Chapter 1
~*~ Quatre's point of view. ~*~
Poor Duo. I know he thinks we don't notice, but my space heart can tell.
I've lost count of how many times Duo has gone through the mission recordings, analyzing second after agonizing second. Looking for what? Only he knows.
We've told him a thousand times, it wasn't his fault. And yet, he still punishes himself over it. Hell, we've all seen the scars he tries so hard to hide. I wish I knew how to help him.
It grieves me to see him like this.
But there are two thing I know, even if I can't believe one of them.
One: Duo loved Heero more than he'll even admit to himself. We all believed it was just a crush, hell I'm pretty sure Duo believed it too. The others pretend that they don't see, that they never noticed. I find it unjust. Both to Duo and to Heero. Because I now that Duo was just as loved.
Two: as unbelievable as it sounds, I can't help feeling that Heero isn't gone. The lines that bound my heart to the other pilots are just as strong as the one that still binds him to me. None of them know about it, and admitting it would be painful. It would mean that I'd have to tell them that I know what each of them hides in their hearts. That I have invaded their privacy.
I just wish. But, it's impossible, right? If Heero were still alive. He would have come back, right?
~*~ Trowa's point of view ~*~
Quatre is doing it again. I know it, and yet I can't stop it. Ever since he learned how to control that space heart of his, he's been keeping tags on all of us. I can only thank any god that might be listening, that he hadn't yet tagged Heero when he died. What that kind of pain would have done to my love. It makes me shudder just to think of it.
Don't take me wrong, Heero was my friend and I cared a lot for him (bloody hell! the guy saved my life and Quatre's sanity, all in one blow; and he saved our lives enough times for me to not appreciate it!) but I'm still relieved that Quatre didn't suffer with him (as selfish and egotistical as it sounds).
Ironic, isn't it? He tried so hard to kill himself, and he died when he was trying to live.
Memories did always tend to make me bitter.
Poor Duo, he really took it hard. Hell, even Relena has moved on. We all worry about him, Quatre the most.
Speaking of Quatre, I think my blue-eyed love is hiding something, something only he knows. I just hope it isn't Duo being suicidal, another death will surely be the end of us.
~*~ Wufei's point of view ~*~
There they go again, it happens every time we meet: the three of them are lost in their memories. Who would have thought that the death of Heero Yuy, of all people, would be the one thing that would break the mighty Gundam pilots?
Sure, Quatre's kindness and the baka's cheerfulness gave us normalcy. Hell, I even served as entertainment. Trowa's analytical thinking kept us sane.
But it was Heero's strength, his perseverance and his courage, what pulled us through.
We owed him so much, and yet we never thanked him. We treated him unfairly, and yet he never complained. We never understood.
If I had known then what I know now.
Six months after his death, the Preventers found J's lab. I never told the others about it. I simply couldn't, not after watching those tapes and being an impotent witness of ten years of torture and pain. I couldn't even finish the first tape. Une watched them all, though, and she spent more than an hour emptying her stomach of what seemed like everything she had eaten during the year.
I believe that, on a subconscious level, they all know. Perhaps Quatre only has a vague idea; but Trowa did live with the mercenaries, and Duo has told me a couple of "stories" about what it was like being a street child on L2. They know, and yet something prevents me from telling them, as if this story must be told by other lips, another time.
Whose and when, I don't know.
I just wish they'd bloody snap out of it. They don't honor Heero's death by just moping around! Least of all Maxwell. Heero would have wanted him to go on, to live a happy life, and all he does is waste away.
Goddamnit!!!
I hate being so powerless.
~*~ Quatre's point of view. ~*~
Poor Duo. I know he thinks we don't notice, but my space heart can tell.
I've lost count of how many times Duo has gone through the mission recordings, analyzing second after agonizing second. Looking for what? Only he knows.
We've told him a thousand times, it wasn't his fault. And yet, he still punishes himself over it. Hell, we've all seen the scars he tries so hard to hide. I wish I knew how to help him.
It grieves me to see him like this.
But there are two thing I know, even if I can't believe one of them.
One: Duo loved Heero more than he'll even admit to himself. We all believed it was just a crush, hell I'm pretty sure Duo believed it too. The others pretend that they don't see, that they never noticed. I find it unjust. Both to Duo and to Heero. Because I now that Duo was just as loved.
Two: as unbelievable as it sounds, I can't help feeling that Heero isn't gone. The lines that bound my heart to the other pilots are just as strong as the one that still binds him to me. None of them know about it, and admitting it would be painful. It would mean that I'd have to tell them that I know what each of them hides in their hearts. That I have invaded their privacy.
I just wish. But, it's impossible, right? If Heero were still alive. He would have come back, right?
~*~ Trowa's point of view ~*~
Quatre is doing it again. I know it, and yet I can't stop it. Ever since he learned how to control that space heart of his, he's been keeping tags on all of us. I can only thank any god that might be listening, that he hadn't yet tagged Heero when he died. What that kind of pain would have done to my love. It makes me shudder just to think of it.
Don't take me wrong, Heero was my friend and I cared a lot for him (bloody hell! the guy saved my life and Quatre's sanity, all in one blow; and he saved our lives enough times for me to not appreciate it!) but I'm still relieved that Quatre didn't suffer with him (as selfish and egotistical as it sounds).
Ironic, isn't it? He tried so hard to kill himself, and he died when he was trying to live.
Memories did always tend to make me bitter.
Poor Duo, he really took it hard. Hell, even Relena has moved on. We all worry about him, Quatre the most.
Speaking of Quatre, I think my blue-eyed love is hiding something, something only he knows. I just hope it isn't Duo being suicidal, another death will surely be the end of us.
~*~ Wufei's point of view ~*~
There they go again, it happens every time we meet: the three of them are lost in their memories. Who would have thought that the death of Heero Yuy, of all people, would be the one thing that would break the mighty Gundam pilots?
Sure, Quatre's kindness and the baka's cheerfulness gave us normalcy. Hell, I even served as entertainment. Trowa's analytical thinking kept us sane.
But it was Heero's strength, his perseverance and his courage, what pulled us through.
We owed him so much, and yet we never thanked him. We treated him unfairly, and yet he never complained. We never understood.
If I had known then what I know now.
Six months after his death, the Preventers found J's lab. I never told the others about it. I simply couldn't, not after watching those tapes and being an impotent witness of ten years of torture and pain. I couldn't even finish the first tape. Une watched them all, though, and she spent more than an hour emptying her stomach of what seemed like everything she had eaten during the year.
I believe that, on a subconscious level, they all know. Perhaps Quatre only has a vague idea; but Trowa did live with the mercenaries, and Duo has told me a couple of "stories" about what it was like being a street child on L2. They know, and yet something prevents me from telling them, as if this story must be told by other lips, another time.
Whose and when, I don't know.
I just wish they'd bloody snap out of it. They don't honor Heero's death by just moping around! Least of all Maxwell. Heero would have wanted him to go on, to live a happy life, and all he does is waste away.
Goddamnit!!!
I hate being so powerless.
