(The Empire State Building)
- Amanda: (sniffle) He left us for that…that…that fake read-headed shrieking floozy!
- Colleen: We'll teach him the error of his ways. Come; let us go find this "MJ".
- Amanda: The Bitch must die!!!!
- (Poorly-lit alleyway)
- Mary Jane Watson (MJ): Wow, this alleyway sure is poorly lit. Maybe I should have taken the bus instead of walking through a dark alley at night, in a bad section of town, while wearing high heels…naw! (hears a noise) Gosh, I hope that isn't a group of bad guys who will rip off my shirt and shove me around until Spider-man gets here to save me yet again.
- (Two figures emerge from the shadows. One is dressed in white ninja clothes, one is dresses in black ninja clothes.)
- White Ninja: Nope, not bad guys.
- Black Ninja: We're much worse that that!
- MJ: (gulp) Who are you, and what do you want from me?
- White Ninja: Well, your horrible, agonizing death would be nice…
- Black Ninja: But this is a PG-13 story, so we'll just have to lock you up for eternity.
- MJ: Spider-man will save me! He always saves me!
- Black Ninja: Grrr…we know! Ready to go, Col?
- White Ninja: Yes. I've got the rough twine. You hold her while I tie her up far more tightly than is necessary.
- MJ: Where are you taking me?
- White Ninja: The library. Spider-man would never think to look for you in a good section of town!
- (Airplane headed for NY)
- Patti: The German teacher is certainly…umm…dedicated to her students, isn't she?
- Carol: A bit too dedicated, one would think.
- Ken: I told Amanda to take Spanish!
- John: Same here. Spanish or Italian…Italian…Italian…
- Ken & John: Pizza!
- Frau Chane: Hans und Franz! Ihr konnt nicht sprechen!
- John: Umm…actually, my name is – (Is cut off by Frau Chane, who drops a German 2 book on his lap.)
- Frau Chane: Du muss dich studiert! Spater wir werdern ein Quiz-e-poo haben!
- Carol: Oh dear…
- Patti: I'm beginning to think that our daughters don't have the best influences in their lives…
- (Frau Chane's German Class)
- Mysterious Figure: Brady Bunch? Uh…I'm actually the quarterback for the superbowl-winning New England Patriots.
- Emily. Oh. I always thought Cindy was the cutest kid
- Mysterious Figure: (who we all know now is really Tom Brady) Riiiiight…so where can I find Colleen and Amanda? I have to warn them.
- Class: Sie sind tot!
- Jessica: (Random Goth girl in corner. Likes to freak people out by reciting German menus in a spooky voice.)
- (Stands up and waves arms around) Kuchen…tomaten…kartoffeln…bier! (looks all possessed)
- Tom: Wow. I worry…
- Emily: I think Amanda and Colleen went to New York to find Spider-man. They're kinda obsessed.
- Tom: (looks hurt) Another obsession? Oh…
- Emily: They still talk about you a wicked lot, though.
- Tom: (perks up) Woo-hoo! I'm still special! Well, thanks for the help. See ya!
- Sam: Dum-de-dum…GUMMYGUMYMGOOOO!!!!…Dum-de-dum…
- TBC…
