Chapter Five
Hi, I'm Jess, You're my Father
********************************************* Some things melt away
As night dissolves to day
Some things only stay
Silent darkness slowly kills me
I turn to you
And stir your blank expression.
You're the one for me...
More and more
You take me away
More and more
I need you to stay
More and more
Distract me from the instant loss of light
More and more
I need you tonight....
************************************************
It was well past 2 AM. Rory had fallen asleep about an hour ago. But Jess wasn't even a little tired.
He was exhausted, of course. It had been a long, LONG day. But he wasn't ready to fall asleep just yet. He knew that when he woke up the next day, he'd have to face the present situation; there were a lot of things that he'd been avoiding, and Rory's arrival in town had been a good distraction. But she wasn't going to let him run away from all his problems. He knew her well enough to know that.
So he lay there, in his boxers and Pavement tee shirt, watching her sleep. Her hair was messy, and she was wearing that Sex Pistols tee shirt he'd lent her a few weeks back. The sight almost made him want to laugh; here was this girl in the garb of an angry punk-rocker, with a face that could have belonged to an angel. Talk about a walking contradiction. But he had to admit, that was the first thing that had drawn him to her; she confused him. She wasn't one of those one-dimensional girls who only cared about one thing; she wasn't predictable. She had layers; she had complications; she was real. And she understood that he wasn't just some juvenile delinquent; he was a real, 3 dimensional person too.
He had felt vulnerable to her earlier that evening; MUCH too vulnerable. But he'd gotten over it; he realized the more he let her in, the more real he became to her. And the more real he became, the more she loved him; and he certainly didn't mind her loving him.
Hearing the jingle of keys in the door, he quietly got out of the bed and walked out of his bedroom, closing the door behind him. Liz walked in, surprised to see him there, all ready for bed. She laughed a little.
"You're going to bed already?" she asked. "It's only 2 in the morning; that's pretty early for a night owl like you, isn't it?"
"Hey, keep it down, would ya'?" he said sharply, as quietly as he could. Rory was a pretty heavy sleeper, but Liz's voice wasn't exactly quiet.
"Why?" she asked. "Nobody here but you and me."
He sighed. There was no smooth way to say this, so he figured he might as well just say it and get it over with.
"Rory's sleeping in there."
"What? Who's Rory?"
He rolled his eyes. "A friend."
Her eyes widened. "The kind of friend that you play tonsil hockey with?"
"Oh God, Liz..."
She shook her head. "What are you, just out of prison? You just got back to town a couple days ago, and you're already sleeping around with the locals?"
"I'm not 'sleeping around' with anyone," he said. "And she's not a local. She just needs a place to stay in the city."
"So she's some tourist you picked up on the street?"
"She's from Stars Hollow," he replied, trying to keep his temper. Something about his mother's attitude always got to him; and it was infuriating. "You know, Stars Hollow? That place where I was living for a couple years? Or did you not even notice I was gone?"
"Don't try to change the subject," Liz said. "I came home and you had a girl sleeping in your room; I'd say that requires some kind of explanation."
Inside Jess' room, Rory sat up a little, rubbing her eyes with the back of her hands. She could hear voices in the other room. Remembering where she was, and realizing the voices must belong to Jess and his mother, she sat upright and tried to move over to the door as quietly as she could. She didn't mean to invade their privacy; but she couldn't resist the temptation to just hear the sound of her voice, or hear the way they talked to each other. It was intoxicating, learning about Jess' life outside of Stars Hollow; like discovering the clues in a well plotted mystery. Everything she found out helped answer questions she hadn't even realized she wanted answers to.
Pressing her ear to the crack between the door and its frame, she heard Jess speaking, and he sounded relatively annoyed.
"God damnit, Liz, I'm 18, I'm out of high school, I don't even live here anymore; you can't tell me who I can or can't let sleep in my bed."
"I'm your mother," she said. "I can tell you whatever I want."
"It's not like I'm sleeping in there with her," he said, defensively. "I'll sleep on the couch. It's not like my bed's really big enough for two people anyway."
Liz was barely listening; she wasn't really interested in the sleeping arrangement anymore. She wanted to know more about this girl.
"She's from Luke's town?" she asked.
"Yeah," he answered.
"How old is she?"
"35," Jess answered, trying not to smirk. "Her real name's Rory, but everyone calls her Candy. It's her stage name at the lounge."
Liz sighed. "You're not funny Jess."
"No, you just don't have a sense of humor, Liz," he retorted.
"How old is she, really?"
"My age," he said, reluctantly. He felt like it wasn't any of Liz's business. If it were up to him, Liz and Rory would never even have to meet each other.
"Does she go to school?"
"When she feels like it," he teased her again, "But she gets by with good grades by doing "extra credit work" in most of her classes... or at least the ones with male teachers..."
"Cut it out!" Liz snapped at him, opening the refrigerator. "God, sometimes I wonder where the hell you got a mouth like that."
"You might try looking in the mirror," he retorted.
