The trio, in their rightful shapes, took to the road around midday. Their
trip across town was uneventful. The bento boxes, also courtesy of Kasumi,
were uniformly delicious. The labyrinthine complexities of the Tokyo Metro
rail system and Deru's need to collect some extra food for their arrival
home required them to change at Azabu Juban, before carrying on to the
Shinjuku district that contained the Saotome residence. So it was with joy
in their hearts that they strode through the shopping area between the
stations. The two brothers forged ahead, Genma trailling.
"It's great to be home." Ranma said.
"Yeah." 'I hope everything will turn out right once we really get home. Well if they aren't, I will find a way to fix it. No more guilt trips.' They pass a closed cosmetics store, unusual among the bustle of the shopping area. Through the windows the shelves seem to have big holes melted in them.
"Ucchan's not going to be pleased." Deru indicated the store.
"Huh?" Ranma intelligently articulated.
"To set up Ucchans we need a couple of things. A place, and the money."
"Yeah, but I thought her father was giving you the money."
"Not quite enough. Not for a place in Shinjuku or Juban, at least not one that's in a location to make money. Add to that commercial insurance rates around here and we'd have to go to the banks. And no matter how good we are as cooks, or how good a business plan we produce, they're not likely to loan money to a high school graduate and someone still in school, to open a place here. We scouted locations as well and there's really no place that fits. Looks like we're going to have to wait a couple of years and save it, and let Ukyo graduate."
"Man, you've really thought this through." Ranma stated. "But what's that got to do with that store?"
"One of the reasons for the steep rates, and the general sourness of the banks, is all the weird events. Mass hallucinations of monsters, shops and events starting up then vanishing without a trace, leaving loads of debts. I thought the whole thing was over with just before we left for China, but that has all the earmarks."
"Blame it on the Sailor Senshi." Ranma smirked.
"Oh yeah. That writer, Naoko whosit, she's got a lot to answer for. She's turned the whole thing into an industry. Hallucinations, sunspots, terrorists at the theme park, blame it on the senshi. Everyone has a friend of a friend who's seen them. There's even been reporters who've claimed to have met them."
"I guess you're pretty sceptical about the whole thing. But you've gotta admit, something weird is going on."
"I guess, but that doesn't mean I accept the magical girl theory. It's like U.F.O's and crop circles in America. Why have none of the senshi spotters found them? O.K. the names given in the anime are obviously aliases, but at least two of them are supposed to be blond and another one has blue hair, and they all go to the same school. There aren't that many schools in Juban. Have you ever seen a cat with a crescent on it's forehead? Likewise their friends and family. They must read the papers." He gives an expression of exasperation.
"Some people would say curses that make you change gender are pretty unlikely too. And that's not the first time we've gotten involved with magic. So there's supposed to be some kinda disguise magic that stops you from recognising them. If I remember right, the costume changes wouldn't even fool Ryouga." Ranma's clearly baiting Deru.
"It just seems like too neat an explanation. I must admit knowing real magic exists, not just ki effects, make it seem less unlikely. Oh well."
The conversation moved to other topics as they pass an ice cream parlour, where a navy blue haired girl in a school sailor uniform, is buying a pink haired moppet with an pointy odango hairstyle a double ice cream. [Hey guys look over there! Sailor Arrr!]
Ranma suddenly thought of something. "Hey you remember that boarded up place we came across on our way back from Furinkan?"
"Now I come to think of it, yes. Three stories, flat concrete roof, on a corner of two major roadways. That's the sort of place we've been looking for."
"It was that roof that I noticed, just the right size for sparring on."
Deru glanced behind him. Genma had somehow acquired a bag of sweet buns and was oblivious to all else. He lowered his voice. "Oho. Thinking Furinkan needs an okonomiyaki shop? I wonder why?"
Ranma avoided eye contact. "Just thinking. It's not like me or Ucchan are wedded to Mugen Gakuken High. Besides, it would make it easier to train Akane."
Deru grinned. "If girls in sailor costumes saving the world are possible, maybe a restaurant in Nerima is not beyond the bounds of probability. I wonder if Nabiki could find out about it, or Kasumi, she shops around that area."
They passed beyond the shops, to a residential area, and the Saotome household. [Which, for those who haven't read the manga that far, is a modest 1 story place, set in its own garden]
Deru slowed down as they approached the fence.
"Still worried bro? I told ya Ucchan will be cool about the curse thing."
"It's just she should be home by now. I need to prepare myself." Deru straightened up.
Genma caught up. His expression is avuncular, "A martial artist fears nothing. Be always ready to forge ahead." He takes the lead.
"Yeah, bro. It's not like we've got a contract to be guys or else." Ranma joked.
The words reach Genma's ears and trigger a belated, half formed unease. His ego wandered through his mind, kicking aside unused piles of conscience and guilt, until it found a memory, long buried under a stack of training techniques. It read the contents of the memory, and speed dialled the Genma's survival instincts, almost causing a heart attack. The outward effects were visible as Genma freezing, as he made the connection, then tensing up, in preparation to 'running like hell'.
He turned on them. "Ranma, Deru, we should extend our training trip. I believe Okinawa is very nice at this time of year."
"Uh uh pop. We're home. We're going to stay." Ranma continued onwards, only to be blocked by Genma, ready to fight.
'I've got a bad feeling about this.' Ranma gritted his teeth. "O.K. pop, what's this about? Remember, I can tell when you're lying, your lips move."
