Disclaimer - If I owned Gluhen I would decrease the damn angst by 80%. As it is, I do not and therefore cannot.
This story takes place after Gluhen ends. I have not seen the episodes, but I have read synopses. Any mistakes I trust you will be kind about.
Afterglow
By Felflowne aka Espion
Chapter 10
The impossible is often the untried
Ken woke up first. The pattern of the morning light through the bars confused him for a second… then he remembered where he was. He was at Kritiker, and…
To his amazement he felt something shift slightly against him. He turned and nearly choked.
Omi?
Mamoru appeared to have fallen asleep on him. His head was on Ken's shoulder and one hand lay unconsciously over Ken's own. He was completely out of it.
He's so tired… I wonder if he actually has the time to sleep anymore?
Ken resisted the temptation to touch the boy, however much he wanted to. It would be so simple too, just to reach forward and brush his cheek… No!
This was not good. Mamoru could not wake up this way. As much as it warmed Ken's heart to see that some part of his love remained, he had to gently ease him away.
His heart seemed to jump into three four time as the other boy protested sleepily to being laid on the ground.
'Ken…' he whispered drowsily, '…cold…come back…'
But his hand did not reach out. He seemed to be waking up. Ken sagged with relief. He had removed Mamoru from his side just in time, although his warmth remained, mocking him almost.
'Huh?' Mamoru blinked adorably in the couple of seconds before he was completely awake. Ken made a mental note to remember how he'd looked just then, and recall it if he ever needed confirmation that Mamoru was human, after all.
Mamoru was awake now. He looked around him and remembered where he was. He cast a glance at the prisoner, who was now sat looking toward the window, although he could not see out of it.
'What time is it?' he asked. Ken looked at his watch.
'Seven thirty,' he replied, and Mamoru nodded.
'I fell asleep here. I must've been talking far too much last night.' He involuntarily raised his hand to his shoulder.
It's so warm… Why, when the floor is cold?
Ken looked at him.
'I think you needed to talk to someone.'
Mamoru had no answer for that, so instead he busied himself unlocking the door.
No, not just anyone… I wanted to talk to you so badly… No, that's not true. I'm fine on my own. I can cope. I'm not a child.
Repeating these last three phrases inside his head like mantras, he opened the door, and went to walk away before Ken called him.
'Where's Alishe?'
Mamoru turned.
'In the sanatorium.'
It wasn't a guess. He wished he'd had more control over her interrogation. It hadn't been necessary to use all the methods. He didn't even think she had any useful information.
Ken looked confused.
'The what?'
'The san. A type of sick bay.'
At this Ken guessed what kind of interrogation they had used. Anger rose in him, but he managed to keep his voice level as he asked, 'Can I see her?'
No, he can't. He's not allowed out of here! Don't let your weakness cloud your judgement! He's a prisoner! Not free to come and go as he pleases!
It took quite some effort to ignore all of that.
Mamoru nodded.
**
Alishe opened her eyes as the door banged open.
'Ah, it appears that my roommate is up.' She grinned weakly.
Her head was wrapped in bandages, which extended down over her left eye. Her right eye seemed swollen and there was a bruise appearing on her neck.
Scum, thought Ken furiously, You scum to do this to her…
'I know what you're thinking, but actually I got off easy…' Her voice trailed off. Ken was amazed. She looked positively blissful.
'Something good happen, hmm? Hmm?' He asked curiously, but Alishe shook her head.
'I'll tell you later… maybe.'
'What are they going to do with us?' asked Ken, looking around.
'We're letting you go.'
Ken turned. Mamoru and Nagi were in the doorway. Alishe turned to Ken.
'I'm abandoning my mission, Ken. I can never get the person I want... he's dead. I need to move on.'
Ken nodded, still unsure as to what exactly was going on.
'You're letting us go?' He asked incredulously, 'after what happened?'
'What happened was a misunderstanding,' said Mamoru calmly, 'Nagi has explained the situation to me.'
Ken snorted.
'Wish someone would explain it to me.'
'Alishe-san needs to stay here for a bit until she's healed enough,' said Mamoru, and unless Ken's ears deceived him, there was a trace of feeling in his voice now that hadn't been there last night.
Omi…if only you were Omi-kun to me again…
He shook his head, not to disagree but to dislodge the annoying thought.
'You promise you'll let her go?'
Mamoru nodded.
Ken turned to Alishe, still worried.
'Are you…?'
Alishe laughed.
'Ken-kun, stop worrying! I'll be fine… I trust them.'
Ken eyes widened. This was a turnaround.