Rory stifled a snicker behind the door. The situation wasn't that funny, but Jess certainly was doing a good job with the comeback lines.
"So what does she need to stay with you for?" Liz asked. "Doesn't she have a family?"
"Yeah," he said, "But unlike our family situation, her family lives mostly in the same state. So she doesn't have any place to stay in New York."
"Why'd she come to New York in the first place?"
Jess' eyes shifted to the ground, obviously uncomfortable. But after a moment of thought, he realized he wasn't supposed to be ashamed of this; he was supposed to be proud. And he was; so he stood up straight, and shot Liz a look that could've burnt holes in ice. "She's here to see me," he said. Liz looked a little confused. "I know, it's weird isn't it?" he said sarcastically. "Somebody actually likes me enough to wanna be in close proximity to me."
Liz rolled her eyes. "Quit being a smart ass, ok? I apologized for not coming to your graduation already, what more do you want from me?"
Jess felt his skin burning with anger. He couldn't take this anymore. "What more do I want?" he repeated, incredulous. "How about, for starters, remembering the friggin' name of the place that I live? Or how about an apology for kicking me out when I was 17?"
"Damnit, Jess, I can't-"
"Do you even realize how many things you've done that you should have apologized for?"
"Everybody makes a few mistakes in their lives," she said, defensive. "Forgive me for being human, would ya'?"
"A FEW mistakes?" he cried. "Damnit, Mom, you never even said goodbye when I went to Stars Hollow!!!"
"I thought you would come back soon-"
"Don't give me that! You didn't think I was coming back; and you sure as hell didn't want me to."
"Of course I did-"
"You never invited me back during winter break," he reminded her. Rory flinched, remembering the sleigh ride they'd had before the Bracebridge dinner, when he'd told her that his mother never invited him home. That was the first time he'd told her anything personal about his life; but she'd had no idea back then how bad things were for him. To think she had even thought at first that he was just trying to get people to feel sorry for him... she never would have imagined then what things were really like for him.
Jess continued. "You called maybe twice in the two years I was there. And before you shipped me off to Luke, you never even asked me if I wanted to go." He paused. "There's a long list of things I haven't forgiven you for, Liz, all the way from your drunken behavior to the times you dropped me off places and forgot to pick me up." He paused and let the words sink in. Liz made no attempt to reply; what could she possibly say in response to that?
"I didn't come here for a happy family reunion," he said. "I didn't come here to forgive you. I came here for one reason and one reason only; and once I get that out of the way, I'm going back."
Liz was silent for a while before speaking again; and when she did speak, her voice sounded different. Shaky. Quiet. Ashamed.
"So you're happy there, huh?"
"Where?"
"In, uh... that Stars Hollow place."
Jess nodded his head. "Yeah. I'm just peachy keen."
Liz nodded, before asking timidly, "Is she your girlfriend?"
"Yeah, she is."
"Is it serious?"
"As a heart attack."
She forced a slight smile, but it was obvious she wasn't too happy about the situation. "I'm going to bed. See you tomorrow." She turned and walked quickly into her room, shutting the door and turning on her radio. Jess could faintly hear Elvis Costello playing through her door.
With a sigh, he grabbed a nearby blanket that had been folded on a chair, and pulled it over him as he lay on the couch staring at the ceiling. He didn't feel sorry that his mother was hurt; she didn't have any right to expect his forgiveness.
He heard a door creak, and saw Rory creeping slowly out of his room, tip toeing so that Liz wouldn't know she was there. She offered a weak smile as she crept toward the couch.
"Hey," she whispered, sitting on the couch by his side.
"Hey," he answered. "How much did you hear?"
She had been prepared to lie and say she hadn't heard much; but she knew he'd see through it anyway. What was the use?
"A lot," she admitted. "Including the parts where you told her that I was a 35 year old stripper who's only getting by in school by flirting with all my male teachers."
He smirked. "I couldn't help myself. It was way too tempting to freak her out."
Rory giggled a little. "I can relate. After I go CD shopping, I sometimes like to tell my mom that I saw Bono or somebody famous like that on the street, just to see the look of disappointment on her face and listen to her scold herself for not coming with me."
"Does she fall for it?"
"Every single time."
Jess chuckled a little.
"... I'm sorry that things are so... awful, with her," Rory offered. "I know it's not much, but... I am sorry."
Jess nodded in acknowledgement. There wasn't much to say in response to that.
"I'm gonna go see him tomorrow," he said.
Rory's eyes widened. "Really?" she asked. "Just like that?"
"Just like that."
"You don't even seem nervous."
He shook his head. "I'm not. I just wanna get this out of the way, so we can go home."
Rory smiled to herself. She liked it when he called Stars Hollow 'Home'.
"What do you think you'll say to him?" she asked.
He shrugged. "Huh. I dunno. Figured I'd start with 'Hi, I'm Jess. You're my father.'"
"And then?"
"And then I'll play it by ear."