"Oh dear. Dad, is there something we should know?" Deru is less obviously aggressive.
"Ahh well.Your mother was unhappy about me taking you and Ranma off on so many long training trips. The first time we left I made a contract. I would turn you both into men amongst men. You both signed it."
"What?" "We never signed anything." The two claimed.
"Ah. You were rather young, so rather than explaining it to you I told you it was a going away letter."
Ranma screwed up his brow. "Nope" Deru is still thinking. "I don't.oh yes! I remember that because it was the first time I'd put my name on a proper letter. Ranma just put a hand print on it. Bro, it's no wonder you can't remember."
"I knew it. Things were just going too well." Ranma shook his head. "O.K. we're ready for the worst. From the way your acting, pop, the or else must be pretty bad. What have you done this time?"
"We promised that if I did not train you to become men amongst men, we would commit sepukku."
"YOU DID WHAT?" the brothers chorused as one, Ranma doing a demon head that would make Soun weep with envy. Then he stopped and burst out laughing. "Bwa ha ha ha.Hang on, our mom, agreeing to that? You really had me going there, pop."
Deru isn't laughing. In fact he's in full scary face, serious mode, "That was most unwise, dad, and most unethical."
Ranma looked at him incredulous. "You're not buying in to this are you?"
"Ranma, you know how mum is about honour. She's very traditional in some ways. It might just be that she did take it seriously. Dad seems to think so."
Genma has the grace to look shamefaced. "Truly, I didn't think it would go this far, but your mother took it to heart. She started carrying around the family honour sword so she could act as our second. At first, every time we came home she questioned me most rigorously on your progress. Thankfully you both met her standards. More recently she stopped, so I decided the danger was past."
"Deru? You spent more time at home than me. You never found out about this?" Ranma's still looking as if they've both gone crackers.
"It's not like it's the question came up. I always knew that I could convince mum to let me do just about anything if I could come up with a reason why it was manly, which is why I used it so rarely. I hate manipulating people like that." Deru shrugged. "I never realised why. I just tried to be that way because I thought it would make mum proud. As for the honour sword. well the one time I did ask I got the answer, 'It is my family obligation. You should understand that.' Well I didn't, but I didn't want to seem the stupid gaijin in front of mom so I just nodded. You know how she used to be with that katana."
"Oh yeah. She was a menace. That thing was always slipping out or something. You and Ucchan must have had it worse, but even I nearly got skewered a couple of times, until you two gave her some basic kenjutsu training."
Genma shuddered, a vision of Nokoda standing over them with her katana as the three of them gutted themselves appearing in his head. "Now you understand why we can not go home. If she saw your curses."
"Don't you think it would have been a good idea to inform us earlier?" asked Deru, staring Genma down.
"I thought the danger was past, so I forgot about it." Genma stated, as if this was normal.
"Oh great! Of all the idiotic, clueless moronic clutz-ups you've been responsible for, this has to take the sweet bun." Ranma growled, vein popping up.
"That is in the past." Genma waved it away. "You see now why it is impossible to go home. Instead we should continue to train and wait for the cure."
"No pop." "Not at all." they replied. Deru continued. "We just walk down the street, through the gate and in the front door."
"I'm not going to hide from mom, not after 6 months away. Not even with this curse. It would be cowardly, weak, unmanly." Ranma took some pleasure in throwing back Genma's favourite sayings.
"I also believe in mum to do the right thing. Whatever happens we will face it, not run away. A very wise person once told me that mum would see beyond the surface of our curses. Besides I will not be separated from Ucchan any longer. I don't care what she thinks of the curse. I'll do whatever she wants to make her happy."
Genma took a stance. "If you go you not only doom yourselves, but your poor father. You will have to go through me first."
Ranma gave an evil grin and cracked his knuckles, "Like that's a problem."
Deru is calmer, but no less determined. "Then we will fight."
The two blurred towards him simultaneously. Genma back pedalled and frantically attempted to block every punch and strike, but to no avail. The end came when Deru dropped and did a leg sweep that took his feet out from under him. As if by some signal Ranma jumped high and went for his head and neck with both feet and fists. Genma went down, swirly eyed and bump headed under the combined pummelling of his sons.
Ranma stretched and grinned. "That felt good. Looks like you always have to defeat your father at the end of a quest, just like in Star Wars."
Deru sighed. "Perhaps we have also saved him from himself. I'll carry him, you carry his pack."
A few minutes later the strange procession came to the Saotome gate. Ranma, carrying one pack on his back and one in his arms, Deru shouldering an unconscious Genma in a firemans lift. No sooner did they step through the gate then a stream of cold water hit them. Ranma, protected by instant nanniichuan was unchanged. Deru unprepared, collapsed under the tripled weight of Genma's panda form and her own bodies shifting reflexes. One arm stuck pathetically out from under the form of the panda.
"Sorry about that! Are you. Ranchan!" Ukyo, in a t-shirt and shorts, though carrying her ever present bandolier and battle spatula, dropped the hose with which she'd clearly been watering the garden. She raced up to Ranma and hugged him. Despite the boyish clothes, her chest was unbound by anything except a sports bra, and there was no doubt about her gender. "You're back. I was so worried, we didn't get any letters or anything." Her Kansai accent sounded particularly pronounced in her excitement.
"Whoa Ucchan. We've had problems." Ranma hugged back.
"We? Where's De-chan and uncle Genma. That fiancee of mine had better have a good explanation. they are both alright?" Her tone, annoyed at first, started to take on some real worry.
