This story is going on a mini-break for about a week or so
after this... basically because I won't have the time to write it, I'll be on vacation and
my beta will be on vacation as well. I do have plans to write more, and on vacation I may
even, but until Thursday comes, I have enough to update.
Yeah, so I've turned this thing into a mystery. I'm half torn about starting a sequel
because I really liked the theme of the original story [grief] buuuuut... I don't know. My
beta is useless considering she's already gone. I might continue on this last chapter and
then start it.
The mystery of the tapes is revealed. This is kinda Spuffy-ish. The next part, which will
be considered sequel-ish, will be more Anya-centric.
Reviews are welcome. Thanks to those that already reviewed!
* * * * *
Epitaph V
Buffy was awoken by the sound of rustling papers, which sounded right
next to her head. Rolling over and muttering under her breath, she turned and saw that the
room was empty. It was the strangest feeling, she thought as she sat up, running a hand
through her hair to tuck the strays behind her ears, waking up alone. She had slept last
night as though Spike was beside her, whispering words of comfort and strength, his arms
wrapped around her, soothing, protecting. As she stood up, she had to force the tears from
her eyes. It was hard enough that Spike was gone. Forever. Wiped away like a blissful
dream long forgotten. It was even harder to imagine him back.
She sat down again, recalling a vivid dream, a wonderful romp two years
ago that had ended in bliss. She smiled, wrapping her arms around her. She was almost
willing to go back to sleep just to relive that fond memory.
Buffy stood up and walked toward the door, poking her head out. The
clock at the end of the hall read just after 11 AM. As she descended the last set of steps
leading into the kitchen, she could hear voices. They sounded suspiciously like Willow and
Xander, arguing over who should wake her up.
"Buffy," another voice called out as Buffy turned, seeing
Kennedy walk in sleepily, her arms lazily crossed over her robe. "How wonderful
you're actually awake."
"Yeah," Buffy replied, taking the stool next to Xander as
Willow was beating something in a bowl, muttering about how much she missed using magic
for the simplest things. "What're you making us?"
Willow glanced up, a trace of a smile on her face. "Was going for
nice, fluffy pancakes... until I completely forgot the egg in the first batch. I guess
that the second try should be better. I added a few blueberries."
"Ooooh," Kennedy squealed as she took plates from the heavy
cabinets behind her girlfriend. "Empty calories for us working girls."
Buffy and Xander looked at each other and rolled their eyes.
Giles stomped down behind them, looking grumpy and exhausted, his
freshly washed hair brushed carefully back. "Shower on the third floor's free."
Kennedy gave a tiny whoop of excitement and ran past him, barely
knocking into him.
Buffy and Xander exchanged a second look before turning back to Willow,
who was ladeling pancake batter into a frying pan. Giles walked past them, straight to the
electronic teapot, which he happily plugged in. Turning back to the group, he poured from
the coffee pot into their waiting three mugs. Buffy thanked him warily and sipped at the
scalding liquid. "So, what's up for today?"
"I'm going to attempt to contact the coven," Giles replied,
slipping a teabag into his own mug and sitting on the other side of Willow on the island.
"I am in the process of forming a new watcher's council."
"I'm thinking of going shopping," Willow replied cheerfully,
flipping her pancakes. "I'd like to get some new curtains and a new outfit for my
interview on Wednesday."
"Oh?" Buffy asked, glancing curiously over the rim of her cup
toward the woman. "What for?"
"Curator of a museum," Willow replied. Giles blinked behind
her and turned to face her, beaming his smile and bowing his head.
"I'm proud you've reconsidered that job opportunity, Willow. You'd
make an extraordinary curator."
"I don't have the degree," Willow said softly, almost
apologetically, as she set the spatula aside, "but I've got some credentials. I just
borrowed a page from Anya's book."
The table was silent for a moment until Willow continued on in a rush
of words while piling a stack of blueberry pancakes on a plate. "I just meant that I
was going to sell myself as someone who was competent enough to stand up for a job, to
keep fighting for it."
"You took her words to heart, Will," Buffy said, beaming as
she accepted a plate of hot pancakes. The teapot began to whistle as Giles rose, filling
his cup. "Good luck. And if you want a shopping partner, I'm your woman."
"Okay," said Willow slowly. "I also want Dawn to come.
School starts in a few days and she has almost nothing. Some new clothes, a new backpack
and the contents of the reading list compliments of the Cleveland area public school
district."
