Once I Believed...
by KatiKat
Once I believed in justice, peace and truth...
I can´t even believe how naive I was. I was just a teenager, I didn´t know anything
about how the world functioned. I lived my life sheltered from pain and
suffering, from danger and bad people. When the war came, it took me by
surprise. I saw people get killed, but I still believed that anything could be
solved peacefully, that killing led to even more killing, that this was no
solution...
I survived the wars and my belief in peace survived with me. I was convinced that
with the end of the war, the violence, the madness of mindless killing and
hurting would end...
How naive...
Naive...
And it hurt when I was faced with the reality.
It had taken Duo and Heero getting hurt for me to really open my eyes for the first
time in my life.
They gave up their dangerous life after the wars. They led a peaceful, quiet life
together. When I finally overcame my childish infatuation with Heero, I was
able to enjoy seeing them together. They were so right together, they just fit
perfectly. They led the life they wished for during the wars.
It was a hate crime. They were gay and ex-Gundam pilots. That was enough for the
men to take them and hurt them. They had held them captive for two weeks before
the Preventers, with Wufei in charge, found them. They were in really bad
shape. Broken bones, contusions, scrapes, deep bruises... They were beaten, starved...
raped.
That was probably what shocked me the most. Until then rape was just a word for
me. Something I read about in the newspapers, not something I thought I would
ever encounter in my life. I saw the damage such a crime could do to a person
with my own eyes back then... I can still see the picture of them naked,
covered in blood every time I close my eyes. And it still makes me nauseous.
They concentrated on Duo. Heero said they thought he was "pretty like a
girl with that hair and body of his". They hurt him badly and made Heero
watch. What sort of animal would do something like that? Only one - human.
Duo had been in a coma for a week, his recovery going very slowly. The doctors
didn´t allow anybody besides Heero to see him. And when they allowed visitors,
he didn´t want to see anybody. Neither of them wanted to. I could understand
that, we all could.
In the end, maybe they would start to heal but...
But then their case went to the court and everything went downhill from then on.
No matter what evidence we had, the men were released - they found a backdoor
in one of the laws. Everybody, including the judge, knew they were guilty. But
still they got free...
The last day of the trial was the last time I ever saw Heero. I saw him watching
the people who hurt him and Duo so badly walk away, laughing at him, taunting
him. He didn´t let them raise any reaction from him. He was cold as ice. The
Perfect Soldier was back and for the first time in my life he really scared me.
I let him go that day. I thought that he would calm down, that I would talk to
him later, maybe the next day. I was wrong.
The next day Duo disappeared from the hospital... Their house was sold... Their things disappeared... Nothing was left
behind. It was as if they never even existed.
I never saw either of them again. I suspected that the other pilots knew where
their comrades were hiding, but they never said anything and after some time I
stopped asking...
In the next year and half all the men that hurt my friends were killed. Tortured,
murdered, executed. Everybody knew who did it and nobody said a word about it.
Even Quatre, our sweet Quatre. When I told him about the killings, his only
answer was "good" and a twisted smile graced his lips.
One after the other, all of them disappeared. Quatre and Trowa were first, then
Wufei and some time later even my brother. I don´t know where they went. I
tried to find them, but they did a good job of covering their tracks. In the
end, I stopped looking for them. It was useless. If they didn´t want to be
found they wouldn´t.
At first I didn´t understand why they did it. But then I tried to look at the world
through their eyes and what I saw I didn´t like at all.
There was no peace, no justice, no truth in the world. The people still killed
each other, hate crimes were a common thing, intrigue, cheating, corruption...
The world they fought for didn´t exist anymore. Maybe it never did. And
suddenly I felt like a dinosaur, watching the young politicians get corrupted,
fight for money and
power. There were no ideals left. The world as I knew it was long gone and so I
went too...
I have my little house with even smaller garden now. I take care of my cat and
canary, I water the plants and babysit the neighbors´ newborn. My new world
looks peaceful, but behind the windows a new war is brewing. New mobile suits
are being built, new soldiers recruited, a war campaign goes through the news.
I don´t understand why they are actually fighting. I don´t even know who is
fighting whom.
It´ll begin soon and I hope I won´t be here for too long to see it. I´m old now.
My life is gone and I didn´t achieve anything. I fought and lost. My ideals are
dead. I don´t know where the others are but I hope they are not around anymore
to see this. The madness they went through is repeating itself, more children
will die, more
lives will be lost... The people didn´t learn anything. Anything at all...
Suddenly I feel tired, so incredibly tired. I will go and take a nap. And with
a bit of luck I won´t wake up to see the world surrender to the madness. With a
bit of luck...
Once I believed in justice, peace and truth...
But now I don´t...
The End