A groan, from under the panda, caught their attention.
"Well pop's sleeping off a well deserved pounding, and Deru is probably feeling a little flat." Ranma said as he rolled the panda over to reveal a crumpled Deru who peeled himself off the ground. "Ohhh. Remind me not to do that again." She looked up into Ukyo's face. "Ucchan, love, I guess I have some explaining to do."
Ukyo looked puzzled. "Who are you? And how do you know me?"
Deru's face fell. 'She doesn't even recognise me. What if. No. I promised myself no secrets.' He opened his mouth to speak.
Ranma grinned. "I think you need a change, bro." He pulled a canteen from his backpack and poured some on the distressed blond. Deru's male form filled out his clothes. He looked down then up at Ucchan, looking for her reaction. "Well I had hoped to explain first."
He thought the worst. Ukyo's face was a study in shock. "Dee-chan. That's you? That is so." As she paused to catch her breath, Deru filled in the next word in his head '.freakish, disgusting, embarrassing.' ".cool!"
Deru hit the floor in a massive facefault and Ranma joined him.
Ukyo hauled him up and dusted him off. "How did you do that? And what's with the long face De-light, aren't you pleased to see me?" She grabbed both sides of his head with her hands and planted a kiss right on his lips.
Deru was still a little dazed, but started to put his arms around her and return the kiss.
Ranma flipped up into a standing position. "Put Deru down, You don't know where he's been."
Ukyo and Deru took no notice. Eventually they broke, reluctantly and Ukyo turned on Ranma.
"O.K Ranchan, you explain. Where has he been, and you for that matter?"
Ranma grinned. "Let's get inside and we'll explain." He looked down at his drenched clothes. "After we dry off."
&&&
A table, some lemonade, some kneeling figures and an explanation later.
"Now that is a bizarre story, even by your standards." Ukyo exclaimed
"Blame it on the old panda." Ranma said contemptuously.
"Uncle Genma? Hmm. It kind of suits him."
Ranma smirked. "Now you come to mention it."
Deru is holding Ukyo's hand, across the corner of the table, clearly unwilling to let go. "Ucchan, love, You don't feel any different about me, now you know?"
She gave his hand a squeeze. "Dee-chan, you really are a total idiot. But you're my idiot. I fell in love with Deru Saotome. Nothing that's happened has changed that. The only thing I'm annoyed about is that I've now got a fiancee who's sometimes prettier than I am."
"No.Never. Ucchan, you are the moon, the stars, and lots of other heavenly bodies. You are a heavenly body." Deru smiled. "You are the most beautiful girl in the world." A microphone has appeared in his hand and the background is tending towards hearts and little puffy clouds.
Ukyo coloured slightly, then grinned back. "You say the sweetest things. I knew there was some reason I keep you around."
Ranma watched the eternal love story, slightly smug. 'They won't figure out who borrowed Ucchans diary and left it out. That Umi-ken-sen info really came in handy. Who would have thought mum would be using it for note paper? Let's hope we can sort the rest out that easily.' He gathered his thoughts. "When you two have quite finished, we have other problems." Ranma interrupted the pair. Deru stopped gazing into Ukyo's eyes. "You're right, of course, we've got to be ready for mum."
Ranma was not looking happy. "Explaining our curses is not going to be easy."
Ukyo looked puzzled. "But if you have this curse too, why didn't you change?"
"We've got some packets of a one shot version of the opposite curse. But a dose only works once, and we've got a limited number of 'em." He laid out the canteen. "This has enough for Deru and pop."
"Can I see what you look like?" Ukyo pleaded.
Ranma paused, "I don't like to, but, I guess we have to show mum so." He picked up the jug of hot water that Deru had brought in and poured some into one hand.
"Huh. No change?" Ukyo questioned.
"I just removed the counter curse. Now." He dipped his finger in his lemonade. Instant red head.
"Neat! Oh my, Ranchan, you are so cute! De-chan, lets see you together."
Deru sighed, but used the hot water and cold lemonade to change.
"I was right, you make a very attractive girl. If that's your idea of a curse." she reached out and touched Deru's hair. Deru doesn't look too happy about this assessment.
She turned her scrutiny to Ranma's red mop. "Natural. Lots of girls would kill for that colour. How come it's different to your normal one?"
"Dunno. The guide was surprised too. Normally the hair's the same colour."
Deru interjects. "Could be something genetic, a gender linked recessive, or it could just be the magic doing weird stuff. Ucchan, could we change back now?"
"Sure, De-chan, I was just curious." Deru changed again. "That's amazing, no matter how often I see it."
"Trust me Ucchan, it's not fun. We have to learn to live with it for the moment, but we don't intend to keep it. I'm glad it doesn't freak you out, but. I reckoned you might react the way you did with Kurenai."
Ukyo's face darkened. "You never need compare yourself to that whiney little pervert, Tsubasa."
Ranma looked back and forth between the two.. "Am I missing something?"
Deru shrugged. "It's Ucchan's story. You were still away when it happened."
Ranma looked to Ukyo. "Want to talk about it?"
Ukyo's face had turned to thunder. "Not really, the less I have to even think about that obsessive twit." she gained control of herself. "There's not really that much to tell. Tsubasa was in the same middle school class as me in Kyoto. He was a twisty little cross dresser who had a major crush on me, but I wanted nothing to do with him. He made a very convincing girl. Fortunately I left him back there."
