Chapter Four

Feels like Home to Me

********************************************

Moving, just keep moving,

'Til I don't know what I'm saying,

I've been moving so long,

The days all feel the same, Moving, just keep moving,

Well I don't know why to stay,

No ties to bind me,

No reasons to remain, Got a low, low feeling around me,

And a stone cold feeling inside,

And I just can't stop messing my mind up,

Or wasting my time, There's a mow, low feeling around me,

And a stone cold feeling inside,

I've got to find somebody to help me,

I'll keep you in mind, So I'll keep moving, just keep moving,

Well I don't know who I am,

No need to follow,

There's no way back again, Moving, keep on moving,

Where I feel I'm home again,

And when it's over,

I'll see you again, Got a low, low feeling around me,

And a stone cold feeling inside,

And I just can't stop messing my mind up,

Or wasting my time..... ******************************************************

Had that really just happened?

Lorelai stood in the doorway to her daughter's room, observing the disarray in awe. Clothes had been flung all over the room, books were all over the bed, stuff was everywhere. She had done an extremely quick spur of the moment packing job... with Lorelai's help.

Lorelai couldn't really believe she had actually helped her daughter pack to run away to New York City to see her boyfriend. Even though she tried to be supportive of Jess and Rory's relationship, Lorelai was not Jess' biggest fan at that point in time, no matter how hard she tried to like him again. Now that Rory was gone, Lorelai was suddenly coming up with a million reasons why Rory shouldn't have left.

But it was too late. The duffel bag had been filled, and Rory had run off to the bus station. Just like that.

What was Lorelai supposed to have done, though? Rory had looked so desperate when she asked for her mother's help. Lorelai understood that something bad was going on with Jess, and she figured Rory's presence would probably be the best thing to sooth his pain. So how was she supposed to tell Rory not to go?

But Jess didn't know Rory was coming. He wasn't planning to meet Rory at the bus station; Rory was on her own the minute she stepped off the bus. And Lorelai knew it would be late, and dark, and crowded. What if something happened to her?

The worry was way too much to handle alone. Lorelai closed Rory's door, and went outside, anxious to get to the center of town. There was nothing else she could do.

***************************************************************

Inside, Rory found Jess' apartment to be small and pretty bare. There was a couch, and a small TV in front of it. A few kitchen appliances. A couple bare wooden chairs. And two doors which she assumed led to Jess' room and his mother's.

"Nice place," she remarked. "It's... homey."

Jess snickered. "Yeah right." His eyes fell upon the kitchen cabinets. "You hungry?"

She shook her head. "Not really."

Jess' eyes widened as he joked, "I think that's a first for you."

She let out a giggle. "I don't know, I guess the nervousness still hasn't worn off yet..."

"You were nervous?" he asked, as though he didn't know why she would be. But of course he did.

"Yeah," she admitted. She lowered her eyes to the ground. "This wasn't exactly what I was expecting to find up here..."

"What WERE you expecting?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. For one thing, you're mother. And for another thing, your Father."

Jess looked at the ground. "They're not here."

Rory nodded. "Well that explains my not seeing them, doesn't it?" He didn't answer her. She tried again. "Where are they?"

"Liz works nights. She's a cocktail waitress at some scummy bar in town, I don't really know where..." he trailed off.

"You didn't meet him yet, did you?"

He nodded with a little smile. "The oracle nails it again, ladies and gentlemen."

She smirked a little. "I just figured you'd mention it if you'd met him-"

"I saw him last night."

Rory froze, confused. "I thought you said you hadn't met-"

"We didn't," Jess said. "But I saw him at his hotel."

"Oh..." Rory paused. She didn't really know what to say.

"I went there to see him, but I guess..." Jess shook his head, amused by his own behavior. "I guess I just chickened out. So I went to the bar next door, and... I saw him there."

"Did he see you?" Rory asked gently, not wanting to force the conversation.

Jess shook his head. "He doesn't even think I'm in town. He probably thinks I'm blowing him off."

Rory sighed. "That must have been pretty weird, huh?"

He nodded. "Yeah, you could say that."

After a long pause, Rory took a tentative few steps toward him. "Do you... wanna talk about it?"

He shook his head. "Nah. There's not really that much to say." Suddenly seeming upbeat, he grabbed his wallet off the counter and put it in the pocket of his jeans. "Come on, let's get out of here." Placing a strong hand on the small of Rory's back to steer her toward the door.

