SERIES TITLE: Opium
EPISODE: Episode One: Return To LA
AUTHOR: JSlayerUK
EMAIL: JSlayerUK@aol.com
FEEDBACK: I want it as much as I want ice on a hot day... okay, that was lame. Seriously though, I need it. It's the only way I'll learn.
ARCHIVE/DISTRIBUTION: As for now, my site only. But if you want it (can't imagine why) just give me a heads up about it.
SUMMARY: Solving the issue of Angel in a box using the infernal crossover we all desperately want.
SPOILERS: Season 3 of Angel, Season 6 of Buffy. If you haven't seen this season of Angel, the first few parts serve as a pretty good summary.
CONTENT/WARNINGS: Not so much to warn about. Ahhh... the joys of post Tomorrow/Grave fiction... This is thought and things in *s are emphasis. Just in case you didn't know...
RATING: 12 for now, it may get worse, haven't decided. There's bunches of subtext and implied stuff, but if you don't get it, then it doesn't matter obviously. I'm not good at writing smut, therefore I do not write it. I honour the Fade-To-Black system.
DISCLAIMER: All hail the almighty Joss. Nothing is mine, apart from Spike. He sits in my lair chained to a wall for my amusement. Hehehe...
DEDICATION: This is dedicated to Portal 388. You know who you are.
NOTE: I'm an insane lunatic and this is my first Buffy fic. I'm in severe want of a beta reader. It's all wrong. It's wrong. I'm wrong. Tell me that I'm wrong please! Please don't forgive me! Please... please don't!
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"You want to know what my problem is? I'm screwed. That's my problem. I can't win. I'm trying to atone for a hundred years of unthinkable evil. News flash! I never can!"
~ Angel, Happy Anniversary
~*-*~
This is too much. It's like I'm dying all over again and I don't know if I'll ever recover. I'm living a personal hell every day. Every night. It's just a reel of faces, of lives, of souls, of potential. Ended by my own hand. There aren't enough words to explain the pain. The guilt. The feeling of worthlessness and emptiness. I'm growing ever thinner and weaker. I was nearly dust a few nights back, too weak to find shade before dawn. All because I'm weighed down by the heavy pain of remorse, to the point where I can't feed. It's just wrong. And I shouldn't feel this way. Even though I asked for it, I had no idea it would be so bad. I never realised how many lives I snuffed out. How much pain I caused. From Edward Lockhart screaming at me for mercy as I shoved a railroad spike through his temple, all through to hurting the one person I swore I never would. Buffy. She sounded like him too. Old Eddie boy was being tortured with my rage from a lack of respect. I tortured Buffy with my love, all because she couldn't say it back. I'm nothing now. And I just can't cope with the pain. This is all too much.
I will not brood. No I shan't. No brooding. No brooding for me. I'm not a poof.
And it's all brought me here. To the one place I swore and I'd never go. And now I don't even have a choice. I wasn't looking forward to having to do this. It was my worst nightmare a few years ago. But soul be damned, I am not going to let it drag me down. There will always be a sanctuary for me. I'm not looking forward to this. Something tells me I'm *not* going to be welcome...
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