Deru turned back to Ukyo. "As I said, I kept thinking of how I looked like him, in my girl form. I didn't want to bring back bad memories."
"Please, I'm not that shallow, sugar. Besides you look a lot different. It wasn't his costume or looks that put me off him, it was the way he acted. Besides I already had someone, and you haven't changed a bit, curse or no curse."
Ranma hung his head. "It comes back to that. Even without some of the other things dad's done that made it 5 times worse."
Ukyo looked resigned. "What's uncle Genma done this time?"
"It seems mum didn't want us to go on long training trips with the old panda. Somehow he convinced mum to accept a pledge that if we did not turn into manly men, all three of us would commit sepukku. Of course he never thought to tell us this. According to him, mum takes it seriously, dead seriously."
Ukyo pulled a spatula from her bandoleer and starts twisting it into a corkscrew. "That. that. I have a sudden urge to make panda okonomiyaki."
Ranma replied. "We already 'explained' that we were unhappy." He hit his fist in his palm to show exactly how the explanation had been applied.
Ukyo looked downcast. "Ranchan, De-chan, I'm so sorry. You had this hanging over you and all this time I've been acting like it's a new toy."
Ranma countered, "Don't worry Ucchan. This sort of thing is unusual, even for Juban."
Deru stated, "We could have run, but we decided this morning we could do one of two things. Let this thing rule our lives, or deal with it, as a challenge."
Ranma grinned weakly. "And have you ever known us to turn down a challenge? We will deal with this pledge in the only way we can. By facing mum and finding out the truth. Pop may want to hide, but we won't. It wouldn't be. manly." His grin turned wry at his own words. "Speaking of challenges I've been thinking."
"Now that is a challenge!" Deru said automatically.
"My brother the comic! But that's a weapon we can use. Humour. Rather than making a big deal of this we just laugh it off."
"That could work. But first we've got to sort this pledge out. That we have to take seriously." Deru looked the part. "We've got two points to go through. One, did mom really mean it. Remember we only have dad's word, and he does tend to be. somewhat economical with the truth. If she does, we have to convince her that the curse does not constitute breaking the pledge. I've got several arguments, but I'm not sure which will clinch it. It depends on mums definition of manly."
"I still want a piece of uncle, if auntie Nodoka leaves anything." Ukyo's hand spatula is now a pretzel.
"Better turn him human then. After all there are laws about cruelty to animals." Ranma proffered the canteen with the nanniichuan water by it's strap.
Deru was the only one who saw the inevitable coming. "Hey Ranma, be careful with that canteen."
The narrative laws of the Ranmaverse took over at this point. The plastic canteen had taken a considerable beating during the battle with Kuno, especially the strap, which had been under Kuno's last back strike. The weakened strap now finally gave up, tipping the canteen and dumping a quantity of the cursed water into Ukyo's lap.
"Whoops! That." Ukyo's voice stopped as he noticed his, now slightly deeper, tones. His hand went to his chest, which had significantly sunk. The other changes were less noticeable. His features had taken on a slightly more masculine cast, but were still definitely bishonnen. Unlike Ranma and Deru, his height and build stayed the same.
"Ucchan, I'm sorry! " Ranma panicked. He grabbed for the kettle at the same time as Deru, knocking it flying out of the window. The lemonade tumbled too, splashing their outstretched hands. "Gah!" "Bother!"
Ukyo stood up and winced, clutching himself. "Yow!"
Deru practically teleported to his side. "Just sit down and relax. Ranma'll get some hot water." Ukyo complied. "It's O.K De-chan, just. weird. Dad would just love this. He's finally got a boy. I'm afraid I got." he blushed crimson.
"No need to explain. You're not used to." she frantically searched for safe words, ".external plumbing?"
Ukyo was shifting around to try and find a comfortable position. "Neither is my underwear." He actually managed to smile as he said it.
Deru put her arm around Ukyo's shoulder, unmindful of anything but comforting him. "Don't worry, Ucchan, it's only temporary."
"But I see what you mean, De-chan. Just because I had to act the boy, for my fathers sake, doesn't mean I wanted to be one. I won't say it isn't interesting, but I don't want to make a habit of it." He moved uncomfortably, but didn't move out of Deru's grip. Indeed he put his arm around her.
Ranma came back in with some towels. "Don't worry, kettle's on." She stopped to look at them, smirking, "As someone once said, a perfect couple. Come on lovebirds, towels, mess, clean."
Deru red eyed him, but both of them went to work, mopping up the spills.
"Come on bro. What's up, getting in touch with your feminine side." Ranma asked Deru.
Deru grinned. "I think Ucchan was getting in touch with my feminine side. Not that unpleasant actually."
Ukyo glowered playfully. "You just wait. Not that unpleasant."
Deru played up to this. "Wah, my bishonnen fiancee is being mean to me! You know, you're cute when your angry. well you're cute all the time."
"What can I say. It's a gift." Ukyo said, mock importantly.
"I hope you kept the receipt." Ranma returned.
Ukyo groaned. "Now I know why two women under one roof spells trouble. Especially when I'm not one of them." [Kanji joke. That's the symbol for trouble.]
"Easily rectified when the kettle's hot." Deru stated. "It's amazing your male form looks so similar to your normal one."
"Gee thanks, I think."
"I don't mean it that way. I see what you meant. All I can see is Ucchan, the person I fell in love with."
Ucchan's face lit up.
Ranma looked to the kitchen door. "I wish it'd hurry, if mum came in now."
'Oh no.' Deru thought.
