I don't know what I thought Jordan had done to herself when Max and I pulled up to the gates of the cemetery, rain beating against the windshield of Max's car. I looked up into the dark angry sky and promised God that I would have little room in my heart for forgiveness if something had happened to her. I promised it a second time as I caught sight of her still form lying drenched beside her mother's grave. I hurried toward her, slipping in the mud as I called out her name, bellowing over the heavy drops of rain. I saw the whites of her eyes as I got closer and a breath I hadn't known I was holding painfully escaped my lips. I pushed my wet, matted bangs out of my eyes as I knelt beside her. Her eyes were closed but I could tell she was still conscious.

"Jordan? It's me, I'm right here.Jordan please say something."I pleaded taking her into my arms, my male instincts kicking in and doing their best to shelter her from the elements.

Max made his way as quickly as possible over to us as Jordan was opening her eyes. Even under the mask of wetness the rain was providing her with I could tell that Jordan had been crying. Max stopped walking, showing some faith in my attempts to get her to speak. Jordan covered her eyes shamefully with one hand and moaned sadly through her fingers.

"Jordan, talk to me...I'm here...talk to me please!" I said helplessly and she started to move.

"Go to Hell, Hoyt!" She cried helplessly and tried to roll out of my embrace. I clutched her tightly, angrily. I was mad. I had thought she knew me better than she was showing at that moment. I pulled her up higher in my arms roughly and yelled into her ear, the salty taste of tears I hadn't realized my eyes had begun to shed mixing at my upper lip with the rain drops already there.

"Damn it, Jordan!! I'm already IN Hell!!" I yelled angrily. "Don't you understand!?" I continued, all of my bottled up anger and frustration towards Jordan finally pouring out in a moment of truth. I clutched her to my chest and I could feel her weakly pounding at my arms with her fists. I wasn't sure if she was trying to fight off my words or me.

"When you hurt I hurt! When you're upset it upsets ME! And...and ever since I've known you, you HAVE been trapped in this sort of Hell! And as you go through it, so do I! Don't you understand, Jordan?!" I said pulling her away from me and smoothing back her hair as lightning lit up the sky, giving us a glimpse of each other's sincerity.

"It makes me just about sick to my stomach to see you go through this ALL the time! I hate that you won't ever talk to me about what's bothering you!." I said more calmly, but still loud enough to be heard over the rain.

"I hate it when you lace on the charm and...and...and then USE me to get what you want!." Jordan was sitting up in my lap now her arms wrapped tightly around herself, her face inches from mine. I continued.

"I hate that...that...everyone is supposed to just sit back, relax, and wait for you to come home after you disappear for months! I hate that you burden yourself with blame for things beyond your control." I said and looked at her mother's grave briefly before returning my attention to Jordan.

"But most of all...I HATE that you don't trust me enough to let me know why you feel all of these things!!" I said with honest, passionate anger. Jordan looked up into my eyes finally and I felt her muscles slacken in my arms. She considered me for a moment before looking off into the rain at her father, then over at her mother's grave before she went completely limp.

She passed out cold, the adrenaline she had been running on for the past few days finally spending it's last drop, and her body reacting to the exhaustion by shutting down. I tried to catch my breath as I pressed my pointer and middle fingers to her neck and nodded reassuringly to Max that I had indeed felt a pulse. He smiled at me sadly and then helped me carry Jordan to the car and lay her down in the back seat.

I crawled into the back of the car with her and held her soaked, limp, cold body against my warm one. I smoothed her frizzing hair out of her face and rested my forehead against hers, my own exhaustion finally setting in. We pulled up out in front of my building and Max wordlessly assisted me in carrying Jordan to the elevator. We stood her up as best we could and Max kissed the top of Jordan's head before patting me on the shoulder and turning back towards the door. I called out to him softly,

"Oh...ahhh...Max, I promise you I won't do an." He stopped my words with a raised hand in the air. I narrowed my eyes at him as I continued to prop Jordan up against my body. Max smiled and sighed as he looked sadly at what his daughter had become; what he had made her.

"Hold her Woody. Hold her for as long as she'll allow it. And when she objects; hold her tighter." He said and then smiled sadly and pushed open the door. I watched him leave and only broke my line of vision when the elevator dinged to a stop and the doors opened slowly.

I dragged her onto the elevator, feeling like a loyal buddy dragging a drunken friend in after a night of hard partying.

I lifted her into my arms after unlocking my door and kicking it open as I tiredly carried her into the living room. I placed her down on the still as of yet unmade sofa bed and pulled off her dripping coat. I hung it on the back of one of the kitchen chairs then removed her soaked jeans, taking a moment to thank God that she was wearing bikini cut underwear today instead of a thong, and then removed her shirt, once again thankful that there was a red tank top on under it. I pulled the blankets up around her warmly.

