[A/N. I've been trying to work out how long I've had Ruth on the "Carpathia" for, but from memory in history it was a few days.]

Ruth's story.

The day passed with a combination of tedious conversations, reflections and pain. For the survivors of the "Titanic" disaster coming into New York could only bring bad memories of what they'd seen, what had happened, and worst of all, what they'd lost.

Ruth had a few conversations with other survivors she knew, but for the most part she kept to herself. She just didn't feel like mixing with other people at the moment knowing they'd want to talk about Rose. Luckily nobody had mentioned what had happened to her yet, but Ruth was sure that someone would mention it eventually, and everyone would know what she'd done, how she'd embarrassed herself and society. Oh why hadn't she been able to stop her strong willed, stubborn daughter from doing it? It wasn't as if she hadn't told her to stay away from "that boy", but Rose had appeared blasé about it all. And then of course Rose embarrassed them even further by letting Jack draw that dreadful picture. Ruth would never forget Cal's face as he showed her the picture. It was a curious mixture of pain, rage, and unhappiness. Shaking her head Ruth tried to forget what had happened for now. Later, when she was alone, she could think about it more.

"Hey ya'll I can see New York. We're almost home." A steerage passenger, a man, stuck his head through the door to yell, and then he hurried off to alert other survivors.

"Thank god for that." Molly said under her breath. "There was a time there when I wondered whether I'd get to see New York again or not."

Cal walked over to them then. He looked as though he hadn't slept much in the time between the Titanic's sinking and now. "I thought I'd take the opportunity to say goodbye." He explained. "I won't be staying in New York more than a day or two."

"A day or two? You mean you're not staying for the hearings?" Molly asked.

A strange look came over Cal's face, for a moment Ruth thought it was fear, but then dismissed it as something else. "No. Business calls you know. My father will want me home as soon as possible."

Molly was silent for a moment, and then muttered something about going out on deck to see New York. "I want to see the statue and know we're there."

Ruth glanced out the window. "It's raining Molly."

"I don't mind a bit of rain. Hell, after what I've been through I don't think I'm going to mind anything anymore. See you round Cal." She said.

"Molly." Cal replied as she walked off.

There was an uncomfortable silence between the two people who had been united by one person.

"Well will you be staying in America or going back to England?" Cal asked.

"I don't know." Ruth answered slowly. Nathan Hockley had known they were broke, but she didn't know whether he had told Cal or not.

"Well whatever you do I hope you can find some happiness in your life. We've lost Rose, but we've still got life." Cal said, not meeting her eyes. "And most importantly, I don't know about you, but I'm not going to feel guilty about what happened to Rose. I did, but I can't keep going on like that. How can I live with that pain? After all what Rose did was her choice, not ours."

"Indeed." Ruth agreed slowly. Somehow, even though his words were firm, she didn't believe he was being one hundred percent honest. More than likely visions of Rose would haunt his dreams, as she was sure they would hers.

"It's a pity." Cal said with a sigh. "We would have gotten along so well. I guess I better go I've got something I want to do before we dock. Goodbye Ruth."

"Goodbye." Ruth replied, her voice soft. As he walked off she sank back into her chair. Even though she'd known it was going to happen, his leaving only struck home even more: she was almost broke and she was alone. Tears pricked at her eyes. The docking here was going to be a lot different to the boarding in Southampton. Ruth remembered only too well Rose's cool words as they'd first got out of the car and seen the big ship:

Rose had looked up at the ship from underneath her hat. "I don't see what all the fuss is about." She'd said. "It doesn't look any bigger than the Mauritania."

Cal had laughed briefly and he explained to Rose why it was bigger as Ruth tuned out looking at the ship herself. A shiver went down her spine, she'd never been a big fan of water and boats.

Cal had turned to her. "Your daughter is far too hard to impress Ruth." He'd said.