'Go home, the microwave's probably missing you,' she added in a typically off-the-wall fashion.
Ken nodded. She was really okay. He didn't understand why, but she was so happy it was as if a light was shining out from inside. He stood up, and smiled.
'Alright. I'll see you when you get back.'
'Great,' she said, 'leave the cat-flap open, I think I've lost my key.'
**
A short while later, Mamoru escorted Ken to the front door. Ken stepped out of the door quickly, expecting it to be slammed behind him, but it wasn't. What was more, Nagi had not come with Mamoru, he was nowhere to be seen.
Mamoru held out his hand, and Ken, confused, took it.
They shook hands. Mamoru gripped his very hard, although his expression didn't change. Then he stepped back and shut the door.
Ken sighed and began to walk towards home.
**
Mamoru began to walk back towards his office, but as he walked he reached into his pocket and withdrew a handkerchief and rubbed his hands, as if he were cleaning off some dirt.
**
It was only when he'd fought his way into the apartment and sat down that he noticed.
Reaching for the remote, Ken noticed that his hand had left a blue smear on the sofa. Confused, he turned his right hand over, and his eyes simply refused to believe it.
On his palm, smudged but readable, was an address and a time. The writing was clumsy, as if…
As if it had been written backwards, which of course it had.
Ken peered closer at the address, yes, he knew where that was.
Mamoru gave me this address… He wants to meet me? Why didn't he just ask? Maybe he was being watched. Very clever…
He swallowed. He didn't know how to feel, but then decided on happy. He didn't care how Mamoru felt about him… He just loved being near him. Maybe he could get a job at Kritiker… No, he didn't want to have anything to do with Kritiker anymore…
Maybe… Maybe then, this was the last chance he would have to speak to Mamoru alone.
That had to be it.
The address was on the other side of town. With no means of transport except his own steam, Ken supposed he had better go now.
As he slammed the door to, he wondered what was going to happen when he got to his destination…
**
Ken checked and re-checked the address when he arrived.
Good god… This place is enormous…
He rang the doorbell, feeling very awkward. This was not helped by the fact that he didn't recognise the woman who opened the door. She wore traditional Japanese costume, and Ken assumed she was a type of maid, which she was.
'Konban wa,' she said, bowing, 'please do come in.'
He returned the greeting and stepped inside. As soon as the door was closed the lady turned and walked away. Apparently she was not concerned with what people did after they came in, as her job was just to greet them and let them inside.
As Ken was wondering what he should do now, another figure emerged from a side door. This person was wearing a less traditional green shirt and jeans. It was Mamoru.
For a second nothing happened, they just stared at each other.
'Um.' Ken said finally, utterly bewildered, 'was I supposed to come here?'
'I hoped that you would,' said Mamoru simply. He turned.
'Please follow me,' he added.
Ken did so, trying not to think of how close they were. This could not be good for his mental health.
He was distracted momentarily by Mamoru opening some sliding doors. Outside them was an amazing garden.
Wow…
He followed his guide for a while (the garden seemed to go on forever) until they reached some trees that were covered in blossom. Here, Mamoru sat down. Ken copied him. This slight bump set what seemed like millions of petals into downward, spiralling motions.
Ken watched as the blossom traced infinitely complex patterns in the air.
'This place is beautiful,' he said in a complimentary tone. The other boy looked up.
'I don't notice it.'
'Too busy?'
'Something like that.'
They both watched a small fountain for a while.
Eventually, and surprisingly, it was Mamoru that broke the uncomfortable silence.
'I'm sorry, Ken-san. I really don't know what to say.'
Ken looked amused, despite himself.
'Well you can drop the -san, for starters. I've gotten used to being called "hey you" by most people.'
'What's prison like?' Now he sounded almost like a little boy.
'It's whatever you make it,' said Ken, leaning back against a tree. It was odd, he reflected, how relaxed he felt here.
'For some it's their worst nightmare, but for others, they deal with it.'
'Did you deal?'
'Most of the time.'
There was a pause.
'Ken?'
'Yes?'
'Why do you still love me?'
Ken swallowed.
That was the reason he called me here…
'I'm afraid I don't have the strength to just stop short. I don't think I'll ever have the strength to stop. I suppose I'm just pathetic.'
After a brief silence, Mamoru said, 'no.'
Ken looked up.
'No, you're not pathetic, not at all. You're strong… So much stronger than I am.'
'Mamoru-sama…' Ken began, but the other boy seemed to flinch.
'Just…don't!'
Ken looked away again.
He flinched away from me… He actually did…What did I do…? What did I do to make him hate me so much…?
