Title: Raw Precision
Author: UConnFan (Michele)
E-Mail: LoveUConnBasketball@yahoo.com
Story Summary: Post "The Telling"; be warned, it picks up immediately where ep leaves off.
DISCLAIMER: Don't own. Never will. Dream job is a writer on this show, but I'm only seventeen so I'll stick to fanfiction. Don't own anything else recognizable either. The only thing I have control of is Becky, and if you really want her (why would you want her?!) then you can have her.
Authors Note: Okay . . . In retrospect, I definitely needed a Vaughn/Syd session, but having Becky doing it was (in real life & in my story universe) not the best thing to do. Hopefully I've redeemed myself with this chapter. Thank you once again for all the wonderful reviews too.
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"You don't think her questions were purely professional?"
Sydney looked up from her desk to where Dixon had been standing during their conversation. "I'm sure they were… At least the majority of them were. He's her husband though Dixon, how can she not make it personal?
"She's trained for things like that Syd, and if you think she's not doing it right you should tell Kendall."
"I don't want her to lose her job." Just her husband, her mind added bitterly.
"Talk to your father. Maybe he could have your case reassigned."
"You know I want a new therapist," she explained as her former partner nodded. " But I just returned, and I've seen how many people and resources were used to try to find me… I don't want to seem too demanding or childish."
"If you're not comfortable with her then you might be halting your own progress."
"She's good at what she does. I can see that."
"You want to please Agent Vaughn."
Sydney sighed. "Yes and no. I trust Vaughn's judgement. He wouldn't just want me to stop seeing her because of their… personal relationship." Dixon nodded as she continued, "I want to get past this, to find out what happened and move on. If this is the best, quickest way to do that, I'll deal with her."
"Syd, promise me if this becomes too much you'll talk to your father. No one would think less of you for wanting to see another therapist. Not even Agent Vaughn."
"Promise," she smiled. Dixon approved with a tilt of his head and returned to his desk.
Will kept her busy at the restaurant that evening. Halloween was coming up in a few short weeks and there was a party to plan at the restaurant. Sydney didn't bother to ask if this would be the restaurant's first Halloween celebration. Frankly, it didn't matter. Instead, it was obvious that Will was working to insure that she stayed busy. All that mattered was he was trying to help her assimilate back into a normal life. One thing she had learned was that it was the thought that counted.
Jack Bristow was not pleased over breakfast the next morning when Sydney explained that her 'counseling' session had not been a private one, but a session with Vaughn. That morning he all but camped out in front of the younger man's desk until he appeared. "What's wrong Jack?"
"What the hell is your wife thinking?"
"If this is about yesterday -"
"Of course this is about yesterday! My daughter is going through enough right now, she does not need your wife to dredge up things that can be dealt with at a later time."
"You don't think I know that? I had no idea that I was going to be meeting with Sydney until she walked into that office."
"Sydney needs to deal with the things she's remembering, not what issues may remain from her relationship with you," he barked. After a moment of composing himself, he continued in a slightly more gentle fashion, "Agent Vaughn, I have the utmost respect for you, and I respect your judgement in regards to your wife seeing my daughter. However, if she pulls this again not only will her job at the agency be in question but I will pull you from this investigation."
With a sharp jaw he nodded, "I understand Jack. I'll talk to Becky."
"You do that," he demanded and began to wheel away. He only hesitated when Vaughn called his name. Jack turned around to face the younger man.
"How is she?"
"She's been spending a lot of time with Will, Marshall, Carrie and Dixon. Sydney's been through many things in her life, but this is by far the most difficult. Still, she'll preserve. I know my daughter, she'll come out of this better than any of us."
Vaughn nodded and silently thanked him as Jack turned and disappeared to his own office.
After two years time and lulling himself into believing he was fine without her, Vaughn found himself missing her as though it was still that first day she had been gone. If he had asked his wife, she probably would have given him a professional opinion, but he didn't need that. Now Sydney was back and was choosing to ignore him. Before, she couldn't ignore him, they'd been handler and asset, and had been forced to face their problems. He understood that she was rebuilding her life, piecing together the parts that still remained, but it hurt him to consider that she was leaving him out of it.
"You shut her out first," Eric said over beers that night. Vaughn looked up, confused. "You know when you drink you say things out loud that you probably meant to keep in your head."
"Do I?"
"A lot," he nodded. "Don't talk to Becky about it though, that would only equal a disaster."
"This isn't fair to anyone," he groaned and took a swig of his beer.
"I think that was probably Arvin Sloane's intentions," Eric dryly answered.
"I swear, if I even see that man's shadow…"
"I think Jack gets first dibs on murdering him."
"How about I get Irina?"