"Where are we going?" She asked, confused.

"Out," he answered.

"Gee, what a specific and well thought out plan," she remarked sarcastically.

He closed the apartment door and started locking it with a sly smile. "You came all the way to New York to see me, and I'm going to show you a good time."

"But what about you're mom? I mean, it's late already-"

"Please. This is New York. Most people are just waking up about now." He stuffed the key in his pocket and steered her toward the stairwell again. "Besides, Liz won't be home till 2 AM or so. We've got nothing to worry about."

Rory grinned to herself. This was better than she ever could have imagined. There was something amazing about being in a strange city alone, with Jess as her only guide. She wasn't used to having the freedom to go out wandering at 10 PM; but she liked the feeling she was getting now. It was like butterflies in her stomach-but good ones. The same butterflies she got the first time she kissed Jess...

As they walked through the streets of the city, Rory was amazed by all the things they saw, and Jess found her astonishment rather amusing. On the way to their destination, they stopped at a little café to get Rory a much needed cup of coffee. After the coffee, Rory felt much more relaxed and in control... although she didn't think she could credit only the coffee for that. Jess' behavior was comforting. She had expected to find him a wreck; instead, she found him to be just the same guy he was when she'd seen him last. Everything was comfortable again. They walked together, talking about nothing of substance, and enjoying every moment of it.

Finally, after a long walk, Jess stopped on the sidewalk.

"We're here," he said. Rory looked around, confused by what she saw. "A mini-mart?" she asked.

Jess shook his head with a smirk. "Follow me," was all he said. He walked down a long flight of stairs that finally led to an underground shop. As soon as Rory got inside, her jaw dropped.

"Wow."

"Impressed?" Jess asked, even though he knew the answer already.

Rory nodded. "I have never seen so many books in one place since I went to the Harvard Library." She wandered to the nearest self and began leafing through the books.

But Jess stopped her. "No, you probably have most of those already. You gotta go in the back, though, you'll love it."

Rory followed him. "Why, what's there?"

"It's the biggest collection of books about music that you'll ever see in your life."

Rory stared in awe. There were so many, she didn't know where to start. But Jess was already looking for one.

"Wow," she said, her eyes wide.

Jess stood, having retrieved the book he wanted. "Here," he handed her a neon orange, messy looking book.

"'Please Kill Me'?" Rory read the title, somewhat amused. "Didn't you recommend this to me a long time ago?"

Jess tried not to smile to obviously at the fact that she'd remembered. "Yeah. Last year, when you were supposed to be-"

"Tutoring you," she finished for him, flashing him a grin. "I remember." She opened the cover to find the price, and suddenly smacked her hand to her forehead.

"Oh my God," she said. "I'm such an idiot, I barely brought any money!"

"Forget it," Jess said, grabbing the book. "I'll get it for you."

"Oh come on," she protested. "You don't have to do that, I mean... I'll just order a copy on Amazon when I get home, it's no big deal-"

He cut her off with a deep kiss. Rory's spine tingled; he hadn't kissed her yet since she'd gotten to New York. But this certainly made up for it.

After a few moments, he pulled away with a smirk. "Quit complaining when I offer to get you stuff, would ya'?" he said.

Rory giggled. "Fine. But if you keep doing this, eventually I'll have no choice but to break out into an off key rendition of Jennifer Lopez's "My Love Don't Cost a Thing" every time you try to buy me something."

He winced. "You wouldn't."

"Try me."

He sighed. "Fine. I'll just have to find a way to shut you up when that happens."

"Oh yeah?" she asked, faking a tough attitude. "And how, pray tell, would you go about that exactly?"

He smirked, with a look of mischief in his eyes. "I've got a few ideas..."

Rory turned her attention back to the books to hide her blushing cheeks as Jess walked to the counter to pay for the book.

*********************************************************

Luke could barely concentrate.

He'd been wiping down the same spot on the counter at the diner for what must have been 10 minutes. He couldn't help it. His mind kept wandering.

He hated Jess' father. He never would have told Jess that. But he really did. He'd known Jimmy Mariano back when he was dating Liz. Back then, Luke had played the classic role of the protective older brother. But even if he hadn't had that incentive, he'd never had a good feeling about Jimmy. He always seemed distracted; like he was ready to pick up and leave any minute. So of course, when Liz announced that she was pregnant, Luke had not been too happy about it.

