LOKI
CHAPTER FOUR
I have to admit, by the time I finally got away from Gaea, or whoever she was, I was positively bursting at the seams with pent up energy. If someone had told me earlier about how damn hyper Loki was, I might have thought twice about the job. And then taken it just the same. Life was just too much fun to sit still, I saw that now. I had spent the first years of my life sitting (or at least standing still), waiting for someone else to make the decisions for me. Decisions that I could have made perfectly by myself. Stupid cat, I thought as I zoomed from tree branch to tree branch.
Now, I am one of those people that have a curious habit of relying on my brain to guide me through life when I'm thinking, and therefore tend to leave my eyes out of the picture. Or, if that didn't make much sense, I don't watch where I'm going when I'm thinking. Or, I do, but the message gets hung up somewhere between my eyes, my feet, and my brain.
As it happened, I was happily zooming through my forest on my way home, and I was thinking hard about what Gaea had told me. None of it had been very comforting, so I had gotten fidgety more quickly than I should have. She had said a great deal about Satan, flattery, dreams, and the condition of Earth, but I hadn't been paying too much attention. I had a disconcerting feeling that I was going to regret that lack of attention soon enough.
But back to the present.
So I was zooming though the forest, and of course, me being who I am, I ran into someone with an earth shattering thud and tumbled backwards until my back met the ground with yet another spectacular thud. I was just becoming one for special effects, wasn't I?
I was focusing on bringing each laborious breath in when I heard a chuckle. A chuckle? A CHUCKLE? What right did who ever was laughing at me have to laugh? None! None at all! I dragged myself up off the ground and tried to glare at him. I say tried, because my glare didn't actually work out too well. I felt like I was supposed to be very angry with him, but I kept trying to drool. It wasn't the most flattering look, I can assure you of that.
The man before me was obviously Chinese, and he stood like an egotistical jerk. Kind of life Veggie-kun, I thought abstractedly (while trying to glare, and trying NOT to drool). He had a finely toned body: not too buff, but not scrawny either. The man had these gorgeous dark brown eyes (I ignored the cold look), and black, black hair tied back in an insanely tight ponytail.
It did not escape my notice that he had horns on his head, although he was endeavoring to make them disappear. Satan, I thought glumly. And as if Gaea hadn't been enough bad news for me. Thanks, God.
"Shut up," I commanded in my best royal voice. Surprisingly, it actually sounded like the Royal Commanding Voice! I had never been able to master it before! This was cool!
The man smiled soothingly. "Forgive the intrusion, but---"
"Know what? SHUT UP!"
He blinked. He obviously wasn't used to my methods yet. Oh Lordie, this was going to be FUN! He cleared his throat. "My name is---"
"AH! NO! NO! SHUT UP!"
"Will---"
"NO!"
I watched in satisfaction as his face slowly went beet red. He and Veggie were SO alike! It was amazing how alike they were! They were SO stiff that they got offended SO easily! It was almost pathetic how short their tempers were, really. I watched with great curiosity as his hands clenched and unclenched.
Suddenly, without any warning at all, I burst into peals of laughter. I couldn't help myself! I really couldn't! I just saw him. with his black hair, black eyes, and RED face! It was so bright in contrast to the rest of him! This, of course, made him so much angrier.
"WILL YOU SHUT UP ONNA?"
I smiled placidly and laid down on my back. "Oh come on Veggie look-alike. Relax! You're so uptight your head's going to explode or something, and none of us want that," I said picking at the grass by my hand. It was so green..
"Why are so infuriating?" he asked stiffly.
As if I knew! It was a disease or something. God, he actually expected me to know? Did anyone know why they were annoying? Well, I decided, there could be ONE reason. "Yeah," I said finally, "I guess I'm so annoying because there are people out there that are just so much fun to annoy! I can't help it that you're one of them. Really, it's not even my fault. If you don't want to take the blame for being so uptight, I guess you can blame either your mom or dad. They did, after all, raise you, and they say that you get your personality from the people and things around you. If your parents raised you to be all psychotic and uptight, that's totally not your fault. But I could turn that back on you, and say quite truthfully that it WAS however your fault that you haven't gotten around to changing your psychoticness and uptightness. But then you could turn that back on ME saying that maybe you were taught to be accepting of who you are, and then---"
"Do you EVER shut up? You're almost as bad as that braided baka!" he shouted.
"What's your name?"
He blinked at the sudden change in topic. Oh, this was too much fun. Too much fun.. I spontaneously decided to give him a break. He looked like he was on the edge of a nervous breakdown.