"Sydney doesn't believe her mother was involved," his best friend reminded. "You kill Irina, you effectively hurt Sydney. Given the situation you're in buddy, I'd re-evaluate that decision."
"Fine, I'll settle for Sark," he shrugged.
"She could call me… Hell, we basically work in the same room and she won't even look at me."
"So we've established that when she gets pissed off, she sometimes falls back on the silent treatment."
"It's driving me fucking insane," he muttered. "Maybe that's her point," he shrugged.
"Somehow I don't think the discovery of your marriage did much to ease her sanity level either."
"I thought she was dead Eric. I didn't do anything wrong."
"Maybe not, but Sydney can't help how she feels."
"And yesterday… Jesus, Becky just wouldn't stop."
"Speaking of Becky, where is your lovely wife this evening?"
"Book Club."
"Book Club," Eric smirked. How his best friend went from a woman who dealt in international espionage to a woman who attended book club twice a week was beyond him. "You realize the answer here is obvious."
"What's that?" He looked at his best friend with tired eyes.
"This really isn't hard man, you divorce Becky and get back with Sydney."
His breath seemed to strangle him as he whispered, "I love Becky."
"You do," Eric agreed. "You love Becky, but you're in love with Sydney."
"I promised Becky the rest of my life. I can't do that to her, she deserves better than that."
"What about Syd though man? What about you?"
"Marriage vows are forever. Whether I like it now or not, I made that promise to my wife."
"Listen, I'm not exactly a big supporter of divorce either. When my parents did, my life became a living hell too," he sighed. "Still, you made promises to Syd too. I don't know what, but I'm sure you must have."
"Eric, I never even told her I loved her," he mumbled against the lip of the beer bottle.
"She knew Mike. She had to have known. This girl was a damn spy, I'm sure she picked up on your feelings. When it came to her you wore them on your sleeve anyway."
"The worse part is, I feel like I failed her. Like moving on … Finally moving on… Like I failed her somehow."
"You didn't fail her. Hell, Jack hasn't killed you yet, so you must be doing something right," he teased. "She doesn't know what you were like, what you did. Those folders can't even hold half of what you did. We know though Mike. Eventually, she'll understand."
"I don't think she wants to understand."
"Sydney's a strong woman, stubborn as a mule," he agreed. "Still, she can't ignore the truth forever."
"No, but she can - - and will - - try."
Eric took a sip of his beer and sighed. "Loves a bitch, isn't it?"
Vaughn laughed and looked at his best friend. "Is that one of your new quotes that you spout to impress women?"
"No," he shook his head. "If you were a woman bitching to me about a man… Well, I probably would have stopped listening awhile ago," he conceded. "But if I hadn't, I'd probably say to remember what Alicia Barnhart said."
"What did she say?"
"You're French, so is she, you don't know?" he jostled him with a good-natured laugh. "Seriously man, she said 'True love never dies, for it is lust that fades away. Love bonds for a lifetime but lust just pushes away'."
"Where did you pick up this crap?"
"Places," he shrugged. "Hey, I've got a date this weekend, it's working."
"Do you believe it?"
"For your sake I have to," he whispered. Vaughn nodded and returned his attention to his near-empty beer.
The last two days of the week seemed like an eternity to Vaughn. He'd taken steps to go out of his way to see her. Thursday morning he'd even made her coffee the way she liked it and put it on her desk. Since she walked in with Dixon and Will - she never seemed to be alone these days – surely, she knew it had been him. Still, she said nothing. That night he tried to console himself with the belief that perhaps she thought it had been her father. The excuse was flimsy at best. Sydney knew it had been him and still wanted nothing to do with him.
Friday afternoon he all but chased after her as she left for the day. When he'd dropped Becky's lunch off at her office that day, he saw that Sydney was supposed to have another hypno-regression session on Tuesday morning. After nearly a week of being ignored, he was frustrated and annoyed. She was already getting into her government-issued sedan when he called her name.
If he hadn't been scrutinizing her every move he wouldn't have noticed her microsecond of hesitation. When she turned around, a smile graced her features. For half a moment it was like everything was okay. That everything was fine. It didn't matter that she had ignored him, or that the world was fantastically unfair to him and Becky, and most of all, to her. For half a moment the earth stopped moving, all problems ceased to exist and her smile reached her eyes.
"Vaughn. Hi."
"Hi," he grinned. "How are you?"
"I'm fine," she nodded. "Just going to meet Will at the restaurant."
The spark of jealousy was irrational and he knew as much. Will was no longer a threat, at least his mind claimed as much. More than that, the former journalist was now among his closest friends. They shared a passion for hockey and a devotion to Sydney that few others could appreciate, sans Jack and Dixon. "You're staying busy?" he asked with what he hoped appeared to be casual interest.
