Chapter Seven: About Asuka's Amusing and Atrocious Adventure, Which Takes Place on a Playground

"Kyoko, she's your daughter, where do you think she would be staying?"

"She could be surviving in the wilds on nuts and berries for all I know."

"There are no 'wilds' in Japan, Kyoko."

"Well then, I would assume that she is staying in a hotel or something. She has enough money to last for a while. Hmm, maybe we spoiled her a bit too much."

"Gee, you think so?"

"There's no need for sarcasm."

-

"I'm glad you're coming with us Shinji," said Touji, "I'm always saying that you should get out more often, and you know you don't have to wait for an invitation or anything... but why does she have to come along?" Touji cast a backward glance at Asuka, who was telling God-knows-what to his little sister.

"I think going to a nice peaceful place like a park might be good for her. Maybe bring back memories of her childhood," said Shinji. "I wasn't too worried before, but now that she's actually tried to hurt someone..."

"But I don't want her around my sister," Touji whispered harshly, "What if she goes nuts again?"

"It'll be okay. She doesn't mean any harm," Shinji said, trying to sound reassuring.

"If you say so. I'm staying next to my sister the whole time, though. I'm not taking any chances."

"What are you two talking about?" asked Asuka, catching up to the two of them.

"N-nothing Asuka," said Shinji.

"Whatever."

-

Shinji smiled as Touji's tiny little sister jumped up and down skillfully as the two of them swung the jump rope. She seemed to be quite agile, and the rope never touched her feet. "Hey, Asuka!" Shinji called to the girl, who was watching them on a nearby bench.

"What do you want, Shinji?" she asked, looking as if she was bored out of her mind.

"You want to give it a try?" Shinji asked politely, holding his handle of the jump rope toward her.

"Shinji!" hissed Touji from across the rope, "She's dangerous!"

"But she's sitting there all by herself!" Shinji whispered loudly. He called out to her again, "Asuka, come on, it's fun."

She sighed, and stood up. "Fine, fine. Anything's better than counting clouds," she said. She walked over and grabbed the rope from Shinji. The two of them started swinging the rope, Touji watching Asuka like a hawk. She ignored him, and a slight smile developed on her face as she watched the girl gleefully and skillfully jump the rope, her timing nearly perfect.

"This is too easy!" Protested the tiny girl as she continued to jump, "Let's do double dutch!"

Asuka took a sharp intake of breath, and the rope nearly fell from her hand as her grip went limp.

-

-"This is way too easy! I want to do something harder! HEY! LISTEN!"

"Asuka, calm down. I'm busy right now. There's no need to get angry."

"Don't talk to me like I'm some kind of kid!"

"Asuka! Stop acting like a spoiled brat!"

The eight year old Asuka didn't respond, but glared silently at her mother with eyes full of hatred.-


-

Asuka didn't respond when Shinji put a second jump rope in her hand.

"Asuka? Are you okay?" Shinji asked with a concerned expression.

"Huh?"

"Aren't you going to…" Shinji began.

Asuka gasped, looking at Touji with her eyes wide, and Shinji froze as he recognized the gleam in her eyes.

"Asuka? Please don't-"

"Shamshiel! It's got me!" Asuka shouted, as she gripped the handles of the jump ropes tightly. She started pulling Touji toward her, wrapping the ropes around her wrists as he stumbled forward. "Come here you bastard! Shinji, get it!"

As Shinji looked back and forth between the two of them helplessly, Touji's little sister watched the exchange with interest.

"Shin-chan, what are they doing?" asked the little girl, full of curiosity.

"They're… uh… well it looks like they playing tug-o-war."

"Can we play too Shin-chan?" she asked innocently.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Shinji said quickly.

-

Asuka pulled on the glowing tentacles with all of her strength and they came off, sending her stumbling backwards with the tentacles cooling in her hands, both of which changed instantaneously into something resembling rope. When she looked up, the angel had disappeared as well, replaced by an idiotic boy.

-An illusion?-

She looked around in all directions, and she spotted a huge monster in the distance that was definitely not Shamshiel. It was a huge floating polyhedron that had apparently appeared out of nowhere.

"There it is!" shouted Asuka, running off, "It's not Shamshiel, it's Ramiel!"