"That's fine," Buffy said cheerfully, pulling the manila
envelope closer to her to read over the letter that had arrived earlier in the week.
"What about the other girls?"
"The younger ones have also been enrolled," Willow replied,
adding more mixture to the frying pan as Xander, Buffy and Giles began eating.
"Kennedy and Vi both asked to be enrolled at the local community college, which they
have. And Chao-An is going to take an english-as-a-second-language course at the same
school. I think that's everyone."
"I'll spend the rest of my life working my better years behind a
desk," Xander replied, throwing his cheesy grin.
"You will not," Giles replied, glancing up from his breakfast
as Willow stood over his shoulder, piling more pancakes on his plate. "If the
watcher's council is refounded, you will certainly play a larger part."
Everyone turned to Giles in silence. Xander's fork fell with a clatter.
"It's because of my army training, isn't it?"
Giles nodded slowly, sipping his tea. "You seem the best person
for the job. I'll have my score of slayers and witches, but I need someone not connected
in any way to any power. I need someone with insight. I need someone who has a voice that
can be heard. I need you, Xander."
"I'm honored," Xander replied, his voice tinted with surprise
as he reached for his fork. "And surprised." He paused, taking another bite and
taking his sweet time in swallowing. "And completely accepting."
Buffy laughed, clapping his shoulder. "I knew you could do it,
Xan."
He gave her a wan smile. "Let's see if I really can."
"Anya would say you'd be able to," Willow replied, emptying
the rest of the batter into the frying pan as Vi walked into the kitchen, looking as
though she had just dropped from the ceiling. Dressed in her patrol clothing, she looked
ragged and exhausted. Grabbing a plate, she silently swept through the kitchen and up the
stairs. A moment later, Shannon followed suit, followed by Faith. As Shannon followed Vi,
Faith remained.
"Anya really believed in me, didn't she?" Xander asked,
finishing his breakfast before surrendering his stool to Faith, who took it. Giles handed
her a cup of coffee, which she happily accepted.
"I didn't know much about her," Faith replied, speaking
before the others could. "She seemed like a cool one. A little batty and worn around
the edges, but she really came through for us, fighting on the right side and
everything." She paused a moment before setting her mug down. "I wish she was
here. I miss her sarcasm."
Xander reached over and clasped Faith's shoulder. "We all do,
Faith. We all do."
* * * * *
Buffy and Dawn were walking through the halls of a particularily
crowded shopping mall, bags in both hands.
"Can we take a break?" Dawn asked, fanning herself.
Buffy nodded and they headed toward the food court. After getting an
ice cream, they found a table in a corner. Dawn sat down, breathing hard, digging through
her purse for her list while Buffy sat there, eating her ice cream silently.
"You okay?" Dawn asked in a quiet voice.
Buffy shrugged. "I don't know," she said, her voice tired.
"Everything that's happened in the past few months... Sunnydale, Cleveland,
Spike..."
Dawn's spoon froze in midair. "You saw the tape?"
The hairs on the back of Buffy's neck prickled. "How did you know
about it?"
Dawn shrugged and busied herself with her ice cream for a moment,
before continuing. "I..." she choked out, "I put it there. He told me that
morning, he gave me his duster and the rose... he wanted you to have a parting gift... I'm
sorry your room was such a mess, because I had to find where Andrew put that tape, and I
managed to destroy the others and-"
Buffy cut off her sister's ramblings. "You did what?" It was
hard to believe that Dawn was behind the tapes.
"We all talked about it," Dawn continued, setting her spoon
down. "We thought it best if we took all the extra tapes except for a few... because
it's really bad to keep reminding us of what we left behind. All of us."
"Dawnie," Buffy whispered in disbelief. "How could
you?"
"You know how I felt about Spike," Dawn replied, a bit of
fire in her voice now. "You know I loved him as a friend. He was sweet, and nice, and
he saved my life a lot, but still, Buffy. You have to face the fact that he's dead.
Because I know that you thought of him more as a friend. You saw him as an equal. You
lvoed him for what he was, for what he did for you. He sacrificed himself to save all of
us. That took the greatest amount of courage, and the greatest love of all."
"I loved him," Buffy spat out, pushing her ice cream away.
"He is the last thing I will ever remember about Sunnydale. He was-"
"Hey, you two!" Kennedy's voice rang cheerfully across the
food court. She and Willow made their way through the throng of tables and chairs to the
booth where the Summers' sisters sat. "Ready to head out?"