"Doing my best," she shrugged.
"Will mentioned you were looking for a place. Have you had any luck?"
"Not much, but I haven't been looking all that hard."
"You go back to Becky on Tuesday?"
Her face darkened slightly as she nodded, "Yeah." She spoke neutrally, "Dad's going to come with me again. Maybe Will too."
"That's good," his voice came out soft and uneven. Sydney briefly wondered whether the tears were going to pool in his eyes again. "You probably have to go."
"Yeah," she whispered. Her head bobbed in agreement but her feet made no attempts to move. His eyes studied the other cars in the parking garage, even the spatters of aged graffiti that decorated the walls before her soft utterance of his name caught his attention. "Are you okay?"
Truthfully, he wasn't okay. Once things had started to progress with Becky, he'd begun to accept Sydney's death in small bits and pieces. Now that she was back, he wasn't sleeping and nothing seemed to balance anymore. To say that his emotions were conflicting would have been an understatement. He wanted to cling to Becky as badly as he wanted to push her away. No matter what Eric or Becky or even Jack Bristow said, the guilt he carried would never disappear. For all the years they'd spent together in hell, he'd never disappointed or hurt her, and now he had done both.
"I've been doing this job for a long time now, relatively speaking," he started as he wiped the bottom of his nose. Sydney leaned against her car, crossed her arms and nodded as he continued, "I've encountered people I've detested… People who made my stomach curl… Horrible people Syd, people who didn't even feel guilty for what they'd done… But I had never wanted to kill anyone. Not even your mother." His voice was low and dark as she met his eyes. "I'm going to find Arvin Sloane. Syd, if I have to use every black market contact the CIA has, your father and I are going to find him. Then I'm going to kill him with my bare hands. This time I'm not even going to feel sorry about it either."
For some reason this caused her to nod and then a small smile fluttered across her lips. "They won't even consider it a crime. You'll be doing your patriotic duty."
"God Bless America," he grinned.
"You look surprised."
"That you want to murder Arvin Sloane?" she asked as he nodded. "No," she shook her head. "One of us has to, it might as well be you."
"Why me?"
"You're bigger," she shrugged. His grin widened, a smile bigger than she had seen since her return. Daring to allow her smile to disappear, she asked, "What do you think it would have been like?"
"It would have been a girl," he decided, hands in his pockets as he studied their shoes.
"How do you know that?"
"I don't know." He met her eyes, relieved to see no anger. "I just always imagined us having a daughter," he confessed as his cheeks burned. "She would have looked just like you."
"No," Sydney shook her head. "Your eyes," she softly corrected. "Your chin too."
"That's mean Syd," he teased and rubbed his jaw. "My cleft was the origin of many years of elementary school torment."
"I like it," she whispered. "Donovan probably wouldn't have approved of someone monopolizing his master anyway."
"Donovan would have loved it," he corrected. "He would have sat and drooled over her bassinet all day."
The smile that crossed her face at the thought broke his heart. That's all it would ever be now, speculation and what ifs. "Would you have married me?" she whispered, unable to meet his gaze.
He readjusted his weight, a hand in his pocket as he wiped his nose, "Just because you were pregnant?" Sydney nodded. "No, I would have asked you because I wanted you to be my wife."
"That bastard always wins, doesn't he?" she whispered with an otherwise unheard venom in her voice.
"No Syd," he corrected her. "Sloane isn't going to win. Not this time, or any time. I'm not going to let you give up here. Neither will your father or Dixon or Will. This isn't over, not by a long shot. There's no way in hell he's getting out of this the winner."
"I won't let him hurt you."
"He won't," Vaughn vowed. For the first time they openly took in one another, finding comfort in their connection. Slowly his lips curled into a smile, and hers joined suit. Even in the dirty light of the parking lot he would have been hard pressed to find anyway to describe her, other than beautiful.
At the end of a long day, Becky Vaughn put together her belongings. The week was finally over and she was eager to enjoy her weekend. On her way out, she paused to say goodbye to her friends and peeked in to find her husband's office empty. Resolved that she would see him at home, she got into the elevator and headed towards the parking garage. It was an uncharacteristically early departure for her. Usually she'd spend hours making recommendations and evaluations, even on Friday's, but the week had been the longest in her recent memory. Absently she stepped out of the elevator and searched for her keys.
Quickly she rounded the corner and stopped. Less than three meters from where she was, Michael and Sydney were unaware of her presence. They stood no more then a foot from one another, silently waiting for the other to say something to force them back to their other lives. For a moment she wondered if this was what the warehouse was like all those years ago. Oddly enough, the sensation that surged through her body was more prying then painful; she felt more like a voyeur to the scene then a victim of it.
