~*~
The journey back to the ship was long and carrying Xanatos didn't make it any easier. Qui-Gon wanted nothing more than to drop his fallen apprentice and leave him to his fate. But the Jedi master knew that somehow Xanatos would live through it. He always lived through it. And he always came back to remind the master of a past long gone. To hurt him. And this time Xanatos had finally found the worse way possible to hurt him. He had taken his beacon of light - his son. Qui-Gon fastened his step, determined that he would bring Xanatos what he deserved. /Death !/ was the first thing the master could think of, but he immediately shook his head to clear the dark clouds that swirled in his mind.
He threw a side glance at Danielle. She had her head bend down, dully watching the damp grass as they moved on towards the ship. This and her painful, shallow breathing made her seem very vulnerable and she looked more like a little girl then the young woman she was. Qui-Gon noticed that she barely had spoken a word since he found her. Where was the young spirited woman gone, he had come to know just a week ago? Why did the death of someone she hardly knew break her like this?
For what seemed like the hundredth time in the past weeks he wondered how she and her padawan had formed such a deep connection in such a short time. / It's not love, master. It's like.a shared soul./ He wondered what a shared soul felt like. Was it like the relationship he had had with Thal? He remembered the warmth that had filled him whenever she had been near. The concern for her wellbeing that always swirled in his mind when he didn't know where she was. The fear of hurting her by just doing or saying the wrong thing. He had felt a deep connection to her. At first he thought it symbolized the depth of their friendship. Then he had recognized it as love. Was that a sheared soul? He wasn't sure, but it had to be something like that.
A giant earthquake ripped him from his thoughts and almost from his feet. He tried to balance himself out so he wouldn't topple over and he barely kept his hold on Xanatos. Danielle's gasp drew his attention to the source of the quake. On the other side of the clearing debris flew in all directions and flames liked on a wrack that only moments before had been a ship. /Chan's ship/, Qui-Gon thought.
"Ani!", Danielle whispered frantic and started toward the inferno. "Wait," Qui-Gon tried to stop her. Dropping Xanatos he took off after her. By the time he finally had reached her, the heat was already stinging in his eyes.
He grabbed her by her upper arm and whirled her around. "No", she protested and tried to free her. But he tightened his hold on her. "You can't go in there!", he yelled to be heard above the noise. But Danielle didn't listen and fought harder to free herself. Qui-Gon grabbed her other arm and turned her around fully to look directly in her tear stained eyes. He had a hard time keeping the emotion from his voice so it would sound calm. "There is nothing you can do for them now."
He sent her comforting waves trough the force. When her struggle ceased he let loose of her. Danielle backed a hasty step away but didn't make a move to run again. Instead empty green eyes met mourning blue ones as if to search the truth in them. When it seemed she had found it she lowered her head and again starred at the damp grass below her feet.
~*~
He let out a big sigh of relief when Xanatos was finally closed of in the ships only cell. Even unconscious the dark Jedi looked dangerous, not like the sweet boy he had once been. But even as his padawan he had never looked so innocent like Obi-Wan did. Qui-Gon could have stood in the doorframe for hours watching his Obi-Wan asleep. Bathing in this sweet, calm, innocence. With Xanatos it had been different. He always had been relieved when the boy had finally fallen asleep and nothing had kept Qui-Gon in the doorframe for long.
Now he wondered again, how he could have been so blind. The signs had been there right from the start.
He sighed again, this time with a heavy heart, turned and left the cell.
On his way to the cockpit he passed the room where his apprentice were lying, and couldn't help but stop and brush a tender kiss to the soft ginger hair. Anger boiled in him when he went on to the front of the ship. If it hadn't been for this girl, everything would be alright. His padawan would still be with him. It was all her fault. He came to as sudden halt when he spied the girls crumbled form in one of the seats and heard her painful breathing again. Immediately he felt pity for her.
Kneeling next to the young woman he lowered his voice to a cool whisper: "In the back of the ship is a free cabin with a sleep couch. Go and rest."
Danielle let out a painful moan when she scrambled out of the chair. Qui- Gon watched as she slowly shuffled out of the room.
~*~
Everything was dark. Since his eyes had been closed, all he could see was black. And it was cold. The coldness crept through every fibre of his being. Chilling him to the core. Now and then there was a brush of warmth. But when it left again, he felt colder than before. And so utterly alone. That was the worst thing. The loneliness filled his heart, scarring him more then the never ending darkness around him, chilling him more than a night on Hoth could. And so he rocked slowly back and forth, trying to think of better days. Warm days. Days where he weren't alone.