"Don't worry, auntie Nodoka won't be back from work for another hour." Ukyo replied.
"You had to say it.Ucchan." Deru winced, knowing what would happen next.
At that moment the front door opened. "I'm home!" came Nodoka's voice.
The three froze.
"It's great to be home." Ranma said.
"Yeah." 'I hope everything will turn out right once we really get home. Well if they aren't, I will find a way to fix it. No more guilt trips.' They pass a closed cosmetics store, unusual among the bustle of the shopping area. Through the windows the shelves seem to have big holes melted in them.
"Ucchan's not going to be pleased." Deru indicated the store.
"Huh?" Ranma intelligently articulated.
"To set up Ucchans we need a couple of things. A place, and the money."
"Yeah, but I thought her father was giving you the money."
"Not quite enough. Not for a place in Shinjuku or Juban, at least not one that's in a location to make money. Add to that commercial insurance rates around here and we'd have to go to the banks. And no matter how good we are as cooks, or how good a business plan we produce, they're not likely to loan money to a high school graduate and someone still in school, to open a place here. We scouted locations as well and there's really no place that fits. Looks like we're going to have to wait a couple of years and save it, and let Ukyo graduate."
"Man, you've really thought this through." Ranma stated. "But what's that got to do with that store?"
"One of the reasons for the steep rates, and the general sourness of the banks, is all the weird events. Mass hallucinations of monsters, shops and events starting up then vanishing without a trace, leaving loads of debts. I thought the whole thing was over with just before we left for China, but that has all the earmarks."
"Blame it on the Sailor Senshi." Ranma smirked.
"Oh yeah. That writer, Naoko whosit, she's got a lot to answer for. She's turned the whole thing into an industry. Hallucinations, sunspots, terrorists at the theme park, blame it on the senshi. Everyone has a friend of a friend who's seen them. There's even been reporters who've claimed to have met them."
"I guess you're pretty sceptical about the whole thing. But you've gotta admit, something weird is going on."
"I guess, but that doesn't mean I accept the magical girl theory. It's like U.F.O's and crop circles in America. Why have none of the senshi spotters found them? O.K. the names given in the anime are obviously aliases, but at least two of them are supposed to be blond and another one has blue hair, and they all go to the same school. There aren't that many schools in Juban. Have you ever seen a cat with a crescent on it's forehead? Likewise their friends and family. They must read the papers." He gives an expression of exasperation.
"Some people would say curses that make you change gender are pretty unlikely too. And that's not the first time we've gotten involved with magic. So there's supposed to be some kinda disguise magic that stops you from recognising them. If I remember right, the costume changes wouldn't even fool Ryouga." Ranma's clearly baiting Deru.
"It just seems like too neat an explanation. I must admit knowing real magic exists, not just ki effects, make it seem less unlikely. Oh well."
The conversation moved to other topics as they pass an ice cream parlour, where a navy blue haired girl in a school sailor uniform, is buying a pink haired moppet with an pointy odango hairstyle a double ice cream. [Hey guys look over there! Sailor Arrr!]
Ranma suddenly thought of something. "Hey you remember that boarded up place we came across on our way back from Furinkan?"
"Now I come to think of it, yes. Three stories, flat concrete roof, on a corner of two major roadways. That's the sort of place we've been looking for."
"It was that roof that I noticed, just the right size for sparring on."
Deru glanced behind him. Genma had somehow acquired a bag of sweet buns and was oblivious to all else. He lowered his voice. "Oho. Thinking Furinkan needs an okonomiyaki shop? I wonder why?"
Ranma avoided eye contact. "Just thinking. It's not like me or Ucchan are wedded to Mugen Gakuken High. Besides, it would make it easier to train Akane."
Deru grinned. "If girls in sailor costumes saving the world are possible, maybe a restaurant in Nerima is not beyond the bounds of probability. I wonder if Nabiki could find out about it, or Kasumi, she shops around that area."
They passed beyond the shops, to a residential area, and the Saotome household. [Which, for those who haven't read the manga that far, is a modest 1 story place, set in its own garden]
Deru slowed down as they approached the fence.
"Still worried bro? I told ya Ucchan will be cool about the curse thing."
"It's just she should be home by now. I need to prepare myself." Deru straightened up.
Genma caught up. His expression is avuncular, "A martial artist fears nothing. Be always ready to forge ahead." He takes the lead.
"Yeah, bro. It's not like we've got a contract to be guys or else." Ranma joked.
The words reach Genma's ears and trigger a belated, half formed unease. His ego wandered through his mind, kicking aside unused piles of conscience and guilt, until it found a memory, long buried under a stack of training techniques. It read the contents of the memory, and speed dialled the Genma's survival instincts, almost causing a heart attack. The outward effects were visible as Genma freezing, as he made the connection, then tensing up, in preparation to 'running like hell'.
He turned on them. "Ranma, Deru, we should extend our training trip. I believe Okinawa is very nice at this time of year."
"Uh uh pop. We're home. We're going to stay." Ranma continued onwards, only to be blocked by Genma, ready to fight.
'I've got a bad feeling about this.' Ranma gritted his teeth. "O.K. pop, what's this about? Remember, I can tell when you're lying, your lips move."
"Oh dear. Dad, is there something we should know?" Deru is less obviously aggressive.
"Ahh well.Your mother was unhappy about me taking you and Ranma off on so many long training trips. The first time we left I made a contract. I would turn you both into men amongst men. You both signed it."
