IF I WERE THE SCRIPTWRITER FOR SOUL REAVER 2

PART 3: THE PILLARS TURN BLACK; KAIN STAYS BLACK

Remember, if you're a political correctness fanatic, don't read this, just like the first chapter. Or the rest of this story for that matter. I think we're past the days when any reference to racial stereotypes can automatically be called racism. But if you're not (or if you have no sense of humour) then don't read on.



Raziel approaches the pillars.

Raziel: The pillars of Nosgoth. Pristine, whole, uncorrupted. Bling bling. I had never beheld them in this undefiled state - yet something profound and indelible resonated within me at the sight. (Then, noticing Kain)

And there, groovin' to the sounds of James Brown at the very heart of the Pillars, was the canker that was destined to destroy them. (He goes into Autoface mode, and the Reaver pops out, its loud 'whooshing' noise making him conspicuous. Rather, it would have were Kain not listening to 'Papa's got a brand new Bag' at top volume. Raziel comes up closer behind him.)



Kain: (dancing smoothly to the song) Papa! He doin' the Jerk! He doin' the fly! Don't play him cheap cause you know he ain't shy! He doin' the Monkey, the Mashed Potato, jump back Jack, see ya later alligator...



Raziel: (staring in horror) My god!



Kain: (continues jammin' until the song fades out) Holla back, Raziel.



Raziel: Jesus Wilbur Christ! (he stumbles back in shock)



Kain: I knew you was there, young bo'. I just had to finish gettin' my dance on.

Raziel: Fuck your dance! Moebius told me you'd be here and now I will fuck you up! (He lunges)

Kain: (sidestepping) Nigga, please! Dat shit be old! An' I KNOW I ain' gon' get mah ass beat by no foo' dat be listening to Moebius! Dat bo' is TRIPPIN'.

Raziel: Shut the hell up! I'm gonna count to three and then cut your face off with the Reaver!

Kain: Nigga, you DO kill me, and you just Moebius' bitch. You wanna be his bitch? Cause you know if you drop the soap, yo ass is FUCKED.

Raziel: What the FUCK are you TALKING about!!

Kain: You know I got dat bangin' join' round my way dat goes through time? Yo, dat join' BEEN told me all the shit that you gon' do. But the story of YO life, nigga, dat be trippin'! We gotsta fire our shitty-ass screenwriter's ass and write that shit ourSELVES!

Raziel: Turn the hell around! I don't want to have to stick this Reaver up your--

Kain: (turns around, in shock and disgust) Damn, bo'! Dat shit NASTY! PLEASE don't be talking dat shit while other people around! Now YOU need to shut up and let yo' daddy talk, or I'm'a get mah belt off.

Raziel: Fuck you.

Kain: Watch yo self! Next time you be talking dat shit yo ass is BEAT! Now guess what kinda big shit be goin' down right now.

Raziel: (sarcastically) Yo' ass about to be dead, that's what.

Kain: I warned you nigga! And you WRONG. Right now, Ariel's ass be gettin' shot up by some badass. And my momma is crappin' out my little black ass. And then dis bo' Nupraptor--he be guardin' some mind shit or some shit, I ain't even know, cause I just had da kick his ass--anyway, he bangin' Ariel and when he find her dead he be fuckin' crazy! He be like 'Yo nigga! You ain't TOUCH my lady!' and then he fuckin' made the whole Circle go fucking crazy, and guess who had to fuckin' kill dem crazyass niggas? (He taps his chest with his enlarged thumb-claw) And they all go fuckin' insane, and the damn pillars get black too. But see, when he did his crazy shit, I was already one o' dem Guardians, so I got fuckin' crazy too. My momma always said 'Youngun, it something wrong wit' yo head! Have some collard greens!' and so then, I got killed and turned into a vampire, and also got turned white, and so den all dese people telling me I gotsta kill the circle. So I fucked dem niggas up.

Raziel: (interrupting) So, you're the last 'crazyass nigga'. That means I have to fuck YOU up! Step closer so I can kill you!

Kain: (reaching for his belt buckle and casting a dangerous glance at Raziel) I'm warning you...yeah, and stay in check too, youngun! Now, I want you to stop actin' like you some good guy. You would not give a SHIT about me being some fuckin' pillar-nigga if I ain't fuck you up befo'. Now, see, I had to make a choice. Like it wasn't bad enough, me bein' a white vampire an' all. I had to choose that either kill myself to save the damn world, but if I did that then the last surviving vampire and the last surviving black person in Nosgoth would die, or I could just say 'Fuck the pillars, an' you too you bitch wit' you nastyass fucked up face!' and become God. So I became God. It was bangin'.

Raziel: Yeah, and for the pillars to go back to normal I have to kill you! Which is what I've been trying to do all along! So if you say you have to die, and I say you have to die, then why do you keep talking?

Kain: Cause ain't no nigga jus' gon' die like DAT! Whitey been tryin' keep us down fo' EVER and we had da learn da fight back! See, I ain't know it back then, but there's another way outta dat damn decision. And you are part of it. But you gotsta get schooled and figure dat shit out yoself, cause I ain't had mashed potatos in DAMN LONG. Holla!

(He disappears)

Raziel: I don't know what impulse stayed my hand, after I had pursued Kain so long. But I wasn't concerned about that now, cause he left this real fancy, expensive stereo behind that I could never afford. But if this world truly had secrets to divulge, I would beat it until it divulged them.