"I'm Loki, as you better know. You're Satan. Care for some tea?"
I stood up and stretched, completely oblivious to Satan's semi-admiring stare. If I had seen it I would have run away screaming in terror. An admiring Satan is never a safe Satan. But what I was about to do was my favorite thing that came from being Loki.
"Wait," he said before I could push off, "how did you---"
"You have your horns, m' dear," I said with a giggle.
Within the blink of an eye I had bunched my legs and rocketed off the ground like a beam of light into the trees. I suddenly realized that I was going pretty damn fast as the tiny twigs and leaves rushed against my face. I shot out of the treetop line and did a pike dive back into the trees. I slammed into a branch feet first, rebounded onto another, and then got my leap rhythm down.
Bob shouted in terror when I threw myself headfirst off one of the top tree branches. I freefell, laughing delightedly, grabbed a hold of one of Bob's branches and did a few flips over it until my speed slowed down enough to prolong my death for another few minutes.
"DON'T DO THAT!" he roared at me.
Ignoring him, I stuffed a few mugs, spoons, a thermos of hot water, and some tea bags into a ragged brown bag. I finally looked up at the terrified looking face.
"Why? Didn't the old Loki do that?"
"NO! SHE USED TO BOUNCE SEMI-QUICKLY INTO THIS HOUSE! SHE WOULD NEVER FREEFALL FOR FIFTY FEET TOWARDS A QUICK DEATH!"
Well that was interesting. Seemed I was an oddity even here. "Well," I said with a laugh, "get used to it, because that little stunt I did there was FUN!"
"Oh dear Lord," Bob said fervently.
I laughed, feeling great again. Then I remembered the man that I left standing in shock in the middle of my least favorite clearing, and giggled. KAWAII! Or, not kawaii specifically. Handsome might be a better word. Now, D-kun was kawaii. Ryo-kun was kawaii too. And even Veggie was kawaii, in his own special way. But this man? He was handsome. Like Mamoru had been handsome, even if he was an asshole of the worst kind. A CHEATING and BETRAYING asshole, he had been handsome. But this man WAS SATAN!, I reminded myself VERY firmly. It would not be good to even have a teensy bit of a crush on Satan. That would be like in Moulin Rouge with poor Christian falling on love with Satine. BAD! And I wouldn't even be in LOVE with him! Jesus Christ in a can, I thought dimly aware that Bob was shouting at me to NEVER EVER do that freefall again, if it was BAD to fall in love with a whore, how bad would it be to fall in love with the Devil?
I decided to make it my lifelong goal to inform anyone and everyone that Satan was fun to annoy, but that you DO NOT fall in love with him.
Smiling wickedly, I flashed a victory sign at Bob and shot into the air. I bounced back to the clearing in record time (as far as I was concerned) and was amazed to fin him still standing there, looking a little bit lost.
"Oh-AYO!" I shouted in his ear.
He leaped about of an eighth of the height I could jump, which was pretty damn high. I collapsed to the ground shaking with laughter. I had JUST finished up when he glared furiously at me, setting me off again.
"I'm pretty sure I hate you," he informed me calmly.
".. Oh, God, I'm sorry, it's just that you looked SO FUNNY! Oh, know what? I didn't catch your name!"
"I was trying to tell you---"
"That's a long name," I remarked, seeing what I could do to get him riled up again. That worked.
"I WAS TRYING TO TELL YOU MY NAME EARLIER, BUT YOU KEPT INTERRUPTING ME!" he bellowed.
"And that's even longer," I said to fill the void that followed his declaration.
"My name is Wufei Chang," he said finally.
"Nice to meet you, Wufei Chang! I think I already introduced myself to you, but I'm not positive. Now, for the second time, would you like some tea?"
He sighed in defeat. "Fine," he snapped.
So Wufei and I were sitting in my least favorite clearing when I felt someone come into my forest. I slammed my mug down and rolled out of the way just in time to avoid getting stepped on by a gold sandaled foot.
"Oh!" Someone said, sounding very contrite. "I'm very sorry! I'm still not very good at my landings, I'm afraid. I only just died a few years ago, much to my everlasting joy. Life was getting overly-traumatic. Oh dear Lord in Heaven! Wufei! Is that you?"
I turned away from the shocked blonde angel thing to Wufei, who was standing at a good distance away from the angel. He glared at the newcomer in the way that Satan would glare at God---oh.
"Now, now, now. No shedding of holy light, and no throwing of dark powers or whatever y'all do in that dumb war of yours. Now, if you don't mind me asking, who the bloody hell are you? You're in MY forest! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHO YOU ARE!"