"What?" "We never signed anything." The two claimed.
"Ah. You were rather young, so rather than explaining it to you I told you it was a going away letter."
Ranma screwed up his brow. "Nope" Deru is still thinking. "I don't.oh yes! I remember that because it was the first time I'd put my name on a proper letter. Ranma just put a hand print on it. Bro, it's no wonder you can't remember."
"I knew it. Things were just going too well." Ranma shook his head. "O.K. we're ready for the worst. From the way your acting, pop, the or else must be pretty bad. What have you done this time?"
"We promised that if I did not train you to become men amongst men, we would commit sepukku."
"YOU DID WHAT?" the brothers chorused as one, Ranma doing a demon head that would make Soun weep with envy. Then he stopped and burst out laughing. "Bwa ha ha ha.Hang on, our mom, agreeing to that? You really had me going there, pop."
Deru isn't laughing. In fact he's in full scary face, serious mode, "That was most unwise, dad, and most unethical."
Ranma looked at him incredulous. "You're not buying in to this are you?"
"Ranma, you know how mum is about honour. She's very traditional in some ways. It might just be that she did take it seriously. Dad seems to think so."
Genma has the grace to look shamefaced. "Truly, I didn't think it would go this far, but your mother took it to heart. She started carrying around the family honour sword so she could act as our second. At first, every time we came home she questioned me most rigorously on your progress. Thankfully you both met her standards. More recently she stopped, so I decided the danger was past."
"Deru? You spent more time at home than me. You never found out about this?" Ranma's still looking as if they've both gone crackers.
"It's not like it's the question came up. I always knew that I could convince mum to let me do just about anything if I could come up with a reason why it was manly, which is why I used it so rarely. I hate manipulating people like that." Deru shrugged. "I never realised why. I just tried to be that way because I thought it would make mum proud. As for the honour sword. well the one time I did ask I got the answer, 'It is my family obligation. You should understand that.' Well I didn't, but I didn't want to seem the stupid gaijin in front of mom so I just nodded. You know how she used to be with that katana."
"Oh yeah. She was a menace. That thing was always slipping out or something. You and Ucchan must have had it worse, but even I nearly got skewered a couple of times, until you two gave her some basic kenjutsu training."
Genma shuddered, a vision of Nokoda standing over them with her katana as the three of them gutted themselves appearing in his head. "Now you understand why we can not go home. If she saw your curses."
"Don't you think it would have been a good idea to inform us earlier?" asked Deru, staring Genma down.
"I thought the danger was past, so I forgot about it." Genma stated, as if this was normal.
"Oh great! Of all the idiotic, clueless moronic clutz-ups you've been responsible for, this has to take the sweet bun." Ranma growled, vein popping up.
"That is in the past." Genma waved it away. "You see now why it is impossible to go home. Instead we should continue to train and wait for the cure."
"No pop." "Not at all." they replied. Deru continued. "We just walk down the street, through the gate and in the front door."
"I'm not going to hide from mom, not after 6 months away. Not even with this curse. It would be cowardly, weak, unmanly." Ranma took some pleasure in throwing back Genma's favourite sayings.
"I also believe in mum to do the right thing. Whatever happens we will face it, not run away. A very wise person once told me that mum would see beyond the surface of our curses. Besides I will not be separated from Ucchan any longer. I don't care what she thinks of the curse. I'll do whatever she wants to make her happy."
Genma took a stance. "If you go you not only doom yourselves, but your poor father. You will have to go through me first."
Ranma gave an evil grin and cracked his knuckles, "Like that's a problem."
Deru is calmer, but no less determined. "Then we will fight."
The two blurred towards him simultaneously. Genma back pedalled and frantically attempted to block every punch and strike, but to no avail. The end came when Deru dropped and did a leg sweep that took his feet out from under him. As if by some signal Ranma jumped high and went for his head and neck with both feet and fists. Genma went down, swirly eyed and bump headed under the combined pummelling of his sons.
Ranma stretched and grinned. "That felt good. Looks like you always have to defeat your father at the end of a quest, just like in Star Wars."
Deru sighed. "Perhaps we have also saved him from himself. I'll carry him, you carry his pack."
A few minutes later the strange procession came to the Saotome gate. Ranma, carrying one pack on his back and one in his arms, Deru shouldering an unconscious Genma in a firemans lift. No sooner did they step through the gate then a stream of cold water hit them. Ranma, protected by instant nanniichuan was unchanged. Deru unprepared, collapsed under the tripled weight of Genma's panda form and her own bodies shifting reflexes. One arm stuck pathetically out from under the form of the panda.
"Sorry about that! Are you. Ranchan!" Ukyo, in a t-shirt and shorts, though carrying her ever present bandolier and battle spatula, dropped the hose with which she'd clearly been watering the garden. She raced up to Ranma and hugged him. Despite the boyish clothes, her chest was unbound by anything except a sports bra, and there was no doubt about her gender. "You're back. I was so worried, we didn't get any letters or anything." Her Kansai accent sounded particularly pronounced in her excitement.
"Whoa Ucchan. We've had problems." Ranma hugged back.
"We? Where's De-chan and uncle Genma. That fiancee of mine had better have a good explanation. they are both alright?" Her tone, annoyed at first, started to take on some real worry.
A groan, from under the panda, caught their attention.
"Well pop's sleeping off a well deserved pounding, and Deru is probably feeling a little flat." Ranma said as he rolled the panda over to reveal a crumpled Deru who peeled himself off the ground. "Ohhh. Remind me not to do that again." She looked up into Ukyo's face. "Ucchan, love, I guess I have some explaining to do."
