Chapter Thirty-Five
But of course she couldn't say that.
Instead, she laughed. "Silly, little boy. Of course I like you. And of course I know you like me. I wouldn't spend my time with you if I didn't. Also you too. Unless…" she smiled, wickedly.
Gavin stared at her strangely. Eliza sighed. "I was kidding. I knew all along."
He laughed too. After that he said, "Never mind what I should tell you."
"Why?" Eliza asked. "You can tell me anything. I mean, you've told me almost everything. About your dog, horse, sister, mother father, balls, parties, food, li—"
"Alright! I know I've told you almost everything that happened to me. But not this," Gavin said firmly. Eliza didn't pester him any longer. "But it's not because you're not trustworthy. I just think that I shouldn't tell you right now."
"Fine by me." Eliza resumed her duty.
"You're not mad? Even curious?"
"Why should I be? I may be your friend Gavin, but I know when to shut up. Obviously, it doesn't concern me."
You are right," Gavin said. "It doesn't concern you."
But his voice was unsure.
If anyone had committed the biggest mistake, it was Eliza, just now. It concerns her greatly, enough to change her life and others.
~*~
Gavin is acting oddly, Eliza thought. A few days after that, Gavin couldn't even look at her. Eliza wondered if it was her fault.
She realized she missed Gavin. She missed their conversations and jokes. She knew she wanted to be next to him, to be with him, just being friends. And he was different from all the other boys she had met. They were boisterous and simply intolerable, while he was mature and intelligent. She once thought that it could be so easy to love him. But she knew it wouldn't be easy to love him in her position. That's why she prevented herself to.
Even though she missed him sourly, she didn't make a move to clear things up. She still went on with her duties, not minding his behavior, until now.
She saw him in the gardens after she marketed. She realized she should talk to him now before their friendship ends. "Gavin!" she called him. He stopped. Eliza half-expected him to run, but he didn't. Thankfully.
"Gavin," she started when she reached him. "What's wrong with you?"
"Nothing. What makes you think there is?" he replied.
Eliza glared at him. She held up her free hand. "Well, first of all, you ignore me. Second, you won't talk to me. Third, you won't even look at me, which is rather strange considering that I'm not an repulsive ogre. Fourth, you decided that you never knew me. And fifth, I expect you to run away from me if I ever get near you."
Gavin glared back at her. Eliza smiled inwardly. Now that is the old Gavin. "There's nothing wrong, despite your reasons. I've been very busy lately. Did it ever occur to you that I would soon manage all this?"
"Yes," Eliza admitted. "But not now," she added.
"Eliza, I'm sorry. You wouldn't understand anyway. And if I told you, you wouldn't talk to me," Gavin answered rather seriously.
She stared at him hard. It entered in her mind that he was so handsome when he was serious. She brushed that thought away. "Why shouldn't I not understand? And you should think twice about me not talking to you. I would never do that."
"Because you haven't heard of it."
"Well let me hear it so we can see if I will talk to you or no," Eliza retorted playfully. Gavin didn't look amused.
"I won't risk that," he said.
"You're tiring me. I'm your friend, and you're dear to me. I will never hate you."
Gavin didn't say anything. Instead he averted his glance to the grass they were stepping on.
After a long silence he said, "I already told you."
"What?"
Eliza thought carefully. What were the last words he ever said to her? She almost felt sick when she remembered. Of course that was what he meant…and you were too stupid to not understand…that is why he was friends with me…and maybe that's why he stares at you extraordinarily, at times. And that's why there's this look in his eyes when we talk…
The basket with fruits almost fell out of her hands. Eliza found her voice. She wanted to agree with him, but she cannot.
"You are right…I shouldn't have asked. You should know that you are making a mistake," Eliza said nonchalantly. She had to stand straight, no, don't fall… She walked away.
She could hear Gavin speak. "You don't understand Eliza! It's the truth!"
"Well I won't believe it then!" she answered with a sob in her voice.
When she reached the kitchen, she placed the basket carefully on the table. Charlene was washing some dishes when she did. She looked closely at Eliza's stricken face. "What happened to you?" she asked.
