This last list is dedicated to all the spammers in the world--without your infiltration of my email inbox, I probably never would have dreamt of Smallville being full of pervy cow-fanciers. Now, you've been useful, so stop it now.

VERY SECRET DIARY OF A METEOR MUTANT

Monday: Got frustrated with various aspects of life. Found that if I glare right and concentrate, I can turn people to stone! And back. Don't know quite what to say to Mrs. Middleton now. Good thing she didn't actually see me do it.

Tuesday: I wonder if this has something to do with a completely forgotten incident from my childhood when I was playing statues and the meteor storm started. Maybe I'll ask Chloe Sullivan.

Wednesday. Chloe says "yup." Actually she said a lot more than that but gist = yup.

Thursday. I'll use this power only for good.

Friday. I'll use this power only for good and maybe morally neutral. Feeling odd compulsion to stalk Lana Lang.

Saturday. Good, morally neutral, and morally ambiguous. Feeling odd compulsion to walk up to Lex Luthor and give him a concussion. Also to stalk Lana Lang.

Tuesday. No fun. I was going to tie things up neatly by using new power to stalk Lana Lang, turn her to stone, and use her to hit Lex Luthor but Chloe tipped off Clark Kent that I have this weird power and he and that guy who hangs around with him but never gets more than a line to say stopped me.

Wednesday. Named a cow Lana Lang. Am now stalking it. As long as nobody calls me a pervy cow-fancier, all should be well.