Unfortunately, his vague prediction had materialized right before his eyes. When Jess was born, Jimmy took off. Nobody knew where he was for years. When they finally figured out where he was, nobody cared much to go find him. As far as Luke was concerned, they all would have been perfectly happy to live out their lives, never seeing or hearing from him ever again.

But Jess wanted to see him. As much as Jess was angry with him for deserting him, Jess still wanted to know him. It's important for a boy to know where he came from, even if he came from a complete... well, a complete Jack Ass.

Luke just hoped Jess wouldn't let Jimmy fool him. Jimmy was a charmer; he'd gotten Liz to trust him enough that she let him move in with her, and get her pregnant. Luke was terrified that Jimmy would convince Jess that his place wasn't in Stars Hollow with Luke; it was in Venice Beach with his father.

A loud knock on the door shocked Luke out of his trance. He looked up and found an obviously distressed Lorelai standing outside his door. She tried to force a smile, but he could see that her eyes were still too anxious to be happy. Hurriedly, Luke opened the door and let her in.

"Lorelai, what's going on?"

She began pacing the floor the moment she got inside. "I don't know how I let this happen," she rambled. "I mean, what kind of a mother am I? What kind of mother let's her only child put herself in that kind of danger? I'm an idiot; I might as well have just taken away her pepper spray and sent her, scantily clad, right smack to the middle of Hell's kitchen! I-"

"Whoa whoa whoa," Luke stopped her in her tracks, with a forceful, steadying hand on her shoulder. "What happened? Is Rory hurt?"

Lorelai sighed. "No. I don't think so."

Luke sighed, relieved. "Thank God. You nearly gave me a heart attack there, you can't do stuff like that to me."

Lorelai sighed. "I'm sorry."

"It's ok," he said, going back behind the counter. "Here, I'm gonna make you some coffee. Sit down."

Lorelai took a seat on a stool, trying to regulate her breathing. "Thanks Luke."

"No problem," he said, cleaning out the coffee pot. "What happened?"

Lorelai sighed. "Rory went to New York."

Crash.

Luke and Lorelai both stared at the broken coffee pot on the ground.

"Nice going, butterfingers," Lorelai remarked.

Luke ignored her. "That's why we've got more than one of those," he said, going into the back room to get another coffee pot. He returned quickly, looking completely confused. "Why did Rory go to New York?"

Lorelai sighed. "Do you really even have to ask?"

Luke nodded to himself, deciding that his original assumptions had been correct. "She went to see Jess," he said.

"Give the man a prize," Lorelai said.

Luke shook his head. "Was she really that worried about him?"

Lorelai nodded. "Apparently. She said he left her a really cryptic message this morning, and she was really freaked out."

"Did something happen to him?"

Lorelai shrugged. "I don't know. All I know is, Rory came home, and she said to me, 'Mom, I have to go to New York.' I said, 'Why?' and she said, 'Something's going on with Jess, I have to see him.'" Lorelai sighed with a chuckle. "Of course, I didn't argue with her; how could I have? I mean, have you seen Rory when she's resolute about something? She gets all determined and scary, like a politician or something. I think she gets it from her grandparents." Lorelai sighed. "No, I SHOULD have said something. I should have tried to get her to just-just calm down and get a little rational perspective before she just took off, but I-"

"Don't beat yourself up about it," Luke said.

Lorelai's lips curled up in a small smile. "Oh, but I'm so good at it."

He smiled a little. "Just relax, I'll make us some food."

Lorelai shook her head. "Come on, you're already closed."

"It's no big deal, I'd just make two meals."

"But you cleaned everything off already."

"It's not that difficult to just clean up after two more people."

"But you turned off all the-the machines that cook and everything already. I don't want to make you go through the trouble of turning all the cooking machines back on."

Luke snickered. "The 'cooking machines?'"

Lorelai sighed. "Luke, you don't have to do this. Really. I don't even really know why I came over here, I just-I guess I thought you should know what was going on. And, I thought maybe you could relate to me. I mean hey," she offered with a slight chuckle, "We're both single parents with crazy teenagers who ran away to New York. That's a pretty big thing to have in common."

Luke snickered a little. "It's ok, Lorelai. Stay. I'll make you a burger if you want. And I'll even promise not to try and convince you not to eat it by going into detail about how the cow was slaughtered, if that'd make you feel better."