Shinji chased after her but was unable to keep up. He fell farther and farther behind as she pulled out her small stick and charged towards the cage-like structure of the jungle gym.

"Asuka, slow down! That's not an angel!" Shinji shouted desperately. It looked as if she was going to hit the metal structure very badly and very quickly.

"If I slow down I'm fried, idiot! If you want to help, cover me!"

Shinji ran after her, watching helplessly as she ran head on into the bars, swinging her wrist with a stabbing motion into one of the steel bars as her face collided with another. This wasn't enough to stop her at the speed she was running, however, and her body continued forward. First her right shoulder then her back collided with the bars, after which she tumbled to the ground.

Shinji ran towards her limp body, choked with tears, and knelt down next to her. Blood poured from her bent and misshapen nose, which.was almost certainly broken. "Asuka, I tried to tell you but you wouldn't listen!" whined Shinji, tears starting to drip down his face. "You're really hurt!"

"Don't worry Shinji," said Asuka, in a pained voice. "I've been hurt a lot worse than this. This is like nothing to a Pilot Errant. The only thing that bothers me is the fact that Seele is constantly tormenting me. They turned this stupid little jungle gym into Ramiel temporarily to mess with my head. They're really starting to piss me off!"

"Is she okay?" asked Touji, still shocked at what he had just seen Asuka do. "Did she really just run straight into those metal bars, or am I crazy?"

Shinji forced a smile and wiped his nose. "I think we'd better get her to a hospital."

-

"You'd think a red haired girl would stand out in Tokyo," grumbled Asuka's father.

"I don't think that just asking around isn't going to get us anywhere in this city. It's just to big, and there's just too many people," said Kyoko.

"I just hope that she actually is in this city and not wandering around the country looking for 'Tokyo-3'."

-

Misato stared at the three of them in disbelief. "She ran straight into an iron cage for no reason?"

Asuka shook her head vehemently. "No ma'am. Seele transformed it into the fifth angel, Ramiel, to confuse me. They're so persistant." She smiled, then winced slightly.

-Right.-

Misato nodded, her lips tightly shut. "Alright then, let's get you to a hospital."

-

Shinji and Misato waited for Asuka in the waiting room.

"She attacked Touji yesterday. With a stick," Shinji said quietly.

"She did?"

"She thought he was an angel. Then they had a fight afterwards and she yelled out 'Asuka kick!' as she kicked him. She wasn't joking."

"Really? Hmm… truth is stranger than fiction sometimes, huh? It'd make a good comedy." Misato laughed. "Maybe I'll pitch it to Fuyutsuki."

Shinji didn't laugh, but instead said, with a grim expression, "I didn't think it was funny. She had blood all over her face."

"Oh, lighten up Shinji. You're always so gloomy. I hardly ever see you smile."

Shinji didn't say anything, opting instead to inspect his shoes. After a few moments he looked up at the woman.

"Misato?" he asked, hesitant.

"Yes?"

"Why do you work for my dad so much? Aren't you just like a military consultant or something?" He didn't talk to Misato about her work very much, since that normally meant discussing his father, but he often wondered about it.

"I stretch the job description a lot. Your father runs things a little bit differently than you'd expect. I like it this way, though. The hours are really flexible."

She liked it, but it didn't exactly make her famous in the business. Gendou Ikari was pretty much the only person she worked for. He was pretty much the only person she could work for. People always told her she should be an actress.

-No one takes a woman seriously. -

Shinji inspected his shoes again as Misato fumed. "Um, Misato?"

"Yeah?"

"It's been a while, hasn't it?"

She nodded. -It has been a while. Nearly a year.-

Misato sighed. "Your father wants you to be able to take care of yourself. He's a cold man, but he does care."

Shinji said nothing.

"Your father is…" Misato trailed off.

This wasn't a comfortable subject for either of them. Gendou Ikari was a man both of them had grown to hate and respect. A man they were both forced to accept.

"I just wish you were around a little bit more…" said Shinji, in a tone that Misato considered almost pathetic.

Misato looked over at him, smiling. She had never minded looking after him, and had actually looked forward to Gendou's trips overseas. Shinji had always been such a shy and interesting boy. So easy to tease, so vulnerable, so weak.

