~*-*~
There he lay, neither stretched out nor curled up. Head resting against the blue pillow, the two kept apart by the presence of his hands laced together. His knees were bent and the balls of his feet bouncing on the soft mattress impatiently. It was understandable to think he was alone in the bed, and considering the space left between him and his partner, he practically was. They were however not far enough apart for the rippling motion cause by the ever tapping feet to not disturb the person on the other side of the bed.
"Charles."
She tried to shake him out of his trance with her voice.
"Charles?"
He continued to tap, and she was forced to shout.
"Charles!"
That pulled him out of his thoughts but not out of his twitch.
"Yeah Fred?"
"Could you not?"
She gestured to his feet, at which point they finally realised that their habit was annoying and stopped. Gunn stretched his legs out to avoid the temptation.
"Sorry. I'm feeling restless."
Snuggling further into her side of the duvet, Fred returned her eyes to the ceiling.
"Well if you're feeling restless then go downstairs. Talk to Angel or something, give him a hand. Make yourself useful."
Gunn scoffed.
"More like useless."
Fred sighed as the same conversation the couple had been through over the past three weeks began again.
"You're not useless. And maybe if you went downstairs and talked, you'd realise that."
"They don't want me down there."
"That's not true."
The exasperation screamed in Fred's voice. This talk led to the same argument every night and she was tired of it. Gunn was tired of it too, but being tired of an argument doesn't make the main issues go away. As his restlessness got the better of him, Gunn threw the covers to the side and sat up.
"Course it is Fred! Angel hasn't asked for my help for around a month."
"Maybe he doesn't want to intrude. After all, we are a couple."
The way Fred said 'couple' sounded rather strange to hear. Aside from them (barely) sharing a bed, Fred and Gunn were as separate as possible.
"He's a vampire, and a perceptive one at that. He probably knows we haven't..."
His sentence slowed as he caught the eyes of the woman whom he hadn't touched for weeks. They gazed into one another as he continued, his voice laced with sorrow and understanding.
"He knows."
Gunn's short sentence reverberated with truth and finality in Fred's ear, but instead of focusing on the topic of their cold bed, she moved on.
"Yes well even if he does, its not Angel's place to drag you out of here."
"He's not dragging me out because I'm not needed. Face it Fred."
He stood up and began to pace the length of the room, gesturing emphatically as he did.
"First the Hellspawn Boy Wonder makes up with his father. They do the bonding thing over the slice and dice. On top of that, another vampire with a soul shows up who, by the by, just happens to be the same vampire Angel sired and mistreated for the past couple of lifetimes during his evil fun days. Angel's spending all his time trying to right his wrongs against those two, doesn't spend any time doing anything else."
And Gunn was right. All Angel's energies were focused on his main priority: Connor. Regaining his trust and undoing Holtz's moral damage was taking time. In addition Angel was giving "Coping with Your Recent Resouling" therapy sessions and when that wasn't happening he'd be working alongside Wesley. Angel and Wesley were rebuilding their friendship, all the while oblivious to the relationship crumbling between the two of them and Fred and Gunn. Truth was, Angel knew and yet he knew he didn't have a choice. Connor came first, and for the moment so did Spike and Wesley. Fred understood this.
"Angel's got major relationship issues to iron out."
Gunn also knew this... not that it made him feel any better about it.
"So when he's got some evil to kill, who do you think he'll take? No, he'll either handle it himself or ask those with super powers to go with."
"Charles, you're forgetting Angel's little sunlight allergy. If the bad comes during the day, you'll be there."
He quickly shot her down.
"Evil's nocturnal Fred. And even when it's not in the mood for it's daytime nap, Wesley and Connor handle it fine. See what I mean? They've pushed us out."
The normally placid Texas waif had a growing expression of anger on her face. She sat up sharply and thought over what her boyfriend had just said, and then questioned him.
"Us? What do you mean *us*?"
He tilted his head. His eyes spoke first and they sounded patronising, at least to Fred.
"Come on Fred, don't act like you don't know. Spike's brought a lot to the group, what with all his knowledge of demon languages and mystical experiences. And now that Angel and English are pals again, Wes has taken up his position as brains of the operation. Let's face it, now you're pretty much useless too."
That did it. He'd gone too far.
"That's enough!"
Fred was out of bed and out of breath with anger.
"Now I have tried to be supportive and I understand that you have issues but don't you dare try to impose your inadequacies on me because I will not have it!"
Gunn was taken aback. He'd never seen her like this before, and since he was responsible for such an upset, he quickly apologised.
"I'm sorry."
The apology was not accepted.
"For what? I'm not here for you to vent at you know. You wanna talk? Fine! You feel bad? Fine! But don't take it out on me!"
"I haven't... I don't..."
"Yes you do! That's all everyone does. And I just sit back and take it because I don't know better. But that stops now."
She laid it out for him in black and white, punctuating her words with the hurt she felt.
"You're angry at Angel, not me. If you're angry with him, be angry with him. Not me. Because as of now, I won't just roll over for you."
"I'm not asking you to."