Eliza looked fiercely at Charlene. "It's none of your business!"
She quickly went to her room. She slammed the door, and Charlene could easily hear it downstairs. She couldn't hear the crying, though.
Georgia arrived and heard the slam. "Tell me what came about!" she demanded Charlene excitedly.
For once, Charlene didn't have a piece of gossip to share. "I don't know."
~*~
Everything was the opposite of some days ago. When before it was Gavin, now it was Eliza. It was much harder for her to avoid him, when she was suppose to be around the house, either cleaning or serving. He tried to talk to her but she wouldn't allow it. It hurt her to look at him. His disturbed eyes hurt her even more. This distracted her from her usual keenness. Once or twice she had forgotten to dust one of the many pieces of furniture.
Nadine, in her epoch of despair (as so Eliza likes to call it) was more intolerable than ever. For some strange reason, Eliza was quick to be ticked off with her mundane habits. Like some few days ago, Nadine was complaining about Eliza's sluggishness. Didn't she do this always? But when she said it the moment Eliza entered the doorway, she clenched her fists and waited on her.
She still did her everyday jobs, but every waking hour she thought about Gavin. Was it true? She asked herself. Of course she's heard stories of young men fooling those below their status just for the fun of it. She would never be fooled. But Gavin wasn't that kind of person; she knew. They had been friends, right? And she figured, that the only reason why Gavin didn't tell her sooner, was that he didn't want to lose something he already had for something he might not have. It was understandable, but why her, she couldn't understand.
Once there was a party in their house. Eliza remembered because they were made to do so many chores. There were many ladies, each of them fawning and swooning on Gavin. He was loved by them, yet he loved her? How could t be? More women were more deserving than she. And he need not cross many miles to find one like her. There were many ladies who read, talk about books, even do work. She was not a rare find.
Whether or not she would be wondering forever, she didn't know. One might say that she was prepared to do anything to get this out of her system, but in truth, she wasn't prepared for anything that would come her way.
She was alone in the hallway, fixing a display of ceramic figurines. It was her own personal duty that Lady Germaine, the mistress of the house, had ordered her to do so. "You have careful nimble fingers. I want you to arrange those figurines everyday. Why? Because they are on display, and should be in their best!" Eliza laughed softly when she remembered. She almost forgot her problems.
She fixed one of the figurines: a gigantic white shoe with painted flowers. "Dear, dear. Lady Germaine treats you all like people," she said to herself.
There was a tap on her shoulder. Her heart almost died. She started making excuses. Lady Germaine! I was just talking to your figurines. You know me! Treating them like human beings! Unlike you! No, no, no! You treat them like priceless works of art!
"Eliza, we need to talk."
She knew who it was all along. There was no need for excuses. She had rehearsed this in her head everyday. She knew the moment would come when he would stop acting so polite and courteous. She knew he would soon force her to talk to him. If this was a theater show, then Eliza had mastered her monologue.
Eliza whirled and said: "No we don't."
She expected him to look at her, meaningfully with his soulful eyes. Try to soften her. But he was still the same. "Yes we do."
"No we don't. You being a perfectly rational young man should know that this would go nowhere. Actually, I was wondering why you even came to this. This is…ridiculous! No!" she smirked. She had planned to anger him, just to leave her alone. It hurt her to do so, but this was for the two of them. "Ridiculous is not the word. This is inane." She shook her head, hair falling on her face. She blew them away. "I understand, why can't you? You're more intelligent, more educated—"
He grab hold of her shoulders. "That's not the point!"
She fought away from his grasp. "I knew you would say that!" she spat. "Well it's…wro-wrong." She failed to be strong on her last line. She couldn't help it. She loved him. How can she do this to herself and to him?
Gavin looked at her more closely. "You're lying," he concluded. "You know perfectly well that's it true. That you feel the same way. How come you don't accept it? Eliza, I love you. You can see that."
Eliza almost cried when he said so. She felt her face twisting with mixed emotions. "And I can see that I work in your house."