Conscious of her options, she slowly slid her keys back into her purse and turned around. There were other ways to reach her car, and if these two needed to communicate she didn't want to be the one to make it more difficult. Perhaps Michael had been right and they did need to work this out without a third party. Still, she had seen too many people push aside issues, ignore them until they burst. That was the last thing she wanted to see happen to either her husband or Agent Sydney Bristow.
On the other side of the parking garage, Vaughn and Sydney continued their silent stance. "You can't keep avoiding me Syd," he whispered as her eyes dropped. Their moment had been wonderful, the most comfort he'd felt in what seemed like a lifetime, but he needed to address what was important.
"I haven't -"
"Don't start lying to me now," he hissed. The low beat of his voice caused her to meet his eyes before she looked the other way.
"Vaughn… You've made this life, this wonderful life. I don't want to ruin that."
"You're a part of that Sydney," he corrected.
Her head shook. "Becky…" she spoke softly.
"I love my wife," he conceded as her eyes dropped. "That still doesn't change how I feel for you."
Sydney struggled to understand the seemingly impossible. Was it possible to be in love with two people at once? Surely it wasn't. You loved one and were in love with another.
"Sydney, I thought you were dead."
"I know -"
"No you don't," he stopped her. "I know you lost Danny Syd, but it's not the same. When you lost Danny… You took a risk before hand, you told him the truth. You had a body, you knew what happened, you got to say goodbye. You and I… I had no reason to believe anything like that would happen. In this world… I knew in the back of my mind that there was a chance I might lose you someday, but I always thought I'd be on that mission, that it wouldn't be after I dropped you off at your damn house to pack."
"Vaughn, don't blame yourself."
"Wouldn't you?" he snapped. "Wouldn't you Sydney? For years I watched you take the weight of everything. I'm the one who takes the weight for this. I should have gone with you instead of sitting in that mindless debrief with Kendall!"
"So what? So you could have ended up dead?" Unbeknownst to her, the tears pooled in her eyes as she spoke the words.
"For most of the past two years… I would have given anything to go back and go into that apartment with you that night. To give you back up. To do something."
"If something had happened to you there, because of Francie's double… I never would have forgiven myself."
"I didn't join the CIA to stay safe."
"I can't lose anyone else Vaughn." She shook her head as she continued, "Please… I know you need to find them, I do too. So does my father. We need to find them, but you need to promise me that you won't take any unnecessary risks," she requested. When he didn't answer, she dared to reach over and take his hand. It was the first physical contact they had since the awkward hug in Hong Kong. "Promise me Vaughn."
"I promise," he whispered as she dropped his hand. "If you'd rather see another therapist… go back to Barnett or the doctor that worked with you when you found out about Project Christmas… I can take care of that for you."
Sydney smiled at the way he awkwardly granted her permission to free herself of his wife's clutches. Not anymore though. Perhaps if he'd made the offer a few days ago, she would have jumped on it, but no more. She was not going to be intimidated or disgruntled by anyone. "She's good at what she does Vaughn," she reminded him. "I've seen her record. She's one of the best that we have. She was at Langley for a few years before she transferred back here. I'm going to stay with her."
"You should probably go meet Will. Before you're late," he realized.
"Right," she smiled and this time got into her car. "Have a nice weekend," she wished. Vaughn remained firmly planted as she pulled out of her spot, relieved when she was out in the LA sunlight and allowed to erase the smile from her face.
The city passed by her as she crawled through the traffic towards the restaurant. With one hand she managed to call and assure Will that she was just running late. She then absently tossed her cell phone into the passenger seat and searched the radio for something to listen to. The only thing polluting the airways seemed to be traffic reports, irritating and pointless since she already found herself sitting in the cramp of rush hour.
As traffic finally began to move, the shrill ring of her cell phone caught her off guard. Balancing the steering wheel in her left hand she reached over with her right to grasp the phone. Sighing she pressed 'on' and brought the phone up to her ear. "Hello?"
"Agent Bristow, where are you?" Director Kendall demanded to know.
"I'm going home. It's Friday. What is it?"
"Get back here immediately."
"What's going on?" she asked as her mind formulated the quickest way to return to the office.
Kendall sighed so loudly that she swore she could see his forehead crease from her space on the highway. "Your Mother's here."
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A/N: This might be the last chapter of Raw Precision for a little while. My original fiction is in desperate need of some TLC (and if I don't, Meg will hurt me badly) and The Lightkeeper & Trying Normal might like some attention too. Just a warning. As always, please review. Your reviews mean so much to me. I just love them so much!
