Ruth's story.
[A/N. Meg: I have debated the idea of Ruth and Rose meeting again, but if it does happen it won't be for awhile yet. For the moment Ruth is going to believe Rose dead, and feel the guilt her actions caused. However, like I said, I haven't totally ruled out the idea of them meeting again some time.]
"Ruth darlin'?" There was the sound of someone's voice and Ruth opened her eyes. As impossible as the idea had seemed to her she had actually fallen into an exhausted sleep.
"Molly, how long have I been asleep?" Ruth asked, sitting up.
"About ten hours." Molly replied.
"Ten? Good heavens." Ruth was shocked. "I best get up then- the poor officer will be wanting his cabin back. I suppose a lot of officers and crew have given their cabins up for people like me?"
"Not that I know of. Actually this particular officer was…well I kind of bribed him Ruth. I know his father so…." Molly trailed off, and Ruth smiled weakly. Wasn't that typical of Molly Brown?
"So we'll be docking in New York in a day or two. Apparently there is going to be some kind of inquiry into the whole thing-" Molly began, but Ruth interrupted as she got out of the bed.
"As there should. I for one want answers." Ruth's voice was sharp and harsh.
"You won't be the only one there." Molly said with a strange look on her face, which disappeared as quickly as it had arrived. "I conned young Cotham- the wireless operator here- to send a message to Mr. Brown for me, and he's going to come to New York for a bit while the hearings going on. He'll arrange somewhere to stay, and we'd be glad for you to stay with us whilst the hearings going on. You know, moral support and all that?"
"Right, thanks Molly." Ruth said fixing her clothes in the mirror. "I'd like that."
The two women walked towards the first class dining room, Ruth wondering whether Molly had spoken to Cal, and whether she knew that at the moment Ruth's future was completely unclear? She was tempted to broach the subject, but even if she'd lost everything else the night before, she hadn't lost her dignity. She didn't want anyone to know how dire her situation was now- not yet. Although, she had to admit, her opinion of the woman had changed dramatically. Molly had been the only one in the boat wanting to go back for survivors after the disaster:
The young sailor in the boat had been horrified and he'd refused flatly. He'd told Molly to "shut that hole in your face." Molly had implored the women in the boat to back her up, trying to remind them that it was there menfolk out there in the cold waters, but nobody had spoken up.Now, Ruth wondered, whether she should have backed her up? Had the boat gone back would she have found Rose, would she have been able to save her? She sighed and took a deep breath before following Molly into the dining room. Now was not the time to think about Rose, and what had happened. There would be plenty of time for that later, probably more time than Ruth wanted. For now she had to act like the lady she had been brought up to be, dignified despite the crisis and pain. Strong, but not too strong, was what her own mother had told her years back when they were grieving for Ruth's brother who had died in a shooting accident on a country estate down south.
Molly led the way to a spot in the corner of the room where they both sat down. Ruth had been sure she could feel people's eyes on her as she walked across the room, and she'd held her head high, although had been unable to bring herself to meet anyone's eyes. What they would say if and when Rose's actions with Jack became common knowledge she couldn't imagine, but if they found out about Ruth's own actions, then it would be a million times worse. Ruth had been forcing Rose into a marriage simply to save her own skin rather than because she thought her daughter and Cal would make a good match, and the gossips would love it. Well she'd have to meet those challenges if they arose; it was no point worrying about them, worrying would only give her ulcers.
"Ruth?" A man's voice asked and Ruth looked up slowly.
"Major Peuchen." She said, her voice breaking slightly. "You made it."
"I did." He replied, and he lent down towards her. "Ruth, if there's anything you need you just let me know. I was shocked to hear of Mathew's death, he served in the army with me for a few years, and he was a good man."
"He was." Ruth agreed, but in her mind she added a bitter 'Apart from the gambling problem I never suspected that is!'
"And Rose, well she was a wonderful young woman, and it was such a tragedy."
