The Assignment

A/N—Just remember everything I've chosen to do in this story, I've done for a reason. I don't want it to focus on romance too much, because that's not what I meant for the story to be about. But it's inevitable that it will have some relationship stuff because that's a big part of high school life. Enjoy!

Chapter 6-Lizzie's POV

I lock the bathroom stall door behind me, waiting in place until I hear Kate leave. I listen until I hear her footsteps falling faintly away as she stalks down the hall, searching for some new pray. The bell rings. Lunch is over.

Unless I move I will be late for science. For some reason, I'm not moving. I hold my fingers to my temples, rubbing, trying to make the pounding behind my eyes go away.

I've come to a realization today. Something I never thought I'd ever say, let alone even think. That's what's making my head hurt. I want someplace cool to rest my head.

It was when I was doing that essay thing Mr. Dig had assigned. I started to write about Gordo...but I couldn't get into it. So I ripped my paper up and wrote about someone else. And the more I wrote, the more I realized.

I think I'm starting to fall for Larry Tudgeman.

I look around quickly and anxiously, almost imagining that by just me thinking it, everyone else can hear. Me? Falling for one of the biggest nerds in school? I have a boyfriend. I normally fall for guys like Ethan. How can I feel drawn to someone else, especially someone like Larry!

But that's just it--he's Larry. We have science together this year. He's my lab partner. It's my only class without either Miranda or Gordo.

At first when we were partners I was excited because Larry's super smart and we'd get A's on everything. Plus, he's a nice enough guy. But since then we've spent more time together and have become decent friends.

We were always sort of friends. Well not friends exactly, more like acquaintances. The kind you say hi to in the hallway but never ever hang out with outside school. I was never mean to him like the others, but I used to pity him and feel bad for him. I don't anymore.

I want to scream from the dull ache in my head. It must be guilt. It has to be. I feel like I'm cheating on Gordo even though I've never even touched Larry.

What kind of relationship do we have if I'm attracted to other people? Even before that, what kind of relationship do we have period? Ugh.

He has to notice how distant I've been from him lately; how many stupid little fights we've had over nothing. How lately we've spent less and less alone time and a lot more me, Miranda and Gordo time. It's safer that way, easier that way. Definitely more comfortable like the way things used to be back in junior high.

Gordo's completely amazing---as my best friend. He knows it and I know it, but we hang on to each other. I mean, how does one go about breaking up with their best friend? My heart is not in it anymore, at least not right now. Maybe when we've grown up I'll feel differently.

I leave the stall and sit on the window ledge. The bell rings again. I am now officially late. I am never late. People like me are never late. Today I don't care. I stare out the window and think instead.

It's like my mom was right, as freaky as that is to think. Back in the seventh grade she gave me this whole long lecture about how McGuire women always fall for the boys in odd packages, you know the boys you don't expect to fall for. She used my dad and Matt for examples. I brushed her off at the time.

Not that Larry's odd exactly, okay maybe a little, but in a nice way. Come to think of it, the reason my mom gave me that lecture in the first place was because of Larry. He had asked me out and I went reluctantly, not wanting to hurt his feelings. I acted like a little brat but in the end it had been fun in a platonic non-romantic way. Nobody was more shocked than me.

And truth be told, Larry's grown up physically a lot in the past year. He takes care of himself better, has filled out. He wears clothes others consider normal, instead of just that one same shirt over and over. He's even cute in a goofy sort of way.

Now I don't know what I want. I'm torn. I feel like I'm in one of those cheesy soap operas I watch when I'm home sick.

On the one hand, this Larry thing might just be an excuse to make me face the problems in my own relationship, kind of a warning signal.

But if that were the case, why did I rip up my first essay to write another about my fascination with the Tudge? Why did I have that outburst at lunch when Miranda simply mentioned his name? I knew she didn't mean anything by it but it was like I couldn't control myself. Even I know how weird I'm acting and how much weirder I must seem to everyone else. I don't know how long I can put Miranda off for.

But Larry has so much going for him. Maybe it's not so much a crush, but that I'm envious of him. Envious of his lifestyle and attitude.

It's like as many times as Gordo lectures me and Miranda not to care what people think about us, I know deep down he cares too. I remember the Parker incident all too well. I remember the Rat Pack dance. It's not a bad thing. He's allowed to be human like the rest of us.

Larry's the one person I know who is truly above it. He doesn't care that the jocks and cheerleaders use him as their personal punching bag. It's not even just the jocks and cheerleaders that use him, us so-called regular people make fun of him too. He is an easy target.

That doesn't mean he takes all the abuse; he fights back in his own way. He fights back with dignity and class, never sinking to their level.