Her forehead wrinkled; she obviously didn't see that working out. "Are you sure? I mean, maybe it would help to just think of a few things you want to tell him, or ask him-"
He snickered. "Rory, I'm not you. I don't write out lists like you do."
She let a girlish grin spread over her lips. "I know," she admitted. "But would it hurt you to try it, just once?"
He looked up at the ceiling again. "I don't even know what I want to say to him." he paused. "I just want to meet him. Just so that I can say I know what he looks like, or how he acts, you know?"
She nodded, lying down next to him on the couch, resting her head on his chest. "Do you want me to come with you?"
He snickered. "You're far too much of a distraction, Gilmore."
She grinned. "Yeah, well, I try."
Smiling, he planted a firm kiss on her forehead as she snuggled closer to him and pulled the blanket over her body.
"You planning to stay there all night?" he asked with a smirk.
Rory rolled her eyes. "Oh yeah, sure. That'd make a great impression on your mother, if the first time she saw me, I was asleep on the couch with you."
"Who cares?" he said. "I guarantee you won't like her. Might make things easier if she doesn't like you either."
"Hey, I might like her. You never know."
"You won't."
"I could."
"You won't, trust me."
She sighed. "Yes, but... suppose one day in the faraway future, you actually make up with her. Wouldn't it be a lot easier then if she and I have a relationship, that's... well, nicer than that of Gwenyth Paltrow and her mother and law in Hush?"
He snickered. "Yeah, I guess it would be easier if my mother didn't try to kill you."
She shoved him gently. "You know what I mean."
He sighed. "Yeah, I know. So, yeah, you can try to be nice to Liz. But just- promise me that when I get back tomorrow I won't find you guys, like- painting each others nails or baking cookies together or anything, ok?"
She giggled. "I promise. No teenage-girl-slumber-party activities. I'll restrain myself."
He smiled. "Good." He turned his head to her and gave her a quick kiss.
"Are you nervous?" she asked softly.
"No," he replied, a little too quickly and defensively. He turned his head, but could still feel her skeptic eyes on him, so he caved. "Ok. Yeah, a little."
She laced her fingers through his. "Don't worry. It'll be fine. And to help you with your nerves, we can have breakfast together tomorrow morning?"
He snickered. "Sure."
She grinned. "Good." She sat up. "I should go back to bed." She kissed him again. "See you in a few hours." On her toes, she shuffled back into his room, still trying not to make any noise.
Jess laid back down after watching her go, and stared at the cracked paint on the ceiling, trying hard to think about what would await him when he woke up the next day. But he could barely concentrate. She really was far too much of a distraction.
*******************************************************
So do I? Or don't I?
Lorelai had been awake all night. This was a completely new experience for her, since she was the queen of excessive sleep. She'd tried desperately for a couple hours to simply shut her eyes and drift away into a dream... but it hadn't worked. So she'd tried every trick she could remember; she drank warm milk; she counted sheep... well, actually, she counted shoes; she even went so far as to turn on an easy listening radio station, but she would put up with it no longer when Rod Stewart came on the air, singing "Have I Told You Lately That I Love You?"
And so she lay there, replaying the events of the evening in her mind over and over. It had all happened so suddenly. She hadn't come to the diner that evening planning to kiss him. In fact, she'd come to do the exact opposite. She wanted to come and complain to him until he got annoyed with her and sent her home. She hadn't expected him to be in a good mood, and ask her to stay for dinner. She hadn't expected to follow him into the back and comfort him about Jess. She hadn't expected him to hold her like that when she stole his hat...
But he had. And for whatever reason, when she looked at him then, he didn't look like Luke to her. He wasn't the guy who'd been serving her coffee forever, the guy with the flannel shirts who was an ex Star Trek fan. He just seemed... different. Kissable.
So, because she had never been one to think before acting, she'd kissed him.
And then, the startled look in his eyes brought him right back from new, different, kissable man, to Luke, the crazy diner man.
If that had been all that had happened, she would have understood it better. She would have been able to write it off as temporary insanity, and move on. But no; life just wasn't that fair. No, her insanity apparently wasn't as temporary as she'd originally thought. Because even after he turned back into reliable old Luke, she still... well, he still looked... well, kissable.
So what was making her feel this way? She'd never really thought of him that way before. She'd been convinced by Sookie that he did feel that way about her, and the events of the night proved to her that he probably did, on some level. So that left it all up to her. And it wasn't an easy thing to decide. So, she stared at the ceiling, asking herself the same question, over and over again.
Do I? Or don't I?
*********************************************************
"Would you like some waffles with your syrup?" Jess asked with a snicker, watching her flood her plate with syrup.
Rory shot him a little glare. "So I like maple syrup. Is that a crime?"
"Not at all. Just try and leave some for me, would you?"
"I make no guarantees," she joked.
"Sorry I couldn't provide a better breakfast," he said, putting the rest of the frozen waffles back in the freezer. "There really aren't any good breakfast places around here."
"No, wasn't there one on the corner? We passed by it on the way back from the book store."
Jess tried to play dumb. "What are you talking about?"