~*~
It was now almost time to leave the ship. Coruscant was in eye sight. A few minutes earlier he had contacted the temple and informed the council about Xanatos and told them about Danielle's wellbeing. They ensured him that measures would be taken.
When he entered the small sleeping chamber in the back of the ship he was surprised to find it empty. Confused he walked back through the small corridor. Walking past the room where his apprentice still form was laying in, he stopped seeing another figure in there. He walked quietly in, studying Danielle.
The young woman lay curled up in a chair beside the bed. Her arms wrapped around his padawan's and her head resting on top of them.
The master's anger slowly calmed down. Somehow this seemed right. Well, this PICTURE seemed right. Not that the two figures were emotionless. Not that both weren't breathing.
When realization dawned on him, he moved forward in a rush, leaning down to the girl.
"Danielle?", he asked alarmed, shaking her shoulder softly. When silence was his only answer he grabbed one of her arms, freeing it from his padawan's and felt for her pulse. It was there even tough it was weak.
He heaved her out of the chair and rushed her to the other sleeping chamber, lying her down on the bed. Putting a hand over her chest he sent healing waves of the force to her lungs, urging them to work again.
~*~
He felt something. It was like a feather light touch to his temple. Like a soft kiss. And he stopped his rocking and lifted his head slightly. But he didn't open his eyes, afraid it was only his imagination.
"I don't know you." It was like the wind whispered the words into his ears, ever so softly. He recognized this voice.
Opening his eyes finally, he found tear rimmed orbs starring back at him.
She studied him intently, as if to print his features into her mind, so she would never forget them.
She smiled softly. "But I know you."
"Danielle," he whispered, choking on the one word.
She reached out, gently touching his cheek. Her hand brought warmth with it. He leaned into the touch, welcoming the feeling that freed him from the cold.
Suddenly she drew in a great breath and drew her hand back, grabbing her chest.
"What's wrong?", he asked worried and reached out for her. But before he could touch her, she had faded away. "No", he cried, "don't go."
But everything was dark again. The soft glow of light that had surrounded her body had vanished with her. He let his hand sink to the ground and starred at the now empty spot. "Don't leave me.", he begged softly. But nothing happened.
Slowly he curled up and started rocking again, his begging only a whisper drawn out by the blackness. "Don't leave me alone."
The journey back to the ship was long and carrying Xanatos didn't make it any easier. Qui-Gon wanted nothing more than to drop his fallen apprentice and leave him to his fate. But the Jedi master knew that somehow Xanatos would live through it. He always lived through it. And he always came back to remind the master of a past long gone. To hurt him. And this time Xanatos had finally found the worse way possible to hurt him. He had taken his beacon of light - his son. Qui-Gon fastened his step, determined that he would bring Xanatos what he deserved. /Death !/ was the first thing the master could think of, but he immediately shook his head to clear the dark clouds that swirled in his mind.
He threw a side glance at Danielle. She had her head bend down, dully watching the damp grass as they moved on towards the ship. This and her painful, shallow breathing made her seem very vulnerable and she looked more like a little girl then the young woman she was. Qui-Gon noticed that she barely had spoken a word since he found her. Where was the young spirited woman gone, he had come to know just a week ago? Why did the death of someone she hardly knew break her like this?
For what seemed like the hundredth time in the past weeks he wondered how she and her padawan had formed such a deep connection in such a short time. / It's not love, master. It's like.a shared soul./ He wondered what a shared soul felt like. Was it like the relationship he had had with Thal? He remembered the warmth that had filled him whenever she had been near. The concern for her wellbeing that always swirled in his mind when he didn't know where she was. The fear of hurting her by just doing or saying the wrong thing. He had felt a deep connection to her. At first he thought it symbolized the depth of their friendship. Then he had recognized it as love. Was that a sheared soul? He wasn't sure, but it had to be something like that.
A giant earthquake ripped him from his thoughts and almost from his feet. He tried to balance himself out so he wouldn't topple over and he barely kept his hold on Xanatos. Danielle's gasp drew his attention to the source of the quake. On the other side of the clearing debris flew in all directions and flames liked on a wrack that only moments before had been a ship. /Chan's ship/, Qui-Gon thought.
"Ani!", Danielle whispered frantic and started toward the inferno. "Wait," Qui-Gon tried to stop her. Dropping Xanatos he took off after her. By the time he finally had reached her, the heat was already stinging in his eyes.