I watched to make sure she was going to stay asleep before I went to my bedroom and called Max. I was planning on leaving a message, but he picked up swiftly on the third ring.

"Woody?" He said breathlessly.

"Yeah, it's me. I just wanted to let you know she's still asleep. I think she'll be fine once she gets some sleep and I put some food in her tomorrow morning." I said and then promised to call early and update him on her condition.

"You're a good guy Woody. Oh, and she's afraid of thunderstorms...so just don't leave her alone okay?" He said quietly and I promised not to, knowing that the thunder and lightning would not be the only things to disrupt Jordan's sleep that night. I hung up and sighed heavily, flopping down on my bed. I ran through the day's events in my head, and even thinking about it all made me more exhausted.

I felt horrible for Jordan. I wasn't kidding when I told her I always felt her pain. She already blamed herself for too many things. And after the day's events, she added to the weight on her shoulders. She believed that if she hadn't been looking for her brother, than he never would have had to kill again. She had learned truths about Cahill's involvement in her mother's murder and had unintentionally provided Cahill with the means to dispose of maybe the only two people who actually knew what exactly took place on the day her mother had been murdered. And now, with one of those people dead, and the other less than likely to show up again, she may never know who killed her mother. And the questions would haunt her for the rest of her life. She would never be able to let it go. I sighed and mindlessly watched my ceiling fan spin as I made an effort to push off my pants.

I undressed still laying on the bed, not the slightest bit concerned that Jordan would suddenly wake up and see me, and then stood slowly and pulled a pair of cotton boxers out of my top dresser drawer. I pulled them on and slipped out into the living room, a pillow from my bed under one bare arm, and gently slipped into bed with Jordan. It was a little easier to hold her this time. I spooned up behind her and she shifted unconsciously, laying her arms over mine around her waist. I kissed her at her temple gently and then let my own exhaustion finally consume me and fell asleep.

Jordan..

When I woke up in Woody's apartment once again, I wasn't surprised to find myself wrapped in his warm embrace. I shifted, unconsciously concerned that I was going against my decision NOT to run back into his arms. But then I remembered his words from the night before. He said that he was already in that private hell I mentioned. And as it turns out, I hadn't dragged him into it, he had willingly and knowingly followed me there. As I lay in his arms, my mind played over a conversation we had had the year before. Woody had told me he would go with me, wherever that may have been. I had been exasperated and told him he didn't even know where I was going to which he admitted that he was willing to take that risk. I was surprised; I hadn't realized just how much he cared about me. So of course, I shut down and told him that while he might have been willing, I was not.

However, as I lay there with him, I thought I might let him follow me anywhere. I smiled sadly, sleepily, and stretched out along side him. I looked around the room and saw my clothes all hung carefully on the backs of chairs. I smiled tenderly and pulled myself up on my elbows, looking at Woody's face for the first time since the night before. His lips were parted and his bangs were slightly curled around the frame of his face from the rain. It was helpful to me because my thoughts of how he looked gradually changed from sexy to cute as I gently played with the tips of his bangs. He stirred and rolled over, the sheets falling further down his body and giving me a better view of his tight, smooth, freckled skin. He wrapped his arms around his pillow and the change of position caused a dimple to form in each shoulder. I looked him over once and wolf whistled to myself before standing from the bed slowly and heading to the kitchen.

When Woody woke a few minutes later, he strolled into the kitchen, having put on a pair of jeans, and smiled at me as he pulled a carton of orange juice out of his fridge. I smiled sadly back and he came to sit across from me at the table.

"Woody...I'm so sor.." I began to explain about my mental state the night before but he just shook his head slowly and I stopped talking.

"I told you, Jordan," he said paying more attention to the orange juice cap then it deserved, "I'm willing to follow you anywhere...just so long as you try and trust me." He said and I sighed heavily, taking the carton from him and taking a big swig of it. I set it back down and nodded.

"It's...never been a matter of trust, Woody. You are one of the most loyal people I have ever met. It's just...well...you've seen how everyone at work is with me. I drive them nuts 99% of the time. They tip toe around me...like...like I'm a glass plate hanging on the wall of airport control tower." I said and Woody seemed to not get the allusion at first, and then when it came to him, he just nodded silently and let me continue.

"I've driven Garrett half mad, Nigel and Bug have almost lost their jobs for me...my dad tries to keep me in this protected little bubble where I can never get hurt, and...and...now, I may have lost any chance I might have had at getting to know my brother because I went off the deep end again and almost got him killed, then inadvertently forced him to have to kill again. I've ruined the lives of just about everyone I care about." I said hopelessly and picked up the carton taking another swig and finding myself only mildly disappointed when I remembered it was like, 9 AM and there was definitely no booze in the juice.

To be continued..