Lorelai grinned, touched. "You'd really do that for me?"

He chuckled a little. "I guess I'm going soft." He handed her a cup full of coffee with a sly grin. "Excuse me a minute, I have to go in the back and turn on the cooking machines."

***************************************************

"I had no idea Nico and Iggy Pop had an affair!"

Rory stumbled into the apartment after Jess, her nose deep in her newly bought book.

Jess smiled. "I told you you'd like that book."

Rory didn't even seem to hear him. "Look at this picture of Lester Bangs!" She said, amused. Never taking her eyes off the page, she was walking straight at a chair. Chuckling, Jess steered her by the shoulders toward the couch and helped her avoid the near collision.

He sat down on the couch and she followed suit, closing the book for the first time since they'd left the store.

"Thanks again for getting this for me," she said.

He shrugged, humbly. "No big deal. I figured it was about time you learned about Patti Smith."

"I know about Patti Smith," she insisted.

"You know about her poetry because you're a book worm. But you have yet to listen to her music."

Rory rolled her eyes. "What am I, a musical moron? I'm best friends with Lane Kim, OF COURSE I've heard her music."

Jess laughed. "Hearing 'Because the Night' on the radio doesn't count as having heard the Patti Smith Group. You have to hear Gloria and all the stuff on the Horses album."

"And how exactly am I going to do that?" she asked. "I know you don't have her cds, I've been through your collection a zillion times."

"Yeah, in Stars Hollow," he replied, standing up. "I have them in my room; come on."

Rory stood awkwardly, not making a move to follow him. "Your room?"

Jess smirked. "Yeah. It's still there; Liz hasn't gotten a chance to turn it into a storage space quite yet."

Rory took a few small steps toward him. "She's gonna be back soon, isn't she?"

He rolled his eyes. "Not for another couple hours, at least. Come on, I promise I won't try anything. I'll keep my hormones in check. It's not like I'm just out of prison or anything."

Rory blushed a little. "It's not YOUR hormones I'm worried about."

Jess smirked. "Oh really?" he said, taking a few steps toward her.

She buried her face in her hands. "God, I sound like a teenage soap opera star or something."

He chuckled. "Hey, I'm not complaining," he tried to comfort her embarrassment, placing his hands gently on her hips.

Rory sighed. "Fine. We'll go in, we'll listen to Patti Smith. But no fooling around, and that's a rule!" she insisted, using a firm pointer finger to emphasize her command.

"Agreed."

"Good." She smiled. "You lead the way."

Jess opened the door slowly, hoping suddenly that he hadn't left any underwear or embarrassing possessions lying around in plain view. But once he walked in, he was at ease; the room was pretty bare, in reality.

Although it was mostly bare, a strange sense of awe swept over Rory as she walked in. It was a bizarre, jolting reminder that Jess had had his own life before he came to town and turned hers upside down. Her eyes were overwhelmed by all the images they were trying to digest. He had posters of the Clash and the Ramones and Operation Ivy all over his walls; so many posters, in fact, that the wall paper was barely visible anymore. Books were everywhere; there was an even larger collection here than he had back in Stars Hollow. In the corner was an old, beat up acoustic guitar in an open case. On his bedside table lay a bunch of photos spread out of Jess with teenage kids Rory had never seen before or heard him talk about. It was a real wake up call, to realize that Jess knew Rory better than almost anything, and she didn't know anything about the life he'd had before last year.

Neither of them spoke for a long while, until Jess headed to his shelf filled with CDs and began searching.

"It might take a minute to find Patti Smith; you can sit if you want."

Rory had no interest in listening to CDs anymore, though.

"We can't avoid the subject forever," she said softly. The serious tone in her voice made Jess stop short. He didn't have to ask what she meant; he knew just what she was talking about.

"I never said we were going to," he said.

"Don't get me wrong," she offered. "It was fun and all, taking this little vacation from reality. But eventually, we are going to have to talk about it."

He nodded solemnly, keeping his eyes on the floor.

"What's going on with you?" Rory asked, suddenly desperate. "Every time we get close to the subject of your Mother or your father, or anything that was a part of your life before I met you, you just close yourself off!" Jess winced at the mention of his parents, and Rory felt the sting of unwanted tears in her eyes as she cried, "I don't even know what your parents did to you to make you hate them so much!!!"

"What difference does it make?!" he yelled suddenly. "You wouldn't understand anyway, you've got the dream family!!!"