Ukyo looked puzzled. "Who are you? And how do you know me?"
Deru's face fell. 'She doesn't even recognise me. What if. No. I promised myself no secrets.' He opened his mouth to speak.
Ranma grinned. "I think you need a change, bro." He pulled a canteen from his backpack and poured some on the distressed blond. Deru's male form filled out his clothes. He looked down then up at Ucchan, looking for her reaction. "Well I had hoped to explain first."
He thought the worst. Ukyo's face was a study in shock. "Dee-chan. That's you? That is so." As she paused to catch her breath, Deru filled in the next word in his head '.freakish, disgusting, embarrassing.' ".cool!"
Deru hit the floor in a massive facefault and Ranma joined him.
Ukyo hauled him up and dusted him off. "How did you do that? And what's with the long face De-light, aren't you pleased to see me?" She grabbed both sides of his head with her hands and planted a kiss right on his lips.
Deru was still a little dazed, but started to put his arms around her and return the kiss.
Ranma flipped up into a standing position. "Put Deru down, You don't know where he's been."
Ukyo and Deru took no notice. Eventually they broke, reluctantly and Ukyo turned on Ranma.
"O.K Ranchan, you explain. Where has he been, and you for that matter?"
Ranma grinned. "Let's get inside and we'll explain." He looked down at his drenched clothes. "After we dry off."
&&&
A table, some lemonade, some kneeling figures and an explanation later.
"Now that is a bizarre story, even by your standards." Ukyo exclaimed
"Blame it on the old panda." Ranma said contemptuously.
"Uncle Genma? Hmm. It kind of suits him."
Ranma smirked. "Now you come to mention it."
Deru is holding Ukyo's hand, across the corner of the table, clearly unwilling to let go. "Ucchan, love, You don't feel any different about me, now you know?"
She gave his hand a squeeze. "Dee-chan, you really are a total idiot. But you're my idiot. I fell in love with Deru Saotome. Nothing that's happened has changed that. The only thing I'm annoyed about is that I've now got a fiancee who's sometimes prettier than I am."
"No.Never. Ucchan, you are the moon, the stars, and lots of other heavenly bodies. You are a heavenly body." Deru smiled. "You are the most beautiful girl in the world." A microphone has appeared in his hand and the background is tending towards hearts and little puffy clouds.
Ukyo coloured slightly, then grinned back. "You say the sweetest things. I knew there was some reason I keep you around."
Ranma watched the eternal love story, slightly smug. 'They won't figure out who borrowed Ucchans diary and left it out. That Umi-ken-sen info really came in handy. Who would have thought mum would be using it for note paper? Let's hope we can sort the rest out that easily.' He gathered his thoughts. "When you two have quite finished, we have other problems." Ranma interrupted the pair. Deru stopped gazing into Ukyo's eyes. "You're right, of course, we've got to be ready for mum."
Ranma was not looking happy. "Explaining our curses is not going to be easy."
Ukyo looked puzzled. "But if you have this curse too, why didn't you change?"
"We've got some packets of a one shot version of the opposite curse. But a dose only works once, and we've got a limited number of 'em." He laid out the canteen. "This has enough for Deru and pop."
"Can I see what you look like?" Ukyo pleaded.
Ranma paused, "I don't like to, but, I guess we have to show mum so." He picked up the jug of hot water that Deru had brought in and poured some into one hand.
"Huh. No change?" Ukyo questioned.
"I just removed the counter curse. Now." He dipped his finger in his lemonade. Instant red head.
"Neat! Oh my, Ranchan, you are so cute! De-chan, lets see you together."
Deru sighed, but used the hot water and cold lemonade to change.
"I was right, you make a very attractive girl. If that's your idea of a curse." she reached out and touched Deru's hair. Deru doesn't look too happy about this assessment.
She turned her scrutiny to Ranma's red mop. "Natural. Lots of girls would kill for that colour. How come it's different to your normal one?"
"Dunno. The guide was surprised too. Normally the hair's the same colour."
Deru interjects. "Could be something genetic, a gender linked recessive, or it could just be the magic doing weird stuff. Ucchan, could we change back now?"
"Sure, De-chan, I was just curious." Deru changed again. "That's amazing, no matter how often I see it."
"Trust me Ucchan, it's not fun. We have to learn to live with it for the moment, but we don't intend to keep it. I'm glad it doesn't freak you out, but. I reckoned you might react the way you did with Kurenai."
Ukyo's face darkened. "You never need compare yourself to that whiney little pervert, Tsubasa."
Ranma looked back and forth between the two.. "Am I missing something?"
Deru shrugged. "It's Ucchan's story. You were still away when it happened."
Ranma looked to Ukyo. "Want to talk about it?"
Ukyo's face had turned to thunder. "Not really, the less I have to even think about that obsessive twit." she gained control of herself. "There's not really that much to tell. Tsubasa was in the same middle school class as me in Kyoto. He was a twisty little cross dresser who had a major crush on me, but I wanted nothing to do with him. He made a very convincing girl. Fortunately I left him back there."
Deru turned back to Ukyo. "As I said, I kept thinking of how I looked like him, in my girl form. I didn't want to bring back bad memories."
"Please, I'm not that shallow, sugar. Besides you look a lot different. It wasn't his costume or looks that put me off him, it was the way he acted. Besides I already had someone, and you haven't changed a bit, curse or no curse."