"Yes." Ruth said, she couldn't allow herself to say anymore for the fear of crying. Whilst it was understandable for a mother to grieve for her child, it was also instilled in Ruth at an early age that there were standards to keep in public, and showing emotion was on the list of do not's.
The major patted her shoulder and walked off.
"I can't stand this." Ruth said in a low voice. "If every single first class passenger comes up to me to tell me how sorry they are-"
"Now Ruth," Molly said firmly. "Don't worry. I'm here, everything's going to be all right."
That was something Ruth doubted; in fact she was pretty sure nothing was going to be all right ever again, but she didn't voice these thoughts to Molly. Inside Ruth's mind there was a turmoil- part of her was angry with Rose for her disgusting display of affection for someone who was virtually a nothing, another part of her was of course upset about the loss of her daughters life (no matter how she had treated Rose, and what she had been forcing her to do, it didn't mean she wanted to see her daughter dead for god's sake!), and a third part of her was concerned about what she was going to do now she had practically nothing. With the marriage not eventuating, and Cal's dismissal of her earlier, Ruth knew she was going to have to make it on her own, completely on her own, something she had never been before.
"Dinner is going to be served soon for first class passengers of the Titanic, and those here on the Carpathia." A passing steward was calling.
Until then the Carpathia's passengers had kept pretty much out of the way of the survivors of the Titanic disaster on Captains orders. The captain had correctly guessed that without this order his passengers would be motivated by a somewhat morbid desire to see the survivors and hear what had happened. On a normal occasion an order like this would be met with dissent, but the more caring, and level-headed amongst passengers had understood and agreed. A curious few had ventured into the dining room only to be asked to leave by stewards or stewardesses. Ruth was sure it would be different in the lower class dining rooms- people like that wouldn't possess as much decorum, and perhaps those passengers who had survived from steerage would welcome their moment in the sun to tell of the tragedy?
"Hungry Ruth?" Molly asked. "I'm starvin', but then, that's not unusual for me. I've got, what you would politely call, a healthy appetite."
Ruth smiled weakly, a healthy appetite was probably not exactly how she would have described Molly's appetite. As a child Ruth had been taught men didn't like a woman who ate too much, something she had tried to teach Rose, before Mathew had intervened and said it was good to see someone enjoying their food, and a compliment to the cook. "I'm not really very hungry."
"Don't let the doctor hear you say that." Molly warned. "You've got to keep your strength up Ruth darlin'. I've got a feeling there are going to be some trying times ahead."
That, Ruth thought as a stewardess placed a meal in front of her, was an understatement.
"We're only able to serve the main meal I'm afraid." The stewardess explained. "We weren't exactly prepared for a lot of extra passengers, but we'll be in New York tomorrow afternoon I believe."
"God there are going to be a lot of vultures awaiting our arrival I bet." Molly said as the stewardess moved away. "And a lot of worried relatives, although from what I heard they've been sending through lists of survivors on the wireless."
Ruth nodded and poked at her meal.
Molly noticed this. "Ruth, you've got to try to eat- if it's only a little bit. You don't want to get sick."
Ruth sighed and took as many bites as she could but when she was finished there was still probably half a meal on her plate.
As the stewards and stewardesses cleaned up after the meal Ruth surveyed the room. For the most part Titanic survivors and Carpathia passengers weren't mixing, although a few shared tables. It would more than likely be after the meal that the details got bandied about. "Do we sleep in here?" Ruth asked.
"Sure do." Molly said with a sigh. "We all spent last night in here, and we'll spend tonight in here too. I know it's not comfortable, but there isn't really much room left, unless you were wounded pretty bad, in which case you might have a bed. I heard our junior wireless operator, Harold Bride, made it, but he's not in the best of ways. Hurt his left foot pretty bad and can't walk."
This was the first Ruth had heard of any of the crew members, and the comment interested her enough to ask whether the captain had made it, and many of the crew.
"The captain went down with the ship." Molly said solemnly. "Not the best ending for a distinguished career like he's had, but I suppose he felt pretty guilty about it all. Last I heard around two hundred of the crew made it, some officers, some engineers, some stewards, some crewmen."
