And many thanks to whoever left that annonomys - but still very thoughtful - note about the plothole in this chapter. ^~ I patched it up as best I could; thank you for the heads up!
Unbroken 02/?
V of the "Chasing Down the Moon" Arc
Rating: pg13
Series: Gundam Wing
Genre: General/Romance
Pairings: 1+2+1
Spoilers: None
Warnings: Shounen ai; Relena Bashing; Baiting of the Hee-chan; Duo-torture; Humor; language
By Moon Faery
Archived: (eventually at) Moon Faery's Garden (); Kiss of Death (); anywhere else that asks nicely. (Hint hint?)
Disclaimer: A statement created solely to save one's ass from becoming lawn for the proverbial legal mower. I do not own Gundam Wing, nor does anyone I know own it. However, this story line and plot are MINE. (Holds fic close to her.) Grrrr....
Author Notes: I'm sorry this took so long! x-x It was a mixture of laziness and RL. Gomengomengomengomen!!!! (grovels) And I took liberties with the way girls normally treat hot-but-taken guys. Sorry, but I wanted Duo to suffer. ^.^ Oh, and if you haven't noticed, the warnings grow as I add parts. ^^;; I only add the warnings as they pop up in each chapter. So for each chapter you get a complete listing, but I can't vouch for the next part. ^^;; Oops?
***
Duo sulked along behind Relena as she practically bounced from one overly-perky group of girls to the next, giddily introducing her "boyfriend". It had taken Heero three death threats to pound it into her concrete-thick head that she didn't have a choice, and then she had practically thrown herself at Heero, trying to get him to switch places with Duo. About the time Heero's trigger finger had started twitching, Duo had tossed her over his shoulder and hauled the blonde out of the cafeteria.
He had expected her to be disappointed, upset and mad at him, but the Peacecraft completely surprised him when she actually seemed enthusiastic about having him follow her around like some sort of pet. It would have been marginally bearable if Relena's friends had been able to keep their hands to themselves. It got to the point where he had backed himself into a corner to protect his assets from being woman-handled. Even after that, the little twits just kept giggling to themselves, complimenting Miss Relena on her taste, and asking if he was going to be coming to the movies with them, or if he would tutor Hillary in math (even though he claimed to be horrible at math), and was Miss Relena going to bring him to the December Dance in three months?
Just as Duo was starting to realize exactly what he had volunteered himself for - which was suicide by torture as a living piece of meat - Heero rescued him, saying something about needing help with something from shop class. The horde of femininity fled at the mention of a guy thing, undoubtedly to discuss girly things and plot evil, wicked things to do to a certain poor braided boy. Or more specifically, to do to his hair, which they all seemed to admire much more than Duo was comfortable with.
"What do you need, Heero?" Duo asked, following so closely behind Heero that the Japanese boy could feel his breath on the back of his neck. "Anything to get me away from those... girls." He shuddered, feeling vaguely ill.
"The only thing I need NOW is for you to keep your cover," Heero half growled under his breath, a slightly darker timbre in his voice sending tiny little chills up and down Duo's spine. "You were about to make a break for it; that would have jeopardized the mission."
As they entered their shared dorm, Duo made a bid to explain. "Look, Heero, if you were back there getting your ass grabbed, you would've run for it too!" He fell back on his bed spread-eagle, trowing one arm dramatically over his eyes. "Thank God you came. I was just about to pull a gun and start shooting."
Heero snorted, flipping open his laptop. "Isn't that a little over done?" he asked, glancing at the prone figure of Duo on the bed, deep blue eye twinkling slightly before turning back to his work. "Don't tell me that the 'Good ol' Maxwell charm'," he drawled in a passing imitation of Duo's own voice, "can't handle a small group of unarmed female civilians."
Duo's eyes blinked open, shining royal blue with shock. "Did the great Heero Yuy just make a joke?" he asked, jaw hanging open. "Has Hell finally frozen over? Politicians and lawyers flown? Oink-flap, oink-flap?" He made little flapping motions with his hands.
Heero glanced at his partner again, taking in to the disbelieving expression with a smirk. "Obviously not, since you're still talking."
