Disclaimer: You know wut it's gonna be, so I don't feel like typing it..

As usual, no flames, but, please, do review my pathetic excuses for stories.Haha, j/k.Yeah, um..ok..

Tell me whether this is worth burning or keeping up or continuing, thanks, ur "support" means so much to me.I am not worthy.

Been reading too many Dilbert comics lately.

And as you read, keep these questions in mind:

+Where did Legolas' tampons go??? +Where is Aragorn's royal Viagara??? +Where are Sam's prized spatulas??? +Where are Gimli's coloured contact lenses??? +Where have Merry & Pippin been lately??? +Where's Gandalf's diet Prozac??? +Where's Boromir's trusty rusty unicycle??? +And where the hell is FRODO'S GUCCI BAG?! (oh yeah-and with the ring inside of it!!!)



Lossst Preciousssessss



Legolas Greenleaf, fair, young, princess-er, um.prince of Mirkwood awoke with a start. "ORCS!!! ORCS!! ORCS!! ORCS ARE COMING!!" (S)he screeched, waving his/her arms around frantically, whacking a sleeping( or was sleeping) Frodo on a more sensitive part of his hobbit body.

"DAMMIT!! You elven princess!! It's enough having you along, complaining all the way how you're having cramps, and that we need to stop at a local village to pick up some Midol and heat patches for your damned period!! Then, getting all that crap isn't good enough!! Just as we are well on our way again-LO AND BEHOLD!!! Fair Princess Legolas of Mirkwood NEEDS EVEN MORE TOILETRIES!!!!" an enraged Frodo shouted, mockingly, at the horrified elven prince-ss.

"Well, SoOoOOo-Oory!!! I didn't mean to hit poor, innocent, oh-so- important-ring-bearer, attention-hogging, little Frodo Baggins of BagEnd on his beloved HOBBIT FEET!! Which I think you dirty little hobbits take pride on far too much to do you meddlesome creatures any good!! At least I request the need for toiletries, unlike SOME PEOPLE who can stand the thought of going 1 DAY, CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?!! ONE FULL DAY!!! A WHOLE DAY without a decent exfoliating bath, deep conditioning for the gorgeous full- of-body-and-finesse-hair, of course-if your hair was beautiful to begin with., deep pore cleansing facial, foot massage, manicure-with those cute FRENCH tips, I might add, pedicure-with those same pretty French tips, brushing your teeth with Crest Dual-Action Whitening at least 3 times a day, plucking your eyebrows to prevent the much dreaded unibrow, shaving-at least for you men.we elves do not require such a horrid task, besides, I heard razor burn stings like an elven arrow through the heart-ooh, to think of such dreaded things is beside me!! Look at what you've made me do FRODO!!! Anyway, I'll kindly update you later about what toiletries I prefer to use on a daily basis. You all obviously need to freshen up a bit- on everything." Legolas retorted, before (s)he had gone blabbing on and on about what necessities made his/her life work out.

"Oy Legolas!! You've made my life so much better now, now that I am grossly informed of such necessary daily bodily nourishments! I don't know what I'd do without your helpful beauty tips, just the thought of going a day without a full body makeover is BESIDE ME!!" Frodo shouted back, sarcastically and mockingly in a high-pitched girly tone similar to that of Legolas'.

"Why, you're quite welcome Mr. Baggins of BagEnd!!!" Legolas cheerfully responded, his/her face lighting up with a smile that nicely showed off his/her cute dimples. (S)He obviously didn't catch onto the sarcastic and biting tone offset by the strained girlish voice Frodo displayed.

"THE STUPIDTY!! I simply refuse to believe this horrendous creature an elf!! I have seen through years of experience that there are none other like him.her-IT!!! WHY?! Oh WHY?! WHY DID LORD ELROND OF RIVENDELL ASSIGN US THIS HEINOUS TASK OF BRINGING LEGOLAS ALONG AS PART OF OUR FELLOWSHIP?!?! WE HAVE YET TO ARRIVE AT LOTHLORIEN, AND THIS IS HOW INCREDIBLY BAD IT ALREADY IS!!! I DON'T DARE THINK OF WHAT GRIEVOUS TIMES WE MUST SUFFER IN MORDOR ALONG WITH THAT PURELY EVIL CONCOCTION OF MARTHA STEWART MIXED WITH THOSE BLASTED "PERFECT" PREPPIES WITH A TOUCH OF MORTIFYINGLY UNREAL COMPLEXIONS OF THOSE NEUTROGENA GIRLS, KNOWN ULTIMATELY-AND TO THE DEATH OF ME AS- LEGOLAS!!!" Frodo concluded, out of breath with his face an unnaturally bright shade of red, hair sticking out every which way, drops of sweat trickling down his face, and his little fists clenched, as if threatening to strike anyone who dared come near him while on the verge of an insane fit.

Legolas sank back against the rough bark of a nearby tree, with a sad, brooding look upon his/her lovely face. (S)He heaved a heavy sigh, forcing back the tears welling up in his/her bright blue eyes. His/Her scrunched up brow and full lipped pout made him/her seem all the more appealing; to Frodo s(he) seemed all the more feminine, pitiful, and unusually annoying. (S)He had not been shouted at in such a manner by his/her peers before, especially not because (s)he h seemed all the more feminine, pitiful, and unusually annoying. (S)He had not been shouted at in such a manner by his/her peers before, especially not because (s)he had merely been offering his/her view of what one needed to survive. (S)He quietly took her brush out of her Tommy Hilfiger bag, and began absentmindedly running it through his/her long silky hair. All of a sudden, (s)he stopped, remembering the contents (s)he noticed when (s)he took out her brush.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!"

The piercing scream was heard for acres and acres. It wouldn't have been much of a surprise if Lord Elrond's morning tea were interrupted by it.



"WHERE DID MY TAMPONS GO?!" Legolas shrieked, the force of it knocking back poor Frodo and anything else standing.

Obviously, the rest of the Fellowship had already awakened, and had been watching the heated argument since the cry of 'Orcs!' from the now most distraught elf. They had decided they best not intermingle, for fear of thrown beauty products or even worse, thrown Hobbit. So they decided for their sake and Middle Earth's sake, just to leave them as they were- shouting in fits of fury and blood boiling and disturbing the peace in a most, well, disturbing fashion.

Suddenly, the battle cry of Orcs could be heard, and all else was forgotten, for now, for not just Legolas' precious tampons were missing, but other things as well.. Tune in next time as the fate of the 4 hobbits, 2 men, 1 wizard, 1 dwarf, and 1 extremely pissed elf with PMS..'Til next time my friends, so long, and take care.



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Hahaha, how'd ya like that cliffhanger eh? AND YOU'LL BE KEPT IN SUSPENSE FOR ANOTHER 3 WEEKS!! HAHAHA!! SO TO ENSURE THAT I UPDATE, REVIEW GENEROUSLY AND CHRONICALLY!!! SO LONG MIDDLE-EARTH!! I'M GOING TO CHINA!!! ;p