"You need friends your own age, Shinji," she said, although she knew that he needed no reminder. Shinji obviously wanted friends as much as anyone. "It looks like you have at least a couple of friends now, though."

Shinji nodded. "I met Touji and Kensuke this year. They saw me trying to talk to Ayanami and started teasing me about it."

"You'd make friends easily if you weren't so shy Shinji."

"I know Misato. You've given me this lecture before."
-

"Hmm." The doctor inspected her nose carefully. "It looks like this won't require an open reduction, so I'll be able to fix you up here, without surgery. How did it happen?"

Asuka opened her mouth to speak, and took a breath, ready to explain the entire situation. Then she let the breath out. She wanted to tell him the truth, but she was a little tired of people looking at her like she was crazy.

"I tripped," she mumbled.

-

"Shinji, there was something I meant to talk to you about yesterday, but I forgot about it."

"Yes?" replied Shinji, aware from the tone of her voice that she had something unpleasant to discuss.

Despite the teasing, this wasn't something she was comfortable talking to Shinji about. She wasn't his mother, and it just felt wrong. But it was a task she had been given, and a task she had accepted.

"Well, you and this girl are sleeping in the same room…"

"We're not really sleeping close to each other though." His tone was guarded and defensive.

Misato took a deep breath. "Well, it still raises certain concerns. Your father wanted me to make sure that nothing… inappropriate happens."

Shinji blushed. "It's not like that." Admittedly, she had kissed him one time, if it wasn't a dream, but it had been really strange. Afterwards, it had seemed as if she had just been kissing him for the hell of it.

"Well, I've got something that I want you to do tonight, after we get back. You're not going to like it," Misato warned him.

-

As Misato drove the two of them back, Shinji couldn't get a single scenario out of his head.

-

Asuka: Where are you going Shinji?
Shinji: Oh, nowhere.

Ten minutes later…

Asuka: Oh, you're back. Say, what do you have there?
Shinji: Oh, nothing. Nothing at all. Just some things you know. Various things.
Asuka: Give me that! What the… these are… condoms! You're Bakael! Die!

-

Shinji shuddered.

"Where are you going Shinji?" Asuka asked him as he made an attempt to leave without being noticed.

He panicked, and froze. "Uh, I'm…"

"He's going to buy some condoms," offered Misato helpfully.

"Oh, really? I'll go with you," she said, glad for the chance to get outside for a few minutes.

-

"Don't you know anything? Those will break. Latex condoms are obsolete technology. See if they have any of those new kind that are composed of both particles and waves, like light. Now that's advanced."

Shinji tried to make himself a tiny as possible as Asuka lectured him. Anyone listening to them would definitely get the wrong idea.

"I wonder if they have the new S2 line. They're Strong and Sheer. You probably can't understand that much English though, right? It means they're thin and sensitive, but they're still strong, so they won't break."

Shinji tried to pretend that he was just standing there. Nothing better to do. Certainly not buying condoms with the loud gaijin. He just happened to be standing in her vicinity. Yessiree.

"I wonder why Nerv doesn't make condoms. I've got the perfect slogan for them; 'We invented original sin.' What do you think?"

"Didn't you say that the original sin was eating the fruit of wisdom or something like that?" he asked, one of her recent lectures still fresh in his mind.

"Well you have to use your imagination… but anyway, they don't have any special brands here. Nothing top of the line. Why do you need condoms anyway?"

"Misato told me I had to."

"Well, just buy anything then," she ordered him, annoyed that he hadn't thought of it sooner.

He nodded, grabbing something randomly.

-

"So Shinji, what'd you end up buying?" Asuka asked him, as the two of them walked back towards the apartment.

He handed her the box, and she inspected it. "Herzenswunsch? A German brand? Interesting." She inspected the box more closely. "Want me to translate the label for you? When there's a beautiful German girl staying in your room for no reason. What a coincidence. They sure did have a diverse selection there, even if they were all inferior brands. Say, why did Misato want you to buy condoms anyway?"

"Well, uh… don't know really."

"She didn't offer you sex, did she?" asked Asuka suspiciously.

"What? Of course not!" Shinji said, loudly.

"No need to get defensive. She's going to offer sooner or later you know."