It doesn't stop him from doing the things he wants to do. Larry doesn't dwell on it as a problem. He doesn't need the acceptance of the rest of us to value himself. He's confident and manages to turn all that negative energy into a positive for himself, by doing well in school and winning awards and stuff like that.

Just the opposite of me. I have very little self-confidence. I usually need constant reassurance. Though I'm getting better in that department, I could never take the abuse Larry does. I wouldn't be able to hold myself together. I'd fall apart.

Some may think that makes me shallow. Don't worry, I think I'm shallow a lot of the time too, worrying too much about hair and clothes. I want to not care all the time, but it's hard to stop. I think its part of being a teenage girl. It's not that I want the ultimate popularity that Kate has anymore. I'm over that. That was just a phase.

But I can't handle life as an outcast, a sci-fi geek or a loser. Or at least I don't think so. Not that Larry is any of those things of course, at least not to me. He has so much to offer. It's those others who are the losers.

Don't get me wrong, Larry has good friends and all that other stuff. It's not as if he's being stuffed in lockers or beaten up everyday.

It's the emotional beating that he takes that must hurt the worst. It hurts me to watch them hurt him, if that makes any sense at all.

As Larry himself told me once, he likes what he likes and that's good enough for him. He's not about to change that even if his interests are a little out there and away from the mainstream.

He studies astronomy and astrology. He knows about history and physics. I know every word to every Britney Spears song ever released. I can tell you what happened on Dawson's Creek last week. Not exactly an even trade of ideas.

Not that he ever makes me feel inferior. If anything, the opposite. He talks to me like I'm smarter or just as smart as he is. Sometimes Gordo talks to me like a little kid, a ditzy blonde little kid that you have to explain things to over and over. He doesn't mean to, but that's how I feel.

I feel so horrible. I don't mean to bash Gordo, I don't. But in some ways Larry and him are so similar and yet in others so completely different.

Like Larry's not cynical at all and he has the desire to help people, like me. But unlike me, Larry is smart enough to go out and do it. I can picture him one day discovering a vaccine for a deadly disease or saving an endangered species from extinction. He'll win the Nobel Prize or create the next big super technology that changes the way we live.

When I help, something usually backfires. I go overboard and go about things the wrong way. Like the time I tried to save the entire world in the course of a week and instead ended up hurting my family and friends in the process.

I mean well but that's not always enough. Good intentions don't save the world. You have to have the know how.

But what happens now? Do I break up with Gordo and explore my interest in Larry? Is Larry even interested? Am I interested?

And if do, do I become an outcast? Do I then incur the wrath of Kate and the rest of the snobbery at this school even more? Do I even care if I do?

I can't take any more questions. I remove myself from my perch in the window and grab my school bag, trying to find my science homework before I head to class.

Just last week Larry asked me for some advice. Veruca had been pestering him to ask her out, but Larry was unsure. He said he didn't really like her like that and that they were just good friends. Kind of like what Ethan used to say to me.

I didn't push it or ask a lot of questions, but I told him to go with his heart. Do what it was telling him to do. He gave me a look and then I felt it. I got those little butterflies in my stomach that make you feel all nervous inside, the kind that make you all tingly. I hadn't felt those in a long time, a real long time.

Oddly enough, the advice I gave him was the same advice I'd given "Confused Guy" or Gordo as he'd later confessed to me. Larry thanked me and told me he knew what to do. He'd have to turn Veruca down gently so as not to hurt their friendship. For some reason, it made me happy. I didn't think much about it afterwards.

I find my homework and enter the practically empty hallway. I head towards class and smile to myself when I see him at our lab table, the empty stool next to his waiting for me. I mumble my apologies and an excuse to my teacher.

"My fair lady", Larry greets me with an exaggerated flourish of his hand.

"Hey", I say back almost breathlessly. "What'd I miss?" I quickly open my science book to the right page and turn in time to see Danny Kessler throwing spitballs in Larry's direction. Geez, would that kid ever grow up?

Larry leans over and whispers in my ear, pointing in Danny's direction. "One day when we're rich and famous making great contributions to the world, Danny will still be stuck in ninth grade science trying to figure out where it all went wrong."

I laugh. He is right. Did I mention how much I admire his confidence and nerve? He knows what he wants and it's the future that matters. The people that get in his way now, that is something he has to put up with in the meantime. It isn't something that makes him bitter and resentful. In that respect, he reminds me of Gordo.

I glance at Larry and breathe deeply. The pain in my head is starting to lessen and fall away a little bit. I absolutely hate making decisions.

When did things get so confusing?

I think I know what I have to do. I turn my attention to my teacher. I'd have to wait until after school.