He grabbed her by her upper arm and whirled her around. "No", she protested and tried to free her. But he tightened his hold on her. "You can't go in there!", he yelled to be heard above the noise. But Danielle didn't listen and fought harder to free herself. Qui-Gon grabbed her other arm and turned her around fully to look directly in her tear stained eyes. He had a hard time keeping the emotion from his voice so it would sound calm. "There is nothing you can do for them now."
He sent her comforting waves trough the force. When her struggle ceased he let loose of her. Danielle backed a hasty step away but didn't make a move to run again. Instead empty green eyes met mourning blue ones as if to search the truth in them. When it seemed she had found it she lowered her head and again starred at the damp grass below her feet.
~*~
He let out a big sigh of relief when Xanatos was finally closed of in the ships only cell. Even unconscious the dark Jedi looked dangerous, not like the sweet boy he had once been. But even as his padawan he had never looked so innocent like Obi-Wan did. Qui-Gon could have stood in the doorframe for hours watching his Obi-Wan asleep. Bathing in this sweet, calm, innocence. With Xanatos it had been different. He always had been relieved when the boy had finally fallen asleep and nothing had kept Qui-Gon in the doorframe for long.
Now he wondered again, how he could have been so blind. The signs had been there right from the start.
He sighed again, this time with a heavy heart, turned and left the cell.
On his way to the cockpit he passed the room where his apprentice were lying, and couldn't help but stop and brush a tender kiss to the soft ginger hair. Anger boiled in him when he went on to the front of the ship. If it hadn't been for this girl, everything would be alright. His padawan would still be with him. It was all her fault. He came to as sudden halt when he spied the girls crumbled form in one of the seats and heard her painful breathing again. Immediately he felt pity for her.
Kneeling next to the young woman he lowered his voice to a cool whisper: "In the back of the ship is a free cabin with a sleep couch. Go and rest."
Danielle let out a painful moan when she scrambled out of the chair. Qui- Gon watched as she slowly shuffled out of the room.
~*~
Everything was dark. Since his eyes had been closed, all he could see was black. And it was cold. The coldness crept through every fibre of his being. Chilling him to the core. Now and then there was a brush of warmth. But when it left again, he felt colder than before. And so utterly alone. That was the worst thing. The loneliness filled his heart, scarring him more then the never ending darkness around him, chilling him more than a night on Hoth could. And so he rocked slowly back and forth, trying to think of better days. Warm days. Days where he weren't alone.
~*~
It was now almost time to leave the ship. Coruscant was in eye sight. A few minutes earlier he had contacted the temple and informed the council about Xanatos and told them about Danielle's wellbeing. They ensured him that measures would be taken.
When he entered the small sleeping chamber in the back of the ship he was surprised to find it empty. Confused he walked back through the small corridor. Walking past the room where his apprentice still form was laying in, he stopped seeing another figure in there. He walked quietly in, studying Danielle.
The young woman lay curled up in a chair beside the bed. Her arms wrapped around his padawan's and her head resting on top of them.
The master's anger slowly calmed down. Somehow this seemed right. Well, this PICTURE seemed right. Not that the two figures were emotionless. Not that both weren't breathing.
When realization dawned on him, he moved forward in a rush, leaning down to the girl.
"Danielle?", he asked alarmed, shaking her shoulder softly. When silence was his only answer he grabbed one of her arms, freeing it from his padawan's and felt for her pulse. It was there even tough it was weak.
He heaved her out of the chair and rushed her to the other sleeping chamber, lying her down on the bed. Putting a hand over her chest he sent healing waves of the force to her lungs, urging them to work again.
~*~
He felt something. It was like a feather light touch to his temple. Like a soft kiss. And he stopped his rocking and lifted his head slightly. But he didn't open his eyes, afraid it was only his imagination.
"I don't know you." It was like the wind whispered the words into his ears, ever so softly. He recognized this voice.
Opening his eyes finally, he found tear rimmed orbs starring back at him.
She studied him intently, as if to print his features into her mind, so she would never forget them.
She smiled softly. "But I know you."
"Danielle," he whispered, choking on the one word.
She reached out, gently touching his cheek. Her hand brought warmth with it. He leaned into the touch, welcoming the feeling that freed him from the cold.
Suddenly she drew in a great breath and drew her hand back, grabbing her chest.
"What's wrong?", he asked worried and reached out for her. But before he could touch her, she had faded away. "No", he cried, "don't go."
But everything was dark again. The soft glow of light that had surrounded her body had vanished with her. He let his hand sink to the ground and starred at the now empty spot. "Don't leave me.", he begged softly. But nothing happened.
Slowly he curled up and started rocking again, his begging only a whisper drawn out by the blackness. "Don't leave me alone."
