Chapter Thirty-Seven

All I could do in the following days was wait. Wait for everything the magic book had told me would happen. I anticipated Larissa's arrival more than anything. But since I know she would come, shouldn't I be surprised when she enters the front door? I would have to act "surprised". How long must I wait for her? I wanted to reconcile our friendship but I was not looking forward to her questioning about Char and I. But if she found out for some reason, what would I say? Gibberish most likely. I would never be good enough to cover up something as big as that.

While waiting for Larissa, I spent my time doing my chores and reading the magic book. It was still barren of anything from Elspeth's story. I was beginning to feel that the magic book hated me. The only things that the magic showed me were fairytales. I've read one about a mermaid becoming human to be with her prince. But this story had a happy ending. She gets to be with her beloved and her voice was returned.

I've always liked the story of the mermaid. I didn't like Snow White or Sleeping Beauty or Rapunzel because the young ladies have to be rescued! But in this story, it was the mermaid sacrificing everything for her loved one, and getting a reward in return. She broke the barriers and achieved her dreams.

I was envious with the mermaid because she get to go to witches to achieve her hopes. I couldn't. And she was brave to go out and risk everything. I, on the other hand, was not. I chose to run away and gave up hope of breaking this curse. Curses were supposed to last forever, right? Does it take a kiss of true love for my curse of obedience to wither away, like Sleeping Beauty and Snow White? No. It takes something far to deep for me to fathom.

~*~

"One chicken soup, a mound of wild rice, one serving of deer—make sure it's a leg, I only eat legs—, five quail eggs, and lastly, two orders of chocolate bonbons," a man dictated to me.

I was taking it all down, and the length of the list didn't surprise me. I've seen people eat twice as this.

I had the nerve to ask: "Is that all, sir?"

The man stared at me as if I was crazy. He must know his own limitations. "Ah, yes. I want orange juice."

"Alright," I replied and took it down.

I sighed and went near the kitchen. I gave Gretchen the slip of paper. I heard Mandy complaining (Eat, eat, eat! Is this what people do best??). Mandy may be a great cook, but she needed her rest too.

I wasn't doing anything so I went inside the kitchen. "Oh Mandy. I'll make the white cake and chocolate bonbons." 

Mandy looked exhausted. She nodded. "Thank you, honey. I have a feeling that people starve themselves just to eat here!"

I smiled. I started preparing the ingredients for white cake. I suddenly remembered the day I was ordered to make white cake by Olive. I was certainly thankful that she wasn't beside me today, demanding a story or whatever. Whenever I remember that moment, I doubted whether any of my words entered Olive's head.

I was busy measuring some flour when Gretchen tapped me on the shoulder.

"Someone is here to see you," she said in a sly tone.

I knew who it was. The only challenge for me now was to act surprised.

Mandy glanced at me and nodded. I went out. I felt bad leaving the white cake there, but someone was here to see me. What else could I do? Sitting at one of the isolated tables was a lady with yellow hair. She noticed me and smiled slowly. It was Larissa, of course.

I decided to act…bewildered. I pretended to ask questions in my head. Isn't she angry? Why is she here? Why is she smiling at me? Larissa guessed my bewilderment. She stood up.

"Ella…" she began. "I know I've done you some wrong. I'm sorry."

"It's alright, Larissa. You came here just to say that?" I asked.

She nodded, and smiled. "I feel terrible with what I did. I shouldn't have accused you of that. That was unkind of me."

"You weren't unkind. You acted on your instinct. I would do that if I were you."

"I was misinformed," Larissa explained. She beckoned me to sit down, and I did. She sat down after I did.

I grinned. "So, how is everything?"

"Nothing much. Cedric is in Erima. Ivinia is back in Ayortha. She attended the monthly sings. I watched her. You should have been there Ella! Her voice is divine! Vanessa is in love with Prince Orono of Ayortha, and so is he. She has given up on Prince Charmont. Speaking of Prince Charmont, I would like to inquire about the Basten Ball."

I held my breath. It was coming like arrows raining down from the sky.