Buffy looked down and didn't say anything. Dawn sat across, her eyes on
her sister before lifting her gaze to Kennedy's. "We'll be ready in a minute. Can you
give us a sec?"
"Why?" Buffy asked, her voice full of heat as she returned
her gaze to Dawn's. "You don't want them to find out that you were in the mansion,
snooping through bedrooms and destroying personal messages our dead loved ones left for
us?"
Willow's jaw dropped. "Buffy, I-"
"All right!" Buffy cried out, interrupting both women.
"I loved Spike, okay? I wish he was still here. I wish he would hold me again,
because he was the one that gave me the strength at the end. He was the one who watched my
back, no matter how big of a bitch I was. He was the one that believed in me. But he's
gone. All I have is a garbled tape, a rose and his duster, which belongs to Robin's
mother. You want to take away all of the reminders of what I've lost, to what we've all
lost?"
"Buffy-" Kennedy began.
"Then do it," Buffy said, rising to face Willow. "Use a
spell, make a charm. Take away my memories. Take away my dreams. You want me to move on
with my life, with my newfound freedom? I lost someone I loved. I know you know how that
feels." Willow turned pink, looking away. "Dawn, remember when Mom died, how
absolutely terrified we were that nothing would ever be okay again? Do you remember how it
was? We coped. We survived."
"I lost you," Dawn said, enunciating every word slowly.
"How do you think I felt?"
Buffy turned back to her, the beginnings of a tear sparkling in her
eyes. "Did you want to remove every memory, every trace of me?"
"No," Dawn admitted softly. "I wanted you back more than
anything. Because you made the ultimate sacrifice for me."
"Spike did the same thing," Buffy said, letting a single tear
fall down her cheek. She swung her gaze to Willow. "He died a champion and I want to
remember him as one. I don't need final words to tell me how he felt, because I can feel
how he felt."
"He loved you," Willow said, a sad smile brightening her face
as she reached to take Buffy's hand.
"Anya died a noble death," Buffy said after a shuddering
breath, trying to regain her self-control. "She died believing she did the right
thing. She died believing in me, believing in all of us. Xander said she did a stupid
thing. It was all about redeeming herself for all of the bad things she'd done was doing
something good, something that would benefit the world. Spike was the same way."
"He died to save all of us, redeeming himself for hurting you,
hurting all of those he'd hurt before," Dawn replied, rising to her feet and reaching
for her sister. "Buffy, I'm so, so sorry."
Buffy hugged her sister tight. "I love you, Dawnie. No matter what
happens to me. I will always love you."
Willow and Kennedy smiled as the sisters hugged again, then gathered
their bags and garbage to leave.
* * * * *
Buffy sat in her room again that night. Following a quick patrol with
Chao-An and Rona, she was certain that in her heart she'd done the right thing. Her eyes
fell on the video tape at the end of her bed, smashed beyond recognition. Sweeping the
pieces into a garbage can, she sat back, brushing her hands together.
She felt the comforting touch of leather on her side and pulled the
duster in her lap. As she took it, the last few moments of their last conversation flashed
through her mind.
"I can feel it, Buffy," Spike had said, turning to look at
her, his eyes wide with pain and sorrow.
"What?" Buffy's voice sounded far away, as though it belonged
to someone else.
"My soul. It's really there," Spike said, his eyes widening
in realization. "Kinda stings."
She heard Faith calling in the distance, but ignored the sound. She
reached over and intertwined her fingers through his. He turned to her, his eyes wide as
their hands burst into flame, sealing their eternity, all of the tomorrows they would
never have.
Buffy struggled with her next words, even in her spot on the bed
repeating them. "I love you." It was almost a question, finally repeating what
her heart had spoken for so long.
"No you don't, but thanks for saying it," Spike replied, but
in his eyes, she could read it. He was trying to comfort himself, trying to redeem himself
for hurting her. He knew she loved him. It was spoken in the fire burning their hands.
Buffy remembered releasing his hand, and running away. Running from the
one thing she had held for so long.
She glanced at the duster in her lap, brushing her fingers over the
cool leather.
Then lifting up the duster, she lay it gently on the end of the bed.
"I'll never forget you, or what you did for me, for us. I just
hope you know how I really felt and that I wish you were here right now. I miss you."
She leaned over and turned off the light, readying herself for another
night of memorable dreams.
"Good-bye Spike."