"Don't say that!" Shinji said, feeling the need to defend the woman. Shinji couldn't remember the last time he had defended someone. It wasn't really in his nature. But the very idea... "She wouldn't do that," he stated resolutely.

Asuka glanced over at him, surprised by his tone. "What, you think she's too good for you or something? There's nothing wrong with a little age difference. I'm going to make sure Kaji doesn't die, so you should take Misato to get her out of the way."

"Asuka, don't say anything else," he said, almost a threat. Misato was like a sister to him, after all. She'd always been there in the worst of times. If it wasn't for her, he probably wouldn't think his life was worth anything. He just couldn't stand the thought...

"A sensitive subject huh? That just proves it."

"Asuka…"

"Okay, okay. Pilots Errant know when to shut up." She grinned at him, hoping he would drop his sour mood. He didn't seem affected. "Hmph."

"Who's Kaji?" Shinji asked suddenly.

"Oh, he took care of me while I was in college. He's cool. Unfortunately, that's how I learned so much about condoms. He really gets around. Misato's the same way… I mean, uh… oh just forget I said that last part you idiot!"

Shinji nodded, not really caring anymore.


Chapter Eight: Of Asuka's Strange and Somewhat Humorous Letter to Kaji and the One to Whom it Is Assigned for Delivery

To My Most Beloved Baka, Kaji-san,

In your long absence, I am wounded to my heart's core. My sweet memories of your smiling face have become bitter, and I feel deeply heartsick every time I think of you or recall something that you've said in the past.
This emptiness that I feel inside me comes not from your absence, but from the fact that you've never seen fit to express your feelings of me, whatever they are, in words. Whatever your answer is, I'm dying to hear it. It's been so long since I've seen you, and ever since you left for Japan I've been slowly dying inside. Anyway, I hope that -you're- doing well. You're the cruelest man alive, Kaji.

Speaking of Japan, I've got some good news. I've finally made it to Tokyo-3. Now you have no excuse not to come and see me! I'm living with the Commander, of all people, but he hasn't really been around. Have I told you about him? He's the Third Children's father, and he's probably the nastiest man on the planet.

A lot of things have happened since I arrived in Japan. For instance, I found the First and Third Children. Now, the Third Children is an unimpressive thing, but I see a lot of potential in him. Even though he hasn't been useful at all so far. All he ever seems to do is complain, cry, or whine. I think it'll be good to have him around though. If an angel comes along that even I can't defeat, he can just go nuts and tear it apart.

"How could someone that pathetic kill an angel that even the great Second Children is helpless against?" you ask? It's simple; he's related to one of the original test pilots. His mother. Her soul was absorbed into the Unit-01 and she can actually take control of the thing and use her maternal instinct to tear the beasts apart. Pretty amazing, huh?

You're probably wondering how I found the Third and First Children so quickly. It was easy. I knew them both the second I laid eyes on them. The look in Shinji's eyes, as if he feels everyone hates him, and as if he even hates himself, makes it obvious that he's the third. Not that he's the perfect Eva pilot or anything. He's almost always pathetic and spineless, with only the occasional spark. I actually had to kiss him once, but it was necessary to move things along. I'm sure you understand.

The First Children is very... different. Very strange, actually. To give you an example, I'm going to have her carry this letter, but I still don't mind mentioning her in it because I'm absolutely sure she'll never read it. She doesn't care about anything that she considers mundane or unimportant. To be honest, I don't think she even cares whether she lives or dies. I'm sure that this will be evident in battle. She'll won't hesitate to sacrifice herself, I'm sure of it.


Rei frowned, and put the letter down for a moment. Asuka expected her to give up her own life at the first opportunity.

-She thinks I am suicidal?-

The idea that Asuka would assume such a thing made her feel a little uneasy. Other children had made similar comments in the past, but always with an insulting or joking tone. The words in the letter, however, were meant seriously.

She picked up the letter and continued to read.

I can't say that I like Rei very much, although I do respect her. She did some spying for me at Nerv headquarters, and managed to get some very valuable information. But I still have no clue as to why she's willing to pilot. Actually, I don't really know why Shinji pilots either. Maybe they just figure it beats sitting around, doing nothing. Their lives were kind of a waste of time, you know?

