Warning: I forgot to put this before!! O.o Anyway, there are yaoi pairings and offensive language - if you haven't understood that yet then... no comment...
Written: June 05 2003
A/N: *drumroll* Chapter 4!! So the plot thickens even more... Please everyone RR. This chapter's beginning is boring, but the ending is pretty good... Just a few comments for the reviewers (*gives chocolates to all*) - skip down if you must...
--NC--: Thanks for the advice! Read the lyrics of 'Breaking the Habit' and it did give me some ideas... it *is* very Sanzo-ish! Hehe...
gallatica: Sanzo does deserve it... a little... I think in Chapter 5 you'll feel sorry for the monk! Anyway, this chapter shows a little of how Goku is feeling, but I think the next chapter explain even more. I'm not sure though, so you'll just have to wait!
Azzie@Az: Silly Sanzo does have a special ring in the phrase! Reading your review made me laugh for half an hour... I guess I'm crazy though ^_^;; Sanzo is slowly starting to come out of denial now... He really is baka sometimes though!
Isil: Let me warn you, things between Goku and Sanzo are going to get worse before they get better... 'Sanzo no baka' couldn't be truer...
Genjo Sanzo: I understand you completely! Goku/Sanzo foreva! ~.- Saru/Kappa *is* strange, but school is boring and I think of strange things when I'm bored... -_-;; Thanks for telling me what "Le Situazioni di Lui e Lei" is called! I watch everything in Italian, so sometimes I don't know the title in Japanese...
Natasha: I love it when people review each chapter separately, don't worry! Once I did it for a story with 8 chapters... I probably gave the author a heart attack! I might be able to pull off the ending you want (which I would like too) without leaving anyone bitter, but I don't know where this story is going yet, so you'll have to wait and see! Thanks for the compliments, but I don't deserve them...
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Chapter 4 - Torn Apart
"Totemo harahetta yo!"
"What? We just had lunch, stupid saru!"
"Who are you calling a saru?"
Gojyo smirked, "Do you see anyone else here that looks like a monkey?" Goku tried to punch Gojyo, who simply held the saru at bay by placing a hand on his head.
"ARGHH! Get your hand off me!" Goku swung his fists wildly but did not even come close to hitting Gojyo.
Hakkai chuckled, "What a nice peaceful day it is, ne Sanzo?" The monk did not respond. They had begun to travel once more after having finished lunch, but without the uneasy atmosphere that had accompanied them in the morning.
When the shouts in the back got really loud, Sanzo yelled without turning, "SHUT. THE. FUCK UP!" Silence reigned one more.
Goku leaned back and sighed, glancing at Sanzo. He was trying to act as normally as possible, for everyone's sake. I have no right to be mad at Sanzo. He made his choice, and I have to accept it. Maybe all this time Sanzo has loved me as a father loves his son... it would be dishonorable to push my feelings onto him.
And anyway, now... Goku looked at the kappa through the corner of his eye and smiled. Then he frowned as a thought struck him. Do I love Gojyo? I think I do, but… Sanzo… the name was bitter on his lips. I must forget him. it is better to love and be loved back, then to love and have nothing in return.
"Hey, saru!" Gojyo leaned closer and broke Goku out of his reverie, "A nikuman for your thoughts!" Then he burst out laughing, "I'd probably get three quarters back as change!" Goku blinked at him, blankly, and the kappa pulled out a nikuman, "So, what were you thinking of?"
Goku grabbed the nikuman and wolfed it all down, "Nothing much."
"HEY! You thief! At least tell me what you were thinking about!"
"Thoughts… these kinds of small things don't matter…" Goku shrugged and repeated his personal motto, "The nikuman was good. That's all."
"One of these days I'll kill you." Goku simply laughed.
Sanzo glanced at the saru out of the corner of his eye and frowned. Something was wrong, but he could not tell what. Every time Goku smiled or laughed with Gojyo, a hand squeezed the monk's heart mercilessly, leaving him gasping from breath. Why do I feel like this?
It was obvious that Goku had transferred his affection for Sanzo to Gojyo, and even though the monk felt that he should be happy, he could not help but feel disgruntled. Well, I have always thought of him as my property…
Sanzo shrugged inwardly. If the saru had really managed to get so close to his heart, it was better that they were broken. After all, the one lesson his master, Koumyo Sanzo, had taught him, was that he shouldn't have ties.
Having ties with others brings trouble, especially a strong bond. Look at Hakkai - he loves Gojyo and suffers every time the kappa goes off with a woman. You would have thought that, traveling as we do together all the time, that idiot would have realized how the healer feels… Love is only a form of pain, nothing else.
Sanzo looked around when he realized that they were slowing down to a halt. Hakkai pointed to the nearby town, "Should we stop here or continue for a while longer? We do need to buy supplies."