She rolled her eyes and spoke sarcastically, obviously not impressed by his last statement.
"But heaven forbid I go downstairs and discuss life with Wesley. Or maybe grab a coffee one evening with Spike. I hardly ever leave this room, and it's all because you still hold a grudge against Wesley."
"Have you seen the way he looks at you?"
"That's because he loves me."
The room stopped. Gunn finally heard his main fear out loud. Wesley loved Fred. His girlfriend. They looked at each other, both standing on either side of the bed. By this point Gunn was feeling defeated, but Fred was hurting and continued to lash out. Gunn noticed this change in her persona, and felt almost guilty at bringing her to boiling point.
"Yeah, he told me that a few weeks ago."
Almost.
"And I'm sure you just fell right into his lap."
"How dare you accuse me of infidelity!"
The guilt never truly manifested itself and passed straight on. Instead new levels of paranoia began to seep into the dejected man, all alone in his few metres square of the room. And with the paranoia came an urge to reflect the rage thrown by Fred.
"Well let's see. You and Wesley are just perfect for each other, what with the brains and all. Don't lie and tell me you don't find him attractive."
She paused. She did find him attractive. But to her that wasn't the point.
"So what if I do? Doesn't mean I will do something just because the temptation is there."
"But maybe it isn't the brains."
Gunn was onto something new as he paced about the room in thought.
"It's probably the whole English thing, seeing how you've taken a shine to Spike too."
"Spike?!"
Fred nearly choked.
"What is wrong with you? I swear, being up here has turned you into some kind of paranoid freak."
"I think I have a right to be paranoid when the perfect gentleman tells my girl that he loves her."
"No you don't. You only have the right to be paranoid when you don't trust your girl."
Fred really did have brains. She'd figured out the root of their relation problems and said it out loud. In one short sentence.
"And that's just it. You don't trust me."
"Fred, I... How else am I supposed to feel when every time I'm with you, you're making eyes at someone else? You want someone smarter and better than me. It's like I'm not good enough. You don't want me."
Her instincts told her something else too. Fred finally realised that Gunn didn't feel good enough for her. He had an inferiority complex, and she tried to rectify that as best she could.
"Do you know what I told Wesley when he said he loved me? I told him that I chose you. I said I chose you and I only wanted you. Not Wesley, not Angel, not Spike. You."
It began to sink into him, and Fred went on.
"And do you know what? Wesley accepted his defeat and never said another word. Why? Because I wanted you."
Her voice broke as she continued. She sat down, and her eyes began to sting.
"Now I'm not so sure."
There they sat, no longer angry nor upset. Their backs facing one another, the two kept apart by the width of the queen sized bed beneath them. Their heads were bowed and neither looked at each other, one was staring away at the door and the other rapping her fingers on the soft mattress impatiently. They both understood now that after what had been said that they would remain alone and now as individuals. They had grown far enough apart over these past few weeks to know that a relationship would not be possible with the person on the other side of the bed.
He spoke first.
"This isn't working is it?"
Fred didn't want to say it, but she couldn't deny it. Neither of them could.
"I don't think so."
"Yeah, me neither."
She looked slightly to the side over her shoulder almost to look at him, but didn't. Fred couldn't stand it. She had to get out of the room.
"Um, I think I'm just gonna..."
Fred motioned to the door.
"Yeah, sure."
"Right."
She rose up and went towards the door, but stopped and turned before she opened it.
"Charles?"
Gunn stopped avoiding her when he heard his name spoken so plainly. He looked up, and Fred said her piece.
"It may sound trite to just forgive and forget, and I know it's not easy. But sometimes you have to. Because it's only when you don't forgive that you realise that you have so much left to lose. And you really, really do."
With that, she left.
Gunn sat there for quite some time, reflecting on her words. He looked around to count his blessings. Material goods of house and home, and the more important assets of wisdom and knowledge. Fred was right, as usual. Gunn knew what he had to do. He had to forgive, because he was stronger as part of the team. But there was work to be done. The first step he took was to leave what was before his sanctuary, but slowly his prison. The funny thing was that the hours spent in preparation of seeing everyone again, preparing for arguments and upset and rejection, they were wasted. As he descended the stairs to rejoin the group, everyone turned and stared. Then they smiled. Connor jumped up from the sofa.
"Hey G, how are you?"
Gunn smiled as he realised that none of it mattered anymore because of where he was. He was with family.
"I'm cool. Could do with a pizza though. You want?"
"You bet."
A round of affirmations from everyone meant that the order became so large that Gunn had to write it all down first, not that he minded. After all the silent arguments of the past months, not a word needed to be said. Everyone had gone through their rough patches and so they understood it all. It finally seemed like the worst was over. As Wesley answered a client on the phone, Gunn and Connor left for the pizza parlour together and Spike and Fred played cards by the stairs, Angel surveyed the scene.
Things were definitely back to normal.
~*-*~
Author's Note: Two exams left! This is looking like a countdown...
Okay, so I've tried Comedy, I've tried Angst... How'd my attempt at Drama go? I bet you'd forgotten this was a full-cast fic huh?