"Don't pretend not to remember it," she said. "It was called... oh, I forget, it was somebody's name and it started with an M. And there were pictures of French Toast and Omlets in the windows!"
"God, nothing gets past you, does it?"
She giggled a little. "Why were you pretending not to remember that?"
He shifted his eyes to his plate. "Well, um... I'm sort of..." he cleared his throat and lowered his voice. "I'm not really allowed to go in there anymore..."
Rory's eyes widened with an amused grin. "What did you do?"
"It's not a big deal," he said. "Just... me and some friends of mine used to... eat and run, over there."
"Eat and run?"
"You know. Eat our food, then leave without paying."
Rory laughed. "Jess, I'm shocked at you. I hope you realize that you've deprived me of a delicious breakfast all because of your juvenile delinquent tendencies."
"My sincerest apologies," he said sarcastically, putting his plate in the sink and getting ready to go. "I'll make it up to you."
"Oh yeah? How?"
He strode back over to her and left a soft kiss on the base of her neck, sending shivers down her spine, and with a grin he said, "I'm sure I'll figure something out."
Before she had a chance to turn around and kiss him, he was off to his room to get dressed for the day.
Liz was already gone when Rory had woken up that morning. Apparently, she had to meet some friends for breakfast. Rory was somewhat grateful for this; she wanted to meet Liz without Jess there. Despite the fact that Jess wasn't too fond of her, Rory wanted to make a good impression on her, and it could have been difficult to do so with him standing there, angry and annoyed, shooting Liz glares.
Jess came back out of his room, all dressed and ready to go. "You're sure you don't mind staying here alone?"
Rory nodded. "I'll be fine. It gives me plenty of time and privacy to go snooping through all your stuff."
He smiled a little. "Ok. I gotta go." He leaned in for a quick kiss before leaving, but she took his face in her hands and deepened the kiss. She smiled when she finally pulled away; that was a kiss he wouldn't be forgetting for a while.
He shook his head. "Like I said, you're a total distraction."
She smiled half-heartedly; she couldn't help it, she was nervous for him. "Good luck," she said, putting her hands in her pockets. He smiled a little to thank her.
"Later."
And just like that he was gone. Rory sighed, looking at the door as though expecting him to come walking right back through. He didn't though. And she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that when he came back, if he'd actually done what he set out to do, he wouldn't be the same.
She just hoped that the change would be for the better.
*********************************************************
Room 312 of the Paramount hotel.
Jess smiled to himself, imagining that the people working at the hotel thought he was some kind of stalker. His behavior when he arrived at the hotel hadn't been exactly inconspicuous; in fact it had been fairly suspicious.
But now he was there. In front of his father's room. And Jess seemed somewhat relieved that he wasn't that far away from getting this whole thing behind him.
He raised his hand and knocked tentatively.
"Just a second!" he heard a voice call from inside. It was the same voice he'd heard at the bar the other night. So at least, he thought, he wouldn't be surprised by his father's appearance. It was comforting to know what he looked like already.
In moments, the door opened, and the man standing inside looked so shocked, it confused Jess. Did he know who Jess was already, or did he have to introduce himself?
"Uh... hi," Jess began, suddenly finding it really difficult to talk. "I, uh... I'm Je-"
"I know who you are," the man said.
"So you're-"
"Jimmy," the man said, his face still just as surprised. "Jimmy Mariano." The man suddenly let out a nervous laugh, obviously finding the situation extremely bizarre. Still laughing a little, he said, "I'm your father."
Jess wasn't really sure what to do. He hadn't really known what to expect, but a large part of him expected this confrontation to be slightly hostile. This was a man who'd abandoned him before Jess even got a chance to know him. Jess wasn't supposed to like him. But something about the way he was laughing, and the look on his face... Jess just felt like he knew him. And he felt like he knew that he was just a normal guy who'd gotten into a bad situation. That wasn't really an excuse; but it had been 18 years since then. What could either of them really say about it? They couldn't change the past, no matter how many times Jess told him off for what he did, or how many times Jimmy apologized and tried to make it up to him. So, Jess figured, he might as well get over it, and put it in the past. For now, he could just try to get to know his father.
He put out his hand to shake Jimmy's, but, awkwardly, Jimmy took his hand and pulled Jess into a hug. It confused Jess at first... but after a moment, it seemed to make sense. They were family, to some extent.
Jimmy pulled away with a slight smile. "So, uh... you wanna come in for a while?"
After thinking a moment, Jess nodded slightly. "Sure," he said, stepping inside and closing the door behind him.
*********************************************************
A/N: So... the next week might be stressful or it might be easy. I can't tell. Either way, the next chapter will be relatively soon. Hehehe, it's starting to get really interesting!!!!! Sorry there wasn't much L/L action in there... I figured, realistically, they wouldn't just kiss and then magically decide, "oh, forget the years of denial, I Love you, blah blah blah." Just give them some time, guys, they'll come around eventually.
Please review!!!!! The reviews are extremely helpful and motivational!!!!!!!