On another topic, I'm very worried about Seele and Nerv. They seem to be planning something very suspicious with some grotesque monstrosities that look vaguely like Evas. On top of that, they seem to be -making- pilots now. That is potentially catastrophic. For all I know, every one of those pilots could be part of the climactic final attack. Dummy plugs are one thing, but live pilots... I don't even want to think about it. I'll try not to worry too much, though, since there's not much I can do at this point. But, there is something that you can do. I'd really appreciate it if you could snoop around for me and see what you can find out. I need to know when those things are going to be built so that I have some idea of whether or not they will actually be a threat.

And there's something else that bothers me. The third angel, Sachiel, attacked me four days ago. I had to fight it alone because Shinji said some nonsense about angels being friends or something. It was really strong, and I actually almost wasn't able to beat it. It was huge and black, and very strong physically, but not very impressive in the end. Now here's the weird part. I was about to kill it with my progressive knife when something very strange happened. My Eva disappeared, replaced with my own body, and the angel disappeared also, replaced with a harmless and annoying boy. The only reasonable explanation is that Seele somehow teleported the Eva and angel to some other location. I have no idea -how- this was done, but it seems to me that it's the only reasonable way to look at it. On top of that, I can't tell this story to anyone without looking like an insane idiot.

As for the fourth and fifth angels, I managed to beat them both, despite the fact that they teamed up on me. I just tore the arms off of one of them and then charged straight into the other with my prog knife. I injured myself doing it, I broke my nose, but I was able beat them both at the same time. You're undoubtedly worried about my face, but there's no need. It wasn't a bad break, and it'll be good as new when it heals.

Please come to see me, and tell me the words you didn't have the courage to say before.

Yours Until Death,
Asuka Langley Sohryu

Rei refolded the letter and put it back inside it's envelope.

Her next task was to find a man named Kaji Ryouji, who lived somewhere in Tokyo, or, as Asuka called it, 'Tokyo-3'. Asuka hadn't been able to give her an address, instead saying that Kaji would have the 'coolest' place. Whatever that meant.

Rei folded the letter and placed it inside her pocket, then turned to leave, ready to begin her mission. As she walked toward the door, it opened. Through the door walked a tall and gangling man, who wore glasses.

"Rei-chan? Are you going somewhere?" he asked, surprised to see her voluntarily leaving the confines of the apartment..

"Yes," she said.

She stood there, waiting for him to move out of the way.

"When are you... coming back?" he asked, awkwardly. He hadn't had much experience as Rei's father, and it didn't come naturally to him. Rei, despite her tendency to ignore everything he said, had never really caused him any problems in the past. The main reason for this was that he hardly ever saw her for more than a few moments. A single man with no friends, he worked nearly 15 hours a day, coming home once in the afternoon to check on his charge.

"I don't know. Please move."

"Now, Rei, I know I leave you alone most of the time, but I need to know these sorts of things," he insisted, almost eager to play the role of her father, if only for a moment.

"I am leaving," she said, her voice remaining toneless.

She silently edged past him, not meeting his inquiring eyes.

He looked after her as she walked away, surprised and confused. After a moment, his face lit up in anger.

"Rei!" he shouted, "Come back here!"

She ignored him, knowing that he could do nothing. The only way for him to force her to stop walking would be to physically restrain her.

"Rei, please stop!" he yelled desperately. She continued to ignore him, walking away from the apartment at an even pace.

-

Rei knocked on the door, and waited for a response. A few moments later, Shinji's father opened the door.

She stared at him silently, knowing that her purpose would be self-evident.

"You have come too see Shinji and Asuka. Come in," he said. His perpetually cold and solemn tone somehow made the mundane act of entering the apartment sound like a serious event.

She nodded, and stepped inside.

-


"...Cervihel, who is the worst of them all, in a way. I won't be able to defeat him myself, so I hope you were paying close attention. Now, the next one, Arael, that one's not so strong. But that doesn't mean it's not dangerous. Sometimes the weakest angels are actually the most deadly. The biggest factors are where they attack, and when they attack, not how they attack." Asuka paused in her lecture as Rei opened the door. "Oh, it's First. What are you doing here?"

"I am leaving."

"You're checking out with me? How thoughtful. Like an honor student or something," Asuka said, and her tone didn't make clear whether she was praising or mocking her.