Author: UConnFan (Michele)
E-Mail: LoveUConnBasketball@yahoo.com
Story Summary: Post "The Telling"; be warned, it picks up immediately where ep leaves off.
DISCLAIMER: Don't own. Never will. Dream job is a writer on this show, but I'm only seventeen so I'll stick to fanfiction. Don't own anything else recognizable either. The only thing I have control of is Becky, and if you really want her (why would you want her?!) then you can have her.
Authors Note: Okay . . . In retrospect, I definitely needed a Vaughn/Syd session, but having Becky doing it was (in real life & in my story universe) not the best thing to do. Hopefully I've redeemed myself with this chapter. Thank you once again for all the wonderful reviews too.
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"You don't think her questions were purely professional?"
Sydney looked up from her desk to where Dixon had been standing during their conversation. "I'm sure they were… At least the majority of them were. He's her husband though Dixon, how can she not make it personal?
"She's trained for things like that Syd, and if you think she's not doing it right you should tell Kendall."
"I don't want her to lose her job." Just her husband, her mind added bitterly.
"Talk to your father. Maybe he could have your case reassigned."
"You know I want a new therapist," she explained as her former partner nodded. " But I just returned, and I've seen how many people and resources were used to try to find me… I don't want to seem too demanding or childish."
"If you're not comfortable with her then you might be halting your own progress."
"She's good at what she does. I can see that."
"You want to please Agent Vaughn."
Sydney sighed. "Yes and no. I trust Vaughn's judgement. He wouldn't just want me to stop seeing her because of their… personal relationship." Dixon nodded as she continued, "I want to get past this, to find out what happened and move on. If this is the best, quickest way to do that, I'll deal with her."
"Syd, promise me if this becomes too much you'll talk to your father. No one would think less of you for wanting to see another therapist. Not even Agent Vaughn."
"Promise," she smiled. Dixon approved with a tilt of his head and returned to his desk.
Will kept her busy at the restaurant that evening. Halloween was coming up in a few short weeks and there was a party to plan at the restaurant. Sydney didn't bother to ask if this would be the restaurant's first Halloween celebration. Frankly, it didn't matter. Instead, it was obvious that Will was working to insure that she stayed busy. All that mattered was he was trying to help her assimilate back into a normal life. One thing she had learned was that it was the thought that counted.
Jack Bristow was not pleased over breakfast the next morning when Sydney explained that her 'counseling' session had not been a private one, but a session with Vaughn. That morning he all but camped out in front of the younger man's desk until he appeared. "What's wrong Jack?"
"What the hell is your wife thinking?"
"If this is about yesterday -"
"Of course this is about yesterday! My daughter is going through enough right now, she does not need your wife to dredge up things that can be dealt with at a later time."
"You don't think I know that? I had no idea that I was going to be meeting with Sydney until she walked into that office."
"Sydney needs to deal with the things she's remembering, not what issues may remain from her relationship with you," he barked. After a moment of composing himself, he continued in a slightly more gentle fashion, "Agent Vaughn, I have the utmost respect for you, and I respect your judgement in regards to your wife seeing my daughter. However, if she pulls this again not only will her job at the agency be in question but I will pull you from this investigation."
With a sharp jaw he nodded, "I understand Jack. I'll talk to Becky."
"You do that," he demanded and began to wheel away. He only hesitated when Vaughn called his name. Jack turned around to face the younger man.
"How is she?"
"She's been spending a lot of time with Will, Marshall, Carrie and Dixon. Sydney's been through many things in her life, but this is by far the most difficult. Still, she'll preserve. I know my daughter, she'll come out of this better than any of us."
Vaughn nodded and silently thanked him as Jack turned and disappeared to his own office.
After two years time and lulling himself into believing he was fine without her, Vaughn found himself missing her as though it was still that first day she had been gone. If he had asked his wife, she probably would have given him a professional opinion, but he didn't need that. Now Sydney was back and was choosing to ignore him. Before, she couldn't ignore him, they'd been handler and asset, and had been forced to face their problems. He understood that she was rebuilding her life, piecing together the parts that still remained, but it hurt him to consider that she was leaving him out of it.
"You shut her out first," Eric said over beers that night. Vaughn looked up, confused. "You know when you drink you say things out loud that you probably meant to keep in your head."
"Do I?"
"A lot," he nodded. "Don't talk to Becky about it though, that would only equal a disaster."
"This isn't fair to anyone," he groaned and took a swig of his beer.
"I think that was probably Arvin Sloane's intentions," Eric dryly answered.
"I swear, if I even see that man's shadow…"
"I think Jack gets first dibs on murdering him."
"How about I get Irina?"
