Note: I know I always write too much dialogue, but I really love writing it! It's the direct way to express any feelings, opinions or reasons. Of course actions show more than words do...

And then: Roger, the twins, and the age problem! ;) Yes, I think Roger might have molested Eric, but if so, than only in recent (in terms of the story) times. It is said nowhere how old they are, but they are all biguns. Ralph is sixteen by now, and I thought that they might be about a year younger than him. Roger is (in his own twisted way) quite mature for his age, even in the book. That would make them about fifteen. I know it's really damn young... but they are in a special situation. Look at Ralph! No teen in a normal environment would be like him.

Thank you all so much! I never ever received so much feedback for fan fiction as here!

15 Frenzy

Ralph's lungs and feet were screaming, his head throbbing loudly with his pulse. Yet he could not stop running, stumbling over creepers and thorns, scratching his legs. His dry throat burned. The heat and moisture in the air was unbearable. Suddenly he tripped over something and crashed head first into a thicket. Panting he lay on the ground, tasting sweat, sand and blood. A sound like rumbling stones was in the air. He realised that he had long ago lost Jack, that he didn't even know where he was, or how long he had tried to catch up with the red-haired boy.

Slowly his senses were coming back to him, and when he turned around with a groan to lay on his back, he saw that the sky was rapidly darkening. Giant cloud-towers were clustering above the island, promising a tropic rainstorm. The fantastic formations had an unreal quality to them, like something out of a grotesque nightmare. Like living beings they were swelling across the sky, captivating Ralph. Sweaty and panting he tried to grasp reality, but it was shifty like the sand. His face was glowing.

This place is evil... this place is full of evil... it can't be real.. it nearly made you believe... but you know better, don't you... it is evil...don't let it get you.. don't let it take the reason away...

With a strangled noise he jerked into a sitting position. His head was spinning. Anxiously he looked at the sky. But what had been full of twisted faces was now just a growing tempest. He rubbed his temples. For days he hadn't thought about what was real and what not. He had just lived, without thinking at all. And suddenly the only thing that seemed unreal and unbelievable was the thought that this all should not be real. Damn, he had no time for this! Jack. He had to find Jack. He scrambled to his feet and looked around.

He decided he was halfway down the mountain, on the beach-side of the island, rather near the place where the feast had taken place. If he walked further down, he would come out at the beach, if he turned a little bit to the left, it would lead him to Castle Rock. He decided to go to the beach first, and then turn left if he didn't find Jack.

When he broke out of the forest he found that he was closer to Castle Rock than he had thought. And, to his surprise, he could see Jack, walking some hundred metres in front of him.

"Jack!" he shouted against the wind that was blowing roughly at the shore. The broad back didn't turn around.

"Jack!" he repeated breathlessly. Jack stopped and looked over his shoulder. Then he walked on, even faster. Ralph began to run, sliding and slithering in the sand. A harsh wind was whipping salty air against his face. The salt was biting the scratches on his legs and arms, making him wince with every step.

"Jack!" he panted and finally caught up, throwing himself desperately at the taller boy. They staggered and finally dashed into the water. Jack tried half-heartedly to wrestle himself free, but Ralph clang to him with an angry cry.

"Jack! Stop it-"

"Why? Why are you following me? Didn't you hear Roger? He's right about me!"

"I know that he is right! I knew it all along!" yelled Ralph.

They stopped, gasping, letting the small waves brush against their bodies. Jack looked bitterly into the direction of Castle Rock.

"I'm ...I'm a liar! I always was. I lied to you, and everyone, from the first day on. I lied when I said that I wanted to kill that pig... remember that? The very first day.. you, and me, and Simon... We could have been so happy. But I had to lie. I wanted to.. to be what I was not. You were so confident, and I knew that I could never be like that... but I lied to myself. I lied until I believed myself..."

Ralph sighed. He had long ago understood this part of Jack. Like most people that doubted their own strength, he tried to hide that behind a mask of rudeness and self-confidence.

"Yes... I know that," he answered.

"You..?"

"Jack. We are all liars. I lied to myself for four years. We all lied to ourselves. I'm sure Roger lies to himself, too. It's the way we survive." He tried a smile. But Jack only shook his head. Another rumbling thunder was heard.