"Jess..." Rory started towards him, trying to comfort him, but he cried out again.

"How the hell am I supposed to tell you about that?!" he yelled. "How am I supposed to tell Rory Gilmore, daughter of Lorelai, everybody's favorite mother, that my parents don't give a SHIT about me?!?!" he turned away from her and kicked aimlessly at a jacket that had fallen to the floor. Rory didn't say a word; she could tell in his tone of voice that he wasn't really angry with her; he was just angry with the world. She wanted to reach out and comfort him, but she knew he wasn't finished quite yet.

Still keeping his eyes on the wall, facing away from her, he continued quietly.

"He just took off," he explained, exasperated. "He got my mother pregnant, then freaked out in the delivery room after I was born. Said he was going to go get something at a store down the street..." he shook his head to himself. "It took my mom years to admit that he was never gonna come back. So she gave up. She only wanted me in the first place so that she could get him to stick around and marry her or something; but he left, and she didn't have any use for me anymore. So what the hell did she care if I got in trouble? What did it matter if I was failing school, if I never came home at night? If I started smoking when I was 13 god damn years old, or if almost got myself killed when some ass hole tied to mug me in an alley?" he sighed. "She never gave a shit what happened to me. She didn't want me..." he turned back to her, but still couldn't look in her eyes. "How the hell was I supposed to tell you that, when you've got a mother like yours? I mean, shit, Rory, half the people in that town wish you were their kid. My own parents didn't even want me, so how the hell was I supposed to-"

"I'm not an idiot!" she cried, a knot of suppressed tears forming in her throat. "I know I'm the lucky one, I know I'm naïve, living in this little bubble of perfection; I get it." she sighed. "But I-I love you. You're supposed to tell me this stuff because I'm your girlfriend, and I love you." she offered a slight smile. "Besides, if I'd wanted to stay in my little bubble of perfection, I never would have started dating you in the first place, would I?"

He didn't acknowledge her joke. He just stared at the wall, completely unable to form words. As bizarre as it seemed, he couldn't remember actually having explained the story of his parents to anyone before now. It was a huge weight off his shoulders; but it also left him completely open. And he wasn't used to being that open, that vulnerable. It scared him.

"Hey," she whispered, cupping his face in her hands to direct his eyes to hers. "I'm sorry. We can just... talk about it some other time if you want."

He nodded slowly, and Rory wrapped her arms around him. Even if he thought his parents never loved him, at least, she thought, she could make sure he knew that she did.

Thankfully, she felt his hands gently hold her closer to him. After a few moments, a grin spread over her lips. "I'm going to break a rule I made," she admitted, and was grateful to hear his sarcastic reply, "I wouldn't expect any less from a rebel like you."

She grinned, placing little kisses on his cheeks and forehead and neck, and she felt shivers up her spine as his cool fingers crept slowly up the back of her shirt. She tugged at the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head gently, but before she could kiss him again, he stopped her.

"I thought you were worried about Liz-"

"She won't be home for a couple hours," Rory said with a mischievous grin. "She'll never know."

He shook his head with a chuckle. "What would your mother say?"

"'Nice going,' probably," She joked. Hearing him laugh, she felt the knot in her stomach start to disappear. She felt suddenly like there was nothing standing between them. She knew what had happened to him; she knew where he came from, she knew why he was this person who had such an inexplicable effect on her. It finally felt like home, to feel his bare skin against hers. Never taking her lips away from his, she locked his bedroom door behind her before they stumbled toward his old bed together.

*******************************************************************

Lorelai laughed aloud. "No, do you remember that morning here after the dance marathon?" Luke nodded with a smile.

"'Hi' 'Hi' 'Hi' 'Hi' 'Hi' 'Hi'," he said, mocking Rory and Jess' awkward behavior during the first few days of their relationship.

"'Bye' 'Bye' 'Bye' 'Bye' 'Bye'," Lorelai said, completing the thought. She laughed some more. "I can't believe you didn't know what was going on until I told you. It was so obvious."

"It's wasn't that obvious."

"Oh please," she laughed. "They were so transparent. They kept smiling whenever they saw each other, or whenever someone mentioned the other one in their ear shot, or whenever they thought about each other. I mean, for Jess, that's a dead giveaway, since he never used to smile for any reason whatsoever."

