Chapter 19: Problems of the heart



Oh, do you care, I still feel for you. So aware, what should be lost is there... Nightwish



"Now, take one step back, then forward, then one step right," Shandara explained to Entreri, who was starting to grow weary of their dance practices that seemed to last longer than necessary. After Shandara had got her voice back after one day of rest, she had forced Entreri, Jarlaxle and Isaldora, the last two straight from bed where they had spent most of their time, to practice.



"I know this," the assassin sighed, letting go of Shandara's waist. "We've been through this so many times that only a complete idiot would not remember it now!" It came out a bit harsher than he had planned, but he was starting to lose his temper.



"He's right, you know," Isaldora said. "Have some faith in us. You're a good teacher, and we're trying to be good students."



"Everyone is turning against me," Shandara moaned, but then flashed them a cheerful smile. "If you're so sure, then this is it. But you have to promise me that you won't make fools of yourselves in the ball."



"We never do," Jarlaxle said, kissing Isaldora's cheek. "So we can go now?" he asked and Entreri rolled his eyes with despair. He knew that Jarlaxle loved women, but this was starting to go a bit too far. The drow seemed to be completely in love with the elven woman, but Entreri had learned to know the mercenary, and he was waiting for the day when he would leave her, and cause some problems with their operation.



"I don't think he'll leave her before the ball," Shandara said when Jarlaxle lead Isaldora out of the room, and Entreri looked at her sharply. "How do you do that?" he asked. Shandara met his stare, looking innocent, but there was an amused glitter in her eyes. "Do what?" she asked smiling.



"You seem to guess what I'm thinking," Entreri said, and Shandara's smile widened. "I don't guess," she said. "I just can read some of your emotions and thoughts. I'm very good at it," she said laughing. "I've had a lot of practice in it during my years as a prostitute. In this business you have to know what the customer is thinking and how he reacts to things, or you might get hurt. Or end up dead. But if it bothers you, I won't do it anymore."



"Good," Entreri said, and noticed that most of his conversations with the woman consisted of Shandara talking very much while he said hardly anything.



"For example I have no idea of what you're thinking now," Shandara said. "I'll go and see Mirjami. And I don't think I'll be needing a bodyguard. So you can go."



"Thank you," Entreri said surly, and Shandara laughed, reaching to pat his cheek. "Sorry, I didn't mean it to sound like I'm being really generous because I'm letting you live your own life for a while. Just go, alright! I think I can walk through few corridors without getting myself killed."



"Are you sure?" Entreri asked smiling. Shandara sighed and then looked into his eyes. "You know, I think I have a bad influence on you. You're starting to develop a strange sense of humour. And although I would enjoy corrupting you some more, I really have to go now. Bye," she turned and left the room, while Entreri was trying not to stare at her swinging hips. The task had become harder every day, and the assassin realized he would have to do something about the situation.



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"What will happen next," Isaldora asked Jarlaxle when they were laying in his bed later that day. The drow looked at her, the look in his silvery eyes still sending warm waves through Isaldora's body.



"Well, we could do it again, or then you could try..."



"That's not what I meant," Isaldora said sharply. "We can't spend the rest of our lives laying in this bed. Something has to happen."



"What did you have in mind?" Jarlaxle asked slowly. He had never had this problem with any of his former lovers, because there it had been all about sex. He knew that Isaldora had fallen in love with him, but he had hoped the feeling would pass and that the elf would simply move on. But that wasn't happening.



Jarlaxle had always loved the women he was with, in the shallow and simple way; they gave pleasure to each other, and he could think back and remember the times they had. He had planned that this would go the same way, but now he was walking in territory he had previously avoided. How to leave a woman who loved him while he would still have to see her almost every day? The drow, normally so sure of himself, was feeling a bit unsure. He cared for this woman, but didn't love her, and couldn't even imagine the two of them living happily ever after.



"I... I love you," Isaldora said, looking away. "And I know that you don't feel the same. Is there any hope, or should we just finish this right now?"