Wufei snickered. "Not used to getting yelled at, are you Winner?"
The blonde drew himself up regally. "I have no last name anymore. My name is Quatre, and I am one angel in God's heavenly host. Who, may I ask, are you?"
I snorted. He HAD to be kidding, right? It was just stupid of him to walk into a place without knowing at least the name of who's land you were trespassing on. And he looked nice enough to be easily traumatized.
"None of your damn business," I informed him with a large, sweet smile.
He blinked, much like Wufei had. "But, I just want to know who you are," he said uncertainly.
"Yeah, and you're a damn fool."
"Well excuse me, but I'm just here to bring the new Loki a message from the Lord! So if you don't want to be cooperative, I'll have to find her myself!"
Oh God, this was too easy. "Look no further, halo boy. I'm Loki. Now be a good angel and give me the message."
But he hesitated. "I don't think it's you, personally. And I'm an arch- angel, so I have the authority to refuse you, you know. AND you're with Satan, which is a dead giveaway."
I shrugged. "Fine. Go and look for Loki if you want. She'll be right here chatting comfortably with Satan, whom is a very fun person to tease. Did you know that?"
Quatre sighed desolately, obviously still struggling with his decision. Life was never easy. But he was so kawaii, I was hard pressed to not go and hug him. Then it occurred to me: why shouldn't I? I WAS Loki after all. And I WAS a goddess, or something like it.
So I threw my arms around him and squeezed tight. "Oh, it's okay, Quat- kun! Life isn't fair, but I'll be nice to you now! You just looked like so much fun to tease, I couldn't help it! Forgive me," I pleaded. I wondered excitedly what his eyes would look like if they softened up.
His reaction was utterly amazing.
The poor boy went beet red and began to stammer out something that sounded a lot like, "Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.."
Quatre was praying to God that he would survive his first close encounter with the female kind. I couldn't believe it! Even I had made out with a few different guys (thank God Mamoru hadn't found her) so even I, Usagi Tsukino, the so called Golden Girl was less pure than this angel! How was that possible? How was it even imaginable? I took another peek at his bright blue eyes and platinum blonde hair and decided that he must have been a monk for him to look like that and still be pure.
"Gomen, gomen," I lied cheerfully, patting him on the head. "I didn't know you were that sensitive! KAWAII! Um, but DO you forgive me? Please?"
Quatre's face began to lose that cherry color, and he nodded after he had gotten himself back under control. "Of course. The Lord preaches forgiveness," he seemed to remind himself.
Gee, thanks, I thought sarcastically. HE wouldn't have forgiven me, but GOD would have, so HE has to! Don't I feel flattered. Nevertheless, I gave him another pat on the head for good measure and bounced away from him.
"Well," I said brightly, "I'm going to leave you two to reminisce or whatever dead people do, and go away. Bye!"
Without even giving them space to protest, I bounced back into the relative safety of the trees and leaped with all possible speed towards home. Then my mind gave an evil lurch, and I decided that I had been around Wufei for too long. But I went with the idea anyways.
It was time to wreak havoc on some poor, unsuspecting, nameless human.
"Watch out Rei Hino, Usa's comin' to getcha!" I cackled evilly.
I closed my eyes, and reopened them to the familiar shrine steps. I thought for a minute and then snapped. Suddenly I was wearing a kawaii green sundress with black flip flops, and I had long, curly brown hair. I refused to give up my blue eyes though. I loved them too much.
Giggling evilly to myself from time to time, I edged towards the shrine. I had seen a girl that went to Rei's school that looked JUST like who I was now, and I had a le-e-e-eter for Rei!
"Rei-chan! Rei-chan! Rei-chan!"
The black haired priestess poked her head out of the doorway and her face brightened. "Akiko-chan! How are you? What brings you here?"
I paused, wondering briefly how to act. Deciding that it didn't matter, I pretended to be out of breath with exertion and excitement. "Oh, Rei-chan! You'll never believe it!"
Rei's eyes widened. "Nani? Tell me! Tell me now!"
I dropped my voice dramatically, enjoying my effect on the miko. "Suke-kun told me to give this to you!"
Rei's jaw dropped, and she snatched the note from my fingers. Ungrateful brat, I thought venomously. But I kept my smile pasted on, and began to bounce up and down with excitement.
"Read it! Read it! Read it!"
"Okay! It says, "Dear Rei, I don't know if you've noticed, but I think you're beautiful. I---" Rei's voice broke, and she smirked. "I TOLD Minako that I'd get him."
