Once upon a time, in a magical kingdom far far away, there lived a
beautiful princess named Snow White. She lived in a huge palace with her
evil stepmother, the queen. The queen had killed her daddy after she'd
married him, and then made Snow White wear ratty old dresses and scrub the
palace floors. But Snow White didn't care, because she could sing and play
with all the cute little animals while she worked.
The queen had a magic mirror that she looked into every day, and
she'd ask it, "Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest one of all?"
As long as the mirror replied, "You, oh queen, are the fairest in the
land," the queen was happy. But one day the mirror replied, "Snow White is
more fair than you."
The queen was furious! She sent her huntsman with Snow White into the
forest. She told him to kill Snow White and to bring back her heart as
proof that he had. But when it came time for the huntsman to kill Snow
White, he couldn't do it. He told her to run into the forest and hide and
never come back. Snow White ran in fear into the forest, while the huntsman
killed a pig and brought it to the queen, claiming to have killed Snow
White. This idea didn't work too well, because the queen saw through his
lie and threw him and his wife into a pen full of hungry lions, who ate
them all up. She had his ten kids used for target practice by her royal
archers.
Meanwhile, Snow White found a little cottage far out in the woods. "Yuck!" she exclaimed. "This place is filthy!" She pulled out the broom and began to clean up, all the while muttering about being a slave to everybody, and why she was even here in the first place, and what a disgusting pigsty the place was. Pretty soon, after hours and hours of tedious chores, Snow White had the cottage sparkling clean. She quickly fell asleep on some of the tiny little beds. A short while later, the seven dwarves came home. They saw that the cottage was clean and began to panic. They sent Dopey the dwarf into the house to see that was wrong. He saw Snow White asleep on the bed and was just marveling over how gorgeous she was when she woke up, saw him standing over her, and blasted him with the shotgun she had hidden under the bed. When Dopey didn't come back out of the house, the dwarves when in one by one to see what was the matter, and one by one they were blasted to bits by Snow White and her shotgun. Snow White buried them all in the garden.
The next day an old peddler woman came to the little cottage selling apples. Now, the old woman was really the queen, who had hidden a poisoned apple in with the rest of her apples, but Snow White didn't know this, and nor did she care. She grabbed her trusty shotgun and killed the old woman and buried her in the garden. She then took all of her apples and ate them herself. When she bit the poisoned apple, she fell into a deep sleep.
Fifty years later, a prince just so happened to be walking through the forest when he saw the little cottage. He opened the door and looked inside and saw Snow White one the floor, apparently dead as a doornail, covered with dust and cobwebs. He was so overcome with grief that he cried a bit and kissed Snow White right on her cold, dirty, cobweb-covered lips. She woke up right away, complaining about how dirty she was and demanding to be allowed to take a shower and get a haircut and a manicure and a makeover. The prince gladly took her to the local barber shop and paid for all of it. He then proposed to her, to which she responded with a careless, "I guess so." The prince was ecstatic. He arranged the marriage for that evening. That afternoon, the prince's mother and father were killed in an unfortunate accident with a shotgun, to which the real culprit was never found. That evening, after the marriage, the prince was also killed in an unfortunate shotgun accident. Snow White handed the throne over to some random guy she found the next day, and left to become a prostitute. She made a steady income for the next few years before she committed suicide, leaving behind a note complaining that she was too lonely. Everyone else lived happily ever after. ~THE END~
Meanwhile, Snow White found a little cottage far out in the woods. "Yuck!" she exclaimed. "This place is filthy!" She pulled out the broom and began to clean up, all the while muttering about being a slave to everybody, and why she was even here in the first place, and what a disgusting pigsty the place was. Pretty soon, after hours and hours of tedious chores, Snow White had the cottage sparkling clean. She quickly fell asleep on some of the tiny little beds. A short while later, the seven dwarves came home. They saw that the cottage was clean and began to panic. They sent Dopey the dwarf into the house to see that was wrong. He saw Snow White asleep on the bed and was just marveling over how gorgeous she was when she woke up, saw him standing over her, and blasted him with the shotgun she had hidden under the bed. When Dopey didn't come back out of the house, the dwarves when in one by one to see what was the matter, and one by one they were blasted to bits by Snow White and her shotgun. Snow White buried them all in the garden.
The next day an old peddler woman came to the little cottage selling apples. Now, the old woman was really the queen, who had hidden a poisoned apple in with the rest of her apples, but Snow White didn't know this, and nor did she care. She grabbed her trusty shotgun and killed the old woman and buried her in the garden. She then took all of her apples and ate them herself. When she bit the poisoned apple, she fell into a deep sleep.
Fifty years later, a prince just so happened to be walking through the forest when he saw the little cottage. He opened the door and looked inside and saw Snow White one the floor, apparently dead as a doornail, covered with dust and cobwebs. He was so overcome with grief that he cried a bit and kissed Snow White right on her cold, dirty, cobweb-covered lips. She woke up right away, complaining about how dirty she was and demanding to be allowed to take a shower and get a haircut and a manicure and a makeover. The prince gladly took her to the local barber shop and paid for all of it. He then proposed to her, to which she responded with a careless, "I guess so." The prince was ecstatic. He arranged the marriage for that evening. That afternoon, the prince's mother and father were killed in an unfortunate accident with a shotgun, to which the real culprit was never found. That evening, after the marriage, the prince was also killed in an unfortunate shotgun accident. Snow White handed the throne over to some random guy she found the next day, and left to become a prostitute. She made a steady income for the next few years before she committed suicide, leaving behind a note complaining that she was too lonely. Everyone else lived happily ever after. ~THE END~