"I don't know," Jarlaxle said straight, running his finger down Isaldora's cheek and turning her head so that their eyes met. "But I don't want to let go of you. Not now."

"One week isn't enough," Isaldora laughed, although her laughter didn't sound real. "I... I fear that if we continue this, I'll get hurt."



"Or maybe you'll learn something important. Or maybe I'll learn something," Jarlaxle said kissing Isaldora gently. "Give me a chance."



"You are a strange one," Isaldora sighed. "But... What did you have in mind?" she asked her eyes sparkling, although the feeling of sadness was still weighing heavily on her heart. "What could I try?"



Later Jarlaxle, laying awake while Isaldora slept peacefully next to him, wondered why he hadn't taken this opportunity the woman had given him. He could have let go and they could have remained some kind of friends. "Always see the game to the end," the mercenary muttered to himself, touching Isaldora's cheek gently and then closing his own eyes, soon falling asleep.



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Shandara was boiling water while Mirjami was cutting the cake she had just baked. The smell was wonderful, and Shandara realized that she hadn't eaten a proper meal that day. First planning the clothes in the morning, then the dance practice and a little distraction by Erik, who had tried to make a better music box, and had ended up with a box that captured all the sounds around it. The gnome hadn't been able to speak and it had taken some time before Shandara had realized what he was trying to tell. Then her own voice had also disappered, but after a few blows with an axe they had regained their voices and Shandara had made Erik promise that he wouldn't try to modify the existing music box, although the gnome had rushed of to improve his latest invention, or disaster, like Shandara had thought.



"He was proud of it!" Shandara laughed. "He really thought that a box that captures all sounds is a good thing."



"Well, if youäre sleeping next to someone who snores, it might be useful," Mirjami said, taking two cups from a cupboard and putting them on the table. Shandara smirked, and put the teapot on the table.



"How are things?" Mirjami asked. "I've hardly seen you the last week."



"Been busy. Sorry," Shandara said, trying to put a whole piece of cake to her mouth at once.



"And you haven't been eating properly," Mirjami said in a disapproving voice. "How can I get you to take care of yourself?"



"Chain me to a wall and guard my every move," Shandara said, almost choking on the cake. "I think that after this is over, I need a vacation. Baldur's Gate?"



"Sounds great," Mirjami said, pouring tea to both of them. "How is Isaldora doing? I've only heard rumours."



"Having the time of her life with Jarlaxle," Shandara sighed. "She's too in love with him. It can only end up badly. But she'll survive."



"You don't think they'll end up together for good," Mirjami said, and it was more of a statement than a question.



"Jarlaxle isn't... Well, he doesn't love her. And he will never love her. Like or care, yes, but not love," Shandara said. "He'll break her heart some way. Well, at least she will have to admit that she has one."



"Shandara!" Mirjami said, but then she laughed. "She was a bit cold before. But enough about her. What about you and that bodyguard of yours?"



"Entreri? What could I say. He doesn't seem to despise me as much as he used to did, but... I don't know. I'm beginning to appreciate his body more and more every day. Dancing with him is heavenly," Shandara laughed. "And I'm hoping that he could drop some of his damned pride at least for one night."



"One night would be enough for you?" Mirjami asked. Shandara looked at her questioningly, not sure of what she was trying to say. "One night is usually enough," she said slowly. "If he's good, then maybe couple of night. But usually not longer than that."



"Are you afraid you might feel something?" Mirjami asked and Shandara remembered all the previous times they had gone through same kind of conversations. Mirjami was hoping that she would settle down with someone, but Shandara had not yet found a an she would love enough. Love, yes, but not deeply enough. To her true love was a thing that was better left to someone else.



"Everyone else reminds me that he is a cruel assassin, and you want me to throw myself into his arms," Shandara said smiling. "I might do that. But I wouldn't stay there forever."



"You never know until you try," Mirjami said, winking at her. "More cake?"