Unlikely Pairing

Warning: Offensive language! Reference to sexual activities b/w two males! Messed up chapter!!

Written: June 08 2003

A/N: Chapter 5 was ready earlier then expected thanks to a certain reviewer *cough cinoz cough* who begged me to update sooner... But then ff.net didn't let me upload, so I am one day late.... *sigh* Begging might not work this time, though... End of year exams are coming up! Blah... Comments to reviewers at the end because I feel like putting them there. ~~~~~

Chapter 5 - No One

Goku leaned against the wall heavily, shrinking back from the kappa's door. Gojyo and Hakkai are meant to be together… it's obvious even for a bakazaru like me.

Biting his lip, Goku tiptoed back to his room and stood there, undecided. Then he launched himself heavily upon the bed with a deep sigh. Now that Gojyo loves Hakkai, I have no one… No one who loves me, no one who wants me, nothing…

An image of Sanzo flashed through Goku's head, and the small saru sighed helplessly. "Maybe… maybe it's better this way," he whispered softly, "because in the end, I think I still love-"

A light tapping on the door made Goku start and Gojyo popped his head in with a tentative smile. Seeing that Goku was awake, the kappa came in and walked over to the bed. He stood for several moments staring down at Goku's troubled face with a curious expression, and then Gojyo plunked himself down on the bed beside the saru.

Goku rolled over and turned his back on the kappa, preferring to stare at the wall instead. "Hey, bakazaru, what's up? Not scared of me, are you?" When Goku did not reply, Gojyo frowned and examined the saru more closely. Shrugging, he ruffled Goku's hair, "Comeon, you can tell me!"

Goku whirled around to face Gojyo and scowled, brushing off the kappa's friendly advances. "Stop it."

A pained expression crossed Gojyo's face and he lay a hand on Goku's shoulder, "What's wrong?"

Goku pushed the kappa's hand away angrily, "I feel numb inside, hollow, lonely - a worthless, empty shell no one wants or needs. I feel as if there is no reason for me to live. So I ask myself, what am I doing here? Why don't I just die? But I can't give up... that would be cowardly, and however low I fall, I will never become a coward. Not like you."

"What… what do you mean?" Gojyo seem lost, confused, and guilty all at once.

Goku sat up and leaned against the wall, "You are a coward. You are afraid to hurt my feelings. I know that you love Hakkai, I heard you speak to him! Just say it and be done with it."

"Goku…" Gojyo placed both his hands on the saru's shoulders and smiled softly, "I am not a coward."

Goku looked startled, "…not?!"

"I am a friend. Yes, I was scared to hurt your feelings, but that is not cowardly, that's just me worrying about you, caring for you…"

Goku blinked away a few tears and refused to look at the kappa. "Fuck you, you liar." Then he jumped off the bed and walked over to the window, turning his back on Gojyo and staring blankly at the night-lit landscape.

Frustrated, Gojyo stomped towards the door and yanked it open, but then he stopped and said over his shoulder, "I never denied loving Hakkai. But that doesn't mean I can't be your friend." The door closed with a decisive click.

"Yeah…" Goku muttered rebelliously, "Great friends I have… what are they going to do now, form a threesome?" Goku snorted in disgust, and then his stomach grumbled loudly. "Maybe eating something will cheer me up…" And maybe it'll make me forget…

Goku stepped out of his room and walked down the hallway. Turning a corner, he banged into someone and was shocked to hear a cold voice grumble, "Watch where you're going, idiot!" Sanzo realized who he was talking to and stiffened.

"Sanzo…" Goku looked up at the monk, who simply closed his eyes and leaned against the wall once more, cigarette dangling from between his fingertips.

"How are things going with Gojyo?" Sanzo's cruel voice wrapped around Goku and strangled the saru. Goku looked away, "Not too well, I suppose?" Sanzo laughed coldly, "Better for Hakkai, since the only one he's ever loved is that kappa… Such idiots…"

"Shut up."

Sanzo sounded bitter, "Did you know, Goku, that even when I was sleeping with Hakkai, he called out for Gojyo?"

"Shut up!"

Sanzo laughed once more, "How does it feel, knowing that no one wants you?" Food forgotten, Goku raced back to his room and slammed the door. Sanzo stared after the saru with a satisfied smirk, and whispered, "I'm glad you know how it feels, Goku. Now you will suffer like I have."