"How many people were saved in all?" Ruth asked.
"I don't know that you should be thinking about things like this-" Molly began, but Ruth interrupted her.
"How many Molly?" She demanded.
"Well reports aren't completely clear yet, but they say about six to seven hundred." Molly said with a sigh.
"Out of over 2000 on board?" Ruth said. "Good god."
"You can say that again." Molly muttered. She snuggled into her chair. "There's not much to do now Ruth, unless you're a man and want to go into the smoking room, so I suggest you rest."
Ruth didn't bother to argue that she wasn't feeling like rest after having had a long sleep. Instead she tried to find the most comfortable position in her chair, and to her surprise later on; she fell asleep almost straight away.
*****
Ruth sighed and sat up. The dining room was filled with the early morning light, and it couldn't have been more than six thirty in the morning, but none the less people were awake and talking. Perhaps some of them hadn't slept in the first place? She noticed one person in particular. Madeleine Astor, who was sitting quietly in a chair by herself. Nobody was near her, and she was looking pretty unwell. Ruth got up, fixing her clothes as she did, reminding herself that no matter what the cost, or how she managed it; she'd have to get more clothes in New York, and walked over to her.
"Madeleine?" Ruth asked gently, touching the young girl on the shoulder.
Madeleine turned eyes up to Ruth, who was startled to notice they looked like they were empty. Clearly Jacob hadn't made it. "Are you all right? Have you been eating and drinking?" Ruth asked her.
Madeleine shook her head, to which question she was responding Ruth wasn't sure.
Ruth sat down next to her. The girl was only a young one, and to have seen what she'd seen must have effected her greatly. In fact she was around Rose's age. The only difference was that Madeleine was already married, and rumours had been flying about her expecting. Ruth remembered one conversation with the Countess about it on board the ship:
"It's the way she holds herself which gives it away, mark my words, the girl is expecting." The countess had said. "Probably so tightly laced she can barely breathe."
Ruth had glanced over at the Astors. Jacob had a hand around his young wife's waist, almost protectively, and it seemed to be that the young girl was standing so that her stomach was sucked in.
"Poor girl." Ruth had replied. "Why would they be going to such troubles to hide it? After all it's not as though they're not married?"
"Probably because she's so young." The countess had replied. "Now see that woman over there?"
The conversation had moved on to other things and Ruth hadn't given the Astors another though- that was until then. After all, this could be Rose had circumstances been different.
"Madeleine you need to keep your strength up- for you and the baby." Ruth said in a low voice.
Madeleine's head jolted up. "How did you know?" She asked, nervously.
"I just did." Ruth replied, not wanting to add that it was more than likely every woman in the room had an idea. "The thing is, Jacob wouldn't want to see you get sick now, not when you're carrying the most important gift he could have ever given you."
"A gift?" Madeleine mused. "I hadn't thought of it like that, but now that you say it….it is a gift isn't it? Oh I hope it's a boy, and then I can call him JJ the second and he'll look just like his father."
Ruth noticed that breakfast was beginning to be served. "Now you make sure you eat." Ruth instructed her firmly. "As a matter of fact, there's a spare seat over with the Bishops and Colonel Gracie, so let's get you settled over there." Seeing the young girl was about to protest Ruth continued, taking her hand firmly. "You need company at a time like this Madeleine."
Once she had Madeleine seated she went back to her own spot, and a smiling Molly. "Why Ruth sometimes you surprise me."
"Surprise you?" Ruth was surprised herself.
"Lookin' after that poor young thing like that." Molly replied.
"Oh. That." Ruth shrugged. "Well she was all alone."
Molly nodded, smiling slightly as though to say Ruth couldn't fool her. It was all because of Rose.
"We get into New York at about two." A steward passing told them all.
"Oh, thank god for that. I thought for awhile there I'd never get home." Molly said with a smile.
Ruth smiled too, but hers was probably a lot weaker. After all, she was still unclear about her future.