~Emaline
Hi, I'm Jess, You're my Father
********************************************* Some things melt away
As night dissolves to day
Some things only stay
Silent darkness slowly kills me
I turn to you
And stir your blank expression.
You're the one for me...
More and more
You take me away
More and more
I need you to stay
More and more
Distract me from the instant loss of light
More and more
I need you tonight....
************************************************
It was well past 2 AM. Rory had fallen asleep about an hour ago. But Jess wasn't even a little tired.
He was exhausted, of course. It had been a long, LONG day. But he wasn't ready to fall asleep just yet. He knew that when he woke up the next day, he'd have to face the present situation; there were a lot of things that he'd been avoiding, and Rory's arrival in town had been a good distraction. But she wasn't going to let him run away from all his problems. He knew her well enough to know that.
So he lay there, in his boxers and Pavement tee shirt, watching her sleep. Her hair was messy, and she was wearing that Sex Pistols tee shirt he'd lent her a few weeks back. The sight almost made him want to laugh; here was this girl in the garb of an angry punk-rocker, with a face that could have belonged to an angel. Talk about a walking contradiction. But he had to admit, that was the first thing that had drawn him to her; she confused him. She wasn't one of those one-dimensional girls who only cared about one thing; she wasn't predictable. She had layers; she had complications; she was real. And she understood that he wasn't just some juvenile delinquent; he was a real, 3 dimensional person too.
He had felt vulnerable to her earlier that evening; MUCH too vulnerable. But he'd gotten over it; he realized the more he let her in, the more real he became to her. And the more real he became, the more she loved him; and he certainly didn't mind her loving him.
Hearing the jingle of keys in the door, he quietly got out of the bed and walked out of his bedroom, closing the door behind him. Liz walked in, surprised to see him there, all ready for bed. She laughed a little.
"You're going to bed already?" she asked. "It's only 2 in the morning; that's pretty early for a night owl like you, isn't it?"
"Hey, keep it down, would ya'?" he said sharply, as quietly as he could. Rory was a pretty heavy sleeper, but Liz's voice wasn't exactly quiet.
"Why?" she asked. "Nobody here but you and me."
He sighed. There was no smooth way to say this, so he figured he might as well just say it and get it over with.
"Rory's sleeping in there."
"What? Who's Rory?"
He rolled his eyes. "A friend."
Her eyes widened. "The kind of friend that you play tonsil hockey with?"
"Oh God, Liz..."
She shook her head. "What are you, just out of prison? You just got back to town a couple days ago, and you're already sleeping around with the locals?"
"I'm not 'sleeping around' with anyone," he said. "And she's not a local. She just needs a place to stay in the city."
"So she's some tourist you picked up on the street?"
"She's from Stars Hollow," he replied, trying to keep his temper. Something about his mother's attitude always got to him; and it was infuriating. "You know, Stars Hollow? That place where I was living for a couple years? Or did you not even notice I was gone?"
"Don't try to change the subject," Liz said. "I came home and you had a girl sleeping in your room; I'd say that requires some kind of explanation."
Inside Jess' room, Rory sat up a little, rubbing her eyes with the back of her hands. She could hear voices in the other room. Remembering where she was, and realizing the voices must belong to Jess and his mother, she sat upright and tried to move over to the door as quietly as she could. She didn't mean to invade their privacy; but she couldn't resist the temptation to just hear the sound of her voice, or hear the way they talked to each other. It was intoxicating, learning about Jess' life outside of Stars Hollow; like discovering the clues in a well plotted mystery. Everything she found out helped answer questions she hadn't even realized she wanted answers to.
Pressing her ear to the crack between the door and its frame, she heard Jess speaking, and he sounded relatively annoyed.
"God damnit, Liz, I'm 18, I'm out of high school, I don't even live here anymore; you can't tell me who I can or can't let sleep in my bed."
"I'm your mother," she said. "I can tell you whatever I want."
"It's not like I'm sleeping in there with her," he said, defensively. "I'll sleep on the couch. It's not like my bed's really big enough for two people anyway."
Liz was barely listening; she wasn't really interested in the sleeping arrangement anymore. She wanted to know more about this girl.
"She's from Luke's town?" she asked.
"Yeah," he answered.
"How old is she?"
"35," Jess answered, trying not to smirk. "Her real name's Rory, but everyone calls her Candy. It's her stage name at the lounge."
Liz sighed. "You're not funny Jess."
"No, you just don't have a sense of humor, Liz," he retorted.
"How old is she, really?"
"My age," he said, reluctantly. He felt like it wasn't any of Liz's business. If it were up to him, Liz and Rory would never even have to meet each other.
"Does she go to school?"
"When she feels like it," he teased her again, "But she gets by with good grades by doing "extra credit work" in most of her classes... or at least the ones with male teachers..."
"Cut it out!" Liz snapped at him, opening the refrigerator. "God, sometimes I wonder where the hell you got a mouth like that."
"You might try looking in the mirror," he retorted.