"I'm not totally oblivious, Lorelai," Luke defended himself. "I knew something weird was going on with them. I had a hunch."

"Oh really?" Lorelai challenged him. "Fine, if you're not so oblivious, tell me; when did Rory and Jess first kiss?"

"That night after you and Rory got back from Yale with your grandparents," Luke said, very sure of himself.

"EEH!!!" Lorelai screeched, impersonating a game show buzzer. "I'm sorry, Mr. Danes, that is incorrect."

Luke looked confused. "When did they get a chance to kiss before that?" he asked, racking his brain.

"At Sookie's wedding the year before," Lorelai answered, eating another French fry. Luke's eyes widened.

"Sookie's wedding?" he asked, disbelieving. "But-but-but they-and she-"

Lorelai nodded. "Yeah, yeah, I know. They weren't together yet, she was still with Dean, he had only just gotten back from new York, I know. But it's true," she said, placing a hand over her heart. "I solemnly swear on the life of Santa Clause."

Luke rolled his eyes. "What? That isn't worth anything; swearing on the life of someone who's not really alive defeats the purpose of swearing on someone's life."

"What are you saying?" Lorelai challenged him. "That Santa Clause is dead?"

"No. News Flash, Virginia, there IS no Santa Clause. He's not real, therefore he was never alive, and his life is an invalid thing to swear upon."

Lorelai's mouth dropped, in a fake expression of shock and horror. "What do you mean Santa's not real?" She asked in a trembling, child's voice. Luke rolled his eyes.

"Maybe it's time somebody told you the truth about the Easter Bunny," he said, refilling her coffee cup.

Lorelai eyed him suspiciously as he did so. "All right," she said, "confession time."

"What are you talking about?"

Lorelai gestured to the coffee cup. "Voluntarily giving me immeasurably large amounts of coffee? Offering to make me dinner? Don't think you fool me for a second, Lucas, I see what you're up to."

He rolled his eyes. "Great, she's talking crazy talk again-"

"You want something from me," she insisted, pointing an accusing finger at him. "I know it."

"Geeze, calm down, would ya'?" he said, taking her plate and his off of the table they'd been sitting at. "It's called a pleasant dinner. Obviously not something you're incredibly familiar with."

Lorelai followed him into the back room as he put the dishes into the sink. "No, usually, dinner consists of me and Rory eating takeout and arguing about which character on The Real World is our favorite."

Luke shook his head with a chuckle. "Talk about quality family time."

"What? Do you mean to tell me that you and Jess sit down at a candlelit, well set table and have homemade meals, consisting of good quality, healthy and hearty foods and discuss important moral issues like those kids on 7th Heaven?"

"I didn't say that," Luke said.

"Do you guys even talk at all?" Lorelai asked, genuinely curious.

"Of course we talk!" Luke said. "Maybe not as much as you and Rory; we're not exactly best buddies or anything, but... we talk enough."

"About what?" Lorelai asked, unable to remember the last time Luke had been aware of things going on in Jess' life without having spied on him or having heard it from someone else.

"Stuff," Luke answered. "School, the diner, Rory, his car; all the important stuff."

Lorelai tried to stifle a laugh. "School, the diner, Rory and his car? That's ALL you guys talk about?"

"Well we'd discuss politics like the Kennedy's, but what can I say? He eats too fast for us to really get into it." Slightly annoyed, he scrubbed at the plate with a sponge so viciously, he nearly broke it. Sensing his anger, Lorelai grabbed the sponge out of his hands.

"Whoa, calm down there Bucko," she said.

"Bucko?" he echoed her.

"We'll work on a better nick name for you later," she said, "but right now, let's deal with this you-and-Jess-never-talking issue."

"I told you we talk-"

"Luke, I hate to break it to you, but the diner and his car are not 'important' conversation topics for a teenage boy and his only father figure."

Luke sighed, defenseless. He knew she was right.

"What's the matter?" she asked with genuine concern. "You've been acting all wacky since Jess left. Fess up."

It was no use arguing with her to get her to drop the subject. They were alone there; there was nothing to distract him. He sighed, figuring he might as well just come out with it.

"I'm a failure," he said.

"In general?" she asked. "Or just in one particular area of life?"

"As a guardian," Luke said. "I mean look at me. I can barely manage Jess by myself. If I didn't have Rory, and you by extension, looking out for him, I'd probably have let him get himself killed by now."

