Well here is something I wrote in the ninth grade. We were learning about
Shakespeare in English and I was extremely board. The teacher told me that
if I could change any play by him. Keep it shakspherian and yet update it
then I would not have to take the final.
Needles to say I took her up on the challenge and this is what I came
up with.
Shakespeare: the Austin powers way.

ROMEO: But halt baby. What light is coming from your window?
Ah it is the eastern light and Juliet is the bright blazing sun. get up
lazy sun, and kick the sissy moons ass.
The moon is already laughing at you, Common!
But because of you my shag queen is far more beautiful.
Only fools wear the uniform of virginity.
Let me help you take off that uniform baby.
There stands the shagadelic beauty, o she is my love.
If only she knew how well at shagging, I am.
She speaks yet she says nothing.
Her eyes speak; I'll answer them.
I am too confident: she says the bloody nothing of me.
Two of the most brightest disco balls in all the pads beg her eyes.
To shine in there pockets while it is dark.
What if her eyes were in jewels, and the diamonds in her head?
The brightness of her cheeks would kill those gems.
As daylight shams a bloody fire.
If her eyes were diamonds, the gems would shine so brightly that the
jewelers would sing a biding tune.
See how she leans her head in her hand.
I wish I were a ring on her hand so that I could touch her face!
JULIET: oh my
ROMEO: she is talking.
O talk again, shagadelic queen.
For up they're above my head, are as glorious to the night as is a swinger
to a disco night.
JULIET: O Romeo O Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?
Sue your father and legally change your name.
Or if not wait until we are seventy this is the nineties, and no one is
forced to marry now.
ROMEO: cryky, shall I listen to her any longer or shall I bloody talk to
her
JULIET: not you, but your unruly family name is my enemy.
You could Romeo even if you were not a Montague.
What is a Montague?
Its not a eye or a nose, a pair of geeks glasses, or any part of a mans
body.
O, bloody hell, take some other bloody name.
What's in a name?
The thing, which we call a peace flower, would symbolize peace as if it had
any other name.
So Romeo- even if he weren't called Romeo- like Austin powers Would be just
as perfect with out his name, Romeo legally change your name, and in place
of it writ on your birth certificate wright another.
ROMEO: Ill take your word.
If you call me love, Ill legally change my name never to be known as Romeo
Montique but as Romeo Another.
JULIET: Who is there able to see me naked in only me nudies?
ROMEO: I have no use of a name if it had been written down, I would dowse
it in gasoline and set it aflame.
JULIET: you are Romeo are you not?
ROMEO: DUH yes who did you think it was baby? I'm not tybolt. I wouldn't
be like that Edgar Allen poe guy, Marrying my own cousin, that's just plane
gross.
JULIET: If my family sees you they will throw you in court and sue you for
being a peeping tom.
ROMEO: oh to bloody hell with this poetic crap. Lets shag now and get it
over with.
JULIET: OH Romeo, your harry like ape, come to me man meat!

Yeah I know its full of Errors Misspellings, typos and bad cross
referencing. Non the less. I did not have to take my English final in the
ninth grade. And no I am not a teachers pet.
Well maybe in the art class I was but that's about it. Oh if you are
wondering I am graduated by now.
(Yep a high school graduate that cant spell right or make an intelligent
sentence.)