~*-*~
"Well, looky here. Good morning."
"Morning? Oh, thanks Wes."
It was after midday when the teenager had finally awoken after sleeping a full ten hours. He awoke to find Wesley sitting across from him sipping from a cup. Tea. How stunningly original.
"Well, more like afternoon really. Nothing beats sleeping in sea air does it Connor?"
"I guess not. What's going on?"
Connor had noticed that the buildings seemed an awful lot larger than they did when he fell asleep. Which meant only one thing.
"Wesley, where are we?"
"Now now, no need to get serious," Wesley joked at the use of his full name. "We've docked Connor. It was after sunrise and we were all hungry. We'll head back out around sundown."
"But what about Spike? And my dad?"
Connor was agitated.
"Let's face it, if Spike does find Angel then he can hardly surface until after the sun goes down so there's no point in hanging around at sea. We didn't take enough food for us, we never thought it would take this long."
"Where's Gunn, and Fred?"
"They left to go back to the hotel. Eat something, have a shower. That kind of thing. I'm just watching you and the boat. They'll be back and we can switch. I can make some hot chocolate inside if you want."
Connor nodded and Wesley left him on deck with his thoughts.
It's a strange feeling, to feel completely lost. To have been lied to your whole life. It's numbing. Not knowing where you belong, not knowing what to think. What to believe. You don't know what's the truth anymore. And that's all I want. The truth. Not all demons are evil, are they? Is my father really a monster? Who am I supposed to trust?
Wesley came out and handed one of the mugs he held to his surrogate nephew. They both stood there in silence staring out into the expanse of the Pacific, before sipping their drinks every so often. Wesley was the closest to Connor as through the months they'd been together, Wesley had a reason to draw to him. Almost asking for forgiveness. In the end, they now had to ask forgiveness of the same person. Angel.
"It's beautiful isn't it?"
"I suppose it is."
"There weren't oceans like this in the Quortoth."
"No, I don't suppose there was."
And then the silence ensued. Connor was the one to break it once again.
"He hates us, doesn't he?"
Wesley didn't need to wonder which 'him' Connor was referring to.
"No no no. Me maybe, you never."
"What happened? Why do you think he hates you?"
Connor looked at Wesley with pleading eyes.
"Please don't lie to me Wesley. I have to know. I've been manipulated my whole life. Don't be like everyone else."
"What do you want Connor?"
"The truth."
Wesley sighed. He was torn between being honest to Connor and breaking the trust that was so highly important in their relationship. Their friendship was probably the healthiest one within the Hyperion, as the Fred and Gunn were still on tenterhooks around the both of them.
"I really don't know how much I should tell you Connor. I don't know how much your father wants you to know, and if I go against his wishes then who knows what I'd have to do to make it up to him. As someone once said, 'Atonement's a bitch'."
"Who said that?"
"It's irrelevant who said it. Fact is, it's true. The important thing is that you still trust me."
There was an uneasy pause.
"I trust you Wes."
Wesley took a deep breath before starting. He kept his eyes looking outwards towards the ocean, never looking at Connor once.
"We all have a destiny Connor. Some people to do good, some to do evil. We can choose to waver along the path set for us by the Powers that Be, but prophecies don't lie. Or at least, that's what I was made to believe. You probably don't think so, but I understand how you feel. Living a lie. Being programmed. I realise now that it happened to me. Before working with your father I was a Watcher."
"What's a Watcher?"
"Have you heard of The Slayer?"
"No."
I swear we should invest in leaflets instead of reeling this off all the time the ex-watcher thought.
"Unto every generation a Slayer is born. One girl in all the world, one born with the strength and skill to fight demons and slay vampires and stop their spread of evil. A Vampire Slayer. But they aren't born knowing how to fight, and how to harness their true power. So The Watcher's Council trains them. But becoming a Watcher is also a predestined thing too. I became a Watcher, and I was taught everything I needed to know to help my Slayer, whoever I was given to, well, watch. It's only now I realise just how much we were conditioned to believe things. Take this whole deal with your father. It was a prophecy Connor. That's where it all started. All problems start with fate."
"What was the prophecy? Did it have something to do with me?"
"It had everything to do with you. I checked the prophecies over and over and still got nowhere. Hell I talked to a giant hamburger and I ended up with the same thing."
"Giant hamburger?"
"Don't ask. They all kept saying the same thing. It was destined that Angel would revert to Angelus and kill you. And I loved you far too much to allow him to do that. I knew it was a risk, but I thought that I could take you, get you out of the state, maybe the country and prevent it from happening. Except that's when Justine found me, and slit my throat before taking you."
"The scar. She gave that to you?"
Wesley nodded.
"I can't believe I trusted her."
"Don't beat yourself up over it. You were brought up to trust the wrong people, just how I was brought up to believe the wrong things. This is the perfect situation for you to have an identity crisis and get away with it you know."