Duo was at a loss. How was he supposed to respond to Heero when the other boy was displaying some shreds of personality? Obviously, with great maturity and deliberation, taking great care to show his intelligence. Then he remembered who he was and threw maturity in the trash bin of his mind along with various porno plot lines since they weren't needed anyways, sticking out his tongue at the Japanese boy, wondering what reaction he'd get this time.
The only reaction was another smirk as Heero closed his laptop and stood. "Don't offer that unless you plan to use it," he said lowly, striding out of the room as though nothing had happened. Duo stared at the closed door, dumb struck.
***
Life continued on in that vein for roughly a week, and the only real method of tracking the passage of time became the speed at which Duo jumped around loud noises- particularly giggles- and the volume of his loud retching noises at even the mention of the color pink. As the days wore on, Duo's reflex-speed and gagging-volume increased at a predictable rate. Well, at least according to the graph Heero made they did. The normally bouncy teenager had taken to stuffing his braid down the back of his shirt during class. Somehow it seemed to sprout ribbon, small key chains, flowers and various other girly things by the end of every class. Once it was even unbraided and wound into a coronet. Not even Heero could guess how Relena's Groupies did it, since the two pilots sat in the very last row, and both boys were sure that they should have been able to spot any girls moving from their seats to play with Duo's hair.
Unfortunately, neither boy was aware of the unusual powers possessed by a teenage girl with something cute to torment, and no one was in a hurry to enlighten them.
As the first fifteen minutes warning bell of the morning rang, Heero was already in his seat, notebooks and pencils at the ready for another day of pretending to learn what he already knew. He looked up as the door slammed open and a throng of self-important teenage humanity rushed to get to their seats. Right behind them came Duo Maxwell, the latest boy toy of the girl half of the school. Heero watched with faint amusement as his prey- ah, that is, roommate and partner ran through the door at speeds that were probably impossible in normal humans, head ducked under his black jacket and hips neatly tucked forward in a fruitless attempt at avoiding the notes, phone numbers and tiny little feminine trinkets that were practically shoved in his pockets from every side. He did manage to keep from being groped, if only because he was moving too fast for the girls to get a good hold on him. If Heero didn't know that Duo hated every second of it, he would have been insanely jealous. As it was, he simply sat back and enjoyed the show as Duo pelted down the aisle of desks and slid into his seat.
The girls left their desks and started heading back towards them, eyes alight with something resembling devotion. After all, there were still fourteen point oh-seven-six-three seconds left before class was scheduled to start. That was plenty of time to make their devotion to pacifism known to the world by becoming close, personal friends with Miss Relena by becoming VERY close with Miss Relena's boyfriend. It was for the anti-war effort. Really. And then something happened. It wasn't a big something, but to Duo it seemed like a miracle.
Relena burst through the door, waving a small brown package in the air. "It's HERE!" she squealed.
The mob froze.
Dark blonde hair caught the regulation lighting as Relena bounced into the room with more energy than a Pikachu on Pixy Sticks. "It's here it's here it's HERE!" she crowed, doing a little dance step. The wave of girls did an immediate about-face as the import of the message sunk in. Apparently, every single girl in the class knew what "it" was, but all the boys were left staring blankly as what seemed like every woman in school (even the elderly secretary from the principal's office) gathered around Relena's desk, cooing like a flock of doves and chattering at each other over the mysterious object. Some of the less subtle were even drooling. A few particularly loud squeals and exclamations managed to be understandable in the midst of the noise, but not many.
"I didn't think it would arrive so soon!" Relena's voice cried out. It almost seemed like little hearts and sparkles were floating over her in the very middle of the group, but of course they weren't, since this was real life and not a shoujo manga.
"OHMYGOD! LOOK at that outfit!" another person shrieked. "He's wearing LEATHER!"
Someone fainted.
"I heard that they're dating..."
"... SO much better together...!"
In unison, all mascara'd, large female eyes snuck quick glances at the boys in the room, who all turned pasty white and tried to hide. There was something in their mass stare that made strong men want to cry. Those looks settled longest on Heero and Duo, and several immensely evil smiles appeared. Heero fought the urge to hide under his desk. Duo, on the other hand, had just spent a week being abused by women with very similar looks, and in this was smarter than Heero.