"It's not the lies...," Jack whispered, barely audible beneath the noise. "It's the truth." Ralph's smile vanished, and was replaced by a quiet sadness. He nodded gravely.

"The truth is always..."

"Don't you talk to me about the truth!" Jack yelled. Ralph was taken aback.

"Jack –"

"You! You don't know what the truth is! You.. you think this is all a dream! It is not! It is real! I am real! My deeds are real! " Jack was getting really irritated. The words were splattering from his mouth on their own accord.

" You tell me you forgive me, but you don't! You don't care, that's it! For you it's just some... some delusion! But if it were real... if it were real ..."

"It is – "

"If it were real you wouldn't follow me! If it were real you would be scared or angry or... you'd hate me! Run, Ralph! Run! Because it is real."

"It is real."

There was a pause, where neither of the pair was able to process the said words.

Ralph tried to catch Jack's gaze.

"It is real," he repeated, really slow. "I... I also lied to myself, didn't I tell you just now? I realised that... now.. I lied. I lied to myself to survive. Lies are like shields.. I mean.. but sometimes.. sometimes you have to give them up, you have to face the truth.. to survive. And I do face it now. I don't face it, because it is beautiful – what it is – or because I love you – what I do – or because we managed to make it better and more just... I face it, because it is cruel and wrong, worse than I could ever imagine. You see? If this was a dream... then why would you do such a thing? This is real... because you did such things. I know you can do them. We all can, I guess... but I didn't have to think very long. I know that I can live with that. I can forgive you, for all the things you did to me. And if I can do that.. I can also forgive the world.. for being like it is. Real." His last words had left him as whispers, teary whispers, his eyes burning.

He leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Jack's trembling body. Strong arms returned the embrace twice as hard, and callous fingers clawed into his back.

"But you, Jack.. you have to forget, if you want to go on..."

"If I want to go on..." Jack repeated numbly.

"Because everyone needs you... it's hard, I know.. you want to throw it all away, to run.. but they need you.. I need you..," Ralph whispered into his lover's ear.

Jack buried his head on Ralph's shoulder. He felt not nearly as soothed as he should have. He felt weak, and raw and angry. He could no longer deny it. Ralph had really forgiven him, there was no reason to push him away. But his heart raged. How could Ralph be like this? Soft and just and compassionate.. but he wanted to be condemned.. His hands roamed over Ralph's lean, warm back, aimlessly, until he found the wet hair, and began dragging at it, and then started kissing the boy.

His motions were harsh and jagged as they toppled over into the sand and foamy water. Ralph only clung to him. He didn't complain, or respond with more than a few, feeble kisses. Jack didn't care. He wanted to punch something, to kill something, but instead he kissed, he touched, he tore, just to forget as Ralph had told him to do. They rolled across the sand, and in the water, their voices drowned by the storm. The white sand coated their wet bodies, salt water and sweat, and the stormy sky was still compared to their minds.

Jack was in a frenzy, but not a lovely elated one like the day before. He was horribly sad, and angry and desperate, and feeling as primal as never before – and at the same time strangely separated from himself. It all centred on the cause of his anguish. Ralph was in his arms like a puppet. It seemed like all his rage couldn't reach him, and some part of Jack, that tiny little part that was only a whisperer, was glad about it. Because he knew he wasn't gentle, and he knew Ralph didn't deserve it, least of all people.

They lay spent, now in the dry sand, and the first heavy drops of rain started to fall on them. As the rain became harder and the storm howled along the beach, the sky in thunder-grey turmoil, they slowly calmed down. Jack breathing became even.

"I'm sorry," he said, his voice like a murmur compared to the storm. The boy in his arms looked terribly weary despite the red glow of his face. His skin was covered in small scratches and bruises. Not all of these were inflicted by him, but some.

"Don't be," answered Ralph, the words only comprehensive by the moves of his lips. He felt bruised and burning all over his body, and now he started to get cold. At least the rain was washing the salt from the cuts. His body ached dully, but the exhaustion and cold was worse.

Jack closed his eyes.

"Thank you," he said without sound, but he meant it. Then he sat up and shielded his eyes with his hand. There was no end to the dark storm and they needed a shelter. He lifted Ralph to his knees, but the fair boy swayed. Without asking Jack lifted him into his arms and began staggering along the beach towards Castle Rock.