Ruth had smiled slightly. "So this is the ship they say is unsinkable?" She'd asked, hoping that the slight tremor in her voice wasn't obvious to anyone else. Mathew had told her long ago her fear of water and boats was irrational, but since her Uncle had died in the British Navy when she was only a child she still feared the same fate as he'd had. However this was different, she knew that. Everyone said the "Titanic" was like a floating hotel and it was so big nothing could sink it.

Cal had repeated these sentiments now. "It is unsinkable. God himself could not sink this ship."

Unsinkable was it? Ruth wished she'd listened to her "irrational fears" and never let herself and Rose get on that ship. With a daughter as pretty as Rose she would have been sure to find a rich husband over in England and they wouldn't have had to leave the country. Ruth took a deep breath. She was a strong woman, and she wasn't going to just lay down and die. No, she was going to survive.

*****

As the Carpathia pulled into the harbor Ruth, who had moved up on deck once the brief shower had passed, noticed someone standing near her. Mr. Ismay, the managing director of White Star Line. She was surprised to see him there as up until now she hadn't caught sight of him, and she didn't think he had survived. There was a strange look on his face and he muttered something which sounded like "I believe you're going to get your headlines Mr. Ismay."

One of the Titanic's officers, Ruth thought it could perhaps have been Mr. Lowe, came to stand near Mr. Ismay. Mr. Ismay didn't turn, but he knew he was there as he said "We've got to go through some bloody hearing before we can get back to England. Bloody Americans."

Mr. Lowe was silent for a moment before replying "Well I can't say I blame them, we'd have done the same thing if it happened at our end."

"They're going to crucify us." Mr. Ismay replied, and now he turned to look at the sailor. "Mark my words Mr. Lowe, this so-called hearing is not going to be a pleasant experience at all."

"RUTH!" Molly called as she noticed her. "Come on and stand over here."

Ruth walked over to where Molly was standing. Even from there it was obvious to see the large crowd around the docks. "Good god." Ruth muttered. "We've got to get through that?"

"Don't worry Ruth darlin, we don't have to. I was speaking to one of the officers before and he said the police are going to clear a way for us to get through." Molly replied.

Nearby a steerage passenger had made their way up to the deck and they were leaning over the rails waving madly, even though nobody in the crowd on the docks would be able to make out faces from that distance. "Hello New York." He yelled.

Ruth rolled her eyes. If Jack had survived, would he be the sort to do something stupid like that? Whatever was Rose thinking?

"Excuse me sir, but you're not allowed up on this deck." A steward from the Carpathia said, touching the man on the back.

"We've just been through a damn tragedy, lost so many of our friends and family, and you're still going to insist on class restrictions? Talk about pathetic man." The steerage man snapped, but he left the deck anyway.

"Home sweet home." Molly muttered.

Ruth sighed. She didn't have a home anymore, let alone a family. But wasn't it partly her own fault? No, she shook her head. She hadn't made Rose jump back onto the sinking ship, she'd tried to discourage her from seeing Jack, knowing it wouldn't lead to anything good, but Rose hadn't listened, hadn't cared. And where had it left her?

*****

"Molly." A tall, dark haired man called, and he rushed to hug her. "Thank god Molly."

For the first time ever Ruth saw Molly Brown was at a loss for words as she was folded into her husbands arms. Ruth walked away a bit, watching as all over there were scenes of both reunion and joy, and loss and pain. She saw John Astor's father, who was certainly getting on in years now, comforting Madeleine. "Come on dear child." He said, and he led her away. Ruth sighed as she watched and hoped that the girl was all right, especially with a child on the way.

"Alexander, this is Ruth Dewitt Buckater." Molly said, as she tugged on Ruth's arm.

"Mathew's widow yes?" Alexander replied. "I don't know if you remember me, but I remember you from when you and Mathew were just married and were over here for a few years?"

Ruth looked at him trying to remember, but then shook her head. "Sorry, I don't remember you, but it was quite awhile ago."