"That doesn't matter—"
"It does! And that fact alone is enough to make me stop thi—" She couldn't continue. He kissed her, and she couldn't help but kiss him back. It was all so perfect in that time. When they kissed, the whole world disappeared and Eliza's fears disappeared.
She burst into tears when their lips parted. It pained her so much to lie to him. And it still pained her when she didn't. "I love you…but…" she couldn't say it. She cried while smiling.
Gavin and Eliza didn't know that their future would be like that. Bittersweet, with tears and smiles all together in one second.
~*~
And with that, it began.
No one can really dictate the heart, especially those of two young people. Their love was filled with so much hope, that they couldn't even see the problems. It was all clandestine, a secret that no one else must know.
The problem was, Eliza knew what would happen, and she wouldn't allow it. She loved Gavin too much to allow. She knew Gavin didn't care. He was ready to give it up for her. She wasn't ready to accept it all.
It had gone on for weeks, months…and they were fortunate to keep it to themselves.
"Do you know what I really want to be when I grow up?" Eliza told Gavin, one day.
"What?" he asked.
"Don't laugh."
"I won't."
"I've always wanted to be a writer of books."
"What's to laugh about that? You will make a great writer. You read many books, know a lot."
Eliza shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know why some people laugh. It's their problem. One day, I'll get out of here and write books for everybody."
Gavin grinned boyishly. "And I will tag along."
She wanted to say that he couldn't; that his presence was wanted here. But she bit her tongue. She kissed him slightly. "Of course you can tag along. I might even drag you with me."
They looked so happy. It was as if they were in paradise, where there were no dangers. Yet it was as if. They weren't in paradise. They were still in their world, with danger lurking in every corner.
One of the greatest dangers was already there, looking at them through a window, unbeknownst to the young couple.
~*~
Eliza stared at the porcelain doll sitting on the shelf. Her hair was brown and her eyes were a crystal blue. Her extravagant gown was the same color. A pretty smile was on her lips. She was in her mistress' room. She still didn't know why she was called. She wondered if it was the time she was talking to the figurines, again, and complaining about Nadine.
"Don't lie to me Eliza. I saw you. With Gavin." Her voice was low and eerie.
Eliza wanted to scream. She didn't say anything, afraid that it would only anger her even more.
"Yes, yes. I know you will say that you love him. After all, I saw you cuddling each other like a nice couple. I hate to say this but you remind me of my youth. You, of all people! I will handle my son later. Please, make my life easier and say you don't."
She couldn't say it. She wouldn't. "I love him, Milady," she said with all her courage.
Lady Germaine breathed in deeply, her bosom rising. She quickly strode to her dresser and grabbed a bottle filled with smelling salts. She inhaled deeply. "You have one moment to take all that back!" she shrieked.
"I won't." Eliza's voice was almost a whimper.
Lady Germaine glared at her. "Well, this is what I expected. And I am always one step ahead of you."
She stood up and eyed Eliza squarely. "You can leave now. If I see your face tomorrow, be prepared to be have your hair yanked off your head just to drag you out. I will not have wenches living under the same roof as my family.
"Is that not enough reason? I'll give you another one. I will make sure that your reputation in society will crumble. And Gavin will be like you. His inheritance will be snatched away. If you understand me."
Eliza bit her lip. This was what she had been fearing all this time. That was enough reason. She would not have Gavin be like her. She would not have his inheritance go away. It was his right and wealth.
"My dear, you are ever so fortunate that I have not told my husband of this issue. He would have you hanged immediately if her were to find out. But I will tell him, mind you, if you stay. So I give you a choice. Any questions?"
Eliza didn't say anything. "Well, well. Your family. Your father and your mother. Don't worry. I don't blame them for your mistake. They are serviceable people. And you could have been too, but you have to ruin all. Your parents will stay here but they will have no knowledge of the reason for your flight. They will just think you ran away. If you run away.
"Now get out of my room before I scream."
Eliza wanted to cry. But she would never show that to the spiteful Lady Germaine. But she acted the way she should act. She was the one who didn't know her place. A tear escaped her eye when she turned her back.