Blue eyes blinked as Heero looked down to see Duo crouched between his legs, under his desk. "WHAT are you...
"SHH!" Duo hissed. "I'm hiding; they'll find me if I stay under my own!"
While Heero processed this information, the squealing had resumed, at even higher pitches.
"... does his hair just like..."
"... luck, that is SO cool!"
And then, almost in a chorus, the women in the classroom, young and old, clasped their hands and cheered, "You're so LUCKY, Miss Relena!"
Between Heero's knees, Duo pressed his face against the linoleum and groveled, offering a prayer of thanks to whatever was up there that he was safe from being feminine-ized for the day. Heero just twitched and rubbed his forehead as the shrieks of the obsessed battered at his poor, abused ears.
***
Duo collapsed on his bed spread eagle, pulling the slightly battered pillow over his eyes and groaning. One of his hands twitched occasionally, specifically the trigger finger. Unlike most days that ended in long sessions of Duo-angst, there was nothing visibly wrong with him. He hadn't been forced to wear make-up, his braid was slightly messy but untouched by flowers or butterfly clips and other than a loosened tie, a missing dove gray jacket and a few undone buttons on the pseudo-satin black shirt, his school uniform was unmolested. Eventually he fell into an uneasy doze, dreaming about the ordeal he had just managed to live through. That was the way Heero found him when he came in to the dorm room from his last class.
Heero stared. Then he turned his head slightly to the side and stared some more. Eventually he ended up twisting his neck into something as close to a right angle as it was going to get, and he still didn't have any answers. "... Duo?"
Dazed violet-gray eyes flew open as Duo jumped off the bed. "NO I HAVEN'T KISSED HIM!" The pillow flew across the room to thunk against the wall, and one Duo Maxwell fell face-first to the floor, cursing colorfully. The blanket followed him, victim of having been left unmade that morning.
A tiny smirk greeted Duo as he gathered his courage and peeked out from under the pile of sheets. "What?" He tried to sound belligerent, but it was hard considering one of his feet was still propped up on the bed.
"Kissed who?" Heero asked flatly, eyes gleaming with sadistic good humor that made those who knew him wonder exactly how kinky he could be.
For some reason Duo flushed bright red, a color which contrasted strongly with his colony-bred paleness. "No one."
When Heero raised one disbelieving eyebrow, Duo managed to turn a shade of maroon that looked dangerous. "Why are you here, anyways? Shouldn't you be... I don't know, doing Heero-y stuff?" Duo immediately reburied himself in the blankets.
"Relena's going to the park with her friends. You need to escort her." For some reason he took an evil delight in the groan of pain that emanated from his partner's hiding place.
"Does this day get any worse?" Duo muttered under his breath, scrabbling out from under the blankets and starting to straighten his gray and black uniform. As he talked, his voice slowly got louder until he was yelling at Heero, arms waving in the air in emphasis. "First that damned dream, then the Groupies try to dress me up like Shu-chan- whoever the hell that is- and THEN I'm interrogated on my sexuality. NOW I have to ESCORT her Bitchness to the PARK, just so I can be TORTURED SOME MORE!" He collapsed back onto the bed melodramatically. "Does it get worse? Tell me!"
"OZ has you down in their record as 'Relena Peacecraft/Dorlain's betrothed'," Heero stated matter of factly.
At that time, Duo said something that probably shouldn't be repeated, but they involve a lizard, Relena, and some physically improbable positions.
"At least you haven't had to kiss her."
Duo's eyes turned blue black, and the air around him fairly blistered with curses. Out in the hall, several boys in their class cheered.
"Yet."
Duo's eyes flashed evilly, and he grinned. "Your ass is MINE, YUY!" he yelled, pouncing on his roommate, tickling for all he was worth. Heero gasped, but went down before the unexpected assault, crying mercy. Unfortunately for him, the God of Death doesn't know that word, so the tickling battle went on for a good ten minutes or more. And if some accidental groping and grinding happened while they were rolling around on the floor... oops?
***
"I don't know."
"Please, Duo?"
"I don't know."
"Just a hint, even?"
"No."