Rory stifled a snicker behind the door. The situation wasn't that funny, but Jess certainly was doing a good job with the comeback lines.
"So what does she need to stay with you for?" Liz asked. "Doesn't she have a family?"
"Yeah," he said, "But unlike our family situation, her family lives mostly in the same state. So she doesn't have any place to stay in New York."
"Why'd she come to New York in the first place?"
Jess' eyes shifted to the ground, obviously uncomfortable. But after a moment of thought, he realized he wasn't supposed to be ashamed of this; he was supposed to be proud. And he was; so he stood up straight, and shot Liz a look that could've burnt holes in ice. "She's here to see me," he said. Liz looked a little confused. "I know, it's weird isn't it?" he said sarcastically. "Somebody actually likes me enough to wanna be in close proximity to me."
Liz rolled her eyes. "Quit being a smart ass, ok? I apologized for not coming to your graduation already, what more do you want from me?"
Jess felt his skin burning with anger. He couldn't take this anymore. "What more do I want?" he repeated, incredulous. "How about, for starters, remembering the friggin' name of the place that I live? Or how about an apology for kicking me out when I was 17?"
"Damnit, Jess, I can't-"
"Do you even realize how many things you've done that you should have apologized for?"
"Everybody makes a few mistakes in their lives," she said, defensive. "Forgive me for being human, would ya'?"
"A FEW mistakes?" he cried. "Damnit, Mom, you never even said goodbye when I went to Stars Hollow!!!"
"I thought you would come back soon-"
"Don't give me that! You didn't think I was coming back; and you sure as hell didn't want me to."
"Of course I did-"
"You never invited me back during winter break," he reminded her. Rory flinched, remembering the sleigh ride they'd had before the Bracebridge dinner, when he'd told her that his mother never invited him home. That was the first time he'd told her anything personal about his life; but she'd had no idea back then how bad things were for him. To think she had even thought at first that he was just trying to get people to feel sorry for him... she never would have imagined then what things were really like for him.
Jess continued. "You called maybe twice in the two years I was there. And before you shipped me off to Luke, you never even asked me if I wanted to go." He paused. "There's a long list of things I haven't forgiven you for, Liz, all the way from your drunken behavior to the times you dropped me off places and forgot to pick me up." He paused and let the words sink in. Liz made no attempt to reply; what could she possibly say in response to that?
"I didn't come here for a happy family reunion," he said. "I didn't come here to forgive you. I came here for one reason and one reason only; and once I get that out of the way, I'm going back."
Liz was silent for a while before speaking again; and when she did speak, her voice sounded different. Shaky. Quiet. Ashamed.
"So you're happy there, huh?"
"Where?"
"In, uh... that Stars Hollow place."
Jess nodded his head. "Yeah. I'm just peachy keen."
Liz nodded, before asking timidly, "Is she your girlfriend?"
"Yeah, she is."
"Is it serious?"
"As a heart attack."
She forced a slight smile, but it was obvious she wasn't too happy about the situation. "I'm going to bed. See you tomorrow." She turned and walked quickly into her room, shutting the door and turning on her radio. Jess could faintly hear Elvis Costello playing through her door.
With a sigh, he grabbed a nearby blanket that had been folded on a chair, and pulled it over him as he lay on the couch staring at the ceiling. He didn't feel sorry that his mother was hurt; she didn't have any right to expect his forgiveness.
He heard a door creak, and saw Rory creeping slowly out of his room, tip toeing so that Liz wouldn't know she was there. She offered a weak smile as she crept toward the couch.
"Hey," she whispered, sitting on the couch by his side.
"Hey," he answered. "How much did you hear?"
She had been prepared to lie and say she hadn't heard much; but she knew he'd see through it anyway. What was the use?
"A lot," she admitted. "Including the parts where you told her that I was a 35 year old stripper who's only getting by in school by flirting with all my male teachers."
He smirked. "I couldn't help myself. It was way too tempting to freak her out."
Rory giggled a little. "I can relate. After I go CD shopping, I sometimes like to tell my mom that I saw Bono or somebody famous like that on the street, just to see the look of disappointment on her face and listen to her scold herself for not coming with me."
"Does she fall for it?"
"Every single time."
Jess chuckled a little.
"... I'm sorry that things are so... awful, with her," Rory offered. "I know it's not much, but... I am sorry."
Jess nodded in acknowledgement. There wasn't much to say in response to that.
"I'm gonna go see him tomorrow," he said.
Rory's eyes widened. "Really?" she asked. "Just like that?"
"Just like that."
"You don't even seem nervous."
He shook his head. "I'm not. I just wanna get this out of the way, so we can go home."
Rory smiled to herself. She liked it when he called Stars Hollow 'Home'.
"What do you think you'll say to him?" she asked.
He shrugged. "Huh. I dunno. Figured I'd start with 'Hi, I'm Jess. You're my father.'"
"And then?"
"And then I'll play it by ear."