My act almost slipped. Minako? Ah! That was right. Before they nearly killed me, I had overheard them talking about some kind of bet. I had thought then that it was made in good spirits, but it seemed that there was some bitter rivalry going on. Excellent.
"What does it say, Rei-chan?"
She waved it around triumphantly. "It says that he wants to take me to the dance! HA! TAKE THAT, MINAKO!"
I did a little dance, which earned me an odd look. "I'm just so happy for you!" I exclaimed, "This is going to be so great!" I enthused.
Then I felt it. I nearly was blown away by how much his power was raised. I wondered briefly about why he was so angry, and then decided he was looking for me. Damn. I better hide, I thought with a smirk.
"Rei-chan, I have to go! Ja!" I called over my shoulder as I ran from the temple.
As I ran, I quickly shed the disgusting look of Akiko Tarumenseki. I happened to LIKE my blonde hair and my nearly shredded Loki dress. Deciding not to notice the amazed looks I was getting from the people of Tokyo, I ran barefoot down the street. He burst out of an alley right behind me and let out a roar that shook the Earth.
I screamed in terror and took off into the air. Popping back into my forest, I scrambled for the trees before he could catch me. Luck seemed to be on my side. A tree branch jumped up and tripped him, giving me the amount of time I needed to make my escape.
"GET BACK HERE LOKI!"
"NEVER!" I screamed dramatically.
He let out another inhuman roar and exploded into the air with a burst of gold light. Now THAT was kind of scary. I sped up as fast as I could, but I quickly discovered that The Incarnation of War was just a little bit too experienced for me to outrace.
Desperate for any escape, I swooped down low into the depths of Purgatory. My roving eye quickly spotted a large building, and zoomed inside. And stared.
Before me was the oddest sight I had ever seen in my entire life.
Chronos, Ryoga, I reminded myself, was beating on a computer with a stick, shouting incoherently. I edged towards the "conflict" and got another shock. Words like "Pig-boy" and "weakling" were flashing across the screen, usually followed by the word "MUWAHAHAHA!" I couldn't do anything but stare.
"JUST GIVE ME THE NUMBER, FEM-BOY!"
More insults flashed across the screen, followed by maniacal laughter. Ryoga pounded on the screen again, livid with rage. His eyes were wild, and he was spraying spit.
Deciding that it needed to stop, I walked up and tapped Ryoga on the shoulder. "What the hell is going on, Ryo-chan?"
Ryoga froze and looked around furtively. "Well," he explained, "I was coming to ask Ranma for Akane's number, but fem-boy here started up with the insults again."
I raised an eyebrow. "Ranma?"
He nodded, and smirked slightly. "Yeah. Ranma was killed, and when his soul went through here, there was some kind of freak accident, resulting in Ranma merging with the computer. He's perfectly fine with everyone else, he just likes to act up with me," he said petulantly.
"Why? Were you two rivals when you were alive?"
"As if he could ever beat me," the computer snorted.
I almost laughed. Purgatory was just too interesting. Earth paled in comparison. "Well, Ryo-kun, can't you just go ask D-kun for her number? Akane-chan is his secretary, you know."
Ryoga went red. "Oh, I couldn't do that! That would be much too bold of me!"
I sighed. God save us from the innocents. "Well, I'll get the number for you, Ryoga. And Ranma---"
Unfortunately, what I was going to say was cut off by a number of things happening in rapid succession. Duo rose out of the floor right under my feet, I screamed, Wufei and Quatre burst into the room shouting something about a soul that went wrong, Ranma the Computer started blaring his siren, one of the souls to be placed exploded with a violent burst of malevolent energy, and Vegeta blew a hole in the wall still roaring at me.
Would he ever give up?
I roared back at him, and there was complete chaos for a while until Lachesis stepped into the room. Her trained eyes found me, Wufei, Quatre, Ryoga, Duo and Vegeta, and she sighed. She looked at the computer, who was still shrieking, and sighed again.
"I think," she said finally, "that we have a problem."
________________________________
Well folks, there you have it. The fourth chapter for LOKI. God, I haven't updated in forever! I just realized how long it's been. I was being all blockish (I'm very depressed about finishing Good Riddance), and suddenly I realized that even I was being a block about Jumping Jim Crow, I was perfectly able to write another chapter of LOKI! YAY! Well. Hope you liked it. It wasn't as long as my chapters usually are, but hey. I haven't done my homework yet, and in three seconds the bonus track of Blink 182 is going to come on after minutes of silence and scare the crap out of me...
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! IT DID IT! OH, THE SHOCK! Anyways. Review, PLEASE!