Sanzo's only response: "I need to buy cigarettes." With that, Hakkai drove to the town.
The inn they stopped at had four available rooms, and Sanzo rented them immediately. Goku grabbed his key and headed off to his room, and after idly picking up his key, Gojyo followed. Hakkai and Sanzo went out shopping.
When they reached Goku's room, Goku turned to face the kappa, "I need some time alone."
Gojyo shrugged, masking his surprise, and then smiled flirtatiously, "I'll be in my room, if you need anything."
Goku nodded wordlessly. He closed the door softly behind him and threw himself on the bed. Turning over to face the ceiling, he watched the fan above him spin lazily, and then closed his eyes.
Gojyo's so different from Sanzo, so open and friendly. Sanzo's always hiding himself beneath a cold exterior, trying to never let himself be tied down by anyone. And yet- Goku refused to finish his thought.
He lay there with his eyes closed for some time, and then heard his door open and close softly. I wondered how long it'd be before Gojyo came back... Aloud, he said, "What do you want?"
"To speak to you." The voice was different from Gojyo's - it was cold, flat, mocking and loving all in one - it was a voice Goku had known all his life and come to love… until yesterday.
Goku sat up and stared at Sanzo in surprise, "Didn't you go to buy cigarettes?"
"Hakkai will get them for me."
That's right… Sanzo and Hakkai… Goku looked away from the monk and repeated, "What do you want?" The monk did not respond, and when Goku looked at Sanzo once more he could see that the monk had raised an eyebrow sarcastically. Sanzo never answered the same question twice. Goku then growled, "Say what you have to say and be done with it!"
"Spit it out."
"What?"
"What's wrong?" Sanzo realized his voice was rather harsh, but continued anyway, "Your mad, right? That I slept with Hakkai."
Ahh… how much you want me to say yes! Goku smirked inwardly, You want to know that you still have control over me, that you can still use me…
"Well?" Sanzo barely masked his impatience.
"No. I'm not mad. I was, but not anymore. You see, Sanzo, now I have someone else." The words visibly stung the monk, and Goku was glad that he was hurting the monk as much as Sanzo had hurt him. He continued almost gleefully, "Now I have Gojyo."
Sanzo nodded curtly. "Good." Then he left the room. Goku stared at the closed door. Now I have Gojyo. In a while, I'll go to him..
Hakkai, outside the door, held out several packets of cigarettes with a trembling hand. "Here you go, Sanzo." His voice was weak and shaky, but Sanzo did not notice. He simply grabbed the cigarettes and marched off to his room.
Hakkai collapsed on the floor, shock numbing his body. Goku's words pounded in his head incessantly. Now I have Gojyo. Goku has Gojyo. Gojyo has Goku. Before the healer fainted, he smiled bitterly when he realized that he now knew how Goku had felt the night before, when he had accidentally stumbled on Sanzo and himself together.
Gojyo stepped out of his door when he heard a strange thump, and was shocked to see Hakkai sprawled out. Swiftly, he picked up the healer and carried Hakkai back in to his room.
After placing Hakkai on his bed, Gojyo sat down on a chair near Hakkai and watched the peaceful face. He's only fainted… Gojyo was relieved that nothing serious had happened.
Hakkai groaned slightly and opened his eyes, blinking when the kappa's room came into focus. "Gojyo…?"
"Hey there!" Gojyo pulled his chair closer, "You must have fainted or something."
"Ah… hai… sorry… thank you for bringing me here. But maybe I should return to my room now."
Gojyo pushed the healer back down onto the bed with one hand. "You're not going anywhere. You're staying right here and not moving, k? Just sleep."
"Thank you, Gojyo…" already Hakkai's eyes were closing with sleep once more. "I love you…"
"Eh?" Gojyo stared at Hakkai with disbelief, but the healer was asleep once more. Did I hear him say, "I love you"? And did he really mean it? Could it be, that all this time we've been traveling together I never noticed anything…
Gojyo leaned back in his chair and laughed softly, hitting his forehead, Typical me. I never notice what's right in front of my own nose. He looked down at Hakkai and felt something squeeze his heart gently, and was surprised to realize he loved Hakkai. I have loved him ever since I first met his gaze, and he begged me to kill him… how could I have not noticed anything?
Reaching out tenderly, Gojyo brushed some hair out of Hakkai's face and brushed the healer's lips with his own - a chaste kiss. Then he sighed and pulled away. There was nothing he could do about it now.
"I love you too, Hakkai," Gojyo spoke softly, "But I'm sorry. We can't do anything about it. I don't want to hurt Goku's feelings... I won't be like Sanzo."
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A/N: Uh oh... major disaster coming... What's going to happen between Goku/Gojyo+Hakkai?? Hmm... only I know!! Muahaha! (evil laugh - author has gone crazy) Expect next chapter around the 14th of June...
Please review...