He blinked away tears shamefully.
'I'm sorry,' said Ken sadly, 'I don't know what I did to hurt you.'
'Just…Just Omi is fine,' said the boy quietly.
Ken blinked dumbly, 'Omi?'
'Yes. Please call me that, not Mamoru.'
'Yes, of course…but…' he laughed softly. Omi turned.
'What is it?'
Ken smiled, 'Omi-sama sounds really odd, you know? But I'll get used to it.'
To this, Omi shook his head.
'You don't need the -sama either, really.'
'But that would seem like you were…' Ken stopped. He couldn't finish that sentence.
What are you going to say? 'Like you were my Omi again?' Get real.
He realised that he had just stopped with his mouth open so he shut it with an almost audible snap.
Omi didn't ask him what he'd been about to say, but simply closed his eyes and leaned back until he was lying down, facing the sky.
'What have I become, Ken?'
Ken looked at him.
'The strong unifying leader that Kritiker needs. I'm sure it couldn't function without you.' He said, although he wasn't sure where the words had come from.
Omi opened his eyes.
'Really?'
Ken nodded unsurely.
Omi closed his eyes again.
'That's really what you think?'
'Umm…' Ken felt like he was way out of his depth, then he had an idea.
'Yeah, sure. You can do this stuff. Be the leader, hold everyone together, as well as being a politician.'
He was tempted to add, 'Or whatever the hell it is you are', but decided against it.
'You're smart. Just a minute ago I felt I had no idea what you were talking about…Although…'
Here, Ken smiled wistfully.
'…I suppose you don't have to be too smart for me not to understand what you're on about. This is me, after all.'
Omi didn't react to this speech in any way other than opening his eyes and saying, 'So, if that's all true, who have I become?'
Ken looked at his hands, which were clasped, in his lap.
He's doing it again. What is he on about?
'Who have we all become? I wonder… I wonder is it was the people we thought we'd become when we were children.'
'I was never a child,' Ken said bluntly, 'and the only way I thought ahead was along the lines of, "If I get back alive tonight, I wonder what I'll have for breakfast tomorrow". None of this deep stuff.'
Omi looked at him and for the first time in a long while his gaze seemed softer.
'Hmm…Yes. Life on the edge. How are you coping without it?'
'It was bliss,' said Ken simply.
'So why did you follow Alishe that night? You must have known where she was going.'
'I did, and that's why I followed her. I knew she was after you.'
'Ken!' snapped Omi fiercely, 'I had people covering my back. You didn't need to go…to get involved…'
'I knew you would underestimate her. She's a Weiss. I knew what she was capable of.'
'You…saved my life.'
Ken shrugged.
'You'd've got out of it, but you'd've hurt her, and I wouldn't have been able to forgive myself, knowing I could have prevented it.'
'You care too much…' said Omi, but then he seemed to choke, '…no, that's not it. I care too little.'
'You don't need to care…' said Ken, but inside he'd reached the same conclusion as the boy lying next to him.
'To care is to be human. Am I even human anymore? Can Persia be human?'
'Yes.'
Omi looked at him, a trace of sadness creeping into the corners of his eyes.
'I don't think you understand this.'
Ken had stayed calm for too long. Being this close to the boy, having to resist the urge to touch him, all these things he was saying…
'This? And just what is 'this'? What is it?'
His curtness alarmed Omi, who looked up at the sky worriedly.
'Are you talking about loneliness?'
'I guess. In a way…'
'Hah! Yes, you're right. I don't know anything about being alone and having no one to talk to. I was only in prison for what seemed like forever!'
Omi looked stunned. Maybe Ken did understand. Maybe he had found someone who could save him.
'When I'm Persia, it's like a part of me dies, and it's the part I guess I like the most…'
'The part with feelings?' snapped Ken.
Omi sighed.
'I'm sorry. If this is upsetting you…'
'Oh no you don't!' yelled Ken. In one movement he leant over and pulled Omi up so he faced him.
'Not again. You're doing it again! The very thing you were just talking about!'
Omi blinked, and Ken loosened his grip on the other boy's shirt.
Damn, I touched him. This isn't good.
'Sorry,' he muttered gloomily. But Omi wasn't listening. Ken was right. He had just slipped back into a different mindset. One he didn't like.
'Listen Ken, this is important.' Ken removed his hand completely from Omi's shirt.
'You walk out of here. Don't look back. I don't want you to ever think about me again, alright? No!'
Ken had tried to interrupt.