CHAPTER FOUR
I have to admit, by the time I finally got away from Gaea, or whoever she was, I was positively bursting at the seams with pent up energy. If someone had told me earlier about how damn hyper Loki was, I might have thought twice about the job. And then taken it just the same. Life was just too much fun to sit still, I saw that now. I had spent the first years of my life sitting (or at least standing still), waiting for someone else to make the decisions for me. Decisions that I could have made perfectly by myself. Stupid cat, I thought as I zoomed from tree branch to tree branch.
Now, I am one of those people that have a curious habit of relying on my brain to guide me through life when I'm thinking, and therefore tend to leave my eyes out of the picture. Or, if that didn't make much sense, I don't watch where I'm going when I'm thinking. Or, I do, but the message gets hung up somewhere between my eyes, my feet, and my brain.
As it happened, I was happily zooming through my forest on my way home, and I was thinking hard about what Gaea had told me. None of it had been very comforting, so I had gotten fidgety more quickly than I should have. She had said a great deal about Satan, flattery, dreams, and the condition of Earth, but I hadn't been paying too much attention. I had a disconcerting feeling that I was going to regret that lack of attention soon enough.
But back to the present.
So I was zooming though the forest, and of course, me being who I am, I ran into someone with an earth shattering thud and tumbled backwards until my back met the ground with yet another spectacular thud. I was just becoming one for special effects, wasn't I?
I was focusing on bringing each laborious breath in when I heard a chuckle. A chuckle? A CHUCKLE? What right did who ever was laughing at me have to laugh? None! None at all! I dragged myself up off the ground and tried to glare at him. I say tried, because my glare didn't actually work out too well. I felt like I was supposed to be very angry with him, but I kept trying to drool. It wasn't the most flattering look, I can assure you of that.
The man before me was obviously Chinese, and he stood like an egotistical jerk. Kind of life Veggie-kun, I thought abstractedly (while trying to glare, and trying NOT to drool). He had a finely toned body: not too buff, but not scrawny either. The man had these gorgeous dark brown eyes (I ignored the cold look), and black, black hair tied back in an insanely tight ponytail.
It did not escape my notice that he had horns on his head, although he was endeavoring to make them disappear. Satan, I thought glumly. And as if Gaea hadn't been enough bad news for me. Thanks, God.
"Shut up," I commanded in my best royal voice. Surprisingly, it actually sounded like the Royal Commanding Voice! I had never been able to master it before! This was cool!
The man smiled soothingly. "Forgive the intrusion, but---"
"Know what? SHUT UP!"
He blinked. He obviously wasn't used to my methods yet. Oh Lordie, this was going to be FUN! He cleared his throat. "My name is---"
"AH! NO! NO! SHUT UP!"
"Will---"
"NO!"
I watched in satisfaction as his face slowly went beet red. He and Veggie were SO alike! It was amazing how alike they were! They were SO stiff that they got offended SO easily! It was almost pathetic how short their tempers were, really. I watched with great curiosity as his hands clenched and unclenched.
Suddenly, without any warning at all, I burst into peals of laughter. I couldn't help myself! I really couldn't! I just saw him. with his black hair, black eyes, and RED face! It was so bright in contrast to the rest of him! This, of course, made him so much angrier.
"WILL YOU SHUT UP ONNA?"
I smiled placidly and laid down on my back. "Oh come on Veggie look-alike. Relax! You're so uptight your head's going to explode or something, and none of us want that," I said picking at the grass by my hand. It was so green..
"Why are so infuriating?" he asked stiffly.
As if I knew! It was a disease or something. God, he actually expected me to know? Did anyone know why they were annoying? Well, I decided, there could be ONE reason. "Yeah," I said finally, "I guess I'm so annoying because there are people out there that are just so much fun to annoy! I can't help it that you're one of them. Really, it's not even my fault. If you don't want to take the blame for being so uptight, I guess you can blame either your mom or dad. They did, after all, raise you, and they say that you get your personality from the people and things around you. If your parents raised you to be all psychotic and uptight, that's totally not your fault. But I could turn that back on you, and say quite truthfully that it WAS however your fault that you haven't gotten around to changing your psychoticness and uptightness. But then you could turn that back on ME saying that maybe you were taught to be accepting of who you are, and then---"
"Do you EVER shut up? You're almost as bad as that braided baka!" he shouted.
"What's your name?"
He blinked at the sudden change in topic. Oh, this was too much fun. Too much fun.. I spontaneously decided to give him a break. He looked like he was on the edge of a nervous breakdown.