"Why did Prince Charmont chase you?"

The realization of my folly made me sick. Why didn't I make up an almost foolproof story before she came?

"I don't know," I lied.

Larissa didn't believe me. "Honestly, Ella. I've talked with Prince Charmont and he said you were an acquaintance."

"I was," I quickly said. "But why he ran after me, I don't know."

"You ran away from him."

Her gaze was penetrating. I didn't say anything. There wasn't anything to say anyway.

"I understand if you don't want to tell me," she told me without any anger. "I just don't understand why you are so secretive."

I decided to tell her the truth. "I can't tell you."

"Why not?"

Because I have this curse that would be catastrophic if you were to learn! I bit my tongue. "I don't know how to say it."

"Ella, trust me. Who knows? I may be able to help!"

An order. I already trusted her, but it doubled. But she didn't say I should tell her. "I trust you Larissa but today is not the day I should tell you."

Larissa was disappointed. But she smiled quickly. "I understand. But whatever it is, I will help you get over it."

I was grateful for Larissa's words. But I have to come into a lighter vein if I were to not burst into tears.

"Did you come all the way from Ayortha to ask me this?"

~*~

Larissa stayed with us. I still didn't tell her, though I started to pity her because she stayed here just to know. She helped us with the management of the inn. Sometimes she helped me in cleaning up and taking orders. She was of great help, but still I didn't find it in my heart to tell her. I was scared. What would she say? What would happen? I couldn't risk it.

One night, I was reading the magic book. There was still no sign of Eliza's story. But there was a portion penned by Larissa, to her diary. I instinctively looked to my right, where Larissa's room was. It was already late so I knew she was sleeping.

I cannot blame Ella's secrecy to me. I feel that this matter is heavier than I have thought. I cannot force her to say thing she doesn't want to say. It is her decision.

Ella is my friend, and I cannot demand to know the things she wishes to forget (I think) for the satisfaction of my own curiosity. But if she tells me, and I feel I should help, I will. I will try to solve things for her.

Even if she won't tell me, I won't be angry. I think she should be the one who is angry because I was poking around her business. I will always be Ella's friend, tell or no.

I worry for her.

After reading the entry, I decided to tell her. Her intentions were good, and I could trust her. I would not tell everything, of course. I couldn't. This whole dilemma was caused by the curse.

It was also a curse not to tell your friends the truth sometimes.

~*~

The next day, Larissa and I were marketing. We were all alone in an alley.

"I'll tell you some parts of it. But I trust that you will not tell anyone."

Larissa was puzzled. "What?"

"Char and I were friends. Yet I have to go away from him. If I stay near him, something dreadful will happen," I quickly said. That was it, a quick summarization of what really happened. I didn't think it was necessary to include my love for him.

She stared at me. "What might happen?"

I looked away. "I don't know. I might kill him."

She laughed. She couldn't believe it, and she thought I was joking. "How come? He's your friend, surely you can't kill him."

I stopped and stared at her hardly. "You don't understand. It's more than that but I can't tell you. I can't tell to anyone."

She believed me, suddenly. "That's why you ran away, and that's why he followed. And that's why, when I mentioned your name to him, he started looking different, remembering something."

All I could do was nod. She figured everything out except the curse and that I loved him. I continued walking. "Do you understand now?"

"Yes. I won't tell anyone. But why do you run away? Shouldn't you face him and tell him you love him? At least inform him."

I made a face. "Who told you I love him? I didn't say."

"You can't lie to me Ella. I have eyes and ears," Larissa replied matter-of-factly. "You should tell him."

I shook my head. "It's impossible. Besides, I've lost all hope of ever getting near him. Running away is the only way I could let him know the opposite." Then I lied: "And he hates me."

Larissa really laughed this time. "It's not to me! He doesn't hate you Ella. Why would he hate you? He runs after you. He tries to find you. Isn't that love?"

"No!" I almost screamed. I wanted to believe her, but I simply couldn't do that to myself and Char. "It's hopeless. I can only watch him from afar. That's all I can do."