Ranma hung his head. "It comes back to that. Even without some of the other things dad's done that made it 5 times worse."
Ukyo looked resigned. "What's uncle Genma done this time?"
"It seems mum didn't want us to go on long training trips with the old panda. Somehow he convinced mum to accept a pledge that if we did not turn into manly men, all three of us would commit sepukku. Of course he never thought to tell us this. According to him, mum takes it seriously, dead seriously."
Ukyo pulled a spatula from her bandoleer and starts twisting it into a corkscrew. "That. that. I have a sudden urge to make panda okonomiyaki."
Ranma replied. "We already 'explained' that we were unhappy." He hit his fist in his palm to show exactly how the explanation had been applied.
Ukyo looked downcast. "Ranchan, De-chan, I'm so sorry. You had this hanging over you and all this time I've been acting like it's a new toy."
Ranma countered, "Don't worry Ucchan. This sort of thing is unusual, even for Juban."
Deru stated, "We could have run, but we decided this morning we could do one of two things. Let this thing rule our lives, or deal with it, as a challenge."
Ranma grinned weakly. "And have you ever known us to turn down a challenge? We will deal with this pledge in the only way we can. By facing mum and finding out the truth. Pop may want to hide, but we won't. It wouldn't be. manly." His grin turned wry at his own words. "Speaking of challenges I've been thinking."
"Now that is a challenge!" Deru said automatically.
"My brother the comic! But that's a weapon we can use. Humour. Rather than making a big deal of this we just laugh it off."
"That could work. But first we've got to sort this pledge out. That we have to take seriously." Deru looked the part. "We've got two points to go through. One, did mom really mean it. Remember we only have dad's word, and he does tend to be. somewhat economical with the truth. If she does, we have to convince her that the curse does not constitute breaking the pledge. I've got several arguments, but I'm not sure which will clinch it. It depends on mums definition of manly."
"I still want a piece of uncle, if auntie Nodoka leaves anything." Ukyo's hand spatula is now a pretzel.
"Better turn him human then. After all there are laws about cruelty to animals." Ranma proffered the canteen with the nanniichuan water by it's strap.
Deru was the only one who saw the inevitable coming. "Hey Ranma, be careful with that canteen."
The narrative laws of the Ranmaverse took over at this point. The plastic canteen had taken a considerable beating during the battle with Kuno, especially the strap, which had been under Kuno's last back strike. The weakened strap now finally gave up, tipping the canteen and dumping a quantity of the cursed water into Ukyo's lap.
"Whoops! That." Ukyo's voice stopped as he noticed his, now slightly deeper, tones. His hand went to his chest, which had significantly sunk. The other changes were less noticeable. His features had taken on a slightly more masculine cast, but were still definitely bishonnen. Unlike Ranma and Deru, his height and build stayed the same.
"Ucchan, I'm sorry! " Ranma panicked. He grabbed for the kettle at the same time as Deru, knocking it flying out of the window. The lemonade tumbled too, splashing their outstretched hands. "Gah!" "Bother!"
Ukyo stood up and winced, clutching himself. "Yow!"
Deru practically teleported to his side. "Just sit down and relax. Ranma'll get some hot water." Ukyo complied. "It's O.K De-chan, just. weird. Dad would just love this. He's finally got a boy. I'm afraid I got." he blushed crimson.
"No need to explain. You're not used to." she frantically searched for safe words, ".external plumbing?"
Ukyo was shifting around to try and find a comfortable position. "Neither is my underwear." He actually managed to smile as he said it.
Deru put her arm around Ukyo's shoulder, unmindful of anything but comforting him. "Don't worry, Ucchan, it's only temporary."
"But I see what you mean, De-chan. Just because I had to act the boy, for my fathers sake, doesn't mean I wanted to be one. I won't say it isn't interesting, but I don't want to make a habit of it." He moved uncomfortably, but didn't move out of Deru's grip. Indeed he put his arm around her.
Ranma came back in with some towels. "Don't worry, kettle's on." She stopped to look at them, smirking, "As someone once said, a perfect couple. Come on lovebirds, towels, mess, clean."
Deru red eyed him, but both of them went to work, mopping up the spills.
"Come on bro. What's up, getting in touch with your feminine side." Ranma asked Deru.
Deru grinned. "I think Ucchan was getting in touch with my feminine side. Not that unpleasant actually."
Ukyo glowered playfully. "You just wait. Not that unpleasant."
Deru played up to this. "Wah, my bishonnen fiancee is being mean to me! You know, you're cute when your angry. well you're cute all the time."
"What can I say. It's a gift." Ukyo said, mock importantly.
"I hope you kept the receipt." Ranma returned.
Ukyo groaned. "Now I know why two women under one roof spells trouble. Especially when I'm not one of them." [Kanji joke. That's the symbol for trouble.]
"Easily rectified when the kettle's hot." Deru stated. "It's amazing your male form looks so similar to your normal one."
"Gee thanks, I think."
"I don't mean it that way. I see what you meant. All I can see is Ucchan, the person I fell in love with."
Ucchan's face lit up.
Ranma looked to the kitchen door. "I wish it'd hurry, if mum came in now."
'Oh no.' Deru thought.
"Don't worry, auntie Nodoka won't be back from work for another hour." Ukyo replied.
"You had to say it.Ucchan." Deru winced, knowing what would happen next.
At that moment the front door opened. "I'm home!" came Nodoka's voice.
The three froze.