Rei shook her head slightly. "I have a request."

"Really? What is it?" Asuka asked, a little surprised.

"I need money. For expenses."

"Oh? Good idea. Wouldn't want you to end up dead in a gutter somewhere." Asuka dug through her pockets and withdrew some folded bills. "It shouldn't take you more than a day to find him, but I'll give you 10,000 yen, just to be safe."

Rei took the two 5000 yen notes from Asuka's outstretched hand, and turned to leave.

"Wait a second. Stick around for a few minutes. I'm telling Shinji about the angels. This would be good for you to hear," said Asuka loudly before Rei could reach the exit.

"Hai." Rei turned back around, and waited silently, staring at Asuka.

"What are you doing? Sit down. You're making me nervous."

"Nervous?" The idea that someone could be nervous to see another person standing perplexed Rei completely.

"Yeah, so sit down," Asuka said.

Rei obediently sat down cross-legged on the floor, eyes still fixed on Asuka.

"Okay, that's better. Now, I was just about to talk about Arael. Arael doesn't attack like other angels. It attacks the pilot's mind. But the thing that makes it really dangerous is that it attacks from orbit."

"How can you attack something in space?" asked Shinji.

She shrugged. "We'll have to cross that bridge when we come to it. There are ways of doing it. Now after Arael comes Armisael. I won't even talk about Armisael. I don't want to scare the wits out of you two just yet. The final angel, Tabris, is the Angel of Free Will. It will choose by itself whether or not humanity is destroyed. We can try to kill it before it has a chance to make a decision, of course, but we probably won't be able to. Tabris is very strong."

Asuka paused, and rolled her eyes upward for a moment, thinking. "And, come to think of it, that's pretty much all I should tell you about the angels right now. I guess you can go now, First."

Rei stood and turned to leave once again. Once again, Asuka stopped her.

"Wait a second, First. I forgot something. We're going to have to go back your place for a few minutes. Wait here, I'll be right back."

Asuka stood up from the bed left the room, heading towards the bathroom door. Rei waited patiently, Shinji shifted uncomfortably, and Asuka returned a moment later with an empty steel bucket, carrying it by the handle.

-A bucket?-

-

Rei's apartment was empty when they arrived, as Rei had known would be the case.

Asuka's bucket, which was now filled with mud from the lake, sat in her bathroom as the tub filled with hot water. Although Rei didn't concern herself much with the cleanliness of the apartment, even she was not comfortable having the bucket of filth inside her home.

"There is one final thing that I need to add to this mission, First," said Asuka, as she turned off the water. "Watch carefully, because you're going to have to describe all of this in detail.."

Asuka picked up the bucket and carried it to the bathtub, and proceeded to slowly empty it's contents into the water moving the bucket from side to side so as to distribute the mud evenly. The mud sloshed into the tub, blackening the water.

After placing the bucket on the floor, Asuka stripped out of her clothes. First folding them neatly, she placed them on the floor as well, far away from the bucket. Then, without a second thought or a moment of hesitation, she hopped into the grimy and filthy water with a small splash.

An instant after she'd entered the bathtub, her expression lost it's normal liveliness, and her eyes stared into the distance blankly. "Kaji-san..." she muttered. "Kaji-san..."

Rei watched her in silent confusion, having no idea of what possible purpose Asuka's actions could be serving.

Asuka leapt out of the tub, and her face returned to it's natural state, her normal exuberance returning. "Were you paying attention?" she asked sternly. "I'm not going to do it again. You need to tell Kaji what I just did, in specific detail. Can you do it?"

"Yes." -But why?-

"Okay, good. Don't worry about the mess, I'll clean it up. There's just one more thing..."

At that Asuka, who was nude, and covered in mud, wet leaves and tiny rock chips, started doing jumping jacks.

*fwap*

Rei blinked.

*fwap*


Slighty disgusted, Rei averted her eyes.

*fwap*


A tiny pebble landed on Rei's cheek.

*fwap*

"Please... stop. That is enough," said Rei, not whispering.

Asuka nodded, coming to a stop. "Make sure you tell him everything," Asuka said sternly, "I want him to think that I've gone mad from love sickness."

"Everything. Understood."

End Chapter Eight