"Sydney doesn't believe her mother was involved," his best friend reminded. "You kill Irina, you effectively hurt Sydney. Given the situation you're in buddy, I'd re-evaluate that decision."
"Fine, I'll settle for Sark," he shrugged.
"She could call me… Hell, we basically work in the same room and she won't even look at me."
"So we've established that when she gets pissed off, she sometimes falls back on the silent treatment."
"It's driving me fucking insane," he muttered. "Maybe that's her point," he shrugged.
"Somehow I don't think the discovery of your marriage did much to ease her sanity level either."
"I thought she was dead Eric. I didn't do anything wrong."
"Maybe not, but Sydney can't help how she feels."
"And yesterday… Jesus, Becky just wouldn't stop."
"Speaking of Becky, where is your lovely wife this evening?"
"Book Club."
"Book Club," Eric smirked. How his best friend went from a woman who dealt in international espionage to a woman who attended book club twice a week was beyond him. "You realize the answer here is obvious."
"What's that?" He looked at his best friend with tired eyes.
"This really isn't hard man, you divorce Becky and get back with Sydney."
His breath seemed to strangle him as he whispered, "I love Becky."
"You do," Eric agreed. "You love Becky, but you're in love with Sydney."
"I promised Becky the rest of my life. I can't do that to her, she deserves better than that."
"What about Syd though man? What about you?"
"Marriage vows are forever. Whether I like it now or not, I made that promise to my wife."
"Listen, I'm not exactly a big supporter of divorce either. When my parents did, my life became a living hell too," he sighed. "Still, you made promises to Syd too. I don't know what, but I'm sure you must have."
"Eric, I never even told her I loved her," he mumbled against the lip of the beer bottle.
"She knew Mike. She had to have known. This girl was a damn spy, I'm sure she picked up on your feelings. When it came to her you wore them on your sleeve anyway."
"The worse part is, I feel like I failed her. Like moving on … Finally moving on… Like I failed her somehow."
"You didn't fail her. Hell, Jack hasn't killed you yet, so you must be doing something right," he teased. "She doesn't know what you were like, what you did. Those folders can't even hold half of what you did. We know though Mike. Eventually, she'll understand."
"I don't think she wants to understand."
"Sydney's a strong woman, stubborn as a mule," he agreed. "Still, she can't ignore the truth forever."
"No, but she can - - and will - - try."
Eric took a sip of his beer and sighed. "Loves a bitch, isn't it?"
Vaughn laughed and looked at his best friend. "Is that one of your new quotes that you spout to impress women?"
"No," he shook his head. "If you were a woman bitching to me about a man… Well, I probably would have stopped listening awhile ago," he conceded. "But if I hadn't, I'd probably say to remember what Alicia Barnhart said."
"What did she say?"
"You're French, so is she, you don't know?" he jostled him with a good-natured laugh. "Seriously man, she said 'True love never dies, for it is lust that fades away. Love bonds for a lifetime but lust just pushes away'."
"Where did you pick up this crap?"
"Places," he shrugged. "Hey, I've got a date this weekend, it's working."
"Do you believe it?"
"For your sake I have to," he whispered. Vaughn nodded and returned his attention to his near-empty beer.
The last two days of the week seemed like an eternity to Vaughn. He'd taken steps to go out of his way to see her. Thursday morning he'd even made her coffee the way she liked it and put it on her desk. Since she walked in with Dixon and Will - she never seemed to be alone these days – surely, she knew it had been him. Still, she said nothing. That night he tried to console himself with the belief that perhaps she thought it had been her father. The excuse was flimsy at best. Sydney knew it had been him and still wanted nothing to do with him.
Friday afternoon he all but chased after her as she left for the day. When he'd dropped Becky's lunch off at her office that day, he saw that Sydney was supposed to have another hypno-regression session on Tuesday morning. After nearly a week of being ignored, he was frustrated and annoyed. She was already getting into her government-issued sedan when he called her name.
If he hadn't been scrutinizing her every move he wouldn't have noticed her microsecond of hesitation. When she turned around, a smile graced her features. For half a moment it was like everything was okay. That everything was fine. It didn't matter that she had ignored him, or that the world was fantastically unfair to him and Becky, and most of all, to her. For half a moment the earth stopped moving, all problems ceased to exist and her smile reached her eyes.
"Vaughn. Hi."
"Hi," he grinned. "How are you?"
"I'm fine," she nodded. "Just going to meet Will at the restaurant."
The spark of jealousy was irrational and he knew as much. Will was no longer a threat, at least his mind claimed as much. More than that, the former journalist was now among his closest friends. They shared a passion for hockey and a devotion to Sydney that few others could appreciate, sans Jack and Dixon. "You're staying busy?" he asked with what he hoped appeared to be casual interest.
