Once upon a time there was a little brat named Little Red Riding Hood. She was rude to everybody, especially her granny. But one day she decided to take a special trip through the woods to see her granny, and take her a basket of goodies ("goodies" being a couple hand grenades that Red was planning on using to get rid of her bothersome old granny). Red was walking through the woods, throwing rocks at birds and kicking any rabbits that got in her way and having a grand old time when she met the wolf. Now, she didn't know it, but the wolf just so happened to be her granny's new boyfriend. "Outta my way, fuzzball!" Red shrieked, pushing her way past the wolf. "There's no need to be rude," the wolf grouched. "Rude yourself!" Red hollered. "And where might a lovely young girl like yourself be going on such a beautiful day?" the wolf asked politely, trying to make conversation. "I'm going to blow my granny to smithereens, ya ugly old thing!" Red said, crossing her arms. The wolf pretended not to notice, but smiled sweetly and said, "Don't you think your granny might enjoy it if you picked her some flowers?" "Yeah, whatever," Red said, grabbing a handful of ragweed and continuing on her way. The wolf just so happened to know a shortcut to granny's house, and ran there as fast as he could, shouting, "Granny! Granny! Run and hide! A little girl is coming to murder you!" "Shut up, would ya?" Granny hollered from the bedroom. "I'm trying to take a nap!" "But granny-" "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE IF YOU'RE GOING TO BOTHER ME!" The wolf frowned. "You know what?" he said. "This relationship isn't working at all! I think we should just break up once and for all!" "Fine! I don't care, as long as I can get some sleep!" "Fine!" The wolf stormed out of the house, only to be greeted by Red stomping up the driveway. "Move it, hairball!" she yelled, nailing him with one of her hand grenades. He exploded into tiny pieces. Red pounded on the door, shouting, "Granny! It's me, Red Riding Hood! I've come for a visit!" "GO AWAY!" Granny yelled from inside. Red didn't listen. She kicked the door open and right away got her Granny with another grenade. "That takes care of that old geezer," she muttered. She quickly exited the cottage, tripping down the porch steps and breaking her neck and dying right there and then. All of the forest animals had a party to celebrate Red's untimely demise. ~THE END~