Descent Into Darkness:

The Diary Of Neville Longbottom



Summary: Just like the title says- At the end of the 7th year at Hogwarts, Neville looks at his life and determines why he is the way he is now. (Dark themes)



Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the plot and this Beatles CD I'm sitting here listening to. The wonderful world of Harry Potter belongs J.K. Rowling. I know if I owned it, I would be rolling in money and...well, that's beside the point. So, on with the story..



A/N: A bit of darkness here, and some cursing here, so if it's not your thing, all I can say is DON'T READ! Oh yeah, and review! That's what the nifty little button is there for, after all! Tell me if you liked or if you thought it sucked, and if so, why. Suggestions welcome.









Descent Into Darkness (Part 1):



Basically, throughout my whole entire career at Hogwarts, I have been cast aside, looked over, and shunted aside as if I was nothing but an unimportant speck of lint on somebody's robe sleeve. Who am I? Neville Longbottom, Gryffyndor 5th year, and fuck-up extraordinaire. I don't know how I, fat little crybaby Longbottom, got sorted into the house of the brave. It has always been a bit of an enigma to me. A thought that I have pondered over all of my seven years here. I must admit sometimes that I have thought about suicide. Not unusual, really, considering all I have endured over my lifetime. But then, I remember, no one would even care, and it would probably be a burden just to be buried and to have a funeral. Oh, please, excuse me, for dying, you know, wouldn't want to bother you or trouble you at all. No one would miss me. I have no friends at all. I mean, of course I have people I see daily, and sometimes talk to, but no friends. No one to confide in, to tell my thoughts to, my wishes, my hopes. Once, or even twice, I've had an in-depth conversation with Hermione Granger (Head Girl), but that's about it. No to tell my fears to, either.





If you had asked what I feared a few months ago, I would have told you Voldemort (or rather, You-Know-Who). But these past few months, I have stopped caring about things. Life, in general. Voldemort doesn't worry me anymore, and neither does Snape. My worries were and are trivial now. I really don't care what Snape says if I screw up one of his "precious" potions. Personally, I would love to tell the old bastard to fuck off one of these days, but I know it would come back to bite me in the ass in some way. He used to terrorize the hell out of me, but then I eventually realized he held no power over me whatsoever. (Besides the obvious.) But enough about him. The end of school is nearing and I still don't know what I want to do when I leave Hogwarts. I know (and people would agree) that I'm too weak and pathetic to become an Auror. And speaking of Aurors, look at what happened to my parents. Another aspect of my life I have no control over. I grew up with my Gran, and even she didn't believe in me. My own family even thought I was a Squib. Honestly! Out of all the years I spent here, nothing even remotely good has happened to me. Unless you count my first year, when I won Gryffyndor 10 points for standing up to my "friends". But even then, I got the Body- Bind curse placed on me when I did that.





With me, when something with even the smallest shred of good has bad with it. (A.N: You can see I'm a bit of a pessimist here, can't you?) My life is pathetic, useless, and bleak. I wonder if I will turn out like Peter Pettigrew (former rat), betraying my "friends" in order to gain what I want. Scratch that. Deserve. I could easily move up the ranks of the Death Eaters and become one of Voldemort's top men. I could be honored beyond my dreams. Maybe then people will stop saying "Poor Neville" and actually wonder what went wrong with me instead of pitying me and feeling sorry for me. All I ever needed and wanted was a friend, someone to talk to, who would accept me. Is that too much to ask? Some would say that becoming a Death Eater would be an insult to my parents' memory, but then again, what memory? I never really knew them. They were just two people who were supposedly my family. Sometimes I wonder where I went wrong, when my thoughts became so dark, but I guess this has been happening gradually. Maybe someday I'll find out. Would I really regret it?





A/N: Damn, Neville's a bit bitter here, isn't he? Well, he's got every right to be. Can't say I blame him, though. If you liked this, I could continue it or do other diaries of different characters. Well, whatever you think... Oh yeah, for those of you waiting on my other story Dangerous Image, just be patient! There's more coming! I've just had a lot to do, and I'm trying to finish a book for my report in English..