Relena glared at her "boyfriend", blue eyes flashing dangerously from beneath thick lashes. Off on the other side of the field, the Groupies giggles and commented on what a cute couple they made. "Fine. Be that way. Don't tell me his favorite color. But at least tell me one thing."
Duo sighed, fighting the urge to pry her off his arm and march back to school. She hadn't stopped interrogating him about Heero since he'd arrived, five minutes late and out of breath. Who would have thought that Heero was a black belt in Tickle-Fu? The only thing that kept him from taking his own advice was the double threat of Heero and Groupie-revenge, both of which would be humiliating and probably painful. "What's the question?"
"Boxers or briefs?
Inside Duo's head, everything ground to a stop. It was a good question, now that she mentioned it. He thought back on all the times he had roomed with Heero. He couldn't recall ever having seen anything resembling underwear among his clothes, and there was no way he could wear anything under those spandex shorts without it showing. Did that mean that Heero didn't wear any?
Then again, just the thought of Heero without underwear on made all the blood in Duo's body rush in directions that were decidedly AWAY from his brain. At the moment, he couldn't remember his own middle name properly, which was verr near impossible since he didn;t HAVE a middle name. Needless to say, any previous evidence of Heero's underwear or lack there-of had mysteriously vanished without a trace.
Across the field, the squeals of the Groupies hit a new pitch as Duo started to flush bright red.
"Duo?"
"..."
"Duo?!"
"..."
"DUUUUUUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
The frighteningly familiar scream snapped him out of it. Eyes widening in panic, he fell in his haste to escape the noise. "Holy FUCK!" Scrambling backwards, Duo clamped his hands down over his ears until she opened her eyes long enough to see that he was back to "normal".
Relena frowned at his profanity, a tiny lady-like twist of her lips downward. "There's no need to be crude," she told him primly.
"Call my name like that again and I'll be worse than crude," he threatened, standing up and brushing his butt off. "What's WRONG with you, anyways?"
And then she grinned. It was a terrible, evil smile. "I'll tell you that, if you tell me why your nose is bleeding."
There really wasn't much he could say to that, but for the first time in his life Duo wondered if his braid was long enough to strangle himself with.
Unbroken 02/?
V of the "Chasing Down the Moon" Arc
Rating: pg13
Series: Gundam Wing
Genre: General/Romance
Pairings: 1+2+1
Spoilers: None
Warnings: Shounen ai; Relena Bashing; Baiting of the Hee-chan; Duo-torture; Humor; language
By Moon Faery
Archived: (eventually at) Moon Faery's Garden (); Kiss of Death (); anywhere else that asks nicely. (Hint hint?)
Disclaimer: A statement created solely to save one's ass from becoming lawn for the proverbial legal mower. I do not own Gundam Wing, nor does anyone I know own it. However, this story line and plot are MINE. (Holds fic close to her.) Grrrr....
Author Notes: I'm sorry this took so long! x-x It was a mixture of laziness and RL. Gomengomengomengomen!!!! (grovels) And I took liberties with the way girls normally treat hot-but-taken guys. Sorry, but I wanted Duo to suffer. ^.^ Oh, and if you haven't noticed, the warnings grow as I add parts. ^^;; I only add the warnings as they pop up in each chapter. So for each chapter you get a complete listing, but I can't vouch for the next part. ^^;; Oops?
***
Duo sulked along behind Relena as she practically bounced from one overly-perky group of girls to the next, giddily introducing her "boyfriend". It had taken Heero three death threats to pound it into her concrete-thick head that she didn't have a choice, and then she had practically thrown herself at Heero, trying to get him to switch places with Duo. About the time Heero's trigger finger had started twitching, Duo had tossed her over his shoulder and hauled the blonde out of the cafeteria.
He had expected her to be disappointed, upset and mad at him, but the Peacecraft completely surprised him when she actually seemed enthusiastic about having him follow her around like some sort of pet. It would have been marginally bearable if Relena's friends had been able to keep their hands to themselves. It got to the point where he had backed himself into a corner to protect his assets from being woman-handled. Even after that, the little twits just kept giggling to themselves, complimenting Miss Relena on her taste, and asking if he was going to be coming to the movies with them, or if he would tutor Hillary in math (even though he claimed to be horrible at math), and was Miss Relena going to bring him to the December Dance in three months?