"I'm Loki, as you better know. You're Satan. Care for some tea?"
I stood up and stretched, completely oblivious to Satan's semi-admiring stare. If I had seen it I would have run away screaming in terror. An admiring Satan is never a safe Satan. But what I was about to do was my favorite thing that came from being Loki.
"Wait," he said before I could push off, "how did you---"
"You have your horns, m' dear," I said with a giggle.
Within the blink of an eye I had bunched my legs and rocketed off the ground like a beam of light into the trees. I suddenly realized that I was going pretty damn fast as the tiny twigs and leaves rushed against my face. I shot out of the treetop line and did a pike dive back into the trees. I slammed into a branch feet first, rebounded onto another, and then got my leap rhythm down.
Bob shouted in terror when I threw myself headfirst off one of the top tree branches. I freefell, laughing delightedly, grabbed a hold of one of Bob's branches and did a few flips over it until my speed slowed down enough to prolong my death for another few minutes.
"DON'T DO THAT!" he roared at me.
Ignoring him, I stuffed a few mugs, spoons, a thermos of hot water, and some tea bags into a ragged brown bag. I finally looked up at the terrified looking face.
"Why? Didn't the old Loki do that?"
"NO! SHE USED TO BOUNCE SEMI-QUICKLY INTO THIS HOUSE! SHE WOULD NEVER FREEFALL FOR FIFTY FEET TOWARDS A QUICK DEATH!"
Well that was interesting. Seemed I was an oddity even here. "Well," I said with a laugh, "get used to it, because that little stunt I did there was FUN!"
"Oh dear Lord," Bob said fervently.
I laughed, feeling great again. Then I remembered the man that I left standing in shock in the middle of my least favorite clearing, and giggled. KAWAII! Or, not kawaii specifically. Handsome might be a better word. Now, D-kun was kawaii. Ryo-kun was kawaii too. And even Veggie was kawaii, in his own special way. But this man? He was handsome. Like Mamoru had been handsome, even if he was an asshole of the worst kind. A CHEATING and BETRAYING asshole, he had been handsome. But this man WAS SATAN!, I reminded myself VERY firmly. It would not be good to even have a teensy bit of a crush on Satan. That would be like in Moulin Rouge with poor Christian falling on love with Satine. BAD! And I wouldn't even be in LOVE with him! Jesus Christ in a can, I thought dimly aware that Bob was shouting at me to NEVER EVER do that freefall again, if it was BAD to fall in love with a whore, how bad would it be to fall in love with the Devil?
I decided to make it my lifelong goal to inform anyone and everyone that Satan was fun to annoy, but that you DO NOT fall in love with him.
Smiling wickedly, I flashed a victory sign at Bob and shot into the air. I bounced back to the clearing in record time (as far as I was concerned) and was amazed to fin him still standing there, looking a little bit lost.
"Oh-AYO!" I shouted in his ear.
He leaped about of an eighth of the height I could jump, which was pretty damn high. I collapsed to the ground shaking with laughter. I had JUST finished up when he glared furiously at me, setting me off again.
"I'm pretty sure I hate you," he informed me calmly.
".. Oh, God, I'm sorry, it's just that you looked SO FUNNY! Oh, know what? I didn't catch your name!"
"I was trying to tell you---"
"That's a long name," I remarked, seeing what I could do to get him riled up again. That worked.
"I WAS TRYING TO TELL YOU MY NAME EARLIER, BUT YOU KEPT INTERRUPTING ME!" he bellowed.
"And that's even longer," I said to fill the void that followed his declaration.
"My name is Wufei Chang," he said finally.
"Nice to meet you, Wufei Chang! I think I already introduced myself to you, but I'm not positive. Now, for the second time, would you like some tea?"
He sighed in defeat. "Fine," he snapped.
So Wufei and I were sitting in my least favorite clearing when I felt someone come into my forest. I slammed my mug down and rolled out of the way just in time to avoid getting stepped on by a gold sandaled foot.
"Oh!" Someone said, sounding very contrite. "I'm very sorry! I'm still not very good at my landings, I'm afraid. I only just died a few years ago, much to my everlasting joy. Life was getting overly-traumatic. Oh dear Lord in Heaven! Wufei! Is that you?"
I turned away from the shocked blonde angel thing to Wufei, who was standing at a good distance away from the angel. He glared at the newcomer in the way that Satan would glare at God---oh.
"Now, now, now. No shedding of holy light, and no throwing of dark powers or whatever y'all do in that dumb war of yours. Now, if you don't mind me asking, who the bloody hell are you? You're in MY forest! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHO YOU ARE!"