"Doing my best," she shrugged.
"Will mentioned you were looking for a place. Have you had any luck?"
"Not much, but I haven't been looking all that hard."
"You go back to Becky on Tuesday?"
Her face darkened slightly as she nodded, "Yeah." She spoke neutrally, "Dad's going to come with me again. Maybe Will too."
"That's good," his voice came out soft and uneven. Sydney briefly wondered whether the tears were going to pool in his eyes again. "You probably have to go."
"Yeah," she whispered. Her head bobbed in agreement but her feet made no attempts to move. His eyes studied the other cars in the parking garage, even the spatters of aged graffiti that decorated the walls before her soft utterance of his name caught his attention. "Are you okay?"
Truthfully, he wasn't okay. Once things had started to progress with Becky, he'd begun to accept Sydney's death in small bits and pieces. Now that she was back, he wasn't sleeping and nothing seemed to balance anymore. To say that his emotions were conflicting would have been an understatement. He wanted to cling to Becky as badly as he wanted to push her away. No matter what Eric or Becky or even Jack Bristow said, the guilt he carried would never disappear. For all the years they'd spent together in hell, he'd never disappointed or hurt her, and now he had done both.
"I've been doing this job for a long time now, relatively speaking," he started as he wiped the bottom of his nose. Sydney leaned against her car, crossed her arms and nodded as he continued, "I've encountered people I've detested… People who made my stomach curl… Horrible people Syd, people who didn't even feel guilty for what they'd done… But I had never wanted to kill anyone. Not even your mother." His voice was low and dark as she met his eyes. "I'm going to find Arvin Sloane. Syd, if I have to use every black market contact the CIA has, your father and I are going to find him. Then I'm going to kill him with my bare hands. This time I'm not even going to feel sorry about it either."
For some reason this caused her to nod and then a small smile fluttered across her lips. "They won't even consider it a crime. You'll be doing your patriotic duty."
"God Bless America," he grinned.
"You look surprised."
"That you want to murder Arvin Sloane?" she asked as he nodded. "No," she shook her head. "One of us has to, it might as well be you."
"Why me?"
"You're bigger," she shrugged. His grin widened, a smile bigger than she had seen since her return. Daring to allow her smile to disappear, she asked, "What do you think it would have been like?"
"It would have been a girl," he decided, hands in his pockets as he studied their shoes.
"How do you know that?"
"I don't know." He met her eyes, relieved to see no anger. "I just always imagined us having a daughter," he confessed as his cheeks burned. "She would have looked just like you."
"No," Sydney shook her head. "Your eyes," she softly corrected. "Your chin too."
"That's mean Syd," he teased and rubbed his jaw. "My cleft was the origin of many years of elementary school torment."
"I like it," she whispered. "Donovan probably wouldn't have approved of someone monopolizing his master anyway."
"Donovan would have loved it," he corrected. "He would have sat and drooled over her bassinet all day."
The smile that crossed her face at the thought broke his heart. That's all it would ever be now, speculation and what ifs. "Would you have married me?" she whispered, unable to meet his gaze.
He readjusted his weight, a hand in his pocket as he wiped his nose, "Just because you were pregnant?" Sydney nodded. "No, I would have asked you because I wanted you to be my wife."
"That bastard always wins, doesn't he?" she whispered with an otherwise unheard venom in her voice.
"No Syd," he corrected her. "Sloane isn't going to win. Not this time, or any time. I'm not going to let you give up here. Neither will your father or Dixon or Will. This isn't over, not by a long shot. There's no way in hell he's getting out of this the winner."
"I won't let him hurt you."
"He won't," Vaughn vowed. For the first time they openly took in one another, finding comfort in their connection. Slowly his lips curled into a smile, and hers joined suit. Even in the dirty light of the parking lot he would have been hard pressed to find anyway to describe her, other than beautiful.
At the end of a long day, Becky Vaughn put together her belongings. The week was finally over and she was eager to enjoy her weekend. On her way out, she paused to say goodbye to her friends and peeked in to find her husband's office empty. Resolved that she would see him at home, she got into the elevator and headed towards the parking garage. It was an uncharacteristically early departure for her. Usually she'd spend hours making recommendations and evaluations, even on Friday's, but the week had been the longest in her recent memory. Absently she stepped out of the elevator and searched for her keys.
Quickly she rounded the corner and stopped. Less than three meters from where she was, Michael and Sydney were unaware of her presence. They stood no more then a foot from one another, silently waiting for the other to say something to force them back to their other lives. For a moment she wondered if this was what the warehouse was like all those years ago. Oddly enough, the sensation that surged through her body was more prying then painful; she felt more like a voyeur to the scene then a victim of it.