"You're wrong! You could do so much more! You must tell him what makes you hold back. He doesn't understand your plight!"

"And you don't," I retorted. "Even if I tell him, nothing will happen. His knowledge won't make any difference."

"Yes it will!" Larissa told me. "He would not be as confused as before! Don't you feel terrible, running away from him and not even telling him why? Who knows? He might be sick with himself because you think he is despicable!"

"He is not despicable! He's the least bit despicable. He's charming and brave and gallant and kind—" I cut myself short.

"See? You feel that about him yet he doesn't know. He doesn't know the reason why you run away. He might arrive in different conclusions."

I didn't say anything. She was right, in many ways. But no. I wouldn't do that. I've already tried to let go of him, and I was hanging on an edge—anytime I could reach back for him, but I'd rather fall than do that. If I reached for him, he would fall with me.

Larissa was persuading me to do that. "We could go to Frell. That's where he is right now. You can go to him just to tell him, so then he would feel that it's not his fault. So then, it would be cleared up for you and for him."

And risk everything?

"I can't, Larissa."

~*~

That night, I opened my magic book, trying to find a comforting message from someone. It was Larissa.

She is impossible! Why can't she understand that if he doesn't know then he would keep confusing himself, and we'd all be running around in circles!

Ella loves Char so much, I can tell. But why can't she tell him? Why can't she spare some time to go to him and say the truth? What makes her hold back?

Whatever it is, I know she could overcome it. Whatever it is, I know Char is worth the effort. Ella shouldn't give up, but she already has. Sunflower, how can I persuade her that it's not the end of the world?

I almost cried. She was making things so complicated! If the magic book had not showed this to me, then I could still convince myself that everything was better this way. But no, I have to see her point-of-view, and unfortunately for me, it made so much sense!

She trusted me so much, she believed in me too much. She was right. Would it hurt for me to just tell him? If I tell him, then maybe he would learn to forget about me, and live on with his life. He could marry a princess or lady, anyone but me, and be happy, despite the fact that I was not with him. 

I didn't know that I was torturing him with my lies and secrecy, as I was torturing myself.

~*~

I couldn't allow Larissa to broach that subject again. She tried many times, but I cut her off with an inquiry like, Have you cleaned that table? Or, did we get everything in the list right? She would not give up, and I realized that she was more determined than I.

But I managed to keep her at bay.

Every minute of the day I considered her offer to go to Frell. I imagined myself going there and clearing things up. But I end up shaking my head and whispering no to myself. I would let go of Char, as I've had when he first said he loved me.

All day I tried to convince myself it was alright for me, but I couldn't. It wasn't. Larissa opened up a hole in the portion of my mind that said this was fine.

The only thing that would make me go back to Frell was a person in a much worse scenario than I. Even though that person was in deep peril, he or she would not let go of love. That was the only thing that could make me go there, the only thing that could convince me.

I was convinced that no one was in greater trouble than I.

~*~

Larissa was a true friend. She didn't push me about the matter. But I could see it in her eyes that she wanted me to go there. That day, she opened her mouth but before anything came out, she shut it again. I knew she was fighting with herself, whether to drag me to Frell or to leave me alone.

I kept telling myself that she didn't understand, she would never understand. It was complicated and unexplainable. Even I have trouble understanding it. All I know was that I should stay away from him.

But I couldn't help it, couldn't I? How many times have I longed to be near him? How many times have I been near him in different disguises? No matter how much I tried not to do so, I still did. I couldn't forget the ball. I vowed to myself to watch, to be a pair of eyes, to be far away. But did I follow my own mind? No I didn't! I went near him, befriended him, and almost killed him if I were to be discovered!

That was the last draw. It would not happen again.

"Ella?" Larissa's voice. I snapped out of my thinking.

"Yes?"

The two of us were eating dinner in the most isolated table, safely tucked away from all the other people.