Her forehead wrinkled; she obviously didn't see that working out. "Are you sure? I mean, maybe it would help to just think of a few things you want to tell him, or ask him-"
He snickered. "Rory, I'm not you. I don't write out lists like you do."
She let a girlish grin spread over her lips. "I know," she admitted. "But would it hurt you to try it, just once?"
He looked up at the ceiling again. "I don't even know what I want to say to him." he paused. "I just want to meet him. Just so that I can say I know what he looks like, or how he acts, you know?"
She nodded, lying down next to him on the couch, resting her head on his chest. "Do you want me to come with you?"
He snickered. "You're far too much of a distraction, Gilmore."
She grinned. "Yeah, well, I try."
Smiling, he planted a firm kiss on her forehead as she snuggled closer to him and pulled the blanket over her body.
"You planning to stay there all night?" he asked with a smirk.
Rory rolled her eyes. "Oh yeah, sure. That'd make a great impression on your mother, if the first time she saw me, I was asleep on the couch with you."
"Who cares?" he said. "I guarantee you won't like her. Might make things easier if she doesn't like you either."
"Hey, I might like her. You never know."
"You won't."
"I could."
"You won't, trust me."
She sighed. "Yes, but... suppose one day in the faraway future, you actually make up with her. Wouldn't it be a lot easier then if she and I have a relationship, that's... well, nicer than that of Gwenyth Paltrow and her mother and law in Hush?"
He snickered. "Yeah, I guess it would be easier if my mother didn't try to kill you."
She shoved him gently. "You know what I mean."
He sighed. "Yeah, I know. So, yeah, you can try to be nice to Liz. But just- promise me that when I get back tomorrow I won't find you guys, like- painting each others nails or baking cookies together or anything, ok?"
She giggled. "I promise. No teenage-girl-slumber-party activities. I'll restrain myself."
He smiled. "Good." He turned his head to her and gave her a quick kiss.
"Are you nervous?" she asked softly.
"No," he replied, a little too quickly and defensively. He turned his head, but could still feel her skeptic eyes on him, so he caved. "Ok. Yeah, a little."
She laced her fingers through his. "Don't worry. It'll be fine. And to help you with your nerves, we can have breakfast together tomorrow morning?"
He snickered. "Sure."
She grinned. "Good." She sat up. "I should go back to bed." She kissed him again. "See you in a few hours." On her toes, she shuffled back into his room, still trying not to make any noise.
Jess laid back down after watching her go, and stared at the cracked paint on the ceiling, trying hard to think about what would await him when he woke up the next day. But he could barely concentrate. She really was far too much of a distraction.
*******************************************************
So do I? Or don't I?
Lorelai had been awake all night. This was a completely new experience for her, since she was the queen of excessive sleep. She'd tried desperately for a couple hours to simply shut her eyes and drift away into a dream... but it hadn't worked. So she'd tried every trick she could remember; she drank warm milk; she counted sheep... well, actually, she counted shoes; she even went so far as to turn on an easy listening radio station, but she would put up with it no longer when Rod Stewart came on the air, singing "Have I Told You Lately That I Love You?"
And so she lay there, replaying the events of the evening in her mind over and over. It had all happened so suddenly. She hadn't come to the diner that evening planning to kiss him. In fact, she'd come to do the exact opposite. She wanted to come and complain to him until he got annoyed with her and sent her home. She hadn't expected him to be in a good mood, and ask her to stay for dinner. She hadn't expected to follow him into the back and comfort him about Jess. She hadn't expected him to hold her like that when she stole his hat...
But he had. And for whatever reason, when she looked at him then, he didn't look like Luke to her. He wasn't the guy who'd been serving her coffee forever, the guy with the flannel shirts who was an ex Star Trek fan. He just seemed... different. Kissable.
So, because she had never been one to think before acting, she'd kissed him.
And then, the startled look in his eyes brought him right back from new, different, kissable man, to Luke, the crazy diner man.
If that had been all that had happened, she would have understood it better. She would have been able to write it off as temporary insanity, and move on. But no; life just wasn't that fair. No, her insanity apparently wasn't as temporary as she'd originally thought. Because even after he turned back into reliable old Luke, she still... well, he still looked... well, kissable.
So what was making her feel this way? She'd never really thought of him that way before. She'd been convinced by Sookie that he did feel that way about her, and the events of the night proved to her that he probably did, on some level. So that left it all up to her. And it wasn't an easy thing to decide. So, she stared at the ceiling, asking herself the same question, over and over again.
Do I? Or don't I?
*********************************************************
"Would you like some waffles with your syrup?" Jess asked with a snicker, watching her flood her plate with syrup.
Rory shot him a little glare. "So I like maple syrup. Is that a crime?"
"Not at all. Just try and leave some for me, would you?"
"I make no guarantees," she joked.
"Sorry I couldn't provide a better breakfast," he said, putting the rest of the frozen waffles back in the freezer. "There really aren't any good breakfast places around here."
"No, wasn't there one on the corner? We passed by it on the way back from the book store."
Jess tried to play dumb. "What are you talking about?"
