Chapter 12 - Michaela's Story
July 14, 1998 - Gee I wonder? Tulsa, Oklahoma
The light from the attic window blinded my eyes. "Good morning sunshine, you're my only ray," I sang to myself. The curtains must have blown open during the night. I rolled over, to get out of bed and shut them, and but I only rolled into Tweedle-Tay. I squealed. What was he doing in my bed? All of a sudden it came back to me. I looked around for a sharp object, but there were none within my reach. No matter, I kicked him instead..... where it hurt. Tweedle-Tay gasped and his eyes fluttered open. I grabbed my dressing gown, jumped over him, and ran into the bathroom. I got dressed in baggy jeans and a size 12 T-shirt. It looked ridiculous as there was no way I was bigger than a size 2 but there was no way I was going to let my brother find me attractive in the least. I tied my hair back in a bun and I didn't even bother putting on make-up. I looked at my reflection in the mirror. I still looked kind of pretty. I considered wearing non-waterproof mascara and getting big black streaks down my cheeks but I didn't want to go to that much trouble to make my brother feel bad.
I walked out of the bathroom and went through the CD rack. I had to find something particularly poignant to play. I picked up 'Live Through This' by Hole and set it to play the title track 'Asking For It' fifteen times in a row. I sat down and began to read a new novel, 'The Age Of Innocence'. I had barely been doing this for twenty minutes when Tweedle- Tay came and sat next to me. "Good morning Michaela," he said.
"Good morning Michaela????" I repeated. "Good morning???? Don't you think that's underestimating it a little? I was just raped by my brother last night, Tweedle-Tay. I wouldn't call that a good morning! I'd call that a great morning! Why, Tweedle-Tay, this is the best morning of my life!!!!!!"
"Really?" Tweedle-Tay said, his eyes lighting up. "Mine too."
I looked at my twin brother. Sometimes he could be so thick. He was actually unaware that he had done something wrong. I screamed and began to cry. "What's wrong?" Tweedle-Tay asked.
"What's wrong?????" I repeated. "I'll tell you what's wrong! I'm fifteen years old and I just lost my virginity to my twin brother! He didn't use protection! I could get pregnant and god knows how deformed the baby would be! I specifically asked him to get out!!!!!!!!! But nothing's wrong." I was crying so hard that my words were barely intelligible.
"I'm sorry," Tweedle-Tay said.
"No!!!" I said. "That's the thing. You're not sorry, you don't even know that you've done something wrong."
"At the time it didn't feel as though I was doing something wrong. I love you so much that it felt right," Tweedle-Tay explained.
"That's the thing, Tweedle-Tay, you don't love me. Well, you do, but only as a sister. You think you love me more than that but you don't. You're just sexually frustrated," I said, sobbing. "Have you ever tried....... you know..."
Tweedle-Tay looked aghast. "Thou shalt not spill the seed."
"Right, but it's okay to rape your sister? I don't think so Tweedle- Tay."
"But you wanted it too....." my brother protested weakly. "You weren't wearing your night gown."
"Tweedle-Tay!!! It's thirty three degrees outside, and even hotter in the attic. I was trying to protect myself from the heat, not seduce you. I specifically asked you to get out of my bed....... I kicked, bit, scratched, if I had wanted to have sex with you I wouldn't have done any of those things," I sobbed.
"You didn't kick me as hard last night as you did this morning," Tweedle-Tay added. "Why not?"
"I don't know!" I sobbed. "I don't know! I DON'T KNOW!!!!!!" I screamed.
"You always dress so prettily," he went on.
"Stop trying to justify it. You're not even sorry." I replied.
"I am sorry!" he protested. "I just want us to be friends again, like we were before........"
"I'd like that to happen too Tweedle-Tay but I don't see how that can ever happen again. No matter what you say, we both know you had sex with me against my will. You raped me Tweedle-Tay! I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust you again........." I said, sniffing.
"Well, what can I do?" he asked desperately.
"Well, for a start, this must never happen again," I began.
"Done!" my brother said eagerly.
"And, it would help if you stayed away from me for a while......" I added.
"Okay," Tweedle-Tay said sadly, changing the CD from Hole to Alanis Morissette. "I really am sorry, Michaela........"
I didn't respond with either yes or no, I only said, "This must never happen again."