'No, listen. You said life without fear was bliss, well, I want you to be happy. You will be happy, Ken. Just…'
'NO!' Ken was shaking, his fists clenched. 'You just don't get it! I CAN'T forget about you! EVER!'
Omi felt his heart seem to contract.
And in all honesty, neither could I.
Ken reached out and grabbed his shoulders, but this time Omi didn't flinch. He could sense that Ken had been suppressing that urge for a long time. The urge to touch him. He reached out with his own hand, slightly unsure, but placed it gently on the older man's cheek.
I've missed him… I realise it now…
For a second nothing happened. Then Ken pulled Omi towards him and hugged him tightly, his arms sliding securely about the other boy's waist.
I can't… I just can't do it… I need him… I need to touch him… To know he's all right… I love him!
Omi shut his eyes.
This feeling, is it…warmth? Or something else?
He reached up and put both his arms around Ken's neck. Ken spoke shakily into his hair.
'I can't forget you, Omi. I love you. I love you too much.'
Omi stiffened slightly.
'Is that true? And you don't care if I don't love you?'
Ken ignored the stabbing pains, which seemed to pierce his body all over.
'No.'
'You liar. You're not God. Humans don't feel that way.'
'Goddamn you!' cried Ken, 'I try my goddamned hardest not to care!'
Omi sighed and relaxed slowly. Ken was confused.
What is he doing…? Uh oh…
Omi had just run his hand through his hair.
…Good god, don't do this…
'You…don't need to anymore, Ken.'
'Don't need to what?' His voice had dropped now.
'Don't need to try so hard not to care…because…I…'
Omi shifted so he could curl more securely against Ken, whose breath caught in his throat.
'…I never stopped loving you. Not really. I could disillusion myself as much as I liked, but it was still there. It'll…always be there, and you know what? I don't want it to go away.'
Ken was lost for words. Then something hit him.
'Kritiker…' he began, but the single word seemed to have the same effect on the other boy as a whiplash. He jerked violently, and sat up straighter so that he faced Ken.
'Ken, shut up!'
'No! It's important…'
'No! You're wrong! It's not! Right now I think it's the most insignificant thing there is!'
Ken gaped at him.
'You mean that? But if Kritiker's not the…'
He never got any further with that sentence, although he did come to the right conclusion, because Omi leaned forward and kissed him desperately.
God he had been wrong. Life without fear wasn't bliss, this was. It wasn't a memory. It was now. Omi was really here in his arms. Omi was really kissing him.
He tried to speak but decided against it. He slipped his arms more tightly around Omi as they kissed again.
'It's been…too long…' muttered Omi quietly as they separated, '…I'm so sorry…'
'Doesn't matter,' said Ken, as Omi curled up against him again, 'nothing matters now.'
But it will. I can't kid myself. This can't go on.
He dipped his head and lightly brushed the tips of their noses together. Omi looked up, and to Ken's delight, there was a sparkle in his beautiful eyes again.
'I…can't do this job anymore, Ken.' Omi said, leaning his head against Ken's hand as it trailed down his face, 'because nothing's worth not seeing you.'
'You're going mushy in your old age,' teased Ken, although the truth in those words touched him.
He was reprimanded for that by Omi shoving him over and pinning him to the ground. He smirked.
'I've also got taller and stronger, ha.'
'Neh…You're still a midget.'
'Shut up!' Omi dropped so he was lying on Ken again. Ken's arms hugged him closer as they began to kiss again. This time, though, the kisses were not so sweet and gentle.
'I…I want…' gasped Omi in a pause.
'What do you want, Omi?' said Ken, all traces of teasing gone. They got to their feet, and Omi took Ken's hand and gripped it tightly.
'The same thing you want.'
Ken looked around.
'Where?'
Omi nodded towards a path.
'There's a guesthouse down there. It's always empty in springtime.'
Ken tightened his grip on Omi's hand, pulled him into his embrace again and kissed him tenderly.
'I love you.'
Omi smiled.
'I know. I love you too. For always. I think after what we've been through, we'll never stop, you know?'
'You never stop.'
'What?'
'Talking. Let's go.'
'Hey! I've got the key! You've got to be nice to me!'
Their bickering faded as they followed the path between the trees.
The swirling blossom closed after them as if they'd never been there.
*********************************************************************************************
Well, the long chapter bug strikes again, and finally, we're at the whole point of the story! The Ken Omi kawaii-ness! *sparkly eyes*
Everyone: Oh God
Charlie: *pokes with toe* Uh, Fel?
Fel: *is a puddle*
Kara: Eww! Fangirl puddle! *mops it up*
Fel: Eep!
