me, pretending to be pissed off and laughed.
It was nice of him to try and cheer me up and it was kind of working. "Well, I don't want to be a blonde teenybopper from Tulsa," I said, giggling.
He raised his eyebrows. "Well then, you're going to face some problems." He pulled up in our usual parking spot at school.
We got out of the car and I checked that my hair looked okay and that my dress wasn't creased. We started to walk towards the building. "I just want to be the real me, whoever that is," I said.
"Mmmmmm," Tay said absentmindedly.
I frowned. He wasn't paying me any attention. I looked across the lawn and saw Cordelia, Kristy and Jenny sitting on the school steps. My heart jumped and felt like throwing up, I was so scared. "Oh god Tay, what am I going to do?"
Tweedle-Tay glanced at them and raised his eyebrows. I nodded. He shrugged. "You may as well talk to them. They do like you, you know. They wouldn't be friends with you if they didn't."
I nodded and smiled nervously at my friends as I approached them. I looked at Tweedle-Tay, asking him to stay with me with my eyes. He sort of got the message and waited just inside the building. "Hi," I said brightly as I went to sit with my friends.
"Hi!" Jenny said brightly.
Cordelia looked at Jenny sharply and studied her fingernails for a few seconds, just long enough for an uncomfortable pause. "Interesting party," she said slowly. I nodded. "I heard all about what went on," she continued.
I raised my eyebrows in shock, rather than the usual mocking way. "Really?"
Cordelia nodded. "You don't have much class, do you?" Kristy nodded in agreement.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Well, you are bit of a... slut aren't you? Rod told us all about what happened," Cordelia said with a matter-of-fact tone. "First of all you slept with Rod, which is quite understandable - we were all beginning think you were frigid - but that wasn't enough for you, was it?"
"You barged in on me and Brad!" Kristy said, a little too loudly. Jenny shuddered. "Because you wanted him for yourself," Kirsty added, a little more quietly.
"And then you and Rod and Brad all had a threesome in your bedroom. You wanted them to sleep together as well, in front of a Tweedle-Tay Manson poster, for your sexual pleasure," Cordelia continued. "But they thought it was so disgusting that they left."
Jenny nodded. "That IS disgusting," she said, shaking her head.
"You stole my Brad!" Kristy yelled, narrowing her eyes.
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. It was totally awful that they would believe these things about me, but they were pretty funny. "You actually believe these things?" I asked in disbelief.
Cordelia looked surprised. "It's a bit hard not to. I've know Rod since the second grade, when we dated, and he is not one to lie."
"Well, they're not true," I said.
Kristy and Cordelia looked at me suspiciously. Jenny was too busy looking at the Malteser truck that had pulled up outside the school. How did she stay so thin and zitless?
"They're not true," I repeated. "Rod wanted to have sex with me, but I didn't want to. After I saw Kristy and Brad, I left the party straight away. These things you've been telling me are all lies."
"You are such a liar!" Kirsty said angrily. "Brad wouldn't hurt me like this if it weren't the truth."
Cordelia shook her head in disgust. "Look Michaela, I don't have time for people like you who won't admit it when they're in the wrong. Goodbye, Michaela," she said, waving me away.
I rolled my eyes. "Goodbye," I replied, in a saccharine sweet tone. "Have fun lining up on the dole queue," I added sarcastically. "I'm sure those skills of jumping up and down and flirting will come in handy."
Cordelia looked shocked. "Piss off," she said.
"Bye bye Kristy!" I said. "Bye Jenny!" I added as I walked into the building.
Jenny looked away from the chocolate truck and at me. "Don't you want Maltesers Kay?" she asked.
I turned back and shook my head. "No thanks!" I said as brightly as possible. Tweedle-Tay was standing in the hallway. "Why didn't you tell me about this?" I asked him.
He looked guilty. "I didn't want to make you feel even worse than you already did," he said.
There was a silence. "Let's go to English," I said.
"Sure," he agreed quickly, and we walked down the hallway. So now I didn't have to be friends with a bunch of superficial cheerleaders, but Rod had convinced the entire school that I was a slut. I was nowhere near finding myself either. "Oh by the way," Tweedle-Tay added all of a sudden. "We have an essay today," he said sheepishly.
I groaned. "Gee, thanks for telling me," I said sarcastically. I had a test now too. Everything was turning out just fine.