Just as Duo was starting to realize exactly what he had volunteered himself for - which was suicide by torture as a living piece of meat - Heero rescued him, saying something about needing help with something from shop class. The horde of femininity fled at the mention of a guy thing, undoubtedly to discuss girly things and plot evil, wicked things to do to a certain poor braided boy. Or more specifically, to do to his hair, which they all seemed to admire much more than Duo was comfortable with.
"What do you need, Heero?" Duo asked, following so closely behind Heero that the Japanese boy could feel his breath on the back of his neck. "Anything to get me away from those... girls." He shuddered, feeling vaguely ill.
"The only thing I need NOW is for you to keep your cover," Heero half growled under his breath, a slightly darker timbre in his voice sending tiny little chills up and down Duo's spine. "You were about to make a break for it; that would have jeopardized the mission."
As they entered their shared dorm, Duo made a bid to explain. "Look, Heero, if you were back there getting your ass grabbed, you would've run for it too!" He fell back on his bed spread-eagle, trowing one arm dramatically over his eyes. "Thank God you came. I was just about to pull a gun and start shooting."
Heero snorted, flipping open his laptop. "Isn't that a little over done?" he asked, glancing at the prone figure of Duo on the bed, deep blue eye twinkling slightly before turning back to his work. "Don't tell me that the 'Good ol' Maxwell charm'," he drawled in a passing imitation of Duo's own voice, "can't handle a small group of unarmed female civilians."
Duo's eyes blinked open, shining royal blue with shock. "Did the great Heero Yuy just make a joke?" he asked, jaw hanging open. "Has Hell finally frozen over? Politicians and lawyers flown? Oink-flap, oink-flap?" He made little flapping motions with his hands.
Heero glanced at his partner again, taking in to the disbelieving expression with a smirk. "Obviously not, since you're still talking."
Duo was at a loss. How was he supposed to respond to Heero when the other boy was displaying some shreds of personality? Obviously, with great maturity and deliberation, taking great care to show his intelligence. Then he remembered who he was and threw maturity in the trash bin of his mind along with various porno plot lines since they weren't needed anyways, sticking out his tongue at the Japanese boy, wondering what reaction he'd get this time.
The only reaction was another smirk as Heero closed his laptop and stood. "Don't offer that unless you plan to use it," he said lowly, striding out of the room as though nothing had happened. Duo stared at the closed door, dumb struck.
***
Life continued on in that vein for roughly a week, and the only real method of tracking the passage of time became the speed at which Duo jumped around loud noises- particularly giggles- and the volume of his loud retching noises at even the mention of the color pink. As the days wore on, Duo's reflex-speed and gagging-volume increased at a predictable rate. Well, at least according to the graph Heero made they did. The normally bouncy teenager had taken to stuffing his braid down the back of his shirt during class. Somehow it seemed to sprout ribbon, small key chains, flowers and various other girly things by the end of every class. Once it was even unbraided and wound into a coronet. Not even Heero could guess how Relena's Groupies did it, since the two pilots sat in the very last row, and both boys were sure that they should have been able to spot any girls moving from their seats to play with Duo's hair.
Unfortunately, neither boy was aware of the unusual powers possessed by a teenage girl with something cute to torment, and no one was in a hurry to enlighten them.
As the first fifteen minutes warning bell of the morning rang, Heero was already in his seat, notebooks and pencils at the ready for another day of pretending to learn what he already knew. He looked up as the door slammed open and a throng of self-important teenage humanity rushed to get to their seats. Right behind them came Duo Maxwell, the latest boy toy of the girl half of the school. Heero watched with faint amusement as his prey- ah, that is, roommate and partner ran through the door at speeds that were probably impossible in normal humans, head ducked under his black jacket and hips neatly tucked forward in a fruitless attempt at avoiding the notes, phone numbers and tiny little feminine trinkets that were practically shoved in his pockets from every side. He did manage to keep from being groped, if only because he was moving too fast for the girls to get a good hold on him. If Heero didn't know that Duo hated every second of it, he would have been insanely jealous. As it was, he simply sat back and enjoyed the show as Duo pelted down the aisle of desks and slid into his seat.