Wufei snickered. "Not used to getting yelled at, are you Winner?"
The blonde drew himself up regally. "I have no last name anymore. My name is Quatre, and I am one angel in God's heavenly host. Who, may I ask, are you?"
I snorted. He HAD to be kidding, right? It was just stupid of him to walk into a place without knowing at least the name of who's land you were trespassing on. And he looked nice enough to be easily traumatized.
"None of your damn business," I informed him with a large, sweet smile.
He blinked, much like Wufei had. "But, I just want to know who you are," he said uncertainly.
"Yeah, and you're a damn fool."
"Well excuse me, but I'm just here to bring the new Loki a message from the Lord! So if you don't want to be cooperative, I'll have to find her myself!"
Oh God, this was too easy. "Look no further, halo boy. I'm Loki. Now be a good angel and give me the message."
But he hesitated. "I don't think it's you, personally. And I'm an arch- angel, so I have the authority to refuse you, you know. AND you're with Satan, which is a dead giveaway."
I shrugged. "Fine. Go and look for Loki if you want. She'll be right here chatting comfortably with Satan, whom is a very fun person to tease. Did you know that?"
Quatre sighed desolately, obviously still struggling with his decision. Life was never easy. But he was so kawaii, I was hard pressed to not go and hug him. Then it occurred to me: why shouldn't I? I WAS Loki after all. And I WAS a goddess, or something like it.
So I threw my arms around him and squeezed tight. "Oh, it's okay, Quat- kun! Life isn't fair, but I'll be nice to you now! You just looked like so much fun to tease, I couldn't help it! Forgive me," I pleaded. I wondered excitedly what his eyes would look like if they softened up.
His reaction was utterly amazing.
The poor boy went beet red and began to stammer out something that sounded a lot like, "Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.."
Quatre was praying to God that he would survive his first close encounter with the female kind. I couldn't believe it! Even I had made out with a few different guys (thank God Mamoru hadn't found her) so even I, Usagi Tsukino, the so called Golden Girl was less pure than this angel! How was that possible? How was it even imaginable? I took another peek at his bright blue eyes and platinum blonde hair and decided that he must have been a monk for him to look like that and still be pure.
"Gomen, gomen," I lied cheerfully, patting him on the head. "I didn't know you were that sensitive! KAWAII! Um, but DO you forgive me? Please?"
Quatre's face began to lose that cherry color, and he nodded after he had gotten himself back under control. "Of course. The Lord preaches forgiveness," he seemed to remind himself.
Gee, thanks, I thought sarcastically. HE wouldn't have forgiven me, but GOD would have, so HE has to! Don't I feel flattered. Nevertheless, I gave him another pat on the head for good measure and bounced away from him.
"Well," I said brightly, "I'm going to leave you two to reminisce or whatever dead people do, and go away. Bye!"
Without even giving them space to protest, I bounced back into the relative safety of the trees and leaped with all possible speed towards home. Then my mind gave an evil lurch, and I decided that I had been around Wufei for too long. But I went with the idea anyways.
It was time to wreak havoc on some poor, unsuspecting, nameless human.
"Watch out Rei Hino, Usa's comin' to getcha!" I cackled evilly.
I closed my eyes, and reopened them to the familiar shrine steps. I thought for a minute and then snapped. Suddenly I was wearing a kawaii green sundress with black flip flops, and I had long, curly brown hair. I refused to give up my blue eyes though. I loved them too much.
Giggling evilly to myself from time to time, I edged towards the shrine. I had seen a girl that went to Rei's school that looked JUST like who I was now, and I had a le-e-e-eter for Rei!
"Rei-chan! Rei-chan! Rei-chan!"
The black haired priestess poked her head out of the doorway and her face brightened. "Akiko-chan! How are you? What brings you here?"
I paused, wondering briefly how to act. Deciding that it didn't matter, I pretended to be out of breath with exertion and excitement. "Oh, Rei-chan! You'll never believe it!"
Rei's eyes widened. "Nani? Tell me! Tell me now!"
I dropped my voice dramatically, enjoying my effect on the miko. "Suke-kun told me to give this to you!"
Rei's jaw dropped, and she snatched the note from my fingers. Ungrateful brat, I thought venomously. But I kept my smile pasted on, and began to bounce up and down with excitement.
"Read it! Read it! Read it!"
"Okay! It says, "Dear Rei, I don't know if you've noticed, but I think you're beautiful. I---" Rei's voice broke, and she smirked. "I TOLD Minako that I'd get him."