"Yes, I think you were expecting your child just after you were due back in England?" Alexander said nodding slowly. "I heard of Mathew's death through business friends, and I have to tell you it was a pity. He was a wonderful man."

Ruth nodded too, but didn't speak. Sometimes it amazed her how small the world seemed. People who lived in America still knowing of, and respecting, her husband. Whilst the Dewitt Buckater name was well known and respected in England, it had shocked her to hear it was also the same over in America even though Mathew hadn't been as much into the business as his father.

"Shall we get moving?" Alexander asked. "I've reserved us both rooms at the Waldorf-Asteria, which is quite convenient since I believe that's where the hearings are being held."

They began to move out of the crowd, which was also slowly dispensing. Ruth was trying to think of how to explain to the Brown's that she couldn't afford to stay in the Waldorf, why she'd be lucky to be able to afford to stay in a one-star hotel!

"Now Ruth, I know you probably don't have all your cash at your disposal, but you'll be getting money from White Star line soon enough I'm sure, so don't feel as though you've got to pay me for the room right away. You've been through a great tragedy, a great loss, and you need to rest and not worry about things like this." Mr. Brown said.

Ruth was shocked. "I couldn't." She protested, but Molly waved her hand at her.

"Listen Ruth darlin', it's not every day he offers something like that so I say take it!" Molly said, but it was obvious from her voice that she was very fond of her husband.

*****

At the Waldorf Molly and Mr. Brown went to their room to freshen up, and Ruth to hers. As she walked into the room Ruth raised an eyebrow. The room was exactly the type of accommodation she'd been used to her whole life, but now it seemed as though it was something she'd never be able to afford again. She sighed and walked over to the window and looked out over New York. Even though it had been almost seventeen years since she and Mathew had spent some time over there it still looked the same, but Ruth longed to be back in England where she'd feel calm and relaxed. She went over and lay down on the big, soft bed and started to think. She still had assets back in England, but it wasn't enough to buy a nice house and live happily ever after. If she did get money from White Star Line hopefully that would be enough to pay back the Brown's and perhaps even get her started towards getting back home. Then she'd have to go and see the lawyers and bankers and work out how much she actually did have, and whether it was enough to even get a small apartment in London, or even a cottage out in the middle of the country. As long as there was a roof over her head then she could work out how to survive. She sighed again, and rolled over onto her side. The Brown's were going to come and collect her for dinner when they'd freshened up but Ruth thought they might be awhile. They hadn't seen each other since Molly had been in France for the last few months, and they had a lot of catching up to do. Before Ruth knew it she fell into a dreamless sleep.

*****

"Ruth darlin?" There was banging at the door and Ruth sat up. In the dim light coming in from the window it took her a moment to realise where she was, and indeed what had happened.

"Come in Molly." Ruth called as she got up. "I fell asleep."

Molly came in and turned on the light. "We're just going to have dinner downstairs since you and I are probably not in the mood for going out or something." She explained. "But tomorrow, we're going to have to go shopping."

"Shopping?" Ruth repeated.

"Well do you think we can spend our entire time here in New York in the same clothes?" Molly demanded. "I can get some from up at home, but you can't."

"I can't." Ruth repeated, and then she nodded. "Molly, I can't go shopping."

"Well whyever not? We're women Ruth, there are some things we were born to do and one of them is shop and spend money." Molly explained.

"I can't." Ruth repeated for the third time. "It's not so simple Molly."

"Simple?" Molly said slowly, and then she took in the look on Ruth's face and in her eyes. "Ruth, what's wrong?"

"I can't go shopping because I'm broke- well practically broke."

Molly's eyes widened in shock, and Ruth hurried to finish off what she was saying before she lost her nerves.

"Mathew may have left us a good name, but it turned out he was into gambling, and we've got nothing but our name and a lot of debts. I had to sell the house and a lot of our things. I've still got some back at home, but not much. I'm broke." Ruth explained almost in a burst.