July 14, 1998 - Gee I wonder? Tulsa, Oklahoma
The light from the attic window blinded my eyes. "Good morning sunshine, you're my only ray," I sang to myself. The curtains must have blown open during the night. I rolled over, to get out of bed and shut them, and but I only rolled into Tweedle-Tay. I squealed. What was he doing in my bed? All of a sudden it came back to me. I looked around for a sharp object, but there were none within my reach. No matter, I kicked him instead..... where it hurt. Tweedle-Tay gasped and his eyes fluttered open. I grabbed my dressing gown, jumped over him, and ran into the bathroom. I got dressed in baggy jeans and a size 12 T-shirt. It looked ridiculous as there was no way I was bigger than a size 2 but there was no way I was going to let my brother find me attractive in the least. I tied my hair back in a bun and I didn't even bother putting on make-up. I looked at my reflection in the mirror. I still looked kind of pretty. I considered wearing non-waterproof mascara and getting big black streaks down my cheeks but I didn't want to go to that much trouble to make my brother feel bad.
I walked out of the bathroom and went through the CD rack. I had to find something particularly poignant to play. I picked up 'Live Through This' by Hole and set it to play the title track 'Asking For It' fifteen times in a row. I sat down and began to read a new novel, 'The Age Of Innocence'. I had barely been doing this for twenty minutes when Tweedle- Tay came and sat next to me. "Good morning Michaela," he said.
"Good morning Michaela????" I repeated. "Good morning???? Don't you think that's underestimating it a little? I was just raped by my brother last night, Tweedle-Tay. I wouldn't call that a good morning! I'd call that a great morning! Why, Tweedle-Tay, this is the best morning of my life!!!!!!"
"Really?" Tweedle-Tay said, his eyes lighting up. "Mine too."
I looked at my twin brother. Sometimes he could be so thick. He was actually unaware that he had done something wrong. I screamed and began to cry. "What's wrong?" Tweedle-Tay asked.
"What's wrong?????" I repeated. "I'll tell you what's wrong! I'm fifteen years old and I just lost my virginity to my twin brother! He didn't use protection! I could get pregnant and god knows how deformed the baby would be! I specifically asked him to get out!!!!!!!!! But nothing's wrong." I was crying so hard that my words were barely intelligible.
"I'm sorry," Tweedle-Tay said.
"No!!!" I said. "That's the thing. You're not sorry, you don't even know that you've done something wrong."
"At the time it didn't feel as though I was doing something wrong. I love you so much that it felt right," Tweedle-Tay explained.
"That's the thing, Tweedle-Tay, you don't love me. Well, you do, but only as a sister. You think you love me more than that but you don't. You're just sexually frustrated," I said, sobbing. "Have you ever tried....... you know..."
Tweedle-Tay looked aghast. "Thou shalt not spill the seed."
"Right, but it's okay to rape your sister? I don't think so Tweedle- Tay."
"But you wanted it too....." my brother protested weakly. "You weren't wearing your night gown."
"Tweedle-Tay!!! It's thirty three degrees outside, and even hotter in the attic. I was trying to protect myself from the heat, not seduce you. I specifically asked you to get out of my bed....... I kicked, bit, scratched, if I had wanted to have sex with you I wouldn't have done any of those things," I sobbed.
"You didn't kick me as hard last night as you did this morning," Tweedle-Tay added. "Why not?"
"I don't know!" I sobbed. "I don't know! I DON'T KNOW!!!!!!" I screamed.
"You always dress so prettily," he went on.
"Stop trying to justify it. You're not even sorry." I replied.
"I am sorry!" he protested. "I just want us to be friends again, like we were before........"
"I'd like that to happen too Tweedle-Tay but I don't see how that can ever happen again. No matter what you say, we both know you had sex with me against my will. You raped me Tweedle-Tay! I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust you again........." I said, sniffing.
"Well, what can I do?" he asked desperately.
"Well, for a start, this must never happen again," I began.
"Done!" my brother said eagerly.
"And, it would help if you stayed away from me for a while......" I added.
"Okay," Tweedle-Tay said sadly, changing the CD from Hole to Alanis Morissette. "I really am sorry, Michaela........"
I didn't respond with either yes or no, I only said, "This must never happen again."
