Go with the flow
Stuck. That was what had happened to me. I had become stuck. Stuck in a loveless engagement (while she was happy) Stuck in a cold world (while the sun shined down on her) Stuck in the shadows only to watch silently and imagine what my life would have been like being married to her.
So I watched her reunite with Zander and I told her to be happy, but deep down inside, I was cursing her (fuckyouyoubitchwhydidyoupickhimfuck) I was loving her (iloveyoutoo)
Everyone seemed to notice it. Gia. Monica. Lucky. Lydia. How this act we created had become a reality for me. I kept her secret. I kept her wishes. She never kept anything for me. She only made me weaker with every smile she gave me, with every chance I got to run my fingers through her hair. Everyone, but her.
Karma. That's what it was. I didn't notice her crush on me when we were kids and now I was being punished. Now her tears were dry. Mine were just starting.
I could have begged her to stay with me. I could have told her the truth. But none of that mattered anymore. I want a new mistake.
I tried to dull the pain. I tried to cut it out of me. It didn't seem to work. All I saw was my blood pouring out of me as I put down the knife (the cook won't know I took it) A drop fell to the floor and I joined it, leaning my head against the locked door. fuck
She looked at me, wondering why I was wearing a long-sleeved shirt on such a warm day. She didn't say anything though. If she did, I might have said, "Long-sleeved shirts help hide the scars."
It had to come out. Sooner or later, the pain would go away. I just had to find it. But no matter how deep I cut, or how many times I locked myself in the bathroom, I couldn't find it.
I met her outside with Zander. Long-sleeved shirts help hide the scars Her eyes were filled with light and love. Not for me. She leaned over to kiss my cheek and I let her because her touch was what I craved. Lavender and vanilla. I licked my lips.
I moved the blade back and forth. Whywasntthisworkingwhywhywhywhywhy
Five. That was how many scars I had on my arms from trying to get rid of the ones I felt inside. I wondered how many scars I had in there. I had to find out.
She wanted me to smile for her so I did. I never had to ask her to smile for me, she always did.
She wasn't mine. She wanted Zander. She wasn't mine. She wanted Zander.
She wasn't mine. She wanted Zander.
She wasn't mine. She wanted Zander.
I can go with the flow. I can say it doesn't matter.