The girls left their desks and started heading back towards them, eyes alight with something resembling devotion. After all, there were still fourteen point oh-seven-six-three seconds left before class was scheduled to start. That was plenty of time to make their devotion to pacifism known to the world by becoming close, personal friends with Miss Relena by becoming VERY close with Miss Relena's boyfriend. It was for the anti-war effort. Really. And then something happened. It wasn't a big something, but to Duo it seemed like a miracle.
Relena burst through the door, waving a small brown package in the air. "It's HERE!" she squealed.
The mob froze.
Dark blonde hair caught the regulation lighting as Relena bounced into the room with more energy than a Pikachu on Pixy Sticks. "It's here it's here it's HERE!" she crowed, doing a little dance step. The wave of girls did an immediate about-face as the import of the message sunk in. Apparently, every single girl in the class knew what "it" was, but all the boys were left staring blankly as what seemed like every woman in school (even the elderly secretary from the principal's office) gathered around Relena's desk, cooing like a flock of doves and chattering at each other over the mysterious object. Some of the less subtle were even drooling. A few particularly loud squeals and exclamations managed to be understandable in the midst of the noise, but not many.
"I didn't think it would arrive so soon!" Relena's voice cried out. It almost seemed like little hearts and sparkles were floating over her in the very middle of the group, but of course they weren't, since this was real life and not a shoujo manga.
"OHMYGOD! LOOK at that outfit!" another person shrieked. "He's wearing LEATHER!"
Someone fainted.
"I heard that they're dating..."
"... SO much better together...!"
In unison, all mascara'd, large female eyes snuck quick glances at the boys in the room, who all turned pasty white and tried to hide. There was something in their mass stare that made strong men want to cry. Those looks settled longest on Heero and Duo, and several immensely evil smiles appeared. Heero fought the urge to hide under his desk. Duo, on the other hand, had just spent a week being abused by women with very similar looks, and in this was smarter than Heero.
Blue eyes blinked as Heero looked down to see Duo crouched between his legs, under his desk. "WHAT are you...
"SHH!" Duo hissed. "I'm hiding; they'll find me if I stay under my own!"
While Heero processed this information, the squealing had resumed, at even higher pitches.
"... does his hair just like..."
"... luck, that is SO cool!"
And then, almost in a chorus, the women in the classroom, young and old, clasped their hands and cheered, "You're so LUCKY, Miss Relena!"
Between Heero's knees, Duo pressed his face against the linoleum and groveled, offering a prayer of thanks to whatever was up there that he was safe from being feminine-ized for the day. Heero just twitched and rubbed his forehead as the shrieks of the obsessed battered at his poor, abused ears.
***
Duo collapsed on his bed spread eagle, pulling the slightly battered pillow over his eyes and groaning. One of his hands twitched occasionally, specifically the trigger finger. Unlike most days that ended in long sessions of Duo-angst, there was nothing visibly wrong with him. He hadn't been forced to wear make-up, his braid was slightly messy but untouched by flowers or butterfly clips and other than a loosened tie, a missing dove gray jacket and a few undone buttons on the pseudo-satin black shirt, his school uniform was unmolested. Eventually he fell into an uneasy doze, dreaming about the ordeal he had just managed to live through. That was the way Heero found him when he came in to the dorm room from his last class.
Heero stared. Then he turned his head slightly to the side and stared some more. Eventually he ended up twisting his neck into something as close to a right angle as it was going to get, and he still didn't have any answers. "... Duo?"
Dazed violet-gray eyes flew open as Duo jumped off the bed. "NO I HAVEN'T KISSED HIM!" The pillow flew across the room to thunk against the wall, and one Duo Maxwell fell face-first to the floor, cursing colorfully. The blanket followed him, victim of having been left unmade that morning.
A tiny smirk greeted Duo as he gathered his courage and peeked out from under the pile of sheets. "What?" He tried to sound belligerent, but it was hard considering one of his feet was still propped up on the bed.
"Kissed who?" Heero asked flatly, eyes gleaming with sadistic good humor that made those who knew him wonder exactly how kinky he could be.