Lorelai shook her head. "Luke, come on, that's not true-"

"Yes it is," he said. "You know it, too, don't say it's not just to make me feel better. I gotta face the facts; Jess is way out of my control. I can't get him to tell me anything, especially the truth, I never know where he is; hell, I can barely even get him to speak to me at all, not even about stupid stuff, like the weather."

Lorelai smirked a little. "Well, to be fair, Jess isn't really the let's- discuss-the-weather-type, if you know what I mean, so I wouldn't beat yourself up about it if he won't come out and say stuff like 'This is great weather we've been having' or 'Gee, isn't it-'"

"Come on, Lorelai," he interrupted. "You know what I mean."

"No I don't," she said. "Because it seems to me like you're talking crazy talk. You are NOT a failure; I mean, you're my hero since you got the kid to graduate high school."

"But that's not-"

"No, stop talking!" she commanded. "Let me finish; I swear, you'll feel a lot better when I'm done."

Luke shut his mouth.

"Thank you. Listen, Luke, I think you're doing a great job with Jess. It's not your fault if he's not really all-American-boy material; he only came here two years ago, remember? He was already messed up by his mother when he got here; and trust me, it's a lot easier to screw a kid up as a parent than it is to undo all the harm that's been done. Luke, you got him to quit smoking-"

"Rory made him do that."

"Correction: Rory asked him to do it, you forced him. And you got him working, earning his own money, and going to school. You let him get a car, and with your help, he hasn't crashed it once, or gotten any outstanding tickets."

"That's not such a big deal."

"Are you kidding? It's a huge deal! You ought to be proud of yourself, Luke," she said, stepping toward him with a smile, putting a comforting hand on his arm. "I think you're doing a much better job than most guys would be able to."

He smiled a little. "Thanks," he said, avoiding her eyes.

"Anytime, Lucas," she said. "Now cheer up."

He plastered on a sarcastic, wide smile. "There. Happy?"

"Very," she said. "Now take off the baseball cap, and I'll be ecstatic."

He shook his head. "Nice try, but no luck." He started to walk away, but spontaneously, Lorelai lunged at him, trying to grab the cap off his head with a girlish grin.

"Oh, geeze," he said, holding the hat on tight. "What? Are you ten years old?"

"Emotionally? Yeah, approximately." Quickly, she snatched the cap off of his head and tried to make a run for it, but he caught up, being a far better runner than she. He clamped his arms around her from behind, preventing her from running. For a moment, they were both kids again; Lorelai squealed in amusement, trying to get loose of his grip, and even Luke couldn't help chuckling as she squirmed to get away.

"No!" she cried. "I'll never surrender, never!!!"

"Come on," he said, "give it back and I won't restrict your coffee consumption."

Lorelai gasped. "You wouldn't."

"I would too; hand it over."

"How much would you pay me?"

"Nothing; it's MY hat."

"Finder's keepers, losers weepers."

"You didn't find that hat, you stole it; there's a difference."

Lorelai's giggles faded, suddenly noticing the awkward position in which they stood. She turned her head back to face him, to see if he noticed it too; the look on his face suggested that he did.

She didn't even think before doing it; she just smiled a little, and placed a tentative, quick kiss on the corner of his mouth. And for just a moment, everything was perfect.

"Whoa," she said, as they jumped apart from each other.

"Yeah, I know," Luke said, pacing.

"That was-weird and unexpected."

"Yeah, I know."

"We've never done that before."

"Yeah I know."

"I only meant to kiss you on the cheek."

"Yeah I know."

Lorelai wrinkled her forehead, confused. "You did?"

"Oh. Well, no, I didn't. but I was on a roll."

"Oh," she said. "Right."

A tense silence filled the air for a few moments.

"So that didn't mean anything," Luke offered.

"Right, exactly," Lorelai agreed, feeling a strange, unexpected sinking feeling in her stomach. It confused her; was she really disappointed that it hadn't meant anything?

He sighed. "I gotta close up," he said.

Lorelai's heart sunk. This was awful. They weren't even going to talk about it, or anything? "Oh," she replied. "Ok." She offered a faint smile. "Well, I'll see you later."

"Right," he said, stiffly. "Bye, Lorelai."

"Bye Luke."

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A/N: Mwahahahahah!!!! How evil I am!!!!! Hahaha, yeah, see, I promised there'd be java junkie! Next chapter comes soon. Review!!!!

~Emaline