~*-*~
Los Angeles 2002
Angel was pulled out of his moment of fatherly admiration by the voice of a rather pissed off vampire finding his way aboard.
"Oh... you immature little pillock!"
Angel laughed, as did all the others on deck with the exception of Winifred. She was somewhat puzzled by something.
"Don't you dare laugh at me! I can assure you that it wasn't funny. It hurt. Wes, hand us a towel will you?"
Wesley paused his laughter to recall the information needed.
"Oh yes. Angel, Spike, there's a couple of towels in the cabin over there and some dry clothes."
Fred put in a few words of her own, trying to get some of her own questions answered.
"Yeah, we also have some blood for you. We thought you might need some after being down there for so long. Going with the information that the books have back at the hotel, you should be a little less... composed."
Fred said the last part of her sentence rather pointedly at Angel, and Angel noticed. He racked his mind over a reason why he wasn't mad with hunger without talking about his escapism or the mermaids.
Dammit! The mermaids!
"Do we have any nets?"
Spike caught on and headed across next to Connor where some nets were. Gunn however didn't catch on, understandably.
"What?"
"Nets. Fishing nets."
He pointed to the nets that Spike had already found. Angel grabbed them with Spike and threw the nets overboard. Gunn remained as confused as ever.
"What are you doing? Now ain't no time to go fishing!"
As he stood there in wait, Angel had a quick forward flash to the reaction he'd probably get when he pulled the naked mermaids up onto deck. He whispered to Spike.
"Spike! They're naked remember?"
Spike merely shrugged.
"So? It isn't anything we haven't seen before. Or has widdle Angel not learnt about the differences between boys and girls?"
"Connor? Why don't you go inside the cabin for a while okay?"
The younger of the two vampires laughed at the way Angel had suddenly reverted back to his 18th century ideals.
"You're trying to bring him up as a repressive prude aren't you?"
"Have I mentioned just how much I *don't* like your influence on him?"
"Many times."
The anger that had been steadily boiling in Angel for the past day was quickly gaining further ammunition. Angel was a time bomb waiting to go off, and Spike was getting closer and closer to detonating him.
"Rhetorical question Spike. Understand this. I don't need your help in raising *my* child."
Spike mimicked Angel in a mocking tone.
""I don't need your help raising *my* child!" Prat."
Gunn, confused, approached the quarrelling two.
"Guys, what's going on? What are you fishing for, and please don't say trouble..."
The tension in the net strings caused Angel and Spike to realise that Katherina and Bianca had found their way inside the netting. Only one thing left to do...
"Now, when we reel this catch in, you've got to promise not to freak out okay?"
The unanimous expression of "Sure" went up. And so Spike and Angel pulled the nets back up, revealing Katherina and Bianca to everyone.
"Whoa!" "Oh my..." "Dear..."
The living part of the group went partially into shock at the sight of the creatures that were half fish and half human. Connor was only puzzled by what he saw but the others reacted quite differently. Fred just kept pointing frantically at the net whilst opening and shutting her mouth repeatedly, knowing not what to say. Gunn and Wesley together made a list of non-stop blasphemy, however never finished any phrases.
"You promised not to freak out!"
Fred finally had something to say.
"We promised yeah! But that was before you hauled in a couple of... of..."
"They're mermaids! Why is it so difficult for people to get their minds around? First Spike, now you guys..."
Angel and Spike just stared at the gaping people aboard. All just stared and pointed.
"They are just women with tails. Is it that hard?"
The resounding chorus of "YES!" answered Spike's question. Spike threw his hands up in mock horror before giving Angel a hand with opening the netting. Angel, still feeling a little uncomfortable at having Connor around, focused on the issue at hand.
"Fred, do you have any clothes?"
Fred looked down at her outfit before looking back at Angel in shock.
"Of course I have clothes! I have lots of clothes! Pretty clothes! It's purely coincidence that I was wearing this the last time you saw me. You have been a gone a while, and I'm not like Cordelia you know. I don't have 365 different sets of clothing or anything. I have better things to do than shop for clothes."
Angel shook his head in confusion at the outburst, and then clarified.
"Spare, Fred. Do you have any clothes spare on this boat?"
Winifred fell back immediately into her normally placid demeanour.
"Oh! Then no."
"Well we have to do something. We can't just have naked women sitting around the place."
Connor shrugged and thought this over with a smirk on his face.
"Why not?"
The comment earned him a well-deserved glare from his father. Spike actually laughed out loud.
"He grew up in a hell dimension, but a teenage boy will always be a teenage boy."
That also earned Spike a glare from his sire. Angel was doing a whole lot of glaring tonight.
"Peaches, calm it."
I'll calm you in a minute you annoying little...
Katherina coughed.
"You know, it's really okay. We don't need clothes."
"Yes you do!"
Katherina was taken aback by her Champion's outburst as was her sister, who spoke to her.
It would appear that the Magnificent One isn't the same on land.
Yes, for on land he would be dry.
Katherina, shut up.
Angel quickly apologised.
"I'm sorry Katherina, I'm just a little on edge."
"Oooh! Maybe that rod shifted even further up his arse!"
Angel pretended not to hear the comment whispered under Spike's breath and continued.
"Tell you what girls. I'll just grab you some shirts."