She glanced at the porcelain doll. She wished she was the doll. Rich, accepted, happy…with that she could be worthy of Gavin. But she wasn't any of those. She was poor, cast away, and miserable.
She walked to her room. She was suppressing her tears. Does Gavin know? Surely not. Lady Germaine would keep it all a secret. She would make him think Eliza ran away because she wanted to run away.
Her room was bare anyway. It wouldn't be too hard to pack and leave. The only problem was getting out of the house. Georgia and Charlene were always snooping about. She decided to throw her things out of the window—she was only in the second floor—, go out with an excuse—and errand, maybe—retrieve her things, and run away.
She wished that Gavin would not learn of this. It was all for him. He would understand. Then she cried. She didn't care that she would have no job or home. It was Gavin. She had to do it even though she didn't want to. She collapsed onto her bed, sobbing uncontrollably. She lay there for minutes. She remembered all the times they had together. He was truly the one who understood her. No one else would be like him. And she would have to let go.
Someone told her once that the hardest part was letting go. She had too.
Her packing was completed. She threw her things out the window and watched it land on a bush. She was wearing her servant's garb; it would not rouse suspicion. Especially from Gavin.
She casually strolled out of her room. She prayed that she would not bump into Gavin. How would she manage? Her prayers weren't answered though.
~*~
Gavin saw Eliza walking towards him. She was in her usual clothes, although she looked sick.
"Eliza!" he called.
She tried to smile. "Gavin!" To Gavin, it looked as if she was fighting an inner battle. He wondered what.
"Where are you going?' he asked.
"I must run an errand for your mother," Eliza said.
"Do you want me to accompany you?" he asked, momentarily forgetting what he should do.
Eliza shook her head. "Of course not." Her eyes were manic, in trouble.
"Are you feeling well?" Gavin asked, concerned. He had never seen her like this. Is this errand so frightful? he thought.
Eliza choked out the words: "Of course I am."
He suddenly remembered what he had to do. "Hmm, seems I can't accompany you anyway." He shrugged his shoulders. "My mother wants to talk to me. I don't know why." Just a few minutes ago, Charlene, his mother's own maid, went to him, twisting her skirt nervously. She said that his mother demanded him to come as soon as possible.
"Gavin…" He head Eliza's suddenly soft voice.
"Yes?" Something was really wrong.
She placed her hand on his shoulder. Luckily, no one was in the hall with them. "You know I love you. I would never hate or leave you unless you're the one who'll suffer."
Gavin looked confused. Then he smiled comfortingly. "I know you would say that someday. Don't Eliza. If something happens, we'll go through it together. I love you too."
He kissed her cheek and left. When he was suitably far out of earshot, Eliza leaned against the wall and breathed deeply. Tears went down. He loves me…he said so. But no, we can't go through this together. She was crying softly. She quickly moved. She almost ran out of the backdoor. She retrieved her things from the bush.
The sun was going away, just as joy was going away from Eliza. And Gavin soon.
~*~
Lady Germaine stared at her son coldly. She despised his smile. Well, he doesn't know why he was called, why you are to talk to him. Her room was unfitting for the event that would happen. The golden curtains and drapes were shining with the sunlight. The bed with dark purple velvet was inviting, enjoyable. The many displays of ornamental plates with sceneries painted, figurines of cats, dogs, and birds, dolls of different sizes and faces, made the room a joyous place. Lady Germaine was sniffing and dabbing her eyes. She was also holding her smelling salts. She wasn't talking to her still. Finally, she spoke.
"Gavin, my son. I wish to ask you if my eyes were deceiving me," she started.
"Depends on what you have seen, mother," he replied innocently.
Lady Germaine approached her window, where she saw that…that repugnant scene. "Honestly, Gavin, you do know that nothing upsets me. Unless…" she paused and glanced at him, knowing his realization, "it's about my own son cavorting with a maid."
He started to speak but Lady Germaine stopped him. "Please. Assure me that you were merely playing a game with her. Fooling her."
"I can't," he said firmly.
