"This is not a fairy tale. This is not the movies. This is life. It hurts more. It's excruciating. It's excruciatingly beautiful."
-Violet and Claire
Sesshomaru awoke, a cold sweat shining on his body. His breathing was a bit labored and he could hardly move for the pain. Of what? The answer lay deep within him.
"Is it all for naught, then?" he murmured, glancing at the woman, a vision of loveliness next to him. He gently brushed back the bangs from her face and snuggled closer to her, needing to feel her against him. As she wrapped her arms about his waist and her legs intertwined with his own, Sesshomaru allowed himself a small sigh.
"I love you," she murmured throughout the night air, her whimsical voice cascading through the room like a waterfall in her beautiful and devastated homeland.
"No, no," Sesshomaru murmured. "Love is not all for naught then…"
For God Knows even angels fall….
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Even Angels Fall
You've found hope
You've found faith,
Found how fast she could take it away.
Found true love,
Lost your heart.
Now you don't know who you are.
She made it easy,
Made it free,
Made you hurt til you couldn't see.
Sometimes it stops,
Sometimes it flows,
But baby that is how love goes.
You will fly and you will crawl;
God knows even angels fall.
No such thing as you lost it all.
God knows even angels fall.
It's a secret no one tells;
One day it's heaven, one day it's hell.
It's no fairy tale;
Take it from me,
That's the way it's supposed to be.
You will fly and you will crawl;
God knows even angels fall.
No such thing as you lost it all.
God knows even angels fall.
You laugh, you cry, no one knows why
Behold the thrill of it all...
You're on the ride
You might as well
Open your eyes
You will fly and you will crawl;
God knows even angels fall.
No such thing as you lost it all.
God knows even angels fall.
Even angels fall
Even angels fall
-----Jessica Riddle
So, I hope you all enjoyed my fic. It took a long time and the reason why it took so long to post the ending was because I was trying to figure out how to end it. I hope people don't kill me.
And…I am planning another Kagome/Sesshomaru fic that will, I promise, turn out better than this one did. Watch out for it…it will be coming out soon! Thanks!
But enough of that. The real reason I have this not is because I want to educate you on the real Kagome and the life people in El Salvador must face.
I based Kagome off of the woman's daughter who saw the six Jesuits being murdered. The daughter was only about three at the time, but she was there. Along with the murdering of the six Jesuits, the Jesuit's cook and her daughter were also murdered in the UCA, the largest college in El Salvador. The date was November 16, 1989.
So, I will just add this bit of a presentation I wrote on my experience to El Salvador. I hope you can see the truth from my eyes. It was written a while ago…so the events aren't recent…
If you would like to read further into this…two books I recommend are
One Day of Life by Manilio Argueta
and…
The Massacre at El Mozote by Mark Danner
They are truthful, but intense. I wouldn't read them unless you have a strong stomach and a true interest. And now for my presentation…
"You don't know the whole story. Bien. But this is what I know. This is what I saw." John, our contact and leader in El Salvador spoke those immortal words this past summer on our two-week stay. After the most intense trip of my life, I hardly knew how to begin to describe what I felt in that country. The only glimmer of understanding I can bestow is in letter format, written 2 days after I returned. I wrote this letter to my friend, Sarah, after she asked me to explain the trip to her. It is very much an immediately after-the-fact letter, but I feel it accurately portrays the feelings that still stir in my heart about El Salvador. So I share it with you.
Dear Sarah,
Well, I don't know what to
say. El Salvador was an experience to remember. I had laughter, and
good times, and there were some sad times as well. I learned so many
things that I cannot even begin to process all the information that has been
forced upon me in such a short time. But here goes nothing.
Going to El Salvador taught me
beauty. I have a renewed respect for everything around me. In that
country, everyone is beautiful for whom they are, not what they look like. You
can't imagine what a different place it is. The simplest things are beautiful.
The smile on people's faces, the way everyone says hello to you on the street,
the way the children love to talk and play with you even though they speak
better Spanish than you ever will. The way the people sell their wares at
the market, the way they make tortillas and rice, the way they wash
clothes. The scenery is even more beautiful, with its luscious trees;
everything is so green and full of life, vibrant. And the stars,
the stars are wonderful. So clear and full of light.
And El Salvador taught me about
life. No matter what has happened to these people, the Civil War in their
country, the fight for their lives, the awful torture they survived, their
outlook never changes. They are happy with what they have, and just happy
to be alive. It makes my struggles seem petty and unimportant. I
remember having issues about my clothes and my body. It just made me
think. These people fight to live each day. Each day is another
struggle, another burden, and they face it with a smile, a laugh, a hug.
And I must admit, I compared lives. I compared our material assets, our
homes, and our schools. What hurt me the most was the comparison of
relationships. In other areas, where I thought I clearly came out the better,
there seemed a lacking in this category. With families crammed into one
room together has brought them closer than I would ever be with any of my
family, maybe even my future husband. And it wasn't just the physical
intimacy they had; it was the emotional intimacy as well. They sincerely
cared about each other. Not just family members, but friends as
well.
And El Salvador taught me about
myself. It stripped away petty feelings, and heartaches, and stupid
crushes. It taught me how to really love. And not romantic love,
but I know this may sound cheesy, but agape. Agape is meant for everyone,
no matter what they do or say to you. And it is truly a beautiful thing
when you can love your enemies. And that is what the Salvadoreanos did,
they loved us, the Americans, the gringos who funded and trained the soldiers
who murdered, raped and pillaged their country.
And El Salvador taught me to hurt.
It showed me true suffering, true loss, true pain, true torture. The
pictures of the six Jesuit priests who were brutally murdered by soldiers are
still vivid in my mind. Blood, carnage and pieces of bodies
everywhere. I remember thinking that this was the most disgusting thing
that I have ever seen, and I would never wish that on my worst enemy, not even
the murderer or rapist of a close family member or friend. And how could
soldiers do this to someone they don't even know, who were peaceful, who were
fighting a fight for freedom?
And finally, El Salvador taught me about
trust. In the town of Guarjila, where there are ex soldiers and ex
guerilla fighters, I felt safe with my Tamarindos and their family. Even
when we were driving in San Salvador, which is like a larger and more chaotic
San Francisco, I felt safe with Gio as our driver. He made crazy
maneuvers, decided stoplights were optional, and I still felt safe. I
trusted my story and my heart with my family, and everyone on the trip with
me. I trusted my well being in everyone around me, and they took care of
me; body and soul. I may not have connected with everyone on the trip,
but I will always feel a special bond with these people that only we can
share. We traveled to a foreign country, we shared our stories, we shared
our lives for two weeks. None of us had to be there; it was something we
all chose. And I would trust my life with any of them. And that is
because of agape. Because of the people. Because of El
Salvador.
I have learned so much, I cannot process
everything at one time, but this wisdom has many years to percolate in my mind,
in my soul, in my heart. And I promise to share everything I learn.
Always your friend,
MC
Even after all that, I still don't know the whole story. And neither do you. El Salvador isn't the fairyland I once believed it to be. It is a real country with real problems and real people who have to face them. I cannot put these people on a pedestal because of what they survived. I can only relate and share their story. And I am accomplishing this by standing here today.
I sometimes feel the only tangible evidence of our trip is a few knick-knacks we bought, a quote book, some obscure drawings by the children of our families, and a journal. But whenever I see the people who went with me, I realize that we all are the tangible evidence of our trip. John urged us that "our job is to tell the truth." We are all here, offering the truth of our experience. It may not be the same as everyone else's, but this was mine. Like John said, "this is what I know. This is what I saw."
Thank you.
And now I share my story with you. Thank you for reading.
-MC