"Don't pretend not to remember it," she said. "It was called... oh, I forget, it was somebody's name and it started with an M. And there were pictures of French Toast and Omlets in the windows!"
"God, nothing gets past you, does it?"
She giggled a little. "Why were you pretending not to remember that?"
He shifted his eyes to his plate. "Well, um... I'm sort of..." he cleared his throat and lowered his voice. "I'm not really allowed to go in there anymore..."
Rory's eyes widened with an amused grin. "What did you do?"
"It's not a big deal," he said. "Just... me and some friends of mine used to... eat and run, over there."
"Eat and run?"
"You know. Eat our food, then leave without paying."
Rory laughed. "Jess, I'm shocked at you. I hope you realize that you've deprived me of a delicious breakfast all because of your juvenile delinquent tendencies."
"My sincerest apologies," he said sarcastically, putting his plate in the sink and getting ready to go. "I'll make it up to you."
"Oh yeah? How?"
He strode back over to her and left a soft kiss on the base of her neck, sending shivers down her spine, and with a grin he said, "I'm sure I'll figure something out."
Before she had a chance to turn around and kiss him, he was off to his room to get dressed for the day.
Liz was already gone when Rory had woken up that morning. Apparently, she had to meet some friends for breakfast. Rory was somewhat grateful for this; she wanted to meet Liz without Jess there. Despite the fact that Jess wasn't too fond of her, Rory wanted to make a good impression on her, and it could have been difficult to do so with him standing there, angry and annoyed, shooting Liz glares.
Jess came back out of his room, all dressed and ready to go. "You're sure you don't mind staying here alone?"
Rory nodded. "I'll be fine. It gives me plenty of time and privacy to go snooping through all your stuff."
He smiled a little. "Ok. I gotta go." He leaned in for a quick kiss before leaving, but she took his face in her hands and deepened the kiss. She smiled when she finally pulled away; that was a kiss he wouldn't be forgetting for a while.
He shook his head. "Like I said, you're a total distraction."
She smiled half-heartedly; she couldn't help it, she was nervous for him. "Good luck," she said, putting her hands in her pockets. He smiled a little to thank her.
"Later."
And just like that he was gone. Rory sighed, looking at the door as though expecting him to come walking right back through. He didn't though. And she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that when he came back, if he'd actually done what he set out to do, he wouldn't be the same.
She just hoped that the change would be for the better.
*********************************************************
Room 312 of the Paramount hotel.
Jess smiled to himself, imagining that the people working at the hotel thought he was some kind of stalker. His behavior when he arrived at the hotel hadn't been exactly inconspicuous; in fact it had been fairly suspicious.
But now he was there. In front of his father's room. And Jess seemed somewhat relieved that he wasn't that far away from getting this whole thing behind him.
He raised his hand and knocked tentatively.
"Just a second!" he heard a voice call from inside. It was the same voice he'd heard at the bar the other night. So at least, he thought, he wouldn't be surprised by his father's appearance. It was comforting to know what he looked like already.
In moments, the door opened, and the man standing inside looked so shocked, it confused Jess. Did he know who Jess was already, or did he have to introduce himself?
"Uh... hi," Jess began, suddenly finding it really difficult to talk. "I, uh... I'm Je-"
"I know who you are," the man said.
"So you're-"
"Jimmy," the man said, his face still just as surprised. "Jimmy Mariano." The man suddenly let out a nervous laugh, obviously finding the situation extremely bizarre. Still laughing a little, he said, "I'm your father."
Jess wasn't really sure what to do. He hadn't really known what to expect, but a large part of him expected this confrontation to be slightly hostile. This was a man who'd abandoned him before Jess even got a chance to know him. Jess wasn't supposed to like him. But something about the way he was laughing, and the look on his face... Jess just felt like he knew him. And he felt like he knew that he was just a normal guy who'd gotten into a bad situation. That wasn't really an excuse; but it had been 18 years since then. What could either of them really say about it? They couldn't change the past, no matter how many times Jess told him off for what he did, or how many times Jimmy apologized and tried to make it up to him. So, Jess figured, he might as well get over it, and put it in the past. For now, he could just try to get to know his father.
He put out his hand to shake Jimmy's, but, awkwardly, Jimmy took his hand and pulled Jess into a hug. It confused Jess at first... but after a moment, it seemed to make sense. They were family, to some extent.
Jimmy pulled away with a slight smile. "So, uh... you wanna come in for a while?"
After thinking a moment, Jess nodded slightly. "Sure," he said, stepping inside and closing the door behind him.
*********************************************************
A/N: So... the next week might be stressful or it might be easy. I can't tell. Either way, the next chapter will be relatively soon. Hehehe, it's starting to get really interesting!!!!! Sorry there wasn't much L/L action in there... I figured, realistically, they wouldn't just kiss and then magically decide, "oh, forget the years of denial, I Love you, blah blah blah." Just give them some time, guys, they'll come around eventually.
Please review!!!!! The reviews are extremely helpful and motivational!!!!!!!
~Emaline