Lady Germaine turned her back on him. "What do you mean you can't?" she snapped.
"I can't because I am not fooling around with her. I love her," he replied simply.
She turned to him again. "Say that again."
"I love her," Gavin repeated without hesitation.
Lady Germaine stared at him frantically. She had heard from that wench but it her own son saying this! Gavin watched her inhale the smelling salts deeply, as if sucking it all in. "T-take it all back," she ordered, voice quivering madly. When Gavin didn't say anything, she shrilled, "Take it back!"
Gavin stood his ground. "I won't! Mother, you have to accept that I love Eliza. And there is nothing you can do."
Lady Germaine waved her hand. "Out. I will give you a chance, Gavin. I love you as my son. But if you will ruin your life, our reputation, and your inheritance, it is your choice. So think." She was sobbing quietly. It hurt her to say that to her only son. Her beloved son. She still didn't think of telling her husband. What terror it would be if he were to find out now! She must handle this now before it came to him. So then matters would be lighter.
Gavin bowed before he went out. How could he tell Eliza? It was she who was worried that this would happen. She was the one who cared about his sake. She was so unselfish! He was prepared to give it all up for her. He just wasn't sure if she felt the same.
He had to tell her. He went to her room right away, confident that she would have returned from her errand. He knocked. No one answered so he entered. Her things were no longer there.
Her words returned to him:
"I must run an errand for your mother."
"You know I love you. I would never hate or leave you unless you're the one who'll suffer."
He realized where she was going to. Why should she be so selfless! Gavin thought. He put his hand on his head. He quickly looked out the window. He didn't see Eliza; she was already far away. But he imagined Eliza running as if death was on her heels.
He knew he was near crying too. He was losing her, his only love. Then he stopped. Eliza would never forgive him if he followed. And if he were to follow, where would he go? He didn't have an idea where she was. He raked his hand through his hair. He knew what he wanted to do—he wanted to follow her. But he wanted to know what she wanted to happen…and she wanted him to stay there.
If only she had the chance to hear him out. He was willing to give up everything for her.
Why can't you see that?
~*~
Eliza's heart almost died when she saw Gavin looking out of her window. She was certain that he would not see her. She was hiding amongst the many trees of their garden, and was just about to leave the premises. She felt a strong urge to return, but no. She must not. She loves him too much to return.
Gavin will not follow me, she thought confidently. He knows that I do not want to be followed…
She could have left long before their love grew. She could have left when she first learned! But I didn't. I waited for a signal or sign to leave. And Lady Germaine was kind enough to throw it at my face.
She had ran on, not stopping. Eventually, she reached the forest.
~*~
Sorry this chapter took long to update. :-) It's long so you know, it was worth it. You might be weirdened (no such word, just some term my friends and I invented…hehe) out with the chronological order of events. The story began through the middle of the events. It's kinda like Magic Realism, a genre that is prevalent in Latin American literature (e.g. House Of The Spirits, 100 years Of Solitude, Like Water For Chocolate). So, it's ok to be confused at first.
Sorry again that this took long! I really want it to be good—but if it doesn't reach your standards, it's ok, coz in my opinion it's ok—and I really reread it and rewrote it. And my sked is really horrible. I had to attend debate camp (sort of mandatory because I'm part of the varsity) and I still have my advance lessons in Geometry and Chemistry…third year…ugh…
Ok! So that's the whole chapter. I predict that after the next chapter, we'll all return to the Ella and Char thing. Or maybe, I'll put the Ella and Char thing. Like an intermission. :-) But I assure you that Elspeth's story will end in just one more long chapter.
And on the ETCETERA story that I put alongside Chapter 34, the title is Maiden Of The Sea. It's original. COMPLETELY ORIGINAL. But it's RELATED (only related) to the Little Mermaid, which I changed a bit too. I love writing original stories and fanfiction. You can either ruin their lives or make it better.
That's all! And thanks A MILLION to the readers and reviewers. May sound corny, but you all inspire me coz I keep in mind that you might kill me if I don't update…I think you almost did too…