Angel paused while he deliberated actually talking to Wesley. He made it perfectly clear that he was only being civil. The tension was still rife.
"Wesley, you did bring shirts right?"
"Sweaters actually. But they'll suit the purpose surely, no pun intended."
Angel nodded sharply and wandered inside. Meanwhile Spike threw on the coat he'd used on the way to the shore, the coat that was in fact Angel's. Fred noticed something, but it wasn't the coat.
"Spike, aren't you going to get out of those wet clothes?"
Gunn coughed rather loudly and pointedly at his girlfriend. Once Fred realised what she had said she quickly explained whilst Spike chuckled immediately.
"No, I mean, you don't wanna walk around in those clothes and you'd be better out of them."
Both Gunn and Wesley's eyes widened.
"No! No! I meant, argh! People shouldn't walk around in wet clothing. You'll catch pneumonia."
Spike leaned in to her, paused, and then spoke slowly.
"Winifred love? Vampire."
Fred gestured wildly in embarrassment at her gaffe.
"I know! I mean... I... I'll be over here."
She shied away and moved closer to her boyfriend, who in turn put his arm around her. Sometimes men can be so territorial. At which point Angel returned to The Boat Deck Of Embarrassing Silence.
"Okay, I come forth bearing clothing! ...and what's going on here?"
Angel looked around at everyone's discomfort and smiled.
"Come on guys! It's not that bad. Whatever happened, it could probably be worse. I mean Fred could start hitting on Spike or something!"
Collective groan.
"What?"
Everybody moved away to different sides of the deck.
"What?!"
Once Angel had allowed the two mermaids to cover themselves up, he turned to his group to iron out the battle plan.
"Listen, here's what we're going to do. Spike have you introduced everyone?"
"No."
"God Spike! Can't you do anything right? You are worthless."
Angel was so angry he didn't even notice the pain cross Spike's face.
"Sorry."
Spike went to lean against the side, coincidentally quite far away from Fred. Angel rolled his eyes and continued.
"Everyone, I'd like to introduce you to Katherina and Bianca. Girls, this is everyone."
He pointed accordingly.
"Gunn, Fred, Connor my son... and Wesley."
The girls smiled. Bianca, ever the more forthcoming of the two actually took this opportunity to say hello.
"Hello Gunn, Fred, Connor the Champion's son... and Wesley."
Gunn, Fred, Connor Angel's son and Wesley responded with a range of hellos to the younger mermaid. Katherina on the other hand was rather uninterested.
"Yeah, whatever."
Angel sighed and thought things through as he ran his fingers through his hair, which coincidentally was in no condition to be proud of.
Another thing for the To Do List. Fix Hair.
Randomly after thinking this, his fellow (yet unwelcome) vampire raised his head and gave him a look that said "You self-involved bastard".
Can he read my thoughts? No of course not. Spike?
Spike looked away.
Spike?
No response.
Spike, you stupid son of a bitch! Your shoes don't match and you punch like a girl!
No response.
Yes! You can't steal my thoughts! No sir, my thoughts are my own. Finally something you can't take from me boy!
Angel kept his eye on Spike and just saw him sulk. Or was he?
Oh my god. Is he, is he... brooding?!
Angel was once again interrupted from his ponderings by Fred, whose conversation with the mermaids had grown stale due mostly in part to Gunn's inability to make conversation. He'd always had problems with fish, barring those that were dead and on a plate. Everyone's got issues.
"You were saying Angel? Game plan? What are we doing with Katherina and Bianca?"
Can't a man finish a thought around here?
"Right! Now Katherina and Bianca are mermaids. Obviously. Goes without saying that this fact stays between us and us alone. We're taking them back to the Hyperion with us."
Gunn and Wesley shared a glance.
"Whoa, Angel you sure 'bout this? I mean, we don't have an ocean!"
"No, but we have a pool. Or at least we will once we've finished with it. The pool next to the kitchen? We're converting it for them. Let's just say these two helped us, and now we're returning the favour."
Fred was excited already.
"Wait, are you saying you had an adventure under the sea? Wow! Just like Hans Christian Anderson!"
To which Angel gave a deadpan response.
"Yes Fred. Just like Hans Christian Anderson."
It was now Katherina and Bianca's turn to share a glance.
Who's Hans Christian Anderson?
Katherina shrugged.
"Fred, I'll tell you about it later. The important thing is we get back under the cover of darkness so we don't burn, and so those two don't get noticed."
Wesley and Gunn saw this is an opportunity to show their new "friendship".
"Yes well Angel, I shall go and start us up and move back towards shore."
"Yep, I'm going to go with my good friend Wes here and give him a hand."
Gunn grabbed Wesley by the hand and then began to walk towards the cabin. Quietly Wesley whispered back to Gunn once they were out of earshot.
"Gunn, we're pretending to be friends not gay lovers."
"Right."
~*-*~
Author's Note: I have good news and good news. The good news? I finished Opium yesterday! WOOOOO! The good news? I finished Opium yesterday! WOOOOOOO!
In light of this WOOOOO-worthy event, I can now finally make my "regular" updates, well, regular! So if there are in fact people still following this story, it's been finished and expect the rest soon.
Muchos hugs and furry kittens for sticking with me on this one!