My act almost slipped. Minako? Ah! That was right. Before they nearly killed me, I had overheard them talking about some kind of bet. I had thought then that it was made in good spirits, but it seemed that there was some bitter rivalry going on. Excellent.
"What does it say, Rei-chan?"
She waved it around triumphantly. "It says that he wants to take me to the dance! HA! TAKE THAT, MINAKO!"
I did a little dance, which earned me an odd look. "I'm just so happy for you!" I exclaimed, "This is going to be so great!" I enthused.
Then I felt it. I nearly was blown away by how much his power was raised. I wondered briefly about why he was so angry, and then decided he was looking for me. Damn. I better hide, I thought with a smirk.
"Rei-chan, I have to go! Ja!" I called over my shoulder as I ran from the temple.
As I ran, I quickly shed the disgusting look of Akiko Tarumenseki. I happened to LIKE my blonde hair and my nearly shredded Loki dress. Deciding not to notice the amazed looks I was getting from the people of Tokyo, I ran barefoot down the street. He burst out of an alley right behind me and let out a roar that shook the Earth.
I screamed in terror and took off into the air. Popping back into my forest, I scrambled for the trees before he could catch me. Luck seemed to be on my side. A tree branch jumped up and tripped him, giving me the amount of time I needed to make my escape.
"GET BACK HERE LOKI!"
"NEVER!" I screamed dramatically.
He let out another inhuman roar and exploded into the air with a burst of gold light. Now THAT was kind of scary. I sped up as fast as I could, but I quickly discovered that The Incarnation of War was just a little bit too experienced for me to outrace.
Desperate for any escape, I swooped down low into the depths of Purgatory. My roving eye quickly spotted a large building, and zoomed inside. And stared.
Before me was the oddest sight I had ever seen in my entire life.
Chronos, Ryoga, I reminded myself, was beating on a computer with a stick, shouting incoherently. I edged towards the "conflict" and got another shock. Words like "Pig-boy" and "weakling" were flashing across the screen, usually followed by the word "MUWAHAHAHA!" I couldn't do anything but stare.
"JUST GIVE ME THE NUMBER, FEM-BOY!"
More insults flashed across the screen, followed by maniacal laughter. Ryoga pounded on the screen again, livid with rage. His eyes were wild, and he was spraying spit.
Deciding that it needed to stop, I walked up and tapped Ryoga on the shoulder. "What the hell is going on, Ryo-chan?"
Ryoga froze and looked around furtively. "Well," he explained, "I was coming to ask Ranma for Akane's number, but fem-boy here started up with the insults again."
I raised an eyebrow. "Ranma?"
He nodded, and smirked slightly. "Yeah. Ranma was killed, and when his soul went through here, there was some kind of freak accident, resulting in Ranma merging with the computer. He's perfectly fine with everyone else, he just likes to act up with me," he said petulantly.
"Why? Were you two rivals when you were alive?"
"As if he could ever beat me," the computer snorted.
I almost laughed. Purgatory was just too interesting. Earth paled in comparison. "Well, Ryo-kun, can't you just go ask D-kun for her number? Akane-chan is his secretary, you know."
Ryoga went red. "Oh, I couldn't do that! That would be much too bold of me!"
I sighed. God save us from the innocents. "Well, I'll get the number for you, Ryoga. And Ranma---"
Unfortunately, what I was going to say was cut off by a number of things happening in rapid succession. Duo rose out of the floor right under my feet, I screamed, Wufei and Quatre burst into the room shouting something about a soul that went wrong, Ranma the Computer started blaring his siren, one of the souls to be placed exploded with a violent burst of malevolent energy, and Vegeta blew a hole in the wall still roaring at me.
Would he ever give up?
I roared back at him, and there was complete chaos for a while until Lachesis stepped into the room. Her trained eyes found me, Wufei, Quatre, Ryoga, Duo and Vegeta, and she sighed. She looked at the computer, who was still shrieking, and sighed again.
"I think," she said finally, "that we have a problem."
________________________________
Well folks, there you have it. The fourth chapter for LOKI. God, I haven't updated in forever! I just realized how long it's been. I was being all blockish (I'm very depressed about finishing Good Riddance), and suddenly I realized that even I was being a block about Jumping Jim Crow, I was perfectly able to write another chapter of LOKI! YAY! Well. Hope you liked it. It wasn't as long as my chapters usually are, but hey. I haven't done my homework yet, and in three seconds the bonus track of Blink 182 is going to come on after minutes of silence and scare the crap out of me...
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! IT DID IT! OH, THE SHOCK! Anyways. Review, PLEASE!