Wesley thought back to his own identity crisis where he had a brief flirtation with a certain Ms Morgan. Fortunately that was over and he'd made his point to her clear. Lilah had gotten the message and hadn't bothered him in months.
"I don't want to talk about your destiny Connor, I think it's your father's duty to tell you that. That is of course if he does tell you, since sometimes it's better to just let these things work out on their own. In any event, there was a demon and he wanted you dead. It turned out that he had faked the prophecy and Angel was never going to turn evil. It was all for nothing. Holtz had stolen you from Angel, you were in the Quortoth and it was my fault. So he was furious, and tried to kill me. I don't blame Angel for trying to kill me. He loves you."
"So that's why you think he hates you."
"I don't think, I know. He hates me. End of story."
Connor thought back on this.
Holtz never said all this. He'd given part of this story but most of it wasn't true. Wes wouldn't lie to me, he has no reason to lie. Holtz never told me the whole story. How much else had been a lie? About me, about my father... My father. Angel. Angelus.
"Tell me about Angelus."
Wesley was startled as this question came out of blue.
"You know about Angelus."
"No I don't. Or at least, I don't know if I do. I don't know how much of what I was told was a lie, if not all of it. I need the whole story, without it being manipulated for someone's end. You'll tell me won't you? That's why I like you Wes. You don't lie to me."
Wow. He has so much faith in me.
"You're right Connor, you need to know. The question is, does Angel want you to know? If he doesn't then telling you is a sure fire way for him to hate me more."
"Let me be the judge of that. You said it yourself that I have to know. So tell me, who is he really?"
This was turning out to be one of the hardest conversations that Wesley was ever a part of. Every time Connor asked a new question about his father, Wesley was walking a fine line. Every time Connor asked a new question Wesley knew that he either had to tell the truth to remain trustworthy or value his previous friendship with Angel by keeping silent. Every time Connor asked a new question, Wesley chose to remain trustworthy and not betray Connor's confidence. Why? Because the worst spot in hell is reserved for those who betray.
"Holtz didn't lie to you. He told the truth about Angelus. Or, at least, he told you what was the truth when he was around in the 18th century. Back then, he was the epitome of evil. He was an expert in the fields of both physical and mental torture. After becoming a vampire he lashed out and in an act of vengeance for the life he'd led, he and your mother killed everyone in his home village. The two of them broke away from the rest of their vampiric family and went killing across Europe, which was when he and your Holtz crossed paths. Darla and Angel returned to England some time in the mid 19th century and Angel drove Drusilla, the girl Spike mentioned, insane and then sired her. Later they found Spike and sired him. As a new family they left for the continent. They continued to kill mercilessly until they arrived in Romania in 1898."
"So he is a monster then, and Holtz was right."
"He was right Connor. As far as he knew. The point is Holtz formed your opinion based on what he saw, and he saw very little. The story of what happened in Romania is vital for anyone who wants the truth. Holtz didn't know, or if he did, he wasn't willing to know. Too consumed with vengeance."
"You mean justice."
Wesley moved for the first time to look at Connor with a smile.
"No, I mean vengeance. There's a difference. A difference you're going to have to learn on your own."
Connor glanced at his now empty mug, reflecting now on both Wesley's last sentence and his previous conversation with Spike.
"So, what happened then? In Romania?"
"Well if the Watcher's Diaries are to be believed, and my opinion of them has been greatly shaken of late, Darla gave him a gypsy girl as a gift. Except this girl was favoured by her tribe who in turn cursed Angelus with the worst punishment they could concoct."
"A soul."
"Indeed. And with a soul comes a conscience. For the rest of eternity he'd have to suffer with the guilt of what he'd done."
"That's not right."
That shook Wesley out of his state. He was being questioned.
"What?"
"That's not right. If it was for the rest of eternity, why did Spike talk about Angelus coming back?"
"Ah yes... I'd put that up to nonsensical gypsy craftsmanship. The curse comes with a clause. A rather stupid one if you ask me. Angel would lose his soul if he received one moment of true happiness. One moment where his soul didn't plague his thoughts. Won't happen whilst he's down there though. The guilt is probably driving him insane."
"Well, if he won't lose his soul, then why's Spike so worried?"
"Because an insane Angel might not be able to control his demon as well as he would normally."
Connor nodded and they both stopped and looked out the ocean. They'd both said a lot and didn't know where to go from there. They were back to a state of awkwardness neither were too fond of.
"So... Gunn and Fred should be here soon?"
"Yep."
Silence again.
"How long do you reckon they'll be?"
"Not long."
Silence again.
"Do you think Spike's found my father?"
Wesley couldn't keep a straight face for some reason.
"I don't know. I just don't know. All I can say is this. Whether or not they've found each other, something tells me they're both in their own personal hell. I would *not* like to be either of them right now..."
~*-*~
Author's Note: Oh yay. Aren't you proud of me? Sticking to my whole "full cast" thing? More soon...
