A disillusioned Cloud sat in front of his computer and typed an e-mail to the creator of the Aeris resurrection page. "Dear Sir, after two failures using your so-called resurrection methods, my friends and I have come to believe that there is no way to revive Aeris."

His mouth hung open, however, when he saw the reply...

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Yes, Virginia, there is a way to revive Aeris. It exists as certainly as the Topaz WEAPON and platinum chocobo and a way to get Sephiroth to join your party exist, and you know that it abounds and gives to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no way to revive Aeris! It would be as dreary as if there were no Clouds. There would be no third-rate Internet rumors, no fanfiction, no huge threads on message boards to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in plot development and symbolism. The external light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

No way to revive Aeris! Thank Jenova! she lives and lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay 10 times 10,000 years from now, she will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

P. S. no more flamez plz :)

******************************************************

"Hmm..." Vincent read the message over Cloud's shoulder. "Looks plagiarized."

Cloud just couldn't give up on Aeris without at least looking to see if the other methods were at least possible. He scrolled down the Rumors page, scanning as he went.

"To revive Aeris, go to the center of the star-shaped mountain range..."

"To revive Aeris, send 300,000 gil in an unmarked envelope to..."

"To revive Aeris, have Tifa take a mastered Knights of the Round materia to the Honeybee Inn..."

"To revive Aeris, fly around Cosmo Canyon 255 times..."

Cloud banged his fist on the desk. If there was a way to revive Aeris, why did all these sound so stupid? Disgusted, he left the computer and went outside.

As he sat alone looking at the sunset, he wondered why he even believed the rumors in the first place. Aeris had returned to the planet with Sephiroth's defeat. Yes, Aeris's death was a sad thing, but there was nothing he could do about it now. Now that Sephiroth and Jenova were destroyed, her death was avenged. The only thing he could go for her was let her memory rest in peace.

Half a world away, in a dark cave, a man in a black cloak stood holding a small gray device. "This is it," he said with joy. "Yes. With this device, this GameShark, I can revive Sephiroth and conquer the world."

He pressed a few buttons, then sat the device on the ground. The very floor of the cave broke open, and Mako Energy from the Lifestream concentrated itself before him. He could see the energy taking physical form inside the green whirlwind. From the swirling mass stepped a pink-clad flower girl, holding in her hand a small white flower.

"Where... where am I?"

The man picked up the GameShark. In frustration, the man hurled the thing into the cave wall, smashing it into a million pieces. "Stupid piece of junk."

~ THE END

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(Notes: Thank you for reading. The reply is a mangled version of the famous editorial by Francis P. Church. I hope you enjoyed my little anti-rumor fic.)