She chewed her lip. I knew it was important. "Remember what I said about you going to Frell?" I nodded gravely. "Well, I want you to come, but it seems you have the choice. I would be leaving for Frell two days hence for my Aunt living there." She stopped chewing her lip and started speaking in a firm tone. "I want you to think hard of my offer. You know it's important."

I nodded. I promised myself to think before I sleep. Maybe read the magic book to calm my wits.

"If I do go," Which has a slim chance of occurring, I added silently. "What of Mandy? I can't leave without her. And Gretchen's Inn. She needs an inn girl and a cook."

"Bring Mandy along. And surely there are replacements. I must prepare for my departure Ella. Can you please do me a favor and clean up?" I nodded. "Thank your so much! Good night."

Larissa rose. She smiled and went up to her room. I cleaned up after ourselves and went to the kitchen. Gretchen was not there. I could hear her shouting at her husband about laziness and management. It was just Mandy and I.

"Mandy," I started after dumping the dishes in the sink.

She looked at my direction. "What it is?"

I took a deep breath and said: "Larissa wants me to go to Frell with her."

Mandy glanced at me probingly. "I suppose it concerns his Majesty." When she used his royal title, it meant she was serious.

"Yes, it does concern him. She wants me to clear things up. Is it right, Mandy? Should I?" I was really confused at that moment. I needed some help to sweep up the mess in my mind.

But Mandy was not going to help. She only made things complicated. "Sweet, you make your own choices. You know the benefits and consequences with each choice. I cannot help you on this."

"Mandy, you must!"

"I mustn't! I will only make things worse. I only do small magic, Ella my dear, and I don't do big magic. For anyone."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"I only do small decisions, sweet, not big decisions for anyone, even you. Was there ever a time when I told you to do something drastic?"

I tried to recall everything Mandy and I did. "You accompanied me to Bast, you ran away with me."

"You made that decision, love. I didn't. You made all the decisions that led you to where you are now. You are the only one who can make a decision in this matter. I will only make things far more worse."

I understood her, even though I didn't want to do so. I thought she could make things easier by making the decision for me. She was right. Only I could make the decision, and there was no escaping.

~*~

I remembered giving myself a mental note about reading the magic book. I took it out of its place and opened it. I was surprised to see one from Hattie because I haven't seen one in a long time. She has changed—for the better at least. The penmanship was still hard to decipher but her spelling improved, not worsened. She must have had a governess.

Dear Diari,

I know you cannot believe I am still writing to you after a long time. I was bord. And I was…very, very miserebel…

How come every princess I know go about hunting Charmont? Why? I have a strange feeling that Princess Ava is thinking of something devious and deceetful to snatch him away from me.

I cannot bear to read my past entrees. Ever since my week with Governes Joelle (I was right, she did have a governess. How could such disgraceful spelling improve in a short time?) I have, unfortunately, seen the imperfections of my past writings. I feel dredful.

Mama said that it was an unnecesari expense to have a governes, since I am already finished. But she saw me writing a letter to Blossom and found the wrong spellings! I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WRONGS I WAS DOING!! Oh piti, piti, piti!!

But Writing Mistres had once said this to me. But she didn't add that Prince Charmont would hate my illetiracy. Mama did. Anything for him!

I am much improoved. Thank goodnes.

Another ball would be held. I absolutly love balls! I cannot liv without balls! It would be held in a few weeks in celebration of Princess Ava's arrival. What of Prince Orono? Oh yes, he had already visited Kyrria.

I realized that she was already starting to describe her whole closet in detail. I skipped her whole entry but not failing to notice the trademark flourish: Hattie. The next page was a picture of a young lady embracing a young man. I squinted and realized that it was Elspeth and that the next page was a portion of her story.

Eliza opened her eyes to find herself in the forest, the last place her consciousness knew. She was feeling light-headed, much better than before. She still hasn't forgotten her fresh past. A tear fell from her eye before she could stop herself.

I'll never see him again, she thought miserable.

She stood up and walked to the clearing of the forest. It took her hours before she reached any sign of road, and in those hours, her mind was blank of anything.

She saw the road as if it suddenly popped out of nowhere. She was in a crossroad. One of the choices was Bast. The other was Fens.

