Spiderman Meets
The Fan-Club Girls
Ok, I think that before I begin this twisted tale, I should clear a few things up. My friend Colleen and I, for reasons completely unknown, created a universe in which everything goes as we say. In this universe, we stalk Charleton Heston, Anthony Hopkins (My Hannibal!, and the ever-adorable Tom Brady. We have amazing ninja powers, kick-ass weaponry, and we freakin' hate those DAMN DIRTY APES!!! 'Kay. Enough said.
(Frau Chane's German class.)
Colleen: Ugh. Bored. Very bored. Sleepy, too. Bored and sleepy.
Amanda: Boredom here, as well. I think the MCAS ate my soul. (MCAS = Massachusetts
Samantha: Dum-de-dum…EEKEEICHIOOO!!!!…Dum-de-dum…
Amanda: (raises an eyebrow) Oooh-kay. Apparently, Sam isn't doing much better. We gotta find something to do, before we all die of boredom…
Colleen: Oh good, Frau Chane is putting a movie on. Muzzy This is the high point of my day. How sad…
Amanda: Hmm…what can we do? Ooo, the grass outside is growing…No! That's it, we're getting out of here. Come on, Col! (grabs Colleen's arm and drags her out of class.)
Frau Chane: Was machtet ihr? (What are you guys doing?) Tsk tsk. My students are all quite insane. They don't even bring their own kleenex to school. (shakes head sadly.)
Colleen: What are you doing, Amanda? I was watching Muzzy! This better be good…
Amanda: (grinning slyly) Yup. It sure is…
(New York City, or the like)
Random Evil-doer: (flies through window) AHHH!!!!! (falls down and goes BOOM)
(A figure in a spandex suit comes to the window and looks out. It's everyone's favorite webslinger, Spider-man! Very nice bum.)
Spider-man: Woo-hoo! That's the third Random Evil-doer I've squelched since breakfast. Go me! Hmm…what's next on my schedule? I have to stop a bank robbery at noon…stop by the news with pictures of myself in heroic poses at one…save Mary Jane from Muggers at 4…cook supper for Aunt May at 5…Save Mary Jane from Green Goblin at 6…and 7…and 8…Ooo! I have a free hour right now. I'll spend it doing my favorite past time: Swinging from buildings in a computer graphic-like manner. Go me!
(A half-hour later, Spider-man is still swinging around. He gets a whim and climbs to the top of the Empire State Building. Immediately, his spider-sense starts to tingle. He sees two girls on the observation deck, talking. One has long black hair and icy blue eyes. One has long strawberry blond hair and blue-green eyes. They seem ordinary enough…)
Colleen: I'm telling you, Amanda, that damn dirty ape was here! I can smell his vile scent…
Amanda: (shudders) I know. It's been, like, 30 years since…(tries to choke out name)…since…Kong (shudders again) climbed up here. Yet the evil of monkeydom never truly departs.
Colleen. No, it merely lingers like a festering disease. At least we have the comfort of knowing that Kong and his fiendish brother, King Bob, are no more. We saw to that. Bwhahahaha!
Amanda: Damn, girl, I am still in awe of your evil laugh. I can only hope that someday I will be as sinister-sounding as you.
Colleen. You're getting there.
Amanda: (looks up) Hey! He's heeeere…
(Spidey moves cautiously closer.)
Colleen: (grins evilly) Spider-man! Hello. I'm Colleen, and my partner in crime here is Amanda. (looks at Amanda, who has mouth hanging open and is drooling excessively.)
Amanda! Stop that! (snaps Amanda's jaw shut.) Sorry. She gets a little…excited sometimes. Especially when confronted with attractive men in tight…anyway, we're big fans of yours.
Spider-man: (looks nervous) Oh. How…nice. So…um…you're fans, huh?
Amanda: Yeah we are! Man, we are gonna have so much fun together…
Spider-man: (gulps) I have a bad feeling about this.
You think it's weird now, just wait a while. It gets much better. Mwhahaha. Just to clear something up: This is a round-robin type story between Col and I. I wrote this episode. She's gonna write the next one. It'll still be posted by me, under this story, though. Stay tuned for more Spidey-lovin', ape basshin' fun!
Hey Col, isn't this so cool? Wonder how many people we can worry…love ya! J
