Once upon a time there was a little brat named Little Red Riding
Hood. She was rude to everybody, especially her granny. But one day she
decided to take a special trip through the woods to see her granny, and
take her a basket of goodies ("goodies" being a couple hand grenades that
Red was planning on using to get rid of her bothersome old granny). Red was
walking through the woods, throwing rocks at birds and kicking any rabbits
that got in her way and having a grand old time when she met the wolf. Now,
she didn't know it, but the wolf just so happened to be her granny's new
boyfriend.
"Outta my way, fuzzball!" Red shrieked, pushing her way past the
wolf.
"There's no need to be rude," the wolf grouched.
"Rude yourself!" Red hollered.
"And where might a lovely young girl like yourself be going on such a
beautiful day?" the wolf asked politely, trying to make conversation.
"I'm going to blow my granny to smithereens, ya ugly old thing!" Red
said, crossing her arms. The wolf pretended not to notice, but smiled
sweetly and said, "Don't you think your granny might enjoy it if you picked
her some flowers?"
"Yeah, whatever," Red said, grabbing a handful of ragweed and
continuing on her way. The wolf just so happened to know a shortcut to
granny's house, and ran there as fast as he could, shouting, "Granny!
Granny! Run and hide! A little girl is coming to murder you!"
"Shut up, would ya?" Granny hollered from the bedroom. "I'm trying to
take a nap!"
"But granny-"
"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE IF YOU'RE GOING TO BOTHER ME!"
The wolf frowned. "You know what?" he said. "This relationship isn't
working at all! I think we should just break up once and for all!"
"Fine! I don't care, as long as I can get some sleep!"
"Fine!" The wolf stormed out of the house, only to be greeted by Red
stomping up the driveway.
"Move it, hairball!" she yelled, nailing him with one of her hand
grenades. He exploded into tiny pieces. Red pounded on the door, shouting,
"Granny! It's me, Red Riding Hood! I've come for a visit!"
"GO AWAY!" Granny yelled from inside. Red didn't listen. She kicked
the door open and right away got her Granny with another grenade.
"That takes care of that old geezer," she muttered. She quickly
exited the cottage, tripping down the porch steps and breaking her neck and
dying right there and then. All of the forest animals had a party to
celebrate Red's untimely demise.
~THE END~