If I go to Bast, I will live but in misery, she thought bitterly. Then she glanced at the other road. She knew what Fens was. Fens was an invitation to death. One who goes there, alone, weaponless, ignorant, and on-foot, like herself, would never return. Eliza knew that some people took their lives in that place. They come there, weary and hopeless, just to face the ogres and end it all in a gruesome way.

I could go there. After all, what was the point of living? she questioned herself. She started walking to that direction but she stopped herself.

She knew she could do that to herself, but she also knew that Gavin would not let her do so. He was her only reason now.

She walked to the direction of Bast. Even if the chances are slim, I will strive to prove myself worthy of him. I can't let him go, not now. Not ever. I might die on the way but I won't stop. She smiled to herself, knowing that she was courageous to step forward and continue to live. Fens was only the cowards way out in this situation.

She loved him too much to let him go. She'd ran away but not completely. She promised to herself that she would stay away for awhile, then return, worthy and unstoppable.

I bit my lip, like Larissa. I had asked for one in a more terrible situation, and here I was, faced with an answer. Through the picture I saw that Elspeth was back with Lionel. Who else could that person be? And Eliza…she had chosen to struggle rather than allow to go her love for Gavin. The two were forsaken by the ones surrounding them, yet I was not. I chose to be like this.

I had a question before, but now I have an answer to it.

~*~

That's all folks!

I hope you like the chapter. It took so long to be uploaded. I really, really, really thought hard about this chapter. I want it to be good, and I hope it reached your expectations or criteria or standards or whatever your term is. ÜÜÜÜÜ

So now you see Eliza's story! ÜÜÜÜÜ I really like dabbling in different kinds of POVs lately. I've started with diary entries, that's why there are diary entries here. And 3rd person POVs, that's why Elspeth is there. It will take some time before you know the ending of Eliza's story but at least you know that Elspeth is happy with her man…hehe. A picture says a thousand words.

To Kazle: And I won't put Maiden of the Sea here. It's pretty long. And it's not yet finished. I have to cut it up in chapters too…and it has twenty LONG chapters.

To ac_bworm: Yup, it can't be "You can only follow orders you want to follow" because what if Ella hates the order but she has to follow it. Or something like that. ÜÜÜÜÜ

By the way, Donna asked how old I am… I'm fourteen…eck, can't believe I'm fourteen…I still think I'm thirteen! Hehe…yeah, yeah, I'm still a child in many, many ways. ÜÜÜ

I guess you're all noticing the smiley Us…if you do notice it. You might find a lot in this portion coz I just found out how to type it in the keyboard…and by far, I am…amazed…sort of. Sometimes I'm shallow so deal with it.

I want to warn you all because for the next few days I might upload late. Very late. School is VERY near. I haven't bought my school shoes yet (weird because I just bought two new pairs today), my uniform is in the making, and I have meetings to attend to.

Ugh. I have to go to some club core meeting. It's summer!! Why can't the student council procrastinate for once?? I'M NOT EVEN PART OF THE CORE (but they consider me a part because there isn't any core in the first place…I'm a temporary core member of my club…how nice *sarcastic*) And next week, June 4, is a debate competition in a school. I'd be there for the WHOLE day. As in, 7:30 to 6:00pm. Nonstop debating! OH GREAT.

Please bear with me while I rant and get over the fact that school is just around the corner!!!

Thank you so much readers and reviewers! I really appreciate your reading of this story because I wouldn't write it if you aren't there…coz I'd think that no one's reading it! ÜÜ I also would like to thank the readers and reviewers of Briar Rose (if you're out there) NOW because I have no thoughts to upload a chapter there. It's done and it's done! Thanks so much to those who read this fic!

ÜÜÜÜÜ ÜÜÜÜÜ ÜÜÜÜÜ ÜÜÜÜÜ ÜÜÜÜÜ ÜÜÜÜÜ ÜÜÜÜÜ ÜÜÜÜÜ

Eck…I'm obsessed with these smileys…