For some reason Duo flushed bright red, a color which contrasted strongly with his colony-bred paleness. "No one."
When Heero raised one disbelieving eyebrow, Duo managed to turn a shade of maroon that looked dangerous. "Why are you here, anyways? Shouldn't you be... I don't know, doing Heero-y stuff?" Duo immediately reburied himself in the blankets.
"Relena's going to the park with her friends. You need to escort her." For some reason he took an evil delight in the groan of pain that emanated from his partner's hiding place.
"Does this day get any worse?" Duo muttered under his breath, scrabbling out from under the blankets and starting to straighten his gray and black uniform. As he talked, his voice slowly got louder until he was yelling at Heero, arms waving in the air in emphasis. "First that damned dream, then the Groupies try to dress me up like Shu-chan- whoever the hell that is- and THEN I'm interrogated on my sexuality. NOW I have to ESCORT her Bitchness to the PARK, just so I can be TORTURED SOME MORE!" He collapsed back onto the bed melodramatically. "Does it get worse? Tell me!"
"OZ has you down in their record as 'Relena Peacecraft/Dorlain's betrothed'," Heero stated matter of factly.
At that time, Duo said something that probably shouldn't be repeated, but they involve a lizard, Relena, and some physically improbable positions.
"At least you haven't had to kiss her."
Duo's eyes turned blue black, and the air around him fairly blistered with curses. Out in the hall, several boys in their class cheered.
"Yet."
Duo's eyes flashed evilly, and he grinned. "Your ass is MINE, YUY!" he yelled, pouncing on his roommate, tickling for all he was worth. Heero gasped, but went down before the unexpected assault, crying mercy. Unfortunately for him, the God of Death doesn't know that word, so the tickling battle went on for a good ten minutes or more. And if some accidental groping and grinding happened while they were rolling around on the floor... oops?
***
"I don't know."
"Please, Duo?"
"I don't know."
"Just a hint, even?"
"No."
Relena glared at her "boyfriend", blue eyes flashing dangerously from beneath thick lashes. Off on the other side of the field, the Groupies giggles and commented on what a cute couple they made. "Fine. Be that way. Don't tell me his favorite color. But at least tell me one thing."
Duo sighed, fighting the urge to pry her off his arm and march back to school. She hadn't stopped interrogating him about Heero since he'd arrived, five minutes late and out of breath. Who would have thought that Heero was a black belt in Tickle-Fu? The only thing that kept him from taking his own advice was the double threat of Heero and Groupie-revenge, both of which would be humiliating and probably painful. "What's the question?"
"Boxers or briefs?
Inside Duo's head, everything ground to a stop. It was a good question, now that she mentioned it. He thought back on all the times he had roomed with Heero. He couldn't recall ever having seen anything resembling underwear among his clothes, and there was no way he could wear anything under those spandex shorts without it showing. Did that mean that Heero didn't wear any?
Then again, just the thought of Heero without underwear on made all the blood in Duo's body rush in directions that were decidedly AWAY from his brain. At the moment, he couldn't remember his own middle name properly, which was verr near impossible since he didn;t HAVE a middle name. Needless to say, any previous evidence of Heero's underwear or lack there-of had mysteriously vanished without a trace.
Across the field, the squeals of the Groupies hit a new pitch as Duo started to flush bright red.
"Duo?"
"..."
"Duo?!"
"..."
"DUUUUUUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
The frighteningly familiar scream snapped him out of it. Eyes widening in panic, he fell in his haste to escape the noise. "Holy FUCK!" Scrambling backwards, Duo clamped his hands down over his ears until she opened her eyes long enough to see that he was back to "normal".
Relena frowned at his profanity, a tiny lady-like twist of her lips downward. "There's no need to be crude," she told him primly.
"Call my name like that again and I'll be worse than crude," he threatened, standing up and brushing his butt off. "What's WRONG with you, anyways?"
And then she grinned. It was a terrible, evil smile. "I'll tell you that, if you tell me why your nose is bleeding."
There really wasn't much he could say to that, but for the first time in his life Duo wondered if his braid was long enough to strangle himself with.