Conscious of her options, she slowly slid her keys back into her purse and turned around. There were other ways to reach her car, and if these two needed to communicate she didn't want to be the one to make it more difficult. Perhaps Michael had been right and they did need to work this out without a third party. Still, she had seen too many people push aside issues, ignore them until they burst. That was the last thing she wanted to see happen to either her husband or Agent Sydney Bristow.
On the other side of the parking garage, Vaughn and Sydney continued their silent stance. "You can't keep avoiding me Syd," he whispered as her eyes dropped. Their moment had been wonderful, the most comfort he'd felt in what seemed like a lifetime, but he needed to address what was important.
"I haven't -"
"Don't start lying to me now," he hissed. The low beat of his voice caused her to meet his eyes before she looked the other way.
"Vaughn… You've made this life, this wonderful life. I don't want to ruin that."
"You're a part of that Sydney," he corrected.
Her head shook. "Becky…" she spoke softly.
"I love my wife," he conceded as her eyes dropped. "That still doesn't change how I feel for you."
Sydney struggled to understand the seemingly impossible. Was it possible to be in love with two people at once? Surely it wasn't. You loved one and were in love with another.
"Sydney, I thought you were dead."
"I know -"
"No you don't," he stopped her. "I know you lost Danny Syd, but it's not the same. When you lost Danny… You took a risk before hand, you told him the truth. You had a body, you knew what happened, you got to say goodbye. You and I… I had no reason to believe anything like that would happen. In this world… I knew in the back of my mind that there was a chance I might lose you someday, but I always thought I'd be on that mission, that it wouldn't be after I dropped you off at your damn house to pack."
"Vaughn, don't blame yourself."
"Wouldn't you?" he snapped. "Wouldn't you Sydney? For years I watched you take the weight of everything. I'm the one who takes the weight for this. I should have gone with you instead of sitting in that mindless debrief with Kendall!"
"So what? So you could have ended up dead?" Unbeknownst to her, the tears pooled in her eyes as she spoke the words.
"For most of the past two years… I would have given anything to go back and go into that apartment with you that night. To give you back up. To do something."
"If something had happened to you there, because of Francie's double… I never would have forgiven myself."
"I didn't join the CIA to stay safe."
"I can't lose anyone else Vaughn." She shook her head as she continued, "Please… I know you need to find them, I do too. So does my father. We need to find them, but you need to promise me that you won't take any unnecessary risks," she requested. When he didn't answer, she dared to reach over and take his hand. It was the first physical contact they had since the awkward hug in Hong Kong. "Promise me Vaughn."
"I promise," he whispered as she dropped his hand. "If you'd rather see another therapist… go back to Barnett or the doctor that worked with you when you found out about Project Christmas… I can take care of that for you."
Sydney smiled at the way he awkwardly granted her permission to free herself of his wife's clutches. Not anymore though. Perhaps if he'd made the offer a few days ago, she would have jumped on it, but no more. She was not going to be intimidated or disgruntled by anyone. "She's good at what she does Vaughn," she reminded him. "I've seen her record. She's one of the best that we have. She was at Langley for a few years before she transferred back here. I'm going to stay with her."
"You should probably go meet Will. Before you're late," he realized.
"Right," she smiled and this time got into her car. "Have a nice weekend," she wished. Vaughn remained firmly planted as she pulled out of her spot, relieved when she was out in the LA sunlight and allowed to erase the smile from her face.
The city passed by her as she crawled through the traffic towards the restaurant. With one hand she managed to call and assure Will that she was just running late. She then absently tossed her cell phone into the passenger seat and searched the radio for something to listen to. The only thing polluting the airways seemed to be traffic reports, irritating and pointless since she already found herself sitting in the cramp of rush hour.
As traffic finally began to move, the shrill ring of her cell phone caught her off guard. Balancing the steering wheel in her left hand she reached over with her right to grasp the phone. Sighing she pressed 'on' and brought the phone up to her ear. "Hello?"
"Agent Bristow, where are you?" Director Kendall demanded to know.
"I'm going home. It's Friday. What is it?"
"Get back here immediately."
"What's going on?" she asked as her mind formulated the quickest way to return to the office.
Kendall sighed so loudly that she swore she could see his forehead crease from her space on the highway. "Your Mother's here."
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A/N: This might be the last chapter of Raw Precision for a little while. My original fiction is in desperate need of some TLC (and if I don't, Meg will hurt me badly) and The Lightkeeper & Trying Normal might like some attention too. Just a warning. As always, please review. Your reviews mean so much to me. I just love them so much!
