Chapter 9- What Ifs





The sun had set in a blaze of glory, the night rushing in around them.



Hoshi tilted her head up to look at the man that lay with her. The two had lain down on the ground to watch the two full moons rise together.



Trip was still staring at the stars, a look on his face that showed he was contemplating something.



Suddenly he spoke. "Hoshi, how old do you think starlight is?"



Taken slightly aback, she moved her head from his shoulder to look into his eyes. "You're joking right? You're an engineer on a starship and you don't know how old starlight is?"



"Of course I know the scientific findings about it. That it's thousands, perhaps even millions of years old, but I asked how old you thought it was." He turned to look her in the eye.



Raising her hand to her cheek, she leaned down, her elbow supporting her weight. Pondering the odd question, she looked him over. He was genuinely curious as to what she would say.



"I don't know, I guess thousands or millions of years old. I mean, it's scientific proof," She paused. "Why do you ask?"



He sat up a little, leaning on his elbows. Sighing, he looked heaven wards, and then back at her. "I just find it so amazin' that what we see out there could possibly be something that doesn't even exist anymore. I mean, how many of those stars up there are still there? How many civilizations have come and gone, and we never know of them?"



Puzzled by his change in mood, from happy and flirty, to somber and pensive, she reached over at rested her hand against his cheek.



"Does it really matter in the scheme of things," she asked.



"It should, but it probably doesn't. It's just a shame to think about. Just think, what'll it be like in a million years, if humans don't exist anymore? Everything for nothin'." He sighed deeply, gazing out to the stars once more.



"Of course it's not for nothing. It only matters to us, I guess. Perhaps that's always been what it's about. Just try and get through life with as few screw ups as you can, and then fade away. Who's to say that humans won't exist anyway," she responded and he turned to gaze at her. "Besides, all that matters is what is here, and now. Nothing else is real. You can't touch the past, you can't see the future, but you can touch and see the present. Why worry with what ifs?"



He smiled up at her and pulled her down into a hug.



"Anyone ever tell you that you're pretty darn special, darlin'?"



"A few, but it never hurts to hear it again," she grinned.



He pulled her up, so his face was mere inches from hers. She shivered as he spoke, the warmth of his breath caressing her lips.



"You are, very special," he whispered so softly it seemed the darkness swallowed it up.



A tear formed in her eye, and then, his lips were pressing against hers.











Archer looked down at the woman in his arms. Who would have thought a few years ago, that they would be here now?



T'Pol was bundled up in a blanket and cuddled up to his side. Her eyes were watching the moons, but he had a feeling something else was on her mind.



"T'Pol," he whispered.



She looked up at him, an eyebrow rising in response.



"Yes?" he asked.



"Is everything alright?" he asked, hearing no response.



"I believe so. I was just, as you would say, caught up in my thoughts."



"Ah," he grinned. "Anything good?"



She was quiet for a moment, and his grin faded. This was obviously serious. He could see her mentally biting her lip.



"We have gone past the barriers that were appropriate between a captain and a first officer today," she stated.



He nodded, grimly. "Yeah, we did. Do you regret it?"



Suddenly, that was the only question that existed to him anymore. He had to know if she regretted taking that step. If she did, he had no idea what he would do. He couldn't just go back to acting like there wasn't anything between them.



She looked him in the eye and very subtly, almost to the point that Archer wasn't sure if he had seen it or not, she shook her head in the negative.



He breathed a sigh of relief.



"Since I am not technically a part of Starfleet it should not be a problem. However, there are things that you do not know that would complicate a relationship between us, if one were to flourish."



He knotted his brows. "And what would those complications be, exactly?"



She moved until she was sitting up, Indian style. He rose and mimicked her posture.

She looked down at her hands, folding them in her lap. Raising her face, she stared into his eyes, unblinking. He once again understood why many humans felt odd around Vulcans. Their stares were impenetrable, almost like they were looking straight through you into your mind, which technically, she could be. Oh wait, no, she was a touch telepath, but did that mean that she could read his mind now even if they weren't touching.



Her voice interrupted his reverie, "Jonathan." He smiled at her using his given name. "I need you to know that we cannot enter a relationship if all you want is transient. Vulcans do not mate carelessly. When we mate, it is for life." She paused, drawing a deep breath. "When a Vulcan mates, a bond is formed, not only physically, but mentally as well. Most Vulcan mates can read each other's thoughts; this is what we call a bondmate. It is similar to a spouse in your customs."



Archer nodded, gesturing for her to go on.



"I have never, bonded with anyone. I had a potential bondmate when I took the assignment on Enterprise, but when the time came for me to return to Vulcan, I found myself encumbered with the decision to leave and attend to my duties as a bondmate. I spoke with Commander Tucker about it, and he convinced me that ultimately it was my choice. I chose to stay on board and dissolve the bond between Koss and I."



Archer felt a spike of jealousy rush through him when he heard that she had discussed personal issues with Trip instead of him. Almost like she sensed his envy, she shook her head.



"I only spoke with Commander Tucker about the personal matters, because he had invaded my privacy and found out what was happening. He was the only one that knew, and seeing as how I wanted as few people to know as possible, he was the most logical person to discuss the matter with." She looked down and whispered, "He was far from my first choice."



A weight felt like it had been lifted from Archer's shoulders at her confession. He breathed deeply and took her hand.



"Why are you telling me this?" he asked.



She looked up, almost like she was startled.



"It is common knowledge that humans include sexual activities as a large part of romantic relationships. It was only logical for you to know where I stood on that element."



"T'Pol, I would never force you into anything, much less any type of 'sexual activity,' I care too much about you."



She raised an eyebrow and tilted her head.



He bit down on his bottom lip. "I'm not looking for a casual relationship, T'Pol. If I was, I wouldn't be here with you, now. Somehow, you've worked your way into my heart, and I can't see my future without you being a part of it, in any way." He took a deep breath, gathering his courage. "I'm in love you."



"Jonathan, you do realize that love is an emotion, one that I'm not able to return, correct?"



"I know, but I also know that you care about me in some way, otherwise you wouldn't be here with me either, much less telling me all about Vulcan mating." He grinned.



Her face was blank, but her eyes held a glimmer of laughter.



He moved closer to her, taking her face between his hands. His thumb gently massaged her cheeks as he looked into her eyes. Concentrating all of his energy into his thoughts, he sent to her mind the words he wanted her to understand: 'I love you.' He hoped she could hear him.



All his fears were put to rest as he heard her response echo through his mind: 'You are necessary to me.'

Continued in Chapter 10