Goku leaned against the door, breathing heavily as tears raced down his cheeks. He fumbled around for the light switch but could not find it. He sank down to the floor and closed his eyes, rocking back and forth as Sanzo's words echoed in his mind.

How are things going with Gojyo? Not too well, I suppose?

"Shut up…" Goku moaned softly, covering his ears.

Better for Hakkai since the only one he's ever loved is that kappa… even when I was sleeping with him he called out for Gojyo!

"Shut up…"

How does it feel, knowing that no one wants you?

"SHUT UP!!" Goku stood up, and turned to face the door. Then he slammed his head against the hard wood and fell backwards, stunned by the blow. His head began to throb and Goku felt a trickle of blood smear down the side of his face. But now, at least, he couldn't hear Sanzo's voice.

Goku lay on the ground, panting and whimpering, until a thought struck him. If Gojyo was the only one that Hakkai ever loved, then Sanzo and Hakkai do not love each other! Elation filled him, but then he sank down, depressed again. Sanzo hates me now, because I… I told him I loved Gojyo… But maybe if Gojyo and Hakkai get together, then I'll have a chance with Sanzo…

Goku could not describe how he was feeling - he seemed both happy and sad contemporarily, and he could not control himself. He laughed and cried, and laughed and cried, and soon the two intense emotions mingled so thoroughly he laughed for his sorrows and cried for his joys.

He sobered suddenly and spoke aloud, "Sanzo hates me for sure. And Gojyo… he's my friend, and so is Hakkai, but I will never be able to stand being so near to Sanzo, and yet so far…" Then he stood up, a decision made. Goku closed his eyes to stop the room from spinning, and made his way to the window. He looked out and smiled.

Just as well we're only on the first floor.

~~~~~
A/N: Sorry the chapter was a bit short... A chocolate to anyone who guesses what Goku's going to do! (It's very very obvious). Sanzo was a b@$t@rd, I know... I couldn't help it! I have this idea for another fic where Sanzo = really mean and maybe it's rubbing off... In a way, though, he has every right to be mad... he's heartbroken!! *kitsune-oni doubles over, laughing* Anyway, to the responses to reviews, which I can't live without... can't help it...
sanzo-chan: Thanks for the encouragement! And of course Sanzo/Goku is the best!! Sanzo/Goku foreva! ~.-
chinoz Happy now? I continued!! Hehe... Glad to see someone likes my fic, even though it made them go crazy... *sigh* the fic must be so confusing that anyone who reads it goes completely nuts trying to understand what's happening... ^^
gallatica: *looks up from stuffing chocolate in mouth* Franx fro re blebuu!! *swallows* I mean, thanks for the review... (chocolate freak here) Sorry that Sanzo/Goku didn't get together in this chapter, but I had to have them have an argument first!! At least now they're both free for each other!!
Isil: Everything is Sanzo's fault!! He couldn't even be nice to Goku in this chapter!! But maybe now you can understand why he's so bitter... ^_^ I _am_ evil (*grins evilly*) especially to characters in fanfics... or maybe, I'm just crazy...

Genjo Sanzo: Can't tell you what will happen or I'll ruin the suprise!! I hope a Goku/Sanzo ending too... you never know with a strange story like this though! I love it when the situation gets worse...
--NC--: (whats with the "--" thing anyway?) *grins, evil glint in eye* I love making them all suffer... I liked the three-way idea and driving Sanzo over the edge, and then when I was writing ... I couldn't help but make Goku wonder about it... but no, it wouldn't work... *sigh*
Azzie: Back to college? Blah... ^_^v that sux.... anyway thanks for the review, hope you liked the chapter, and hope you review soon!!
Win: Hope you don't forget to review this chapter too!! Feeling better for Hakkai, now? He's got what he wanted! I'll have to see about miracles, though... what type were you thinking of?
Muchacha: Seriously! Every time I have tried Gojyo/Goku when I am brainstorming, Hakkai gets in the way... But in the end I like Gojyo/Hakkai better.... Sanzo was even worse this chapter, but he'll get better/nicer/etc sometime soon... maybe in two chapters?

AHHH! 360 words just talking randomly!! Someone stop me from- *Sanzo appears behind kitsune-oni with gun pointed at head